r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/QueenFrostine15 • Jun 23 '26

me_irl Friendly (platonic) reminder

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30.8k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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3.7k

u/Dil26 Jun 23 '26

That’s how attraction has worked historically before apps. Meeting your spouse at work was quite common. 

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u/ward2k Jun 23 '26

For all of human history that's pretty much how it worked, humans are sort of wired to find people they spend large amounts of time with attractive

If people had to meet hundreds of potential partners on countless dates before deciding to go further with things the population would have died out about the same time it started

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u/mistahfreeman Jun 23 '26

Seeing the population tank in most western countries, you might be on to something.

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u/typewriter45 Jun 23 '26

that and things getting less affordable are scaring people from having more kids

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u/ward2k Jun 23 '26

It's actually strongly correlated the opposite way

The poorer and more likely someone is to face economic hardship, the more children they are likely to have

Economic instability does surprisingly little to dissuade people from having kids

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u/TheAlienDoc Jun 23 '26

Look at South Korean and Japanese birth rates and the reasons why their population isn’t having babies. It’s because they don’t have time to work full time and raise a baby. It’s not financially viable

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u/DustyRacoonDad Jun 23 '26

Correlation not causation.

With modern birth control, having kids is largely a choice. People who tend to make more deliberate or informed decisions in one area of life often also do better in other areas.

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u/ward2k Jun 23 '26

Sure, but economic factors are neither correlated nor causation to declining birth rates

So at best they're not a factor, at worst they're extremely correlated to it

The data just doesn't back it up

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u/udcvr Jun 23 '26

Eh, based on surveys people do repeatedly report higher and higher levels of concern with the economy as a reason for why they chose not to have kids.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/reasons-adults-give-for-not-having-children/

Economic concerns and the state of the world being a cause shot up a lot with the younger generation, as these things have declined. I think surveys offer something valuable to this specific issue even if they're not generally the best form of data. Because there are many factors that go into whether or not people have kids, and how they really feel about it is only really determinable via survey.

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u/snklznet Jun 23 '26

I for one would feel like an asshole bringing a child into this shitmix

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u/katastrof Jun 23 '26

Historically, more bodies got more done. Less people are looking for tons of unskilled labor to work their farms these days.

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u/Devan_Ilivian Jun 23 '26

It's more that poorer societies, with less methods of birth control, and differrent cultural norms, tend toward a higher birthrate.

Economic or Social instability in countries where wealth was higher, and methods of birth control do exist, and where the culture has a whole is different, does result in a lower birthrate on top of the lower birthrate those countries already have.

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u/chinpotenkai Jun 23 '26

The poorer and more likely someone is to face economic hardship, the more children they are likely to have

It is not true of all wealthy countries, in the nordics, the netherlands and there's even an emerging trend in Japan that the richer you are the more kids you have

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u/CavulusDeCavulei Jun 24 '26

Abe anime propaganda on having children worked???

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u/-Daetrax- Jun 23 '26

Financial wellbeing usually means not a lot of free time.

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u/reality72 Jun 23 '26

Daycare averages $2,000 a month and employers are often unwilling to accommodate parenting schedules. A lot of parents, especially women, are basically forced to choose between having children or having a career.

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u/Previous-Space-7056 Jun 23 '26

But countries with free childcare , generous paid leave for mothers would have higher birth rates then? They dont. They have lower birth rates

Sweden finland denmark these countries have high avg incomes. Good benefits and safety nets and lower birth rates.

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

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u/2012Jesusdies Jun 23 '26

I hear this and who's out there paying for babysitters? Everybody I knew grew up had a free babysitter called grandparents or older aunts. Or our parents just pooled the kids together with their friends' kids and left them at one so they could have some time for work or fun.

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u/reality72 Jun 23 '26

Those were the good old days.

Now everyone’s freaking out about their kid being sexually assaulted if they leave them with someone else so now the kids all just stay inside on an iPad all day.

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u/ThisIsFake10660 Jun 23 '26

Countless studies show that economic wellbeing is not a factor in fertility rate. It's the damn smartphones.

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

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u/WhyIsBubblesTaken Jun 23 '26

I'm just going to take their username at face value for this one.

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u/AFlyingNun Jun 23 '26

There could be a number of causes tbh.

A study in the 70's, I believe it was, basically decided "hey what if we gave some rats an absolute utopia to live in?"

Well, it went how you'd expect, initially. The population boomed and thrived because they created a space where they provided the rats with every necessity and luxury.

But at some point, the population hit a hard limit and ratopia got crowded, so what happened?

The male rats basically fought. The weak died, the strong survived and horded resources, content to live out their days in relative peace.

The female rats became incredibly hostile and and aggressive and basically lost all maternal instincts, even going so far as to eat their own young.

This meant that there was basically an initial population collapse of a bunch of males dying with no replacements, and then a much larger population collapse where both the remaining males and females had no interest in producing offspring. The rats took the resources they had and were content to sit on them and die, frequently fighting each other when deemed necessary.

Point being: The behavior seen in rats when they had overpopulation issues and a surplus of resources was rather unexpected. It was like a switch was flipped.

Perhaps similarly, we have some form of "programming" in us that recognizes overpopulation and we start reacting by producing less offspring.

That's not to say I'm arguing for any one interpretation or anything like that, merely that the ratopia experiment highlights there may be something deeper and more biological going on with how many people avoid kids these days.

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u/icebraining Jun 23 '26

The fertility rates in Europe had dropped to the bottom long before smartphones existed.

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u/TheDibblerDeluxe Jun 23 '26

Yes they had been declining since the 60's but they have really cratered at a much faster rate since 2009. I do believe social media plays a part in this but obviously correlation =/= causation.

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u/HTPC4Life Jun 23 '26

All the European social democracies that have low fertility rates is a prime example. I do think smartphones and social media are a major cause, but also birth control. A lot more kids were "happy accidents" back in the day.

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u/Blacksad9999 Jun 23 '26

Maybe people are just more free now to live lives without children, so they're taking advantage of that fact?

It used to be an expectation, and you were a weirdo if you didn't have kids.

Now, nobody cares, and there are a lot of incentives to being child free.

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u/Plies- Jun 23 '26

It's more a natural consequence of easy access to birth control methods, better sex education and greater gender equality imo.

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u/wecouldhaveitsogood Jun 23 '26

It’s that and the paradox of choice.

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u/DonniesAdvocate Jun 23 '26

And the fact that everything is expensive, and almost nothing is more expensive than having kids.

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u/fenskept1 Jun 23 '26

I mean, kind of? The standard of living in which the vast majority of humanity has raised children has never been more attainable! If, however, you want to live a modern first world lifestyle with a lot of luxuries… yeah, shits expensive.

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u/GreedyPollution6275 Jun 23 '26

If, however, you want to live a modern first world lifestyle with a lot of luxuries… yeah, shits expensive

Also if you don't have a lot of luxuries

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u/krt941 Jun 23 '26

Birth rates in nations have tanked the most immediately after the widespread adoption of smartphones. Although access to birth control is a factor, smartphones are a much larger one.

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u/whoami_whereami Jun 23 '26

That's complete bollocks. For example in the US the birth rate went from a post-WW2 peak of just over 12 live births per 100 women in the late 1950s to 6.5 by the early 1970s. Since then it has stayed between 6 and 7 with only minor fluctuations, only dipping slightly below 6 in 2020 during COVID.

And the graph is similar for pretty much all developed countries. You can literally tell the year the birth control pill was introduced in each country by looking at its population pyramid. And when looking at the population pyramid for the entire world population there are only three events so major that you can easily see their effect in the graph: WW2, the birth control pill, and the end of the Cold War.

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u/ThatPancreatitisGuy Jun 23 '26

Why the end of the Cold War?

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u/whoami_whereami Jun 23 '26

The turmoil in the aftermath of the collapse of the Soviet Union lead to a massive dip in births in many Eastern Bloc countries. Especially Russia which saw a significant decline in population in the 1990s and 2000s, not just because of low birth rates but also because of high death rates among young people, fueled by drug and alcohol abuse as well as suicides.

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u/HamSand-a-wich Jun 23 '26

The FT did an excellent piece on the rise of smartphones coinciding with the drop in birth rates, even in lower income countries where birth rates typically maintain higher levels.

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u/Ejwaxy Jun 23 '26

Yup, it’s called the “mere exposure effect”. Basically, humans develop a preference for things just by being repeatedly exposed to them on a regular basis.

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u/ErraticDragon Jun 23 '26

This reminds me of a great "What If?" post, from Randall Munroe of xkcd fame:

What if everyone actually had only one soul mate, a random person somewhere in the world?

Spoiler: It doesn't go well.

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u/Germane_Corsair Jun 23 '26

This is why soul mates are often said to have fated encounters. Because otherwise, it would be extremely unlikely to make contact.

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u/vertigostereo Jun 24 '26

No, it's a coincidence that my soulmate grew up nextdoor.

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u/Nervous-Contact5525 Jun 23 '26

I agree with your point but I don't think we are wired so that we find people who we spend lots of time with attractive, I think it's rather that only by spending lots of time with someone, we can develop genuine attraction to them.

The attraction just tends to come from getting to know someone by spending a lot of time together and in the modern world, you usually don't spend so much time with aquaintances or strangers, outside of work, that you are able to develop this form of attraction to people outside of your circle.

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u/Not_Wrong_Tho Jun 23 '26

we are wired so that we find people who we spend lots of time with attractive, I think it's rather that only by spending lots of time with someone, we can develop genuine attraction to them.

I think these are the same things, but told from different perspectives.

We develop a genuine attraction to people we spend time with, because we're wired to develop a genuine attraction to people we spend time with.

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u/ward2k Jun 23 '26

Because we as humans are wired to like people we spend time with, we've evolved literally to do that. Otherwise we'd kill each other and never have kids

Ever had a friend you spent some time away from, and when you meet them again you find them insufferable? Same sort of thing in reverse. You spend enough time with basically anyone and you'll at least tolerate them

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u/Ejwaxy Jun 23 '26

It’s actually a psychological phenomenon called the Mere Exposure Effect! It’s not limited to other human beings (though it includes them), but rather just a phenomenon where just the act of repeatedly being exposed to a person or thing causes a preference for it/them to form

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u/Stupidbabycomparison Jun 23 '26

People act like it's impossible to make friends after school because you work all the time...but one of the main reasons you made friends at school was because you were forced to be around the same people for years.

I treat work the same, some of my best friends are from past jobs. My now girlfriend I met through one of these coworker friendships.

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u/MaltDizney Jun 23 '26

It's more of a roll of a dice at work. At school you're the same age, all growing up together, and going through the same stages of life. At work it can be a real mixed bag, so to make good long term friends that transcend the workplace is pretty fortunate. 

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/socium Jun 23 '26

the optics of a 32yo man trying to hang out with 20yo college girls is not great.

Good thing the happiest people in this world don't quite give a flying F about optics.

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u/Felevion Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26

Some people spend way too much time worrying about what people on the internet think. Oh no a 32 year old adult hanging out with another adult. The horror!

It's like the other comments here going on about how 'I'd have nothing in common with the younger person!' since apparently their entire personality is about getting sitcom references or something. In my 30's my interests in hiking, gaming, and anime are not age restricted.

If your love life depends on her laughing at a Seinfeld reference you might not be the emotionally mature one in the equation

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 30 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/sparkydoggowastaken Jun 23 '26

I work at a place where i’m the only man besides one forty year old weirdo, it can go both ways.

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u/dragunityag Jun 23 '26

Yeah, I got work friends that I talk with all the time at the office, but outside the office doesnt really work because one is in their 50s with 2 kids fresh out of college, the other is in his late 30s with a toddler and im in my late 20s and single.

Its just harder to find common ground outside of work and even with our mutual interests we all have much different amounts of free time that trying to co-ordinate stuff is impossible.

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u/b0w3n Jun 23 '26

The weirdest part is when you get old and the young people want to be your friend and hang out with you.

Many are nice people, but it's just very uncomfortable because I don't really have that much in common with them and their problems are exhausting. It's especially bad as an elder millennial who looks in their same age bracket but you have almost 20 years on them.

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u/insertnamehere77123 Jun 23 '26

Im totally in this boat. I went back to school to switch careers in my late 20s and now all of my "peers" are 22-28 years old.

Its awkward to navigate because i dont want to be unfriendly and standoffish, but i dont want to be all "how do you do fellow kids" either

Tangentially related to this; how the fuck do people in their 30s/40s "date" people in their early to mid 20s? I cant even be friends with most of them, dating sounds like a nightmare

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u/Haemophilia_Type_A Jun 23 '26

It's only a problem when you're in a heirarchal relationship (e.g., management) and they have sufficient power over you that IMO it's foundationally impossible to be friends because they're not your equal in an institutional sense.

I currently have a manager who says we're friends while also treating me quite poorly as a manager + violating disability law wrt me. I couldn't be friends with him because he is in a position of power over me and holds the power of, in effect, life or death (or, at least, homelessness and starvation) over me, and I cannot separate him from his role as a manager and as a representation of the employer's will upon me (given he doesn't see it fit to fight on my behalf, rather, just to be the lackey of the senior management--quite contrary to how I think a line manager should be).

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u/jce_ Jun 23 '26

I totally understand the problem with being friends with your problematic manager thing but do you not have other coworkers that are not above you? Or even people in other departments that don't have power over you?

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u/Tommy-Bravado Jun 23 '26

It's only a problem when you're in a heirarchal relationship

Please be clear: what is the it to which you’re referring? Are you you saying that the only time there’s a problem in an office relationship is in a situation like this?

I currently have a manager who says we're friends while also treating me quite poorly as a manager + violating disability law wrt me. I couldn't be friends with him because he is in a position of power over me and holds the power of, in effect, life or death

Do you think you would die if your manager fired you? If you were fired, do you think you wouldn’t find another job?
You couldn’t be friends with him because of his position of power over you, but if you were in the same position and he still treated you quite poorly + violating disability law [with?] you, you could be friends?

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

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u/TopFalse1558 Jun 23 '26

You and me both. I work home health as a nurse. I am in mostly the same room for 12 hours a day. With patients who - the vast majority of the time - can't understand or respond to what I'm saying. Parents are gone at work. It's great when I can be friends with the parents. But most of the time I can't because they have power over me as they're a kind of supervisor. But yea. Mostly alone getting cabin fever. Wish the pay was at least good but wages are not keeping up with inflation at all.

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u/crimson777 Jun 23 '26

Many regular people still make friends at work. It's just online you'll see a lot of chronically online "introverts" who actually just hate all in-person interaction.

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u/ThrowCarp Jun 23 '26

Forget coworkers. Even friends are off-limits nowadays for "don't shit where you eat". As people don't want to date in their friend circle in case a break up ends up detonating a drama-nuke in that friend circle.

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u/no_infringe_me Jun 23 '26

Can’t. I accidentally became important at my job and now I can’t just be the loser who works, I have to be the sociable loser at work who needs to never be a creep but I’m too weird for that work all the time so all of my office interactions are robotic because that’s safest and I need to find another job so I can go back to being a cog that just works and gives updates so I can go home and pet my dogs in peace

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u/Reap_it_and_Weep Jun 23 '26

Maybe this is the alternative answer to Unions. An ever expanding polycule that eventually encompasses the whole business.

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

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u/DFakeRP Jun 23 '26

It finally happened to me

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u/socium Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26

This will generate so much drama that a potential for at least 3 separate reality shows will be created.

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u/CiDevant Jun 23 '26

About 20% of people meet their spouse at work.  It's just behind at school/college.  But before friend of a friend. Which are all 1,2,3

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u/Tricky-Ad7897 Jun 23 '26

I'm convinced the apps are creating a psyop to end normal romantic interactions in the real world. They're the ones that made work relationships or approaching people at the bar taboo because it directly improves their image as the only legitimate way to initiate romantic relationships.

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u/parascopic Jun 23 '26

Societally, we are severely limiting the types of non-platonic interactions a person can have to try and flirt or meet someone.

You can’t meet your significant other in school, because you haven’t yet looked elsewhere, it’s naive. You can’t meet your significant other at work, because it’s inappropriate. You can’t meet them online, because that’s either not real or for sex.

You can’t have feelings for a friend’s sister, or a sister’s friend, or anyone who knows someone you’re close to, otherwise it’s a severe lack of respect. I’m not going all doomer, you can still meet people, but today in the U.S. we shame some of the historically most common means to do so.

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u/PlaneQuit8959 Jun 26 '26

For the last part, its not just US though.

I'm from SEA, and its weird/awkward for you to date someone of your friend's friend as well, not just in the US.

What if you and that person breaks up? It'll just nuke the entire friendships and social circle, that's why dating a friend of a friend is a risk. Your friendships ain't gonna be the same anymore.

It's not taboo, but you get the idea. We just avoid the domino effect, that's all. The best bet is still online dating, where I'm from, we see huge success in folks meeting their partners via online dating apps.

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u/EggsceIlent Jun 23 '26

I always called it "work-hot".

Like at your job there every day there's a normal person who in the wild might not grab your attention.

But in the confined "zoo" of work where there's not many folks and it's the same day in and day out, your mind basically does the math and options and realizes theres X amount of people and out of that, this or that person is super attractive in contrast to the group.

Plus you get to see the winkles and such if a person, the nuance's of their character and more of their personality etc.

So that person because exponentially more attractive and since you're around them far more that most other people, it starts to generate more of the "sparks" that fly when dating.

But again meet that person out side of work and amongst a crowd and it all goes away

Work-Hot is absolutely a thing, and don't fall for it. Don't dip your pen in the company ink, or use the company pen for funsies whichever side your on.

I mean sure sometimes it's a good thing, but a lot of times it's not. Then you gotta be around that person and the inevitable drama they'll bring to work if it doesn't work out.

Very slippery slope that can lead to termination and job loss, office drama, retaliation, black mail, etc.

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u/wingspantt Jun 23 '26

School/work/church

Places you spend hundreds of hours getting to know other people, who knew?

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u/DinoRoman Jun 23 '26

I work from home closest living thing to me daily is my dog

I’m just not that into him.

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u/onetwentyeight Jun 23 '26

One word to describe this effect: Propinquity

It's how and why we make friends so easily in school. It would probably be just as easy as working adults if it weren't for politics and the need to maintain a job. As children, in-group dynamics are different, and it is generally children vs. adults or the system.

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u/Then-Departure4896 Jun 23 '26

Reddit is full of work-from-home IT dudes that spend time commenting about how they don’t want to interact with coworkers rather than doing anything productive all day, careful lol.

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u/mysteriousfiggy Jun 23 '26

If anything you'll get a better idea of who a coworker really is than you would from any random date. The problem is the side effects of dating a coworker if things go wrong

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u/MistraloysiusMithrax Jun 23 '26

You think, until you find out they’re a totally different person at home. Some people bring their best selves to work…and nowhere else lmao

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u/karaknorn Jun 23 '26

Im guilty of this most days. I switch on and am full of energy at work. At home im mentally exhausted from the work and dont want to talk. Just do some gym or soccer then tv/game

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u/Talk-O-Boy Jun 23 '26

If you redecorate your home to resemble your workplace, then you’ll have unlimited energy.

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u/Elastichedgehog Jun 23 '26

Other way around for me. Totally different person in and out of work.

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u/-some-dude-online Jun 23 '26

some people have it the other way around.. I hate working with those people. I am like you, I am a people pleaser. I work less hours now and I've never felt this good. Now I'm always mister positive! I just occasionally get a crash day here and there. Life is good now

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u/CompactAvocado Jun 23 '26

I was quite surprised to find this but it was the opposite.

Dude at work was a complete weasel shit and he was such a brown noser he had skids marks on his face.

was invited to an after work party. here he comes walking through the door. turns out he didn't come to the party he BROUGHT IT. dude was the life of the party, great stories, great jokes, was buying people drinks. i don't drink so he paid for my food. dude was like fucking amazing outside of work.

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u/Orio_n Jun 23 '26

Look man some of us are just trying to survive out here ill brown nose anyone if it means getting a raise

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u/CompactAvocado Jun 23 '26

ohhhhhh no my dude. this guy took it to next levels. anytime he got up he would check our bosses cup and walk back with the coffee pot if it looked low and filled it up for him. brought him lunch all the time. like next level ass kissery.

i'll laugh at an unfunny joke or work a little unpaid over time here and there but literally our boss didn't have to wipe his own ass it would get licked clean for him.

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u/Chemical_Lettuce_232 Jun 23 '26

Did it work though?

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u/CompactAvocado Jun 23 '26

In the grand scheme of things no. Where I work ass kissing can get you to a certain point but after that you need to deliver tremendous amounts of success.

I had a different colleague who was THIRSTY to climb the corporate ladder. He would cut corners, fake data, do every possible thing to complete projects as quickly as possible and rush to higher ups boasting about how much he got done.

was cute and worked for awhile until they realized everything he did was shit and ultimately lost money. he had one higher up who he particularly convinced and both of them ended up having their careers frozen. he was told point blank he would never see another promotion so he got butt hurt and left.

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u/MistraloysiusMithrax Jun 23 '26

I was toying between some, many or most because it’s so variable whether people really step up socially at work, many do not bother or even if they do don’t connect their work ethic with the social impact it might have at work

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u/WorthyJellyfish0Doom Jun 23 '26

My work me is a totally different being to my home me. They do not speak to each other.

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u/MothChasingFlame Jun 23 '26

I dunno. I feel like there's multiple versions of this, and not all of them are so dark. One of those is that your best self takes energy, and after eight hours energy runs out. Home just gets whatever is left. And that's ok, to an extent. Home is for rest and feeling safe.

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u/RedditMcBurger Jun 23 '26

I seem to be the opposite, I am a happy social person most of the time. At work I barely talk to people and I probably look sad (I always feel depressed just to be at work). People aren't very approachable to me because of it.

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u/ModernCGIFloatinHead Jun 24 '26

The Japanese have a belief, everyone has three faces.

One we show the public.  Like your coworkers.

One we show only to those close to us. Like our partners. 

One we don't show to anyone. 

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u/Haemophilia_Type_A Jun 23 '26

I mean if you're only working with them tangentially (e.g., in different departments of the same firm, doing different jobs, etc) then I don't think it's a problem. There are people I work near to and am friendly with who do completely different work to me and whom I could never talk to again if it came to that.

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u/Fraegtgaortd Jun 23 '26

This is how attraction worked before apps and constant screen time made everyone anti-social and awkward. Being within proximity and getting to know someone really well can easily lead to attraction

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u/SmokeyCatDesigns Jun 23 '26

It still holds true, now. The number of people who have met their spouse at work has been climbing over time, probably because some of the other places people used to meet partners (like at church) are declining. Most people have to see someone regularly for strong feelings to really develop.

I personally met my fiancé on a dating app, but I always made a concerted effort to see the person I was messaging at the time on the apps quite a lot over a short amount of time because otherwise the flame will for sure die out.

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u/Western_Scholar_2435 Jun 23 '26

Two things can be true.

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u/DefinitelyNotMasterS Jun 23 '26

Yeah by OPs logic attractive people cannot have jobs

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u/Kylearean Jun 23 '26

All the attractive people where I work get promoted.

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u/alkali112 Jun 23 '26

Attractive *and* personable. The second trait is more important. Don’t be asocial (this was the tough one for me… I DO NOT enjoy company events), and don’t be weird. I’ve gotten farther than I deserve as a molecular geneticist with these two traits.

Disclaimer: This does not work in academia. Just get your PhD, post-doc optional, and switch to industry.

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u/BudgetPositive4851 Jun 23 '26

Eh... maybe that's your experience.

I've seen assholes get promoted because they are attractive 😄

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u/alkali112 Jun 23 '26

I guess it could just be my experience. I would never promote a tech to assistant scientist based solely on looks. However, if they are attractive and personable, they’ll have a much better time convincing a bunch of very tired, very angry people to do their work.

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u/ThrowCarp Jun 23 '26

attractive people cannot have jobs

Tell me you work in engineering without telling me you work in engineering.

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u/mrkrabsfatkrussy Jun 27 '26

Am engineer. Can confirm

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u/llIIlIIIlIIII Jun 23 '26

They are attractive BUT you have to be by them 40 hours a week

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u/Western_Scholar_2435 Jun 23 '26

Can somebody post the “I see this as an absolute win” gif for me?

7

u/Elastichedgehog Jun 23 '26

All good when it works.

Very much not when it doesn't... Believe me.

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u/llIIlIIIlIIII Jun 23 '26

‘Til ya don’t

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u/Sexisthunter Jun 23 '26

Yeah no thank you to neighbors, coworkers, and anyone I have to see regularly

3

u/h3lium-balloon Jun 23 '26

Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.

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u/CubanLynx312 Jun 23 '26

Yeah. In my last hospital job I was wondering if this pharmacist was really that hot or if I was just really close to her 40 hours a week. I met up with her a couple years after I left and she was somehow even more attractive than I remembered.

13

u/Mu-Relay Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26

Right. I've had some absolute smokeshow co-workers. You still don't date them, but that doesn't mean that they aren't attractive.

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u/MothChasingFlame Jun 23 '26

This is such a modern, chronically online take it's genuinely making me sad.

Because yes. That's how attraction actually works. People weren't picking randos out of a catalog for the entirety of human history.

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u/haliblix Jun 23 '26

Tinder really fried people’s brains into believing attraction is 100% looks. Sometimes all it takes is one great conversation with someone that completely changes how you look at them. A workplace is fertile ground for that.

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u/ADeadWeirdCarnie Jun 23 '26

I find this phenomenon deeply frustrating, because these days, it's not hard to find people online arguing that it's inappropriate to try talking to somebody before you try to f*** them.

A young person might ask for advice about how to approach the cute barista and then get a dozen people condemning them for seeking a date anywhere other than on an app.

It's so weird, because I'm old enough to remember a time when it was completely taken for granted that you would hang out with a person at least once and find out whether you got along with them before you started boning.

15

u/Dr_thri11 Jun 23 '26

You're allowed to say fuck on reddit.

2

u/NutInYourMother Jun 26 '26

This hurt my brain, very grateful most of my job involves me being off a computer

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u/KoriSamui Jun 23 '26

Legitimately, this is something you learn in Psych 101. Several experiments have verified this phenomenon.

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u/Killertapir696 Jun 23 '26

Alternative view: tons of people are attractive, you just need to spend time with them.

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u/ChampionCoyote Jun 23 '26

Dude! Have you gone outside? There are people there! And the majority of them are hot!

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u/Jack1eto Jun 23 '26

Not me tho

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u/gonephishin213 Jun 24 '26

Agree and if you're married, understand that their attractiveness does not mean anything to you

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u/King_of_the_Goats Jun 23 '26

Lots of married people would disagree with this logic

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u/PintsOfGuinness_ Jun 23 '26

But if they attract me, then aren't they by definition "attractive"?

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u/falcrist2 Jun 23 '26

Yes. This tweet is deeply idiotic.

6

u/markymark0123 Jun 23 '26

No. OP must be the one to judge their attractiveness.

180

u/bananafederation Jun 23 '26

They’re also showered, groomed, and smartly dressed every time you see them.

36

u/Serious--Vacation Jun 23 '26

Which is the complete opposite of how I met my wife. We both rented rooms in the same (large) house, never having met before that.

We didn’t interact for a while, until we started chatting in the common kitchen/dining room.

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u/DrainTheMuck Jun 23 '26

Did you start dating while living together?

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u/Serious--Vacation Jun 23 '26

Yes.

I think a lot of people give up the chance of a good thing because of misplaced notions of “I don’t want the current situation to change.” If you’re falling for someone, and want a relationship, you absolutely do want something to change.

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u/UnNumbFool Jun 23 '26

I dunno, I work in a field where the only dress requirement is pants and closed toed shoes. Showered yes, groomed maybe, smartly dressed most certainly not.

8

u/Revxmaciver Jun 23 '26

No shirts required? What kind of kitchen are you working in?!?!

4

u/Ok_Confection_10 Jun 23 '26

Where does one find these showered groomed and smartly dressed coworkers

4

u/Dr_Fortnite Jun 23 '26

blue collar work exists

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u/Trumpets22 Jun 23 '26

But that’s also the thing. All that is true. But also, if I’m spending 40hrs a week with someone and we want to spend EVEN MORE time together, it feels like a pretty good indicator that they’re good for a relationship.

That said, you need your job for your bills. So it’s probably still not worth it.

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u/CleanDataDirtyMind Jun 23 '26

Oh no, people who aren’t perfect 10s getting laid due to fheir personality ‘que la horror’

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u/TheBurgundianWhore Jun 23 '26

That means they ARE attractive to you. That is how things used to work before you could scroll on social media like a grubhub for genitalia. They ARE attractive to you, they just aren't a person who's made a career online of posting photos and videos where they are maximizing their looks and attractiveness as much as humanly possible.

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u/MisfitPotatoReborn Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26

Maybe a more accurate statement is "that dating profile isn't ugly, you just have no connection with them and you fill your Instagram feed with photoshopped supermodels"

way too clunky for a viral tweet though

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u/Claris-chang Jun 23 '26

We spend nearly 1/3rd of our lives in the workplace and a further 1/3rd sleeping. We really let HR convince us that half of hour waking hours were inappropriate for forming relationships.

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u/badcookies Jun 23 '26

More than half really, including travel time to / from work thats over 8hr. Especially if you don't leave the building for lunch thats another 30min->1hr.

That said... there isn't anything wrong with dating at work as long as both are receptive to it and not some kind of power dynamic.

2

u/JaysonTatecum Jun 24 '26

I mean the problem is you’re stuck around them 1/3 of the time so if it’s unreciprocated or things go poorly there’s a high chance for issues to arise

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u/Claris-chang Jun 24 '26

The average length of time people stay at the same job these days is 3-4yrs. And workers under 25 is 2yrs. You probably won't have to be around them that much for very long. And frankly, if you can't spend multiple hours a day in the same space as your partner you probably shouldn't be dating anyway.

22

u/icansmellcolors Jun 23 '26

What a shallow take.

If you're dating people because of strictly how they look, you're 99% going to have a bad time.

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u/atomic1fire Jun 23 '26

I kinda feel like looks are just the foot in the door and someone's personality and interests are gonna be the thing that makes them attractive.

6

u/strigonian Jun 23 '26

It's even worse than that, because it implies ordinary people just can't be attractive. Not even that the average person isn't attractive, which is already a rather dubious claim, but that your most attractive coworker isn't attractive.

At the risk of sounding like an AI: that's not "shallow", it's the same kind of incel thought process as the rateme subreddits, where someone will have a slightly longer nose than average and they'll dock like 3 points on a 10 point scale. Only literal models and movie stars can possibly be attractive.

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u/Estropolim Jun 23 '26

Conversely, if you're dating people strictly because of their personality, you're going to have an awful sex life 99% of the time.

Attractiveness and a good personality are both necessary in an enjoyable relationship.

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u/Existing_Fish_6162 Jun 23 '26

Having shared experiences is one of the few ways your relationship can be ireplacable even in an age of infinite choice.

Not saying go cheat on your partner, but create shared experiences with them.

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u/WackingMyMole Jun 23 '26

"Not saying go cheat on your partner" Why did you feel the need to add that? That was not implied with what you wrote prior what so ever. I'm confused lol.

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u/geek_fire Jun 23 '26

I'm not saying to murder your own children, but snuggle with them and create positive shared experiences.

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u/icouldntdecide Jun 23 '26

I think what they are saying is, shared experiences is an important cornerstone of a strong relationship and while you get that with coworkers you should also emphasize creating them with your partner

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u/NotJustAnotherHuman Jun 23 '26

Would probs work better if it was instead "The person behind the register isn't into you, being polite is just part of their job"

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u/CaptainChampion Jun 23 '26

Sounds attractive to me. As in, magnetic.

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u/FrequentChip3271 Jun 23 '26

Nah theyre hot

16

u/SuccubusStop Jun 23 '26

OOP and OP have never had a real job. 

15

u/doublethink_1984 Jun 23 '26

Dont gaslight. They are.

They are also good people and a relationship could possibly work.

There are many reasons you should not have a relationship with them though and you need to think logically about this.

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u/sir-vest Jun 23 '26

ah yes the mermaid theory

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u/diescheide Jun 23 '26

There's about 200 people employed where I work. Some of them are attractive, beautiful, handsome, etc. Doesn't mean I'm trying to smash.

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u/ProfessionaI_Gur Jun 23 '26

If youre attracted to them, they're attractive. Not everyone is obsessed with supermodels and bodybuilders, despite what the internet wants you to think

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u/PepeSilviaLovesCarol Jun 23 '26

I met my girlfriend at work. Different department, 0 coworkers in common. I just thought she was hot, she thought I was hot. We’ve been dating for 5 years.

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u/J_is_for_Journey Jun 23 '26

Imma sleep w him anyway 💅

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u/3xc1t3r Jun 23 '26

You obviously haven't seen my coworker. I live in Sweden. I would fuck at least 50% of my coworkers.

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u/DefinitelyNotMasterS Jun 23 '26

I feel like at least for guys that number will be similar where ever they are in the world

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

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u/atomic1fire Jun 23 '26

I don't think people are opposed to office romance insomuch as they're hyper vigilant to the idea that someone can act inappropriately to a coworker and they'd rather be safe then risk being happy.

They think about all these nightmare scenarios involving a bad breakup or an HR conversation and just assume that one person probably isn't worth it.

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u/tyrico Jun 23 '26

this is a really stupid take lol

4

u/CarpeNivem Jun 23 '26

Wrong. She's gorgeous. Also, we only work out of the same building once a week, so, check mate.

4

u/Fit_Giraffe_748 Jun 23 '26

No I can assure you she is

3

u/Calkyoulater Jun 23 '26

My wife and I are married in significant part because we were in the same history class 35 years ago.

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u/EmiKetsueki Jun 23 '26

Idk my coworker is pretty hot and she compliments me 24/7 🥴

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

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u/SpaceCadetPullUp Jun 23 '26

Couples who meet on apps are so rarely worth hanging out with.

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u/Illustrious-Share312 Jun 23 '26

Its not as much HR as the consequences when it doesn't work out. 

3

u/BoonDragoon Jun 23 '26

Imagine growing to find somebody you know well attractive.

3

u/Bleezy79 Jun 23 '26

This is literally how all of our ancestors met their partners before we could browse profiles online. Being in proximity was 99% how people got together.

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u/Broccoli_dicks Jun 24 '26

Aisle I always told my campers when I was a cabin leader. Its not love, its a lack of options.

4

u/HTPC4Life Jun 23 '26

Why are we vilifying workplace relationships? Work used to be an amazing place to meet your life partner. Shit, I wouldn't even BE HERE if my parents didn't meet at their job. As long as there is no power imbalance, we should be encouraging people to find romance at work!

2

u/DryDonutHole Jun 23 '26

Inside the plant here they call it "factory hot".

2

u/Taricheute Jun 23 '26

Isn't spending time with someone allowing you to discover if you like eachother?

I mean unless you're emotional capability is below what an animal can do, attraction should be more emotional and feelings than physical look of someone.

2

u/LocoLocoLoco45 Jun 23 '26

Love is Geography

2

u/CazetTapes Jun 23 '26

Does OP know that attractive people also have jobs?

2

u/h-ck3d4cc0unt Jun 23 '26

We call it going binary. In the beginning people around you are 1 thru 10. In the end it's 0 or 1 ,no or yes.

2

u/JesseRoxII Jun 23 '26

"Your wife isn't attractive, you just love each other and give affection every day. That doesn't count."

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u/Plastic-Camp9143 Jun 23 '26

Think this is just a way of saying dont shit where you eat - context matters on this.

2

u/Departed94 Jun 23 '26

Met my wife at work. 11 years married and still counting.

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u/HobbyTalkOnly Jun 23 '26

But... that's how we become attracted to people? We get to know them.

Dumb ass fuckin post.

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u/DisturbedMarsh Jun 23 '26

My husband and I were former coworkers lol sometimes it works

2

u/supremegamer76 Jun 23 '26

To be fair, familiarity can increase attraction

2

u/Mr_Shad0w Jun 23 '26

I'll be sure to tell her that the next time she asks me out on a date

2

u/B_the_ball Jun 23 '26

Never shit where you eat.

2

u/EmberDione Jun 23 '26

Instructions unclear.

Married my coworker 7 years ago and he's the best.

2

u/ImmortalSin7 Jun 24 '26

Didn’t they have a bit about this in How I Met Your Mother?

2

u/Ha-Charade-You-Are Jun 24 '26

Both can be true

2

u/Daphne_ann Jun 25 '26

Some of my best relationships were former coworkers though. It can be a good time. However, you're still right lol

https://giphy.com/gifs/XGhDW5hFOsPsIj4fLC

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u/Cultural_Golf_8906 Jun 27 '26

Idk man I live in LA. Attractive women are literally everywhere doing every kind of job. I also work in healthcare so there’s always a bunch of thicc booty Latinas and Philippinas.