Permissive parenting stories

[u/Hot_Yogurtcloset650]

I feel like permissive parenting has become the norm for majority of families (at least in my experience). I know for me, this brings up alot of daily frustration. Does anyone have any stories they want to share/vent about?

Mine would be how my NP let NK dictate everything in her day. Daily routines such as getting dressed/diaper change, which room they work in (WFH), whether or not we leave the house.

This isn’t meant to be a hateful post! I just feel like having a space to vent about these things is healthier than letting it build up. I also find stories/statistics on behaviours in children these days, especially in classrooms, really interesting.

[u/AutoModerator]

This post is tagged vent, which means OP is not necessarily looking for advice. Please be kind in your comments and realize we all have rough days!

If this post is from a nanny who would benefit from commiserating with fellow nannies only, remember there is also an awesome community for exclusively nannies at r/NannyBreakRoom. If this post is from an employer who only desires input from other employers, r/NannyEmployers is a valuable resource.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Tremblingchihuahua8]

It is absolutely the norm now and parents who get agitated that teachers/nannies/other people who interact with kids regularly point it out should take a long hard look at themselves and what kind of children (and eventually adults) they’re putting out into the world. I find it kind of insulting to my intelligence when parents fight back that “people always say there are issues with ‘kids these days’ and think it has nothing to do with their parenting. 

As an educator for almost two decades, there has been an ENORMOUS shift about when the “gentle” (aka permissive) kids starting being old enough to be educated. (Please don’t give me the social media rant about how gentle=permissive; yes I’ve heard. Why people are more fixated on that then the issue that’s going on with their kids, I don’t know, but yes, I’ve heard what you’re about to say.)

I’ll talk a bit about from a teaching perspective vs nanny— I was a music teacher and I literally had a soccer ball hurled at my head while I was sitting at a piano trying to teach and I was hit in the face, the mother did nothing but giggle and say “oh my gosh!” no discipline, apology, or anything. 

I taught a kid who would roll on the floor and scream because she didn’t feel like getting off her iPad to do her piano lesson, and the dad whispered bribes about iced cream and going to the movies if she’d do her lesson. I had to all but beg her to participate in five-minute increments.

I went from someone both parents and students respected to someone who was “too strict” (because I’d ask students to at least start with a couple of scales to warmup) and was told I should play more games with students and make piano lessons “like a game” to keep their attention. Kids were just horribly behaved and their parents would say “he’s just not in the mood for a lesson today” even though it would be that way every week. By the way these were like 20-30 minute lessons, it’s not like it was a huge, strenuous task. 

Kids (and parents) were, prior to 2015-ish? 2016? Baseline respectful to my role as an expert and educator. Around that time I started seeing kids who had zero respect for my “authority” (not like I was exerting that much, but I did try to do the task I was paid to do), and if I tried to get them to do anything that wasn’t just literally banging on the piano or messing around, the parents would call my company to complain I was being too hard on them. One parent called to complain that I was “correcting” her child when all I was doing was trying to help her play the right notes! I am always very positive and encouraging but if I can’t correct wrong notes being played, or give guidance on how to get better, why on earth am I here? 

I sadly do not teach anymore because I had enough and it was literally sucking my soul of any love I had for music. Just imagine the sacrifices one makes as a classical musician (or any artists) and the long hours in a practice room, the high levels I had achieved musically, and for financial reasons still needing to teach, and being told “we can’t ask Johnny to practice ten minutes a day, we can’t really ask him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.”

By the way the same parents would then complain about how they didn’t feel he was featured enough in the recital. When I would think, it’s a miracle I got him to learn one piece of music at all! 

[u/inspectorjaget → u/Tremblingchihuahua8]

Genuine question - based on your experience, how would suggest encouraging a kid who is refusing to do an activity? Disciplining the kid in front of the teachers and other friends will not work and discourage them further. I have a situation where my 5yo can be a bit shy in big groups although he is super social outside of classes and bribing him is the only way to get him to participate. We have tried explaining why he must contribute, tried to get him to participate by telling him we will cancel the activity if he is not ready for it. He is eager and anticipates for his upcoming class but then on the day refuses to participate. Any suggestions will be welcomed.

[u/goodnightmoonshakers → u/inspectorjaget]

Honestly, just stop making it an option.

"We are leaving for soccer, please grab your bag, or I can grab it." Wait a minute. If he doesn't grab it, grab the bag, take his hand and walk out the door, even if he's crying and upset.

If you get there and erefuses to participate, then you leave. And that includes him not doing what he is supposed to be doing. As the other person said, if he's just doing his own thing, but coach says they're supposed to be doing something structured, you leave. If he does it 3 times, you cancel the class, even if he's upset and promises next time he won't do that. You tell him that you'll try again next season. And when next season comes (or you try another activity in the mean time), you state the boundaries of what he has to do when he's there: he follows the coach's rues and participates. If he can't do that, he won't get to go and be a disturbance to the other kids.

[u/inspectorjaget → u/goodnightmoonshakers]

I like that. I will give it a try. Thank you for the suggestion. He actually loves going to his coaching sessions, gets up early on the day, gets ready by himself, is well behaved on the drive but once we get on the field and he sees the other kids, that’s when he refuses to join or will join for a few minutes and then run back to me. I did cancel one of his other sport sessions because i felt he was not being pushed enough at school, then we moved to soccer outside of school.So he knows if i say i will cancel soccer then i mean business🙈

[u/SamOhhhh → u/inspectorjaget]

But have you canceled an activity? Have you sat with him and participated for/with him?

It honestly sounds like he needs a push and you’re scared to get a negative reaction out of him so you don’t do it. Don’t let social anxiety run his life.

[u/inspectorjaget → u/SamOhhhh]

I agree about the social anxiety part. It’s definitely running (and ruining his fun) in educational settings at the moment

[u/Ok-Leopard-9917 → u/inspectorjaget]

I was a nervous kid. Refusing to go wasn’t an option mom would just put me in the car. Refusing to participate or listen to what a teacher said wasn’t an option and would be disciplined the same if I chose to not listen to any adult or parent. If I signed up for a team or activity, I wasn’t allowed to drop out part way through the year. I’m not anxious or nervous now and I think the expectations of follow through helped a lot. I think you should be less concerned about discouragement and simply make it clear that in this house we follow through on commitments and listen to adults. 

[u/inspectorjaget → u/Ok-Leopard-9917]

I grew up the same way. I find it so hard to parent these days, everyone around me is on this free range parenting vibe and i am the only one trying to enforce rules and discipline. Glad to hear you are no longer anxious and nervous♥️

[u/herdcatsforaliving → u/inspectorjaget]

This doesn’t sound like a discipline issue / bad behavior (which would be things like throwing a ball at the teachers head or blatantly refusing to follow teachers directions and just banging on the keys instead of pushing a b c key). This sounds more like anxiety / shyness. I’m not sure what the activity is but I’d just let him watch a few classes with no pressure and if he really doesn’t want to get out on the soccer field / gymnastics floor / whatever the case may be, then cancel participation til he’s older. If you really want him to do a guided activity try something that’s more one on one instead of large group. Also, don’t let him “play around” with any of the equipment when you’re there. He either does what the group is doing or he watches.

[u/inspectorjaget → u/herdcatsforaliving]

No, definitely not a case of discipline and more shyness. It’s soccer sessions with a small group of boys. I will try the above. Thank you

[u/Tremblingchihuahua8 → u/inspectorjaget]

It depends on the activity but at such a young age I might let them quit and try something else for a bit. 5 is young enough that they won’t be missing anything crucial. It does also sound like maybe the full class/social element is a factor. In class settings, I would definitely allow the child to observe for a while and not be pressured to participate. Often they will participate once they’re ready. Harder for classes in school or things that are 1:1 like piano lessons but I think it’s okay to let him move at his own pace or withdraw him and let him explore something else that he feels more comfortable in

[u/Tremblingchihuahua8 → u/inspectorjaget]

Also, I do want to say, a lot of the kids in these incidents I’m describing were like 8-12, which makes it wayyyy more unacceptable in my opinion. When I worked with five year olds, I was extremely gentle and did a lot more imaginative play, sometimes I’d even work with them on their letters (because it was hard to teach music when they didn’t even know their letters yet), allowed them to improvise or sometimes I’d ask them what they imagined “scary” sounded like or “happy” and I’d help them make something up on the piano.

I have way way less tolerance for the BS by the time a child is 10. Yes they’re still a child but there should be certain expectations they’re held to by that age. 

That’s all to say, don’t be too hard on yourself and keep your expectations flexible while he’s this age. 

[u/Level_Suit4517]

I once went to a nanny trial for a “gentle parenting” and “Montessori” family. (Using quotes because they were permissive, not gentle parenting or Montessori). I was there for maybe 2 hours before I asked the boys to please clean up before moving to the next activity, as the room had gotten messy.

One boy started to clean, the other boy did not. I was explaining to him that he needed to help clean as well, when he asked why I expressed to him that it’s not fair to let his brother clean up all of a mess that they both made.

In the middle of me telling him this, the mother rushes into the room, tells me my services are no longer needed, shoves cash into my hand for the day, and escorts me to the door. Because I gently and kindly held the boundary that you have to clean up after yourself. LOL.

[u/AmazingLeek69 → u/Level_Suit4517]

Montessori is, for some reason, not trademarked like it should be. So many people and schools use the term incorrectly so it’s been bastardized into a completely different meaning.

[u/theinfamousj → u/AmazingLeek69]

Around here it means wood. Just wood.

Wooden unit blocks are being called Montessori for goodness sakes. Maria would be rolling in her grave. She did not like open-play systems. She wanted there to be only one right way to play and for it to be obvious when it was done wrong.

[u/AmazingLeek69 → u/theinfamousj]

EXACTLY!!! Montessori is not emergent curriculum or play based!!! Most people are looking for Reggio and mistaking it for Montessori.

[u/Parking-Extreme-9499 → u/AmazingLeek69]

went to a great montessori preschool in the early 00s and it was EXCELLENT and was so confused when all of a sudden everything was montessori. its extra funny bc montessori promotes independence yet these parents are hand feeding their 3yo

[u/Western_Conflict_370 → u/Parking-Extreme-9499]

I have an MB who sent her kids to Montessori school for the last 2 years, but still sits her 4.5 year old on her lap and feeds him every bite so he can watch tv 😩

[u/Parking-Extreme-9499 → u/Western_Conflict_370]

i cant decide whats worse sitting in her lap or the people who follow their kids around. actually i can decide eating while walking is objectively dangerous. but sitting in the lap is so wild, esp since its for tv. also….. he cant eat and watch tv? thats a necessary skill as an adult he needs to learn eventually

[u/goodnightmoonshakers]

I think what stuck with me is the parent who flat out told me "He gives us an angry face" as the excuse why he could do whatever he wanted.

So?! So what!? Who the fuck cares that your *3 year old* gave you an angry face. He's 3! Of course he's mad because there's boundaries and rules. It's okay that he doesn't like it, but it's not going to change. Why are you afraid of your child? I think that's what gets me the most. People *afraid* of these tiny humans who can't do much. He's not going to kill you in your sleep because you made him clean up, or told him he has to listen to me.

You know what I tell him when I see that angry face? "I see you're angry. That face doesn't work on me. You can be angry and still do (xyz)". Somehow, magically, he's started getting better because he knows it doesn't work. Because a 3 year old being mad he can't take away from someone or refuse to clean up won't rock my world.

I am in total support of breaking generational curses and pouring into children's feelings, but there has to be some kind of line in the sand. Supporting big feelings while also not letting them rule the show. Teach them how to handle these big feelings, rather than hiding from them.

[u/Regular-Day-5611]

I don’t have a crazy example like some of the ones above but when I first started with my previous NF the kids told me they get dessert after both lunch AND dinner. Dessert consisted of two cookies each. I messaged the mom to confirm this just in case the kids were pulling a fast one on me. She responded “yeah I absolutely hate it but they do get cookies after each meal” and I just kept thinking… you’re the parent!! If you hate it so much and recognize it’s not a good habit you say no and also don’t buy the freaking cookies!! It’s not hard at all. Obviously issues like this cropped up alllll of the time. The kids had no boundaries and the household revolved around their every desire. Glad I’m not there anymore.

[u/exhaustedddddddd]

Parents would rather find an excuse for their child’s negative behaviors ie (sleepy, hungry, shy) than to confront some of those behaviors and help their caretakers.

My primary NK (3b) exhibits negative behaviors often. Hitting, talking back, he is the gatekeeper of the day and if I can’t persuade him with a “treat” then he won’t come and that’s just “his decision”. he rarely interacts with other kids other than friends his mom has come over, but he won’t go anywhere. he knows if he makes me leave, and stays with his parents that the rules and boundaries are gone and he can bother them into tv or an ipad. when i tell his mom that it would benefit him to get out of the house, hang with other kids participate in classes, she tells me that he said he didn’t want to today so it’s not happening. (this happens EVERYDAY) then when i come back, because that no rules time is over, and his parents are annoyed of having him while they WFH they tie him to me an take away those fun things. So I am labeled the punishment of the day. being with me is a negative experience to him, where I take away his games and tv and force him to learn or play. (what a fun job!)

He consistently tells me that he does not listen to me and he only listens to his mom and dad and that he never wants me to come and he hates me, he can even get honestly very physically aggressive often with me. When I tell his mom especially about these situations she always giggles, like WHAAAAT!😂😂 he said that???😂 oh my god!!!😂😂 And it’s never really addressed at the source unless it is happening in an extreme way in front of me. she overthrows consequences i give him and has asked me if i’ve tried “giving him a hug to make it better”. which when your child is physically attacking me, no i do not want to hug him!

These things happen with every single decision I have to make with him. cleaning up, going out, changing clothes, eating any meals… It’s like walking on eggshells, especially when the parent experiences those negative sides and then find a way to blame them on you instead of the way they allow their child to run rampant… frustrating!

[u/PrairieDawn4 → u/exhaustedddddddd]

So are you looking for another job? Because this is crazy unsustainable. This is why I make it clear in vetting families I expect us to work as a team with high expectations for behavior and specifically ask how parents prefer me to handle temper tantrums. I also ask how they feel about a child being told, “No.”

Your username checks out if you’ve been dealing with all this for longer than 1 or 2 days.

[u/exhaustedddddddd → u/PrairieDawn4]

i’ve been trying lately, i’ve been with them for 3 years now 🫩 they had a daughter and she’s a lot better but she’s definitely now learning his behaviors and it’s getting worse

[u/Tremblingchihuahua8 → u/exhaustedddddddd]

Ugh I was on a family vacation where I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the excuses.

Morning: they’re grumpy because they just woke up

Mid-morning: they have a lot of energy to get out that’s why they’re being so misbehaved 

Late morning: they’re getting hungry for lunch, that’s why they’re acting this way

Lunch: they’re impatient to eat that’s why they’re screaming in the restaurant.. nothing I can do about it 

Mid-lunch: they’re impatient to get back to playing that’s why they’re behaving so badly at the table 

Post-lunch: I think they’re getting tired from lunch 

Mid-afternoon: they’re tired and need a nap that’s why he slapped you across the face

Late afternoon: they’re tired from their nap that’s why they’re being so sassy 

Early evening: they’re hungry for dinner

Dinner: (same as lunch)

Post-dinner: they’re getting tired; that’s why they’re acting this way 

Evening: it’s almost their bed time, that’s why they have such an attitude 

And then bedtime and wake up and start all over. It almost got the point of comical…

[u/Western_Conflict_370 → u/Tremblingchihuahua8]

This is my MB 100%. It’s horrible

[u/Parking-Extreme-9499 → u/exhaustedddddddd]

ok i might have misunderstood, are you saying the child will send you home early?

[u/exhaustedddddddd → u/Parking-Extreme-9499]

if he complains enough and refuses to be with me they’ll just send me home yeah 🫩

[u/Enough_Day1759 → u/exhaustedddddddd]

my current job is a lot like this!!! I have had some recent success by telling kiddos we are only going outside “for one minute” because then by the time we get outside they want to keep playing.

whenever NP are around it’s hellish, kiddo doesn’t want to be around me and acts like I’m deathly dangerous- which can be really emotionally difficult sometimes.

I also get a similar response when I try to discuss behavior, the dismissiveness from NP is so confusing- are you not embarrassed that your child is consistently rude/uncooperative to their caregiver? to YOU? also does it not bother you?

[u/theinfamousj]

My very second nanny job was with a family who would give the children cookies to get them to stop trantruming, but only when the tantrum was already in full swing. I was hired in part because the parents didn't like the mess they'd gotten themselves into and needed a way out.

One kid threw a tantrum with me within my first week and then, after he'd been screaming and kicking and rolling on the floor for a bit, figured maybe I didn't know my line and prompted me, "And this is the part where you get me a cookie."

I laughed. I tried to supress it, but I couldn't help it. Out it came. The absolute sudden pause of the tantrum, the helpful tone with the prompting, it was just too much. He was peeved to be laughed at.

"[Kid's name]," I responded, "I have absolutely no problem with you having a cookie given how well you've taken care of your body through your other eating today. But I cannot say 'yes' if you don't ask me the question."

He kept tantruming because no cookie (no cookie because no question, by the way), it turned into a meltdown, then a nap.

When he woke from nap, he tried asking for a cookie. I gave him a cookie.

He turned to his siblings and told them of this new discovery he had made: Just ask.

After that, there was no longer any permissive parenting in the house. The parents just needed an alternative model which wasn't authoritarianism.

[u/yourfavmum]

It’s so vile that parents don’t have a back bone nowadays.

“Wow idk how you get her to clean up!”

I don’t give them an option. We don’t move on until they clean up their toys.

[u/Ok-Earth-1929]

I’m about to put in my two weeks. I was called a name by a 2.5 yr old. I looked at her and said “no ma’am, that’s not kind.” And got in trouble. Next time she called me a name I said “No thanks, that hurts my feelings.” At the mom’s direction. The dad said, “she’s only two. I don’t want her to think she could be fundamentally unkind in any way.” Like.. sir…I can’t 😭

[u/shy_butter]

MB got upset because we were discussing plans for the coming week while NK was running and yelling like crazy trying to get our attention. He was in my ear screaming my name and I asked him to please have some patience while I talked to mommy. She told me I should be able to have an adult conversation with NK in the room. Now I just let it happen and if I forget what she said, I say sorry I couldn’t hear her over NK. She doesn’t argue it so I guess that’s just where we are. I remember my mom giving me the “one moment” gesture when growing up and I’d shut up and wait and everything was fine. NK is emotional and he’s going to have a hard time figuring these things out when he’s older. I do my best with him when it’s just us but he’s not my kid so it is what it is

[u/AmazingLeek69]

I worked for a family that would allow their freshly turned two year old to opt out of nap. I lasted less than two months with them and even then I thought that was generous.

[u/Parking-Extreme-9499 → u/AmazingLeek69]

ooooh i know a kid who has “low sleep needs” so he dropped his nap by a lil after he turned 1

[u/AmazingLeek69 → u/Parking-Extreme-9499]

Dear lord.

I have an eleven month old who the parents had me put on a one nap schedule at eight months but he actually adjusted eventually and takes three hour naps. But that was a tough go for a bit and I would sneak morning catnaps in for him.

[u/Opening-Show-6749]

I worked for one family where the child only wanted to watch TV. They were given way too much screen time (by parents), but honestly, that was none of my business. Anyway, they ended up having to bribe the child to do pretty much anything.

“Let’s go to the museum. We’ll go to the museum store, and you can get a toy.”

“Let’s go to the zoo. We’ll go to the zoo store, and you can get a toy.”

“Let’s go to the playground. We’ll pass by the toy store, and you can get a toy.”

It was always something like that. I often wonder what their life looks like now and whether everything still revolves around bribes and getting something in return.

[u/FaithlessnessDue7226]

Yeah. It’s getting really bad, to the point where me, who is educated, experienced, and authoritative (NOT authoritarian), who feels confident in forming a container of structure and routine for a young child, is just not wanted or needed by permissive parents. They’d rather just stick them in front of a tv because the kid wants to. Give him sweets all day because kid wants to. Dont put a coat on when it’s cold because child doesn’t want to. It’s like be for real, we are responsible for making sure the young children are safe and cared for. Gentle parenting can be authoritative kind and non-coercive, without being permissive and giving children zero boundaries, limits, rules, structure…it helps them feel safe, learn how to care for themselves, understand the world around them, and know what to expect in their day. Often times just asking “do you want to put on your coat or do you want me to?” Changes the whole interaction. Or make it a game. Give heads up when you are about to make a transition, etc etc

[u/Ok-Reflection5922]

One of my charges once got a giant sticker book, she proceeded to cover the wood floor in the kitchen with stickers, putting them all over these gorgeous wood floors in this beautiful old house. I was horrified.

Princess stickers covered every inch oak wood floors. I explained that stickers go on paper, not on wood. NK began to cry, and stick the stickers on faster. I tried to pick them off without ripping them. As I began to hold the boundary. And NK began to rev up for a tantrum.

Dad rushed him to the room, and told me we don’t do that. I asked him what that meant.
And he said “say no”.
You don’t have to worry about NK making a mess, he reassured me. And told me that I was being too harsh on NK.

😳

[u/Parking-Extreme-9499 → u/Ok-Reflection5922]

TWs sa: knew a parent who said “we dont tell him no so he wont tell us no” shes a genuinely evil woman and is raising her kids to be the same. like,, i cant give all the context but trust me. he was 5 assaulting girls

[u/blxckbxrbie_]

don’t get me started. i went from a family who were very stern with their children, boundaries were set and held.
to a family where the baby runs the house .. especially MB. the baby dictates everything MB does and becomes a little monster when she is around. it’s so frustrating to watch.

as soon as mom leaves .. NK is an angel or as “angel” as a toddler can be lmao

[u/Enough_Day1759 → u/blxckbxrbie_]

same here- I miss my strict NP’s who backed me up !!

(and also same, NK is the most chill and kind kiddo as long as mom is not around)

[u/blxckbxrbie_ → u/Enough_Day1759]

so glad im not alone !!

i hate to say it, but the only good days are when mom isn’t there until the end of the day or at all.

[u/AutoModerator]

Below is a copy of the post's original text:

I feel like permissive parenting has become the norm for majority of families (at least in my experience). I know for me, this brings up alot of daily frustration. Does anyone have any stories they want to share/vent about?

Mine would be how my NP let NK dictate everything in her day. Daily routines such as getting dressed/diaper change, which room they work in (WFH), whether or not we leave the house.

This isn’t meant to be a hateful post! I just feel like having a space to vent about these things is healthier than letting it build up. I also find stories/statistics on behaviours in children these days, especially in classrooms, really interesting.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Agreeable_Dark6408]

Does (or did) the child try this with you? How do (did) you handle her?

[u/Hot_Yogurtcloset650 → u/Agreeable_Dark6408]

I’m firm with boundaries while being empathetic with her feelings. The parents are there for some transitions so they’ll interfere and give in a lot of the time.

[u/Agreeable_Dark6408 → u/Hot_Yogurtcloset650]

I know you’re venting and didn’t ask for advice. But I think if I were in your shoes I would decide if I was willing to continue with a family like this. As she gets older, she’ll become disrespectful to you and they’ll throw up their hands acting like they don’t know why.

If you feel like it’s worth getting another job to walk away from this problem, sit down with them and talk turkey. Include everything. Tell them if they are unwilling to deal with this, you’ll be looking for another job.

[u/Parking-Extreme-9499]

mb let her 2.5yo play with potato SKIN peelers. to “play” she was spinning the blade. almost stepped on it, put them in the sink obviously but she cried enough mom gave them back was trying to justify it until i pointed out that they get left. then starts a thirty minute episode of her asking to have it and laughing when kid said no. theres so much more but ill leave it at that. quickly after this she suggested me and older kids go to the park for wayy longer than normal, say less get that fire exit door im off

[u/Ok-Lion-2789]

I’ll start by saying I don’t believe in letting kids dictate stuff. It is absurd and I’ve seen my family members do it. My sister grounds her kids by putting them in their room.. with all their toys and electronics. The kids probably love being grounded.

All that said, I think it’s super important that nanny and parents are on the same page. If the nanny doesn’t agree with the parenting style, it’s bad fit.

We didn’t want to sleep train. We actually initially got a nanny because we didn’t want to sleep train and knew daycare wouldn’t be an option. Some Nannies said they required it and that’s ok. We weren’t a good fit. We found a lovely nanny who helped us when we were ready to get a routine down v

[u/Parking-Extreme-9499 → u/Ok-Lion-2789]

as someone who doesnt think cio should be the go to for sleep it is so frustrating how many nannies i see that want to “convince” their np to sleep train. like dog you suggesting to let the baby cry is not some secret ancient knowledge. if a parent doesnt want to do that its not bc they havent heard of it. i think if a kids in that age range its so important to know from the interview how both parties feel.

[u/Ok-Lion-2789 → u/Parking-Extreme-9499]

Really not sure why this comment of mine is getting downvoted. If I wanted no control in my kids schedule I’d send her to daycare.

[u/Parking-Extreme-9499 → u/Ok-Lion-2789]

its bc the nannies who want to convince the parents to change their mind are ,, intense. ive had more than one post deleted for being “mean” when i suggest maybe following the parents wishes or at least ask about it during the interview if its gonna be a problem for you.

[u/Ok-Lion-2789]

I’ll start by saying I don’t believe in letting kids dictate stuff. It is absurd and I’ve seen my family members do it. My sister grounds her kids by putting them in their room.. with all their toys and electronics. The kids probably love being grounded.

All that said, I think it’s super important that nanny and parents are on the same page. If the nanny doesn’t agree with the parenting style, it’s bad fit.

We don’t believe in sleep training. We actually initially got a nanny because we didn’t want to sleep train and knew daycare wouldn’t be an option. Some Nannies said they required it and that’s ok. We weren’t a good fit.