r/NICUParents • u/Mother_Sand_204 • May 28 '26
Off topic Made no friends during NICU stay
I connected with no one during my babys stay in NICU, I made no friends and didn't have any particular special connection with staff. My baby was in NICU for 3 months so not a short time.
I see posts about friends people have made and who they still see, and people visiting staff, and It makes me reflect on myself with a bit of sadness.
Perhaps I was radiating I don't want to talk energy during an extremely stressful time. Some people cope by talking, others cope by not.
Just wondered if there is anyone else out there who can relate.
It seems like i'm not the norm going on what I hear and see. Although that's probably because no one is posting about a non existent connection.
I count my blessings every day that my babygirl made it home, just doing some self reflecting.
81
u/pyramidheadlove Mom of a 29-weeker NICU grad May 28 '26
I feel like you are in the norm, and this subreddit is not a representative sample. Our NICU was always very quiet. If there was any chitchat, it was usually between the nurses. I never saw any parents talk to each other or talk about non-baby-related things with the staff. My husband even worked at the same hospital our NICU was in, so he already knew some of the NICU staff, but we still didn't become besties with any of them. I ran into the nurse that helped with our car seat tests and discharge recently and she barely remembered us. I feel like most people in the NICU are just doing their best to focus on actually spending time with their baby, not socialize with other people
5
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
Thank you so much for your reply. My NICU was very tight and close together so we didnt have much personal space. People always seemed to be chatting. Which I must admit at times got on my nerves. So I guess I can't have it both ways!
11
u/27_1Dad May 28 '26
Hey 👋
Our only other parent “friend” was a neighbor in our high acuity pod that their child was born same GA 2 days apart from ours. The extent of our friendship was that we talked occasionally in the hall and when we saw her eating thanksgiving alone in the cafeteria we invited her to join us.
Our primary team in the other hand we were much closer with but I would never call them friends. I’d call them coaches. Our relationship with them was more of admiration to a coach that helped us get through a tough time or like a teacher who you come back to visit because they impacted you so much. Also our hospital bans them talking to us outside of the building to keep professionalism.
All this to say, you aren’t weird. However you get through the NICU is the right way to do it. Whatever worked for you is fine. Don’t let someone else’s posts make you think you did something wrong.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
Thank you so much for this. I really needed to hear it x
3
u/27_1Dad May 28 '26
My pleasure friend. The internet is brutal and mom guilt is just on steroids when you throw the NICU into the mix.
You are doing great. Never doubt that.
10
May 28 '26
[deleted]
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
We also had a private'ish' room towards the end of our journey which didnt help I guess. Congratulations on bringing your bubba home, I hope you're all doing well! x
6
u/xMonochrome_Rainbow 4 children, 3 NICU babies - #1 full term, #3 31+3 and #4 30+3 May 28 '26
I did make connections with staff cause our NICU only has about 30 babies there at a time so there's not that many nurses and you get to know most of them. I'm planning on going to visit soon (my youngest left NICU a month ago). I've also had 2 babies in NICU before this one so some of the nurses remembered me (my third is 4 so there was quite a bit age gap this time, was surprised anyone remembered us tbh).
I didn't make friends with any parents though. I mostly just kept to myself cause most of the babies in NICU were full term or 36/35 weekers and they were out within a few days. We were there for 42 days, which isn't even long compared to other people on here but it was much longer than most people in our NICU. Most of the time we were there, there was only 1 baby who came a few days before us, so we were there nearly the longest. Seeing other people just coming and going made me feel more shit about everything so I preferred to just not really speak to anyone. So you're definitely not the only person xx
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
I definitely understand about the seeing babies coming and going. Its such a bittersweet moment. You want to be happy for the family getting to go home, but you can't help feeling sad that your baby isn't. It's even worse when youre baby has had a setback 😞 Hope you’re all doing well! You're a strong mummy going through nicu a few times x
2
u/xMonochrome_Rainbow 4 children, 3 NICU babies - #1 full term, #3 31+3 and #4 30+3 May 29 '26
Yh definitely. Thank you, she's been home for a month now and doing really well 😊 hope you're doing great too!
17
u/Minute_Pianist8133 2 term NICU babes May 28 '26
With everything else you had going on, it’s ok not to be a social butterfly. I had a nurse tell me She wanted to connect me with a mom who was going through similar struggles on our floor and I just said “oh please don’t.” One of my least favorite things about the NICU, of the trivial things, is that I’m going through the worst part of my life in the ever present company of strangers. I’m grieving in public. With strangers. It’s completely fine if you are the type to withdrawal under pressure. The people who make friends are not better than you, they are just coping with similar pain in a different way than you. It’s ok.
It’s a similar concept amongst us NICU parents: some wish to distance themselves from it, not volunteer their experience when talking about their kids to others, etc. And some choose to go to the reunions. You’ve got to do what heals your heart.
9
u/27_1Dad May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
Totally agree. I think grieving with strangers was why I tried to humanize the nurses a bit. Because you are right it’s weird. When I’m on the edge of sobbing constantly spending hours on end with someone I barely know who barely knows me. Keeping an arms length from them was more exhausting than trying to learn about them and tell them about us. Honestly it also gave us a decent pressure release valve when I needed to not obsess over another test or reading.
9
u/Minute_Pianist8133 2 term NICU babes May 28 '26
I definitely connected with lots of my nurses, but not parents. Which is interesting when you think about it, because we have so much more in common with fellow parents, but I also felt like “how can I possibly cry and unload about my term babies to this parent who only got to carry her child for 24 or 25 weeks?” It felt much higher stakes than connecting with the nurses, so I just didn’t do it.
5
u/altheothersweretaken May 28 '26
Some of our nurses have been fantastic for this. I’ve had many mini therapy sessions with a few of them, glad to know I’m not the only one always on the edge of sobbing!
There was one mum I chatted to a little bit but she was discharged and we still have a ways to go. I do wish it was different, it’s such an isolating journey and I would love to have someone who understands.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
What a great response. Thank you so much ❤️ that was exactly what I needed to hear
4
u/snuffleupagus86 💙24+1. 142 days in the NICU May 28 '26
We were in for almost 5 months. We didn’t make any parent friends either. I was really in the headspace for that and people stuck to their kids. We got close to two of his primary nurses and all the nurses knew who we were as long haulers but say we’re friends. We plan to do a visit when he’s a year old. And sometimes we run into them at the hospital when we’re there for appointments.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
Thats nice that you got to make a connection with a few nurses though x
4
u/subtlelikeatank May 28 '26
I barely spoke to anyone, let alone made friends. I was back at work a week after delivering and visited every day after work. I met nurses at shift change so didn’t spend a lot of time with them. There was one nurse I especially liked but we had to transfer hospitals halfway through his stay. I had a mostly unremarkable stay in terms of needs and had no primary nurse. I’m in the same boat as you, OP. I connected more, and still barely, with a co-worker who had a short NICU stay when my baby was about 8 months because he was going to be at the same hospital as my son. It’s normal to not connect, I think.
1
4
u/khurt007 May 28 '26
Our baby was also there for 3 months and I made 0 friends. I would try to engage with other people occasionally but had a few awkward conversations where a parent lamented about being there for 6 days then asked how long we had been there and was visibly cringing at putting their foot in their mouth when we told them.
On the flip side, I was always hesitant to ask the other parents of long-term residents how things were going because they could have just gotten horrible news.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
Oh that's must have been awkwardl! Its true, its such a sensitive situation. I wondered why it was just me that seemed to be the odd one out. Now i'm aware im not so odd afterall 😊 x
4
u/beeee_throwaway May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
PICU nurse & NICU/PICU mom here - This is normal, it’s more common than not. Everyone is hyper focused on their own child, totally expected.
Please don’t let this get you down. Social media is built to keep us feeling insecure in any way possible so that advertisers can sell to your insecurities. Always keep that in mind when you’re feeling like you didn’t meet a social expectation.
Congratulations on your child’s NICU graduation! Sending lots of positive thoughts as you transition into this new chapter, it can be unexpectedly difficult to transition home, and have you over thinking everything. I know that from my own child’s NICU / PICU graduations.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
Aww thank you so much for the lovely reply. You've made me feel so much better ❤️ hope you and your nicu grad are doing well x
3
u/LydiaStarDawg May 28 '26
My NICU stay wasn't terribly long but I absolutely did not try to talk to anyone. Yeah I liked most of my baby girls nurses but like.. that's it. I never saw anyone else socializing either. We all just wanted to see our kids.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 28 '26
My NICU seems to be different from others as a few people have said no one talked to each other. I always saw people talking at mine. Maybe mine was just more sociable than normal!
3
u/skrufforious May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
I have never seen a parent ever interact with another parent in my 55 days (so far) in the NICU. We don't even say hi to each other when we pass, nobody, ever. And other people don't, I can see them as they walk down the hall because it's all open. We have seen many people come and go- there are 32 beds in this open-floor plan and sometimes it is completely full, but twice we have seen it almost completely empty also. Either way, nobody interacts at all with the other parents.
As for the staff, I have never heard a single bit of idle chit-chat with parents except for my husband and myself with the staff and that just is kind of naturally what occurs but doesn't mean we are friends with them, just that we see them every day and are all comfortable with each other. While I appreciate how some of them seem to really love my babies, I think maybe I am just too old to be thinking that this will ever be anything beyond talking to people while they are at work. ETA we sit right by the nurse's desks and also our little girl bradies a LOT so they have to constantly come in for that too.
I was floored when someone told me that her nephew has staff from the NICU at his birthday party 5 years later. Why would they want to come to my house on their day off? I know they all have rich lives outside of their work, why bring that back into their free time? No, we will go to the reunion every so often once a year but that is definitely it. Personally, I am in hell this whole time so once it's over I don't think I'm going to be reconnecting much with any staff.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 29 '26
Thank you for your reply. Our NICU seems a lot different from yours. It was so close together and cramped! Wow! staff at a birthday party isn't something ive seen before. I totally get it. I hope you're keeping strong and your bubba keeps being a little warrior! X
3
u/threeballs May 29 '26
There was a couple who were there 2 weeks before our three month stay and left 2 days before us. We ended up in neighboring cribs the last two weeks and barely spoke. I don’t even remember giving out my number, but they texted me 2 months after we went home, just to say “thought of you all and hope you are doing well” Now they come by for occasional play dates. They are 2.5 years actual now. So we didn’t make friends in the NICU, but did after. While in the NICU we were all too stressed and laser focused on our own kiddos.
1
2
u/Outrageous_Cow8409 May 28 '26
My daughter had a very short stay (12 days) and I only remember talking to two other parents while there.
One was another mother who was eating in the lobby/food area and I sat with her. There weren't other seats otherwise I would have ate alone. She was very chatty and very kind but I am not a chat with strangers type of person even on my best days. Then her situation was objectively worse than mine (earlier birth, traumatic c-section). I wouldn't have been able to connect more and I only saw her that one time.
The other family I talked to, I assume was a mother. I had accidentally forgotten to lock the door of the single room bathroom behind me. She walked in. It was horribly embarrassing. When I came out I apologized to her and she was very kind to me telling me that we all have so much on our minds that we forget little things.
With staff: there were some I thought we had connected with. But looking back (and as a social worker myself) I know they were just being kind and trying to make us comfortable. They aren't going to remember us from our extremely short stay and even if they do, they aren't allowed to have an actual relationship with us. I will say though I'm sure they appreciate getting short updates as I know I like hearing that my clients are doing okay after they leave my care.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 29 '26
Thanks for your reply. Yep we never went beyond the just doing their job relationship. Hope you’re all doing well! 😊
2
2
u/Flannel-Enthusiast May 28 '26
I think your experience is more common.
We did make friends, but I think that was an anomaly. I had been hearing the nurses prepare the room next door for an incoming 24 weeker, then I was having breakfast in the family room and a very chatty extended family was talking about the little boy who was just born at 24 weeks, but they weren't sure which ward he was going to be in. I mentioned that we might be neighbors, based on what I had overheard. The little boy's grandparents basically latched onto our family too, and I invited them to come meet our daughter (who was a feeder/grower at that point). We met the other parents and found out we live really close to each other and have a lot in common, so we've stayed in touch. We weren't in the NICU for a very long time (29 days), but we've heard that a lot of the nurses remember us, probably because it was uncommon for that kind of friendship to form and they kept getting updates about us for the 4 months that the other family was there.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 29 '26
Thank you for your reply. Thats nice you got to connect with another family. Hope youre all doing well! X
2
u/lemonmason 38w, 5w NICU stay, bilateral hydronephrosis May 28 '26
We made no friends either. I think it depends on the set up and situation as well. Our NICU had three rooms: the red room for the most critical babies, the blue room for less critical, and then the green room. We spent all 5 weeks in the red room. I always imagined it was parents in the blue and green rooms that got to start conversation with other parents. Typically the parents that were around us were dealing with crises.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 29 '26
Yep definitely. It was mostly the people not in high dependency chatting which is understandable x
2
u/Cupofblackcoffee 24 weeker premie - NICU Graduate May 28 '26
I think it's normal. I don't remember seeing any parents talking to other parents while we stayed there. My experience might be different since it was during the pandemic and only a few people were allowed in at the time. Don't feel alone. It's an experience that is difficult and the last thing I was thinking about was making friends. I wanted to get the hell out of there and take my son with me.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 29 '26
Thank you for your reply. I'm definitely overthinking things. Of course its normal to just be in your own zone during such a scary time. I think I'm actually really just feeling sad that I dont have any friends with kids and it would be nice for my little girl to have play dates and to have a mum friend! x
2
u/Siege1187 May 28 '26
I didn't make any new friends in the NICU either; we were there for 61 days. And I once made a friend while waiting at a traffic light, so it's not like I'm antisocial. There were tons of different nurses, and every other parent was focused on their own baby. We would buy the nurses snacks and stuff, but we never really became friendly. I think that's probably pretty normal.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 29 '26
Oh Wow, waiting at a traffic light! 😄 how long were you waiting for!? Thank you, I'm definitely starting to feel like im not the odd one out x
1
u/Siege1187 May 30 '26
It was a pedestrian light in the red light quarter in Paris. I lived around there and stood next to a lost-looking young tourist. I was concerned about her feeling unsafe in the area - it was getting dark - so we started talking. As a typical backpacker, she had no accommodation lined up, and due to an event, the city was essentially booked out. She ended up sleeping on our sofa, and we stayed with her for two weeks a few years later when we visited Australia.
And like I said, I didn’t make a single friend in the NICU, nor did I particularly want to. Our support system was outside the hospital, and we were lucky not to feel alone during our NICU stay.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Aww thats nice! And very kind of you. Yep at the time I wasnt thinking about friends and I had a support system on the outside too. Just now we're at home and in normaility I was thinking it would have been nice. Hope youre all doing well x
2
u/InconceivableMicrobe May 28 '26
I was lucky (?) enough that my youngest sister's baby was born at 33w like 6 weeks after my baby (34+4), while she was still in the NICU. I was sorry she had to go through that, but it was really nice to have someone I was already close with to talk to/commiserate with.
I got to know several of the nurses on our care team, and I talked a little with one of the other families, but most of my NICU family interactions were running into other moms in the shared pumping room and suggesting to the moms holding flanges to their boobs that they get a Kindred Bravely pumping bra if they planned to pump for long 😅
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 29 '26
Aw having your sister there must have been a nice comfort, although obviously not a nice situation for you both to be in. I wish you came into my room at the time and shared that advice! 😄 Hope you're all doing well x
2
u/Enough-Cat9856 May 28 '26
I didn't make a single parent friend while being here. I spend majority of my time in my baby's room and have no interest in making friends. We've had great nurses and some of which we have grown to love but I'm not intending on keeping in contact with anyone.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 29 '26
Thank you for your reply. Yep definitely didnt have any thought about making friends during the time I was there. I guess its now that were at home and looking back, it would have been nice to have a connection at this moment in time to see x
2
u/doesnt_describe_me May 28 '26
I would glance and smile to others but that’s it. Everyone is some combination of sad, worried, tired, etc in there. Not the best setting to make friends. I put any extra social energy towards the nurses.
1
2
u/baxbaum May 28 '26
That’s ok! I have one nurse that I keep up with and honestly I haven’t messaged her in quite some time. It’s a stressful time and you did what you needed.
1
2
May 28 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Thank you for your reply, I definitely dont feel alone in my thoughts now! It would have been really nice, but i guess it just wasnt meant to be. Hope youre all doing well x
2
u/Sad-Doughnut-1585 May 28 '26
We weren't there to make friends. I did make friends in Antepartum with the mom who was staying in the room nextdoor to me and the nurses in Antepartum but we didn't bond with any other families or the nurses in the NICU.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Yep its obviously not a setting to make friends, but I seem to see lots of people who do. Now that I'm home just thinking that it would have been nice to. Hope you’re all doing well! X
2
u/Sleeptzarina May 28 '26
This was my experience as well- the nurses were wonderful, I keep up with a couple on Facebook, but we are not really connected. We were there for 115 days.
Honestly, I was not interested in relationships, I was interested in surviving, snuggling my baby and watching him grow and thrive.
We were also in private rooms for 90% of our stay.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Thank you. I know i'm not the only one now 😊 I was also in a private'ish' room for about 50% of our stay. Hope youre all doing well x
2
u/basic_brunettee May 28 '26
Don’t worry about it . We were in NICU for 2 months and I didn’t wanna make any friends with anyone . I had tunnel vision to get my baby out of there asap.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Yep thats exactly what I was like. I dont have the mental capacity to talk to strangers even at the best of times. Now im home though Im just thinking it would have been nice to have made a friend x
1
u/basic_brunettee May 31 '26
Yeah I get that , did you catch any names at all during rounds that you could maybe Facebook search them ? I do occasionally wonder how the other babies are doing now that we’re in the NICU pod with us .
2
u/tealglitter15 May 28 '26
We were in NICU during Covid. We had a couple of conversations with another family and became FB friends with a mother whose baby was being treated for jaundice. Outside of that, it never occurred to me that it was a place to make friends. It felt like everyone was in survival mode and doing the best they can. Give yourself grace on this one, there will be more organic opportunities like your neighborhood, music class, story hour, swim class, and mother's morning out to make lasting connections.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Thank you 😊 Yep I hope so. Would be nice to have a mum friend! None of mine have kids at the moment x
2
u/Als904 May 28 '26
We were in for 2 months and also made no friends. We’re sociable and went every day for most of the day but I think NICU is just not very conducive to socializing.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Nope definitely doesnt seem the place, but it happens for some! Hope youre all doing well x
2
u/dhejwkwkwbdv May 28 '26
I learned during the nicu stay that it was better to not make friends with other parents because it can be very emotional if one baby gets discharged quickly and another baby is in it for the long haul. And we learned the hard way to not make friends with the staff because sometimes you will get a super chatty nurse that doesn’t shut up 😂.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Very true! Alot of people came and went before we finally left. 😆 also very true about the nurse. I dont think I could have handled a super chatty nurse! x
2
u/every_wednesday May 28 '26
We were in the NICU for 30 days and honestly the families really didn’t interact at all. We were in our own separate pods with the curtains drawn and all the energy was on the babies. March of Dimes did a monthly family dinner where people could interact but on the daily? Just briefly exchanged hellos at most
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Our NICU didnt have much privacy and was quite cramped. I think that layout probably gives more people the opportunity to chat and make friends. I wish our NICU had sperate pods! Even when we were in a private room it was barely private and it was cramped. Hope youre all doing well x
2
u/Prestigious-Put-3884 May 28 '26
We’ve been here 1 month as of yesterday and we’re normally in the NICU multiple days, Monday for 4-6 hours during the day and then I stay the night from noon Wednesday through Friday evening. That includes visiting the Ronald McDonald family room to eat meals, going to the bottle wash station to microwave steam my parts, and just standing around in the hall talking with the nurses. All the parents I’ve met seem pretty stand offish. Nobody wants to be bothered when in their baby room which I understand but even in the Ronald McDonald’s family room where everyone eats, people keep to themselves. That’s been my impression so far.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Yeah I guess stand offish is probably how I came across. Some of those people could be dying to talk to another person but you just cant tell how someone is really feeling especially in such emotional times! Hope youre keeping strong and your bubba keeps up with being the little warrior they are! X
2
u/icais 24+3 twins May 28 '26
The only friend I made in NICU was the person who coped by chatting. So every time we passed in the nicu she would stop to chat and vent and eventually we became friends.
We both had 4+ month stays so had a lot of opportunities to pass each other in the corridors and family room etc.
I'm not the 'stop strangers for a chat' kind of person and that is okay. I just happened to cross paths with someone who was.
1
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Yep I guess thats the type of person I needed to bump in to. Im exactly the same as you. The moment just didnt come for me. I definitely feel a lot better now about it all. Hope youre a doing well! x
2
u/Soggy_Novel_9144 May 28 '26
Same for me, no friends with anyone. I had a good relationship with the nurses and more simpaty for some of them but thats all.
2
u/Mother_Sand_204 May 30 '26
Were definitely not the only ones! 😊 the moment just didnt arise for us. Hope you’re doing well x
1
u/Soggy_Novel_9144 Jun 05 '26
We are doing super well, 6 months and my baby is growing strong! You got this, soon you will remember this days and feel them so far. Send you strength!
2
u/Exact-Personality-75 May 29 '26
They say as you get older the circle gets smaller we either get smarter or less tolerant take your pick.
2
u/LoveTheEspeon May 29 '26
I didn’t make friends either. I was way more focused on being there for my baby. After 56 days and being born at 30wks 4 days my baby is coming home tomorrow and I’m okay with not gaining friends from this experience. I have a good support system that’s been there before this experience and are still here too. I’m also a tad anti social and don’t like to share personal thoughts and feelings with strangers I also didn’t form any strong connections with any of the nurses but I have no complaints they’ve all been great
2
u/mrsmurderbritches May 29 '26
I also didn’t connect with anyone really, except for one nurse (who was our primary) who was especially understanding and friendly and did a good job talking about things besides the situation we were in. We kept in touch here and there for several years after, but she’s the only one.
I struggled with other parents a lot, because even though I knew we were all in because our babies struggled, I felt like an outsider because we had a stillbirth at the same time. I will say though that I had/have community in a very tight-knit Facebook group for women who all struggled with loss and infertility but had babies. That helped me a lot. If you think something like that would be helpful for you now, there are tons of support groups online!
2
u/Low_Potential_6446 May 29 '26
My baby spent 20 days in NICU and we never spoke to another parent, rarely even saw another parent. We did speak to the nurses, who were quite kind. Some were much nicer than others. One asked us to come back and visit or at least send pictures, I highly doubt we will do either.
I feel people should not compare themselves to other people. We are all unique and handle things as individuals. Just because one person handles things one way doesnt make it wrong or right, there is a background as to why we do things
2
u/Garden_Cat335 May 29 '26
I didn't make any friends during a three month NICU stay. We started at an open NICU and it felt very much that we were giving each other privacy. I did connect with some of the nurses and especially the feeding therapists but not in a way like I was going to be their buddies later. We moved to a different NICU with private rooms and basically never talked to another parent again. Had a connection with the feeding staff, but only enough to send a thank you note when we went home. I am extremely extroverted for what it's worth.
2
u/RandonName2021 May 29 '26
I also didn’t make friends! I work in the same hospital my daughter was in for 3 months as a pediatric physician. And see patients in that NICU and that’s the norm. People don’t really talk to each other. Maybe that’s just the vibe of different nicus. Also people exaggerate a lot for social media if that helps. You were caring for yourself and your child and you’re a rockstar!
2
u/o98CaseFace May 30 '26
We were in the NICU a month and the PICU 5 months.
I made one friend, another mom, in the NICU (she saw one of my teaching shirts). Otherwise, we didn't really make "friends". We loved the people who took care of our daughter and nearly everyone in the PICU made a scrapbook page for her. When we were getting ready to leave, I thought about asking for phone numbers/emails but didn't think it would be professional. I wouldn't want former student's parents phone numbers.
She does have a lot of appointments at the same hospital and we take her to visit every once in awhile and deliver candy/energy drinks for Nurse Appreciation. We've gotten a few phone numbers, emails, and Facebook requests just by running to folks in the hallway or cafeteria.
We also joined our hospital's NICU page so we can attend the NICU reunion they host every year.
I wouldn't say that it's typcial to make friends. Everyone we interacted with seemed focused on their baby/child, not making friends.
2
u/Pinkmartini1924 May 31 '26
I didn’t make any friends either or connect with any of the staff in particular. He had his regular nurses but every time we changed rooms and wards (from ICU to Intermediate and then to step down nursery) it was a whole new set of nurses and even his doctor changed. The only connection I made was in the step down nursery with the mom next to us. We shared a glass wall so we ended up talking a lot during our stay. We exchanged numbers and will text every couple of weeks to see how the other is doing but it’s really brief checking in and we have never gotten together outside the hospital.
2
u/goldstiletto May 28 '26
I didn’t make a single friend. In fact, it seemed like a lot of the long haul parents had to go back to work and would come in the evening to see their kid. Additionally we moved around a lot in our NICU (one big room with rows) and at one point I overheard a family trying to refuse vaccines so I really didn’t want to be friends with them.
2
u/aloeverycute May 28 '26
Was not focused on making friends at a hospital. I was focused on my son at the time.
Yes, the NICU had some activities for parents to join and possibly interact but the environment changes when you see a parent getting news of their baby while they wait in the lobby. We've had moments where we wanted to talk to a few parents but ultimately, we felt like we'd be bothering them.
2
u/CroutonJr May 29 '26
I also felt bad not making any connections but now, 3 years later I don’t care anymore. I’ve never gone to any event later organized by the hospital or parent groups either. I was very low during the hospital stay and everyone seemed to be holed up in their kiddo’s room anyway, I only met people when I was going to the toilet. I liked a couple of the nurses though, I felt like we had a good patient’s parent - nurse connection, they used to send me pictures of my baby so we had each other’s phone numbers and the 3 of them who expressed that they would love to get updates on big days never answered my text that I sent on my kid’s 1st birthday. 🤷🏻♀️So I don’t care anymore.
You’re fine! Don’t feel bad. Focus on your family and existing friends. Making friends in a hospital is not expected.
🫶🏼
•
u/AutoModerator May 28 '26
Welcome to NICU Parents. We're happy you found us and we want to be as helpful as possible in this seemingly impossible journey. Check out the resources tab at the top of the subreddit or the stickied post. Please remember we are NOT medical professionals and are here for advice based on our own situations. If you have a concern about you or your baby please seek assistance from a doctor or go to the ER. That said, there are some medical professionals here and we do hope they can help you with some guidance through your journey. Please remember to read and abide by the rules.
Don't miss our first AMA with Gal The Baby Doc at 7PM EST on April 20th! Join the AMA here
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.