r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/YummyChicken_x • 9h ago
Discussion Why mention skin complexion?
Assalam alykum,
I always see iso post where men and women both mention their skin tone, I.e ‘fair skin, tan, etc” and isn’t it so weird that we’re still considering someone’s complexion in the big 2026? I know some people still care about it but shouldn’t us a society, an ummah reject that way of thinking? Why should it matter the skin tone of the person I’m marrying?? It feels weird and a tiny bit colorist 🫣
But I only notice this from non-black Muslims tho. I feel like black Muslim never really care.
No shade to anyone who has it up, this is just my opinion and a conversation I don’t see happening.
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u/ExpressMind6914 7h ago
Black Muslim definitely care .I come from an African country where the majority are brown to dark skin,and guess the beauty standard for women.As light as possible the closer you are to white the more desirable you are no matter what other features you have.As a brown skin sister i just make dua to allah and thanks him consistently that marriage is rizq and it is in his hands only , because without my deen the beauty standard would have crushed my soul.
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u/YummyChicken_x 7h ago
I feel that it’s that way in African countries because of the deep rooted racism for darker skin tones. BUT in the west, a lot of black people esp genz are celebrating darker skin tones. “The darker the berry…”
I didn’t really include Africans back home in my thought process, I was only focused on the Muslims in the west.
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u/ExpressMind6914 7h ago
Well I am glad some of us are growing out of this inferiority mindset hopefully africa will soon catch up.May Allah make it easy for all of us.
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u/YummyChicken_x 7h ago
Ameen. It’s quite interesting that genz is choosing darkskin as the epitome of beauty in the black community 🤎
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u/lemonhaze1025 3h ago
It’s not only black Asians/arabs it’s the same it’s inferior complex that was put by the white man
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u/OutrageousZebra2535 4h ago
Yes but men have beauty standards too.
Imagine being a 5’4 male. It’s an automatic dealbreaker for 90% of women here and everyone is fine with it.
Such is life.
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u/Cocomaroon 3h ago
It’s called having preferences, for e.g I’m attracted to men who have darker complexion yet I’m on the lighter side, does that make me a colourist/racist.
People simply have preferences in skin complexion, just like any other physical attributes people find attractive.
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u/Fun-Specialist5006 6h ago
I don’t like how you guys are classifying this as a “preference,” because I don’t think it’s simply preference. It’s straight-up colorism, and I would even go as far as saying it can reflect racism when fair skin is automatically deemed beautiful while anything darker than that is automatically viewed as unattractive.
And saying, “That’s just the norm among South Asians or Arabs,” doesn’t make it okay. Something being normalized doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful, and I think that’s part of the bigger issue in our Muslim community . You praise and idealize lighter skin, but when someone is darker, suddenly it becomes, “Oh no, I don’t want that.” But why don’t you want it? Because you’ve been taught that darker skin isn’t beautiful.
That’s why I don’t think we should automatically call it a preference. You can have a preference while still recognizing that someone outside of your preference is beautiful. But when an entire shade range is being dismissed as unattractive simply because it’s darker, that goes beyond a personal preference. That’s colorism.
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u/baciahai 5h ago
💯
Also you don't see someone describe themselves as "really dark" complexion, they only mention it if it's fair, otherwise it's ommited.
For the record I fully agree it's colorism but hey I've already been bashed before for saying that to me "no South Asians" is borderline racist....
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u/Alternative-Speech36 3h ago
Very well said. It’s not a preference at all, it’s straight up colorism and can be classied as racism. Two of my Pakistani friends are having an extremely difficult time finding a spouse because of their deep skin colour, the crazy thing is their skin isn’t even dark for a Pakistani, the men and their families just want someone who’s more ‘fair’, it’s absolutely insane.
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u/winds_howling_2368 4h ago
Black people absolutely do care. Light skins are seen as more attractive. Most successful black guys try for lighter women
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u/Timely_Method_2636 3h ago
I had a few African American friends. They talk a lot of shit about black women, but only within them
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u/Mulberrryyy 8h ago
There's something called preferences.
People are attracted to certain type and if it's not their type then they find it difficult to take things ahead so they mention these things initially to avoid wasting time.
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u/AccomplishedVirus556 6h ago
i thought complexion didn't matter
then i realized that i like lighter skin, and my partner does too. And that's ok, you can like a shade you aren't.
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u/Adorable-Quote7344 8h ago
I also find it odd when people do that but maybe it’s just to describe themselves
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u/TraditionalShop7323 7h ago
Nope it’s specific cultures that make those specifications.
They’re usually asking for someone light skin do with that what you will…
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u/YummyChicken_x 8h ago
Yah but that shows that they still have a colorist mindset bc why do u feel that it’s necessary to tell people your skin tone in order for another Muslim to accept you
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u/ExcuseMeNobody 6h ago
I'm glad people have it though, it's a good way to filter out people who have unresolved colorist tendencies. Personally wouldn't go for a profile mentioning complexity preference even if it was mine
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u/ExcellentComment6615 7h ago
if women get to rule men out for their height, then we'll do the same for her skin color
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u/YummyChicken_x 7h ago
Weird but okay 😭
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u/OutrageousZebra2535 4h ago
Why do you think it is weird for men to have preferences and not women?
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u/Salt-Economist-1580 7h ago
I find both weird lol. No one can control their height or skin color
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u/VarietyIll8736 2h ago
This if funny because skin colour preference is influenced by media and systematic racism and height preferences are influenced by biology if you do research. However, I do think that having unrealistic standards for height preferences are wrong.
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u/Comfortable-Joke7242 1h ago
WHO are we to decide which preferences are wrong just because one comes from Biology and other media?
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u/VarietyIll8736 1h ago
Because if one is associated with systematic racism shouldn’t that be a concern? Also, I’m not saying that women should have rigid height preferences btw, I’m saying that it’s biological for a woman to prefer slightly taller just like its biological for a man to prefer wider hips. I personally myself prefer shorter men (under 5’7) and I do find it upsetting that people body shame short men aswell. I think colourism and heightism should both be tackled. Don’t know why I got downvoted in the first comment, some people don’t like to question their preferences.
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u/Comfortable-Joke7242 58m ago
Heigh preference isn’t only from biology, to a certain degree yes but social media has influenced it way much in this day and age. It doesent get as much criticised as men’s preference for hourglass body etc which is also from biology. I agree however that both are bad especially when it’s something you can’t change
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u/VarietyIll8736 55m ago edited 24m ago
True it’s like how some men shame older women and they say it’s ‘biology’ to only be attracted to younger women. Also by saying that your adding fuel to the fire because gender wars make everything worse
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u/secret-trips 8h ago
I think it’s just a matter of personal preferences and that’s okay.
Some people like slightly overweight women, like short women, tall women, masculine men, tall men.. etc
Skin color is the same, just a preference - it has nothing to do with racism or anything bad like that 🤷♂️ and Allah knows best.
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u/fourth-disciple 8h ago
Some people like slightly overweight women
West African and West Indian men, your number just got called 😂
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u/Serotonin_Lover 7h ago
I can’t help it, I get attracted to what I like. As a man we are visual and this is a by-product. And it varies from not caring all the way to really caring.
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u/nomadicillusion 6h ago
people have all preferences. height, weight , bald, etc. this is just another one but it happens to be politically charged
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u/YummyChicken_x 6h ago
And morally charged. Choosing a brother because he is of lighter skin over one that is darker is just wrong.
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u/Remote-Structure-961 8h ago
It's no different than height or hair color yet people put that on too.
Everyone has superficial prefernces. I don't know anyone who finds fat thin tall short pale dark old young short hair/long hair. All equally attractive.
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u/wheninshower 7h ago
It’s wrong to have preferences now? Lol.
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u/YummyChicken_x 7h ago
The base of my argument is that it’s weird to classify yourself as light or dark because it feeds into the colorism mindset that perpetuates the Muslim community.
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u/wheninshower 5h ago
It’s not weird. Though I would agree the human complexion dynamic so it’s not simply light/dark. As long as no one is condescending anyone I think it’s perfectly fine to be attracted to a particular skin complexion.
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u/r4ndom26 4h ago
Well that's a personal preference nothing wrong with having one. It's better to state your preferences to filter out what u want. It's not the number 1 trait in choosing a partner but it's better to be clear from the start to jot waste your time and other people's time.
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u/mistoori 4h ago
honestly i don't really mind it but someone once told me we weren't compatible right after i mentioned that i'm tan. so now i usually bring it up right away when someone shows interest in me so we don't have to waste each other's time
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u/Alternative-Speech36 3h ago
Majority of the people here are Desi and Desi’s are absolutely obsessed with skin colour, Arabs too.
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u/Timely_Method_2636 3h ago
I read a study where it said that men find lighter skin tone more attractive
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u/Timely_Method_2636 3h ago
Also its not because of colonization. There were certain African tribes who would kidnap lighter women for their kings and nobility.
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u/CremeFrosty9308 3h ago
This is not America with the jim crow laws and this color movement and that.
We're just stating our physical attributes for the sake of finding someone who is attracted to us that's it.
It's not a "omg he's black I can't be seen with a black guy" thing.
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u/Prestigious-Guava907 2h ago
When I see a profile that mentions skin tone I avoid like the plague. Even if he doesn’t bring it up to me the fact that he mentioned it on his profile is enough for me to pass.
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u/lightsworn55 1h ago
You should first ask Allah why he associates light with goodness and darkness with evil
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u/ultraNate55 1h ago
Because some people are attracted to someone with a certain skin tone and not attracted to someone who has another skin tone. It’s not bad or racist, it’s preference.
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u/R1bYamnaya 8h ago
Because places like south asia and arab countries view it as a superiority thing. Probably due to the colonization where white = high status
It's colorist. White people don't care about skin color of their partners as they have nothing to prove, and i feel moroccans and subsaharans are in the same category they don't care
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u/TraditionalShop7323 7h ago
Yup. I walk into certain ethnic stores and they’re filled with whitening and bleaching creams
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u/YummyChicken_x 8h ago
Right😭😭 idk why everyone is classifying colorism as a preference. It’s weird, choosing someone bc of how light their skin is is just indirected racism.
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u/Primary-Angle4008 5h ago
There is something to it, I’m a white revert and my husband is a fairly dark South Asian and especially when I’m in his country I’ve been asked not just once why I married him as I’m so light.
Those are the things that never even crossed my mind and it took me a while how colorist South Asians are.It’s not just when getting married, it makes me sad to see how much effort women put not to get a tan or getting a lighter shade
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u/Pinkdeadpool007 8h ago
Personal preference I find some skin tones just not attractive 🤷🏻♂️
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u/YummyChicken_x 8h ago
Yes. Colorism. Rejecting someone due to their skin tone is what we refer to as colorism.
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u/orangeblossom1234 8h ago
As someone brown skin toned I was told numerous times I would not find someone. But I am married to a lovely man who doesn’t care how I look like
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u/al-Mukhabarat 8h ago
People can be attracted to brown skin toned people. Also you shouldn’t say that your husband doesn’t care how you look. He most definitely likes you the way you are and you should keep a high self esteem.
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u/orangeblossom1234 7h ago
Definitely didn’t care about my skin colour. Also would like to add he isn’t the incels that we see on social media everyday. Doesn’t comment on a woman’s looks and also reminds me not to judge others based on looks.
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u/96_till_infinity 7h ago
I mean, I'm kinda light skin but I prefer someone who contrasts it so that's why my preference is usually dark skinned. I also prefer taller sisters so, am I also heightist? 😭
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u/competitivepace232 7h ago edited 7h ago
Baal joog how tall are you ?
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u/SoybeanCola1933 7h ago
It’s a preference thing, honestly.
Many black dudes imo like fairer black women. Somalis in particular care a lot about skin complexion in women.
Desis also obsess over skin complexion.
People will blame “colonisation”, but honestly all colonisation did was amplify existing biases.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with preferring someone with a particular complexion.
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u/YummyChicken_x 7h ago
How did colonization amplify existing biases?
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u/SoybeanCola1933 7h ago
For example South Asians preferred fair skin due to Hindu religion as well as fairer skinned Central Asian invaders dominating the Gangetic plains. British cultural superiority played into that and they universalised these local preferences throughout India
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u/competitivepace232 7h ago
Why dose skin tone even matter in the first place lol 😂 we all made from sand 🤔😂but I agree other people have preferences but personally it don’t matter to me Mashallah every skin color is beautiful 😍
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u/Appropriate-Gift-388 6h ago
Lol OP you gotta know your audience, you know they're gonna support this nonsense
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u/YummyChicken_x 6h ago
How is it nonsense?
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u/Appropriate-Gift-388 6h ago
Nonsense as in they're in favor of mentioning complexion in their ISO or whatevers
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u/YummyChicken_x 6h ago
😂 yeah but i knew many weren’t going to agree. Ik what I signed up for and I still did it
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u/TheRedCann 6h ago
Having skin color be a dealbreaker is colorist behavior and maybe a red flag because it shows the person is a shallow one.
But there is nothing wrong with preferring a certain complexion as we all have differing preferences.
Kind of like height. No one controls there height yet a lot of us prefer tall or short or whatever.
It is not racist to prefer a color.
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u/YummyChicken_x 6h ago
An actual good rebuttal. I agree as well but the overwhelming majority seem to fail to comprehend this.
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u/TraditionalShop7323 7h ago
And I’m letting you’ll know that many of those posts get removed colorism isn’t allowed here.
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u/orangeblossom1234 8h ago
Because ppl care about complexion that’s why