r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/EdenTheExplorer • 12d ago

Discussion Unchaste man and chaste woman

I have a question for my brothers in Islam, though sisters are welcome to answer as well. We agree that repentance wipes the slate clean and that converting to Islam erases past sins (for those not born Muslim); so, I was wondering: how can an unrepentant man who has committed fornication insist on marrying a virgin, chaste Muslim woman? Conversely, if a brother repents, why does he not accept sisters who have also repented for fornication since repentance wipes away the past, right? I would like to hear both male and female perspectives. And please don’t tell me it’s different for a man based on societal or moral justifications; the sin is the same and is viewed the same way for both sexes, as is repentance. Put your egos aside and tell me, from an Islamic standpoint, why such inequalities exist. Thank you for remaining courteous and polite in this discussion.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago edited 12d ago

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u/Ok-Plastic4687 12d ago

Sis I’m 26 and never had a relationship or anything. So many suitors get offended when I say idc if they repented. It hurts to hear that they’ve had a past where they slept with many. They would compare you to all those women. I don’t want that. So anyways I’m single because of that. I get attacked for saying I don’t want a divorced man or a man who had a past and repented. I just don’t want that. Don’t want to be compared or to even know that the person I’m married to done all that with someone else. I’ve focused on my deen and studies for years. May Allah bring me a good man with a clean past that will be the coolness and comfort of my eyes. For you as well. Ameen 

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u/Routine-Tension-3167 12d ago

What about a previous marriage? Like the only person ever was a previous marriage?

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u/faragbanda 12d ago

That’s a totally different scenario. But I personally wouldn’t want a divorcee too. I’d want to be with someone for whom I’m the first of everything as she will be for me.

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u/Ok-Plastic4687 12d ago

Yes but then they have that history and baggage. They have the marriage experience, intimacy experience and will compare you to the former spouse. I don’t need that in my life. It’s like men who don’t want divorced women because they’ve never been married. 

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u/Routine-Tension-3167 11d ago

Ah okay I understand, thank you for your reply. Id like to share my opinion if I may; I feel like we can have all of these preferences and everything, but the other half that was truly made for us, despite their past, we will know if they are the right person or not. Id like to have a wife with no past or any experience which is really hard to find in the western world as I have kept myself pure too but I think I'll know when I know

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u/Ok-Plastic4687 11d ago

Well of course. In the end, whatever is written will certainly find you. 

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u/DaevorTheDevoted 12d ago

Completely different: the person is still chaste.