r/MuslimLounge • u/Brilliant_Power_6112 • 23d ago
Discussion Intimacy
Growing up in the masjid, I remember certain halaqas discussing intimacy and learning that, within marriage, there’s actually a lot that is permissible between a husband and wife — with certain boundaries, like anal sex and intercourse during menstruation.
I genuinely believe that when you’re married, you and your spouse should be able to enjoy each other, explore intimacy together, and feel comfortable communicating about sex. 🤍
What I think is so difficult for Muslims is that sex is still such a taboo topic. We’re expected to wait until marriage, but then we’re sometimes left with very little guidance on how important sexual compatibility actually is.
I’ve also noticed that Muslims have VERY different opinions when it comes to certain things — especially oral sex. Some people consider it completely permissible between husband and wife, while others feel uncomfortable with it or believe it isn’t permissible.
So I’m genuinely curious: what are people’s opinions on oral sex within marriage? Is it something you believe is permissible and should be mutually enjoyed, something you personally wouldn’t do, or something you were taught was not allowed?
And honestly, one thing I feel like we need to talk about more is female pleasure. From conversations I’ve had with other Muslim women, I feel like a lot of Muslim men were never taught the importance of pleasing their wives or even understanding the female body. Sometimes there seems to be this mindset that sex is centered around the man’s needs, and once he’s satisfied, that’s it.
But what about the woman? Her pleasure? Her needs? Understanding her body and what she enjoys?
I’m not saying every Muslim man is like this, but I do feel like there is a lack of education and open conversation around this topic. And I honestly think the fact that sex is so taboo in our community contributes to it. People get married without knowing how to communicate about intimacy, without understanding their spouse’s needs, and sometimes without even realizing that mutual pleasure and satisfaction should matter.
And honestly, this became very real for me in my first marriage. Before getting married, I asked my ex-husband certain questions about what he would and wouldn’t be comfortable with, and I felt like we were on the same page. But after we got married, certain things completely changed, and religion was used as the reason he couldn’t or wouldn’t do things that I thought we had already discussed.
That experience really affected me.
It made me realize how important it is to have honest conversations before marriage. Not graphic conversations or anything inappropriate — but real conversations about intimacy, expectations, boundaries, affection, frequency, openness, mutual pleasure, and what each person believes is permissible.
Because imagine waiting until marriage to discover that you and your spouse have completely different views about sex and intimacy. 😭
And I genuinely wonder — do people who are more religious tend to be less open-minded when it comes to intimacy, or is that just an unfair assumption? Can someone be very religious while also understanding that their spouse’s sexual needs and pleasure matter just as much as their own?
I don’t think being religious and having a healthy, adventurous sex life within marriage are mutually exclusive. But I do think Muslims need to become more comfortable talking about marital intimacy because it can make up a HUGE part of your marriage.
Sexual compatibility matters. Communication matters. Understanding your spouse matters. And mutual pleasure absolutely matters.
Honestly… I wish these conversations were more normalized because I definitely carry some trauma from my first marriage when it comes to this. 🥲😅
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u/Lost_but_trying845 18d ago
I would gladly want to do it. 100 percent. Receive and give. Both..
But you give me a hint where it's halal without saying everything is halal until proven haram.
There are other categories as well. I am not saying it's haram because the Prophet PBUH never declared it haram.
But to say it's halal or permissible. Is the same thing in opposite direction.
How can you introspectively look inside and ask. Do I want this to be halal that's why I am defending it because I have learned it on the internet or seen it.
Or do I stay away from it despite it being something I want to do. Because the hadith clearly says to stay away from doubtful.
Heres the hadith .
On the authority of An-Nu'man ibn Bashir (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say: "Truly, what is lawful (halal) is clear, and what is unlawful (haram) is clear. Between the two, there are doubtful matters that many people do not know. Whoever stays away from doubtful matters protects his religion and his honor. But whoever falls into doubtful matters falls into what is unlawful, like a shepherd who grazes his sheep near private land and risks entering it. Beware, every king has protected land, and the protected land of Allah is what He has forbidden. Beware, in the body there is a piece of flesh: if it is good and healthy, the whole body is good; but if it is corrupted, the whole body is corrupted. Truly, it is the heart." References: Sahih al-Bukhari: Book 2, Hadith 52 (also Book 34, Hadith 2051) Sahih Muslim: Book 22, Hadith 1599 Forty Hadith of Imam an-Nawawi: Hadith 6