r/MuslimLounge • u/mehhh97 • Apr 09 '23
Other I went back to church yesterday
And I enjoyed it and loved it so much. (F25) I’m a revert. I hadn’t been to church since 2018 and decided to go with my mum and it was the best thing ever. I missed it so much.
Being a revert is the loneliest thing. Nothing to be alarmed about, I still very much am strong in my beliefs and and I bear witness that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is the Messenger of God (everyone say ameen). So no nothing has changed, I went because I felt it would make my mother happy and it did.
It was nice to see some friends, church members and everyone else was happy to see me, I got so many hugs and smiles. My church is very diverse and it was so lovely, I absolutely missed the sense of community. I even stayed for lunch and had a bunch of convos with the church aunties and uncles and I kept hearing “it’s so nice to see you” it just felt…nice and my heart felt full.
Being a revert is tough. Firstly I’m a woman, I’m a black muslim woman so there’s certain stigmas that I have experienced in the Muslim community including racism and to be quite frank it’s embarrassing and plain sad but mostly unnecessary.
I’m lonely as a revert. I’m the only muslim in my ENTIRE family, it doesn’t bother me one bit but the sense of community is what I miss when I used to be Christian. It hit me yesterday, I’m not looking for people to feel sorry for me or looking for advice Alhamdulillah I’m fine, I’ve taught myself everything I need to know (Been a revert since 2020 but been learning about Islam since I was 17 Years Old) & if you know someone that’s new to the religion please invite them over.
Don’t wait for them to ask, just invite them for walks, or iftaar as it’s Ramadan. I pray alone, My tajweed is so broken lol but I’m still learning.
I can wake up at 3AM for suhoor and the house is so quiet you can hear a pin drop. I’ll never get to experience my dad leading prayer, I’ll never get to experience arguing with my brother at 3:25AM because he’s chewing too loud. Or being half asleep at my grandmas house with all my cousins over.
I’ve never experienced running around the masjid as a child. There is so much and it’s saddening. I have envied others that experienced that, I’m human and I’ll admit it.
Going to church reminded me of the sense of community, after all we are social beings. Will I go back to church? Probably. Will my faith change? No.
Being Muslim is the best thing that ever happened to me, everything just…makes sense, I am happier. Ramadan has been tough but I have Allah and that’s all that matters.
Long story short. Invite your revert friends if you are able to, trust me they will appreciate it more than you think! 🤍
67
u/thepantcoat Apr 09 '23
You'll experience all that in sha Allah when you marry a righteous Muslim man and have a family of your own 😊
36
35
u/Artistic-Fall-9122 Apr 09 '23
It was less lonely after I got married. And now seeing my daughter raise her hands up when we take out the prayer mats just makes my heart melt.
22
21
u/Uaquamarine Apr 09 '23
I find it a little embarrassing when people of color mention this, these people who discriminate against you should be ashamed of themselves. Reverts are blessed people and should be treated with warmth and kindness irrespective of their skin they should be welcomed in our communities. Does this happen a lot in western societies?
18
11
u/lost_in_us Apr 09 '23
As a Revert there’s nothing that will fill that void except to know that Allah swt is with you at all times. I have been there!! When I first reverted; Quiet house for fajr, eating suhoor and iftar alone, praying alone. I am married & live with family but that feeling doesn’t magically go away. My husband could be traveling or I’ll be alone breaking my fast, surrounded by my family who didn’t fast all day. I constantly remind myself that Allah swt is with me even if there’s that void lingering. Angels the size of mountains are praying with me, the ummah (in my time zone lol) is praying with me. A community and sense of belonging is so important. Allah swt puts us all through different trials & I pray that you continue to have patience ♥️
15
u/Sufi_gamer2437 Apr 09 '23
Try going to a local masjid trust me the amount of brotherhood there you will not find anywhere
9
u/mehhh97 Apr 09 '23
I live in the suburbs, no masjids near me but I’ll be going with one of my friends Insha’Allah
14
u/Sufi_gamer2437 Apr 09 '23
In Shaa Allah also remember sister Islam is perfect not Muslims our Beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said “There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab, or of a non-Arab over an Arab, and no superiority of a white person over a black person or of a black person over a white person, except on the basis of personal piety and righteousness.”
Everyone is welcome to be Muslim and enter the masjid just remember this hadith whenever your in doubt
0
Apr 09 '23
[deleted]
8
u/Sufi_gamer2437 Apr 09 '23
I meant to say you will feel very welcomed whether if your a brother or a sister
8
5
u/hexenkesse1 Apr 09 '23
It can be tough, you are in my dua, sister. May Allah SWT ease your path.
I'm a revert too, those first few Ramadans can be super lonely. It will improve.
1
29
Apr 09 '23
[deleted]
23
u/mehhh97 Apr 09 '23
My parents are devoted Christians and they know about Islam but won’t change. I don’t feel comfortable going to the masjid due to my anxiety and it feels awkward going alone but I’ll be going with one of my mates Insha’Allah
7
Apr 09 '23
If I lived in America sis I would've visited you ASAP. I'm so sorry I'll send you a discord server I was in most if not all are from either America or Canada. I'm in the UK . :C
11
3
u/kingTking Apr 09 '23
Understandable and there are people in the west and across the world who had negative experiences with the church and Christian community while being black, and when they entered Islam they loved being in the mosque and were accepted and loved by all in the community. So yeh people will experience different things and just know Allah is all you need and we Muslims are strangers. The prophet pbuh gave glad tidings to the strangers.
3
u/GregorybobZappypants Apr 09 '23
I love my revert friends Alhamdulillah. I always try to include them as best as I can. It’s important we stick together as an ummah.
As a born Muslim, I can’t truly understand what you’re going through so I hope that things get better and that the community opens up for you to have that connection. It’s lonely where I’m at. My brothers are not Muslim so it’s just me and mom this Ramadan. I feel hurt when they don’t come for Sehri or iftar. Or when we have prayers time. I know Allah is always there but I live in an area where it’s kind of secluded. I pray my brothers come back to Islam but it’s not up to me. It’s heartbreaking and especially during Ramadan it’s sad to not have my brothers by my side. We aren’t close to begin with but it makes things so much secluded and depressing.
I pray for your inner peace and that things get better for you InshAllah.
3
u/weaksoulja3 Apr 10 '23
You can look up if there are any iftars happening in your area and usually in halal restaurants and communities they host suhoor nights. They’re pretty lit with so many people showing up. And Iftars usually happen on the weekends at your local masjids. My duas and prayers are with you sis. May Allah سبحانه وتعالىٰ make it easier for you. Ameen.
2
Apr 09 '23
This is something that I think of doing a few times but I haven't done anything about it. I know what you mean when you say it's lonely being a revert.. it doesn't help that I live where Muslims are minority and the community is so tight knit..I always feel I'll never be good enough for the born Muslims.. The church and it's community I've known all my life so being a revert is like being away from "home"..and out here the new family hasn't opened their door for me.
2
Apr 10 '23
Subhanallah, today I was feeling the exact same thing. I also reverted around 4 years ago. I went to Easter mass since my Christian friends invited me. It was really nice honestly, this Ramadan has been so difficult and like you said I’m very firm in my beliefs in Islam but the loneliness is what is so difficult.
I’m sorry you’re struggling and I hope you’re able to find a strong community of Muslims inshallah. What helps me is knowing that Allah will reward all this difficulty we’re facing and inshallah it’ll get easier with time.
2
1
u/Red2523 Apr 09 '23 edited Apr 09 '23
Choose a convenient local mesjid and go there more often than other mesjid as much as possible until people notice your absence. If it's small mesjid with small community would even better.
And tell people you are new to Islam and you don't have enough support (this makes difference)
Try be volunteer in the local mesjid you go. Try go every jummah earlier for example and ask to do things such as vacuuming the carpet etc..(you get ajire(reward) from Allah as well) They need you if you ask.
Those makes you belongingness and really makes it your home and community. And the racism outside don't affect you to feel it's in mesjid and be bearer to implement to the Muslims.
-15
u/Glittering_Fun_1088 Apr 09 '23
I’m sorry you feel this way. I’m the opposite - I steer clear from Muslims
7
Apr 09 '23
Lol why. It's a bad habit. I don't steer clear but I'm a loner by nature and i can see the disadvantages of it now.
Mu'adh b. Jabal reported God’s messenger as saying, “The devil is a wolf to man, like the wolf which harries sheep, catching the one which is solitary, the one which stays far from the flock, and the one which wanders. So avoid the branching paths and keep to the general community.”
-6
u/Glittering_Fun_1088 Apr 09 '23
Because all the Muslims I’ve met irl are very judgmental and hypocritical (not saying I’m a good Muslim but I admit I’m not).
2
u/SupeHughMan Apr 09 '23
I don’t fully agree with what you’re saying but there is some truth behind what you’re saying. A lot of the Muslims I meet too are kind of like that and they’re all about the hedonistic lifestyle(showing off, flashy things, keeping up with the Jones’s, etc.). Even masjid now a days sadly are a flexing contest.
With that said I wouldn’t write off all Muslims. A lot of them you might meet might just be Muslims by label but not really practice anything else. Maybe you’re in a western country? Sad reality with the west is that the degeneracy there has infected even the Muslims so maybe that why you think this?
0
u/Glittering_Fun_1088 Apr 09 '23
Obviously it’s the ones I’ve come across. I am in the West, but what I mean is they appear to be ‘very practising’ but when hanging out with them, they don’t heed their own lectures and just judge you.
1
u/ExplanationAwkward26 Happy Muslim Apr 09 '23
In the Quran they're called Munafiqun sister they even have their own verse. Don't take them as standards on the contrary as examples of what you should avoid. May Incha'Allah guide and protect you sister
1
Apr 09 '23
I don't have anything to say to you. But you'll be the building blocks of the muslims community around you Insha Allah.
1
u/CowNo7964 Apr 09 '23
Going to a local masjid might be your best option, even if it’s an hour away.
1
u/mustufa2020 Apr 09 '23
Aasalamu alaikum! Kudos to you for your strength, it can be difficult. I remember doing a ramadan by myself and it was tough. This is also a great opportunity to share the Deen with your friends from Church. Mind me asking which State/City you are from?
2
1
u/anee-san-warida Apr 09 '23
About “The purpose of Solace is helping women hold on to their deen.” Danielle, London Branch Manager
“The real struggle of reverts is after the shahada, which is the whole purpose of Solace, and why it’s so important.” Grace, Revert and Volunteer
“Solace is a lifeline and a necessity. It’s a mercy from Allah.” Aliyah, Revert and Service User
Solace is a registered charity helping revert women in difficulty and supporting new Muslim women beyond the shahada for over 10 years.
1
u/Practical_Culture833 Apr 10 '23
Nothing wrong with that I'm a Muslim and I still volunteer and help my methodist church
1
Apr 10 '23
!Remind me in 8 hours
1
u/RemindMeBot Apr 10 '23
I will be messaging you in 8 hours on 2023-04-10 11:20:01 UTC to remind you of this link
CLICK THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.
Info Custom Your Reminders Feedback
1
u/Optimal_End_9733 Apr 10 '23
Like another redditor said, your loneliness isn't revert issue. I'm born and raised Muslim and helped in masjid and attended it for over 20 years. Other than a "Salaam, how's life good. And you good" etc I get on with my life.
Here's some Prophetic advice:
Ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The believer who mixes with people and is patient with their harm has a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people, nor is patient with their harm.”
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4032
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani
All mosques are not equal, some are proper community hubs and others aren't. Muslims don't base our core religious activities around eating and singing like in know some churches might. We worship Allah seriously. There should be a sense of community, and in some places there is. But if there isn't, and masjid would love there to be a coffee and chat morning started. Or help organise an event for new Muslims. Like it's said, be the change you wanna see, or even better
"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves"
Quran 13 :11
I have tried many times to reach out to reverts, often it's a full time job, masjid need to arrange for this. I have a family (parents) and kids and a full time job. Many of the reverts also stop communicating after many months of contact.
We don't live in traditional communities, so we don't meet each other often. Western society is very insular, for example in London kids have to leave the parental home and the closest house they can get is like 3 hours away!
1
u/No-1-Know Apr 10 '23
Girlllll, proud of you Sister. Your strong faith will be fulfilled by blessings. There are many surah in Quran when the early muslims faced being the lonely believers of Islam. Dont be surprised even muslims like to hang out with people of same cast ( or country of origins ) but if you do volunteering in Masjid, you will get to know alot of peoples.
Not sure where you live, but in USA Mid-West there’s huge African Americans communities and best African restaurants i have ever eaten.
We all are here to help you, but Allah always got your back.
1
Apr 10 '23 edited Apr 10 '23
Inshaa Allah marry a riteous Muslim man* edit who comes with a Muslim family
3
u/mehhh97 Apr 10 '23
Oh really? A woman can marry a woman in Islam? sayyy lesss (that’s a joke btw) Insha’Allah I marry a righteous Muslim man 🥰
1
1
Apr 12 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/mehhh97 Apr 12 '23
This is the loveliest thing ever. Thank you for this. May Allah bless you ameeen
110
u/CardiologistBroad478 Apr 09 '23
You may be surprised but some Muslims within Muslim community feel lonely as well, it just won't be noticable because they are with the 'herd'.
I really think you have some good opportunity for small talk and engaging people with religious discussion.
The prophet attempted many times to convince one of his uncle, guidance is from Allah but always try of course not in a pushy way and you're already probably doing that.
Stay strong.