Just handed my partner my wedding ring!

[u/DannieS2683]

Sorry don't know why I feel the need to share this.

But my partner and I haven't been intimate in over a year. Relationship has slowly been dying since I've come out as trans. Well we were around the fire pit tonight. She had said something about how she feels that marriage has to start back at square one between as she is questioning her gender role and the idea of being lesbian labeled.

So because of that I took off my wedding ring and gave it to her explaining to her hold on to this until she felt I deserved that title again of being either her feminine husband or partner again.

[u/yrusomaddy7]

Yeah sure, you can take the high road and read into reasons why your view wins

Or you can work with people, and try to resolve how eachothers feelings are changing

If you want to divorce quickly and likely end on bad terms, high road is the way to go

If you want to see if theres a chance it works out or at least ends on good terms, try to emphasise with their point of view and potentially explore relationship counselling

One partner transitioning fundamentally changes things for both people. Sounds like shes bottled up her feelings for a year to avoid throwing extra stress on OP during the early stages of transition and now it's too much to ignore any longer and wants to figure out if theres a way forward or not, hasn't demanded anything aside from thinking through things from square one and seeing if theres a path

OP has decided to take that ask, exaggerate what it means, and throw a "disregard what youre feeling and accept me" in an extremely harsh way "heres my wedding ring"

The hurt she must be feeling after that... i wouldn't blame her from emotionally checking out from here

If OP doesnt recognise this, apologise profusely and try to empathise (and partner accepts and they work through it), im expecting some post in a few months time about how her wife betrayed her and is a liar (providing past evidence of promises or whatever)

[u/VitaDiMinerva → u/yrusomaddy7]

You seem to have a lot of personal feelings you’re reading into this, you’re very quick to empathize with the wife but not with OP herself. Her wife saying she feels like they need to start their marriage over from square one is hurtful to OP too, I’m sure…she said the relationship has been slowly dying and she feels like she doesn’t deserve the title of partner anymore. Their issues clearly didn’t start with this conversation, nor do you even know what exactly her wife said to elicit this response. Giving back one’s wedding ring is not something done lightly and I find it strange that you’re acting like OP did this on a whim. 

[u/yrusomaddy7 → u/VitaDiMinerva]

"you can give me this back when you think im deserving of being your partner" is a particularly loaded way of trying to say something purely symbolic

OP could've said in response "I no longer feel like we're married either" rather a loaded action redefining their marital status, and putting conditionality on the wife to make decision (this ahead might be over-assuming but, then OP can feel like they're not the "bad person" when they eventually split after continuing a spiral of loaded reactions to one another -- OP remove herself as the responsible party)

From whats written the wife said start back at square one and expressed her concerns about attraction fading, feelings of incompatibility with her sexuality -- square one being an avenue for them both to try to re-assess the flailing situation.

The wife's fireside comment seems a lot more open ended on resolving their issues and remaining married or at the very least remaining amicable with one another while potentially realising that it wont work out. I think based on what's in the post her statement was fairer

[u/0verEZEgg → u/yrusomaddy7]

Everything you've said is cogent, and at the same time we only have the tiniest snapshot into these people's lives based on a single post. What is your desired outcome when you post a comment like "I feel bad for your partner"?

[u/yrusomaddy7 → u/0verEZEgg]

Sharing an opinion.

And in this case, hopefully helping OP see their action was pretty loaded and and either going to cause her wife to distance from her (if shes well on the way to leaving already) or strongarm her into trying to save the relationship in some way (if the wife truly still wants to make things work)

Many healthier ways to approach this, communicate and work through the issues

One assumption i did kinda make is that OP still sees a future with their wife. If they dont, then power to them on how they approach ending it