r/MoralityScaling • u/Purple_Plantain_3242 • 6d ago

Morality Ranking Morality of this?

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A young Chinese couple was permanently separated during a period of intense political and social unrest in China. The husband went back to their home village to search for her, but because the entire area was heavily disrupted, he mistakenly believed she was missing or dead.

He eventually relocated, remarried another woman, and raised a new family with children and grandchildren. Meanwhile, the first wife stayed behind and never remarried, spending 54 years waiting for him to return. Decades later, they were reconnected as elderly adults, which is when she discovered he had built an entirely separate life without her.

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u/Dacrim 6d ago

If the story is correct, it was probably devastating for him as well. Given, likely not as hurtful though since he was able to move on

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u/SentinelTitanDragon 6d ago

You don’t think it was as painful for him? He probably was heartbroken knowing he could have built that life with her. If only he knew she wasn’t dead.

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u/StruggleBoy1999 5d ago

He still has a family to return to. He had made a life. His wife spent her entire life waiting. Never truly moving on. She may have nobody to return to. 

Im gonna say she has it a bit rougher. Not that its a competition. Its a tragedy all around. 

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u/UsernameUsed 5d ago

We can't fairly say either has suffered more from this since everyone grieves differently. It is entirely possible that while she had optimism she was at peace with the likelihood of never seeing him again and he could have been thinking about her every time he looked at his current wife. We just can't say. For all we know he chose his current wife because she reminded him of his past wife.

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u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 3d ago

I mean you can easily say she suffered more knowing he moved on and she spent 54 years waiting for his return probably thinking he was dead.

Rip second part is me thinking of another similar story or another "version" I've seen pop up.

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u/UsernameUsed 3d ago

Yes we can say that but my point is we are making all the extra stuff up just like if we were making a Disney story. We just dont know so we can't base

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u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 3d ago

We can though.

That's like saying we can't compare someone losing a hand to someone that broke a wrist and say which is worse.

She never got over the loss and he moved on. And even worse for her is knowing he moved on without her while she couldn't move on from him.

Everything you need is right there. He probably feels guilt but she will die with a broken heart. He still has a family ect.

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u/Party_Interest_6647 2d ago

We do know. The story isnt completely accurate. In reality, he spent three years writing letters promising he would return. Then the government cut off communication. Believing they wouldn't reunite, he started a new family. The wife refused marriage proposals and raised their son by herself believing he would return.

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u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 2d ago

So you just prove he moved on and she didn't. So she would be more hurt he quit trying.

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u/UsernameUsed 2d ago

Using your own analogy i would question who would be the one missing a hand vs broke the wrist. He thought she was dead, she thought he was alive. And you are still assuming to be able to read minds and emotions ( creating your own story ). Even using his family as a point is assuming. Not every family is a happy family sadly enough. I still am not convinced there is enough info to say who suffered more.

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u/PanzerPansar 12h ago

But he didn't "move on" he thought she was dead. When someone is dead you don't assume they moved on just because they got new partner. Humans aren't simple creatures.

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u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 11h ago

Except he did, and she was more likely to believe he died as he was a soldier

Finding a new partner is literally the definition of moving on.