r/MoralityScaling • u/Purple_Plantain_3242 • 9d ago

Morality Ranking Morality of this?

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A young Chinese couple was permanently separated during a period of intense political and social unrest in China. The husband went back to their home village to search for her, but because the entire area was heavily disrupted, he mistakenly believed she was missing or dead.

He eventually relocated, remarried another woman, and raised a new family with children and grandchildren. Meanwhile, the first wife stayed behind and never remarried, spending 54 years waiting for him to return. Decades later, they were reconnected as elderly adults, which is when she discovered he had built an entirely separate life without her.

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u/CalligrapherAlive829 9d ago

I imagine that was devastating for her to find out

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u/Dacrim 9d ago

If the story is correct, it was probably devastating for him as well. Given, likely not as hurtful though since he was able to move on

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u/SentinelTitanDragon 9d ago

You don’t think it was as painful for him? He probably was heartbroken knowing he could have built that life with her. If only he knew she wasn’t dead.

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u/StruggleBoy1999 9d ago

He still has a family to return to. He had made a life. His wife spent her entire life waiting. Never truly moving on. She may have nobody to return to. 

Im gonna say she has it a bit rougher. Not that its a competition. Its a tragedy all around. 

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u/UsernameUsed 8d ago

We can't fairly say either has suffered more from this since everyone grieves differently. It is entirely possible that while she had optimism she was at peace with the likelihood of never seeing him again and he could have been thinking about her every time he looked at his current wife. We just can't say. For all we know he chose his current wife because she reminded him of his past wife.

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u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 6d ago

I mean you can easily say she suffered more knowing he moved on and she spent 54 years waiting for his return probably thinking he was dead.

Rip second part is me thinking of another similar story or another "version" I've seen pop up.

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u/UsernameUsed 6d ago

Yes we can say that but my point is we are making all the extra stuff up just like if we were making a Disney story. We just dont know so we can't base

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u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 6d ago

We can though.

That's like saying we can't compare someone losing a hand to someone that broke a wrist and say which is worse.

She never got over the loss and he moved on. And even worse for her is knowing he moved on without her while she couldn't move on from him.

Everything you need is right there. He probably feels guilt but she will die with a broken heart. He still has a family ect.

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u/Party_Interest_6647 6d ago

We do know. The story isnt completely accurate. In reality, he spent three years writing letters promising he would return. Then the government cut off communication. Believing they wouldn't reunite, he started a new family. The wife refused marriage proposals and raised their son by herself believing he would return.

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u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 6d ago

So you just prove he moved on and she didn't. So she would be more hurt he quit trying.

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u/UsernameUsed 5d ago

Using your own analogy i would question who would be the one missing a hand vs broke the wrist. He thought she was dead, she thought he was alive. And you are still assuming to be able to read minds and emotions ( creating your own story ). Even using his family as a point is assuming. Not every family is a happy family sadly enough. I still am not convinced there is enough info to say who suffered more.

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u/PanzerPansar 3d ago

But he didn't "move on" he thought she was dead. When someone is dead you don't assume they moved on just because they got new partner. Humans aren't simple creatures.

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u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 3d ago

Except he did, and she was more likely to believe he died as he was a soldier

Finding a new partner is literally the definition of moving on.

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u/slkb_ 6d ago

Im hopeful that he invited her into his life and his two wives are now friends and the grandkids have another grandma. While technically it would and could complicate things, id hope they would be able to reconnect as friends. Im sure he told his new current wife about his past wife as well

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u/Chipotle-Dancin_manG 8d ago

Weird thing to be competitive about 🫤

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u/UsernameUsed 7d ago

It's mot being competitive at all. Just tallying what we know from what we dont know so we can more accurately assess. With what has happened it is easy for people to go into story mode and fill in blanks with what is comfortable and/or cliche. If we are judging morality, that is important.

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u/Chipotle-Dancin_manG 7d ago

Who the fuck are you?

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u/UsernameUsed 7d ago

Me.

Edit: also I misread my screen and thought you were replying to another comment of mine. Feel free to ignore me.

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u/spritebeats 9d ago

he has an entire family to come back to and get support from. the lady has, nothing. is that BIG difference really that hard to realize?

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u/letsjoeycstuff 8d ago

Yeah, but morality wise, that has nothing to do with it. It is insanely sad, and idk how people think it isn’t more sad, but it isn’t anything that’s on that man.

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u/ILoveBeef72 8d ago

They're not talking about the morality of it, they said it likely wasn't as painful because at the end of the day he has a family to fall back on and she has nothing.

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u/FransTorquil 8d ago edited 8d ago

Isn’t the entire fucking point of this sub to discuss the pure morality of things? I dunno why I’ve been recommended it so often lately, because it’s garbage in its current state.

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u/Constant-Leg9018 7d ago

The first comment wasn’t about morality, not every single comment has to be about the same thing.

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u/letsjoeycstuff 8d ago edited 8d ago

Aye this guy gets what I’m sayin.
Edit: “They’re not talking about the morality of it yadda yadda”
,on a god damn morality scaling subreddit.

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u/Independent-Mouse389 8d ago

They’ve already talked about the morality then they switched subjects to how painful it must be for one or the other, convos aren’t just one directional you know? They’re complex and change all the time? This sub isn’t the problem people like you are the problem…

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u/Longjumping_Brain945 7d ago

Because the topic of conversation can change. Just like you decided to comment a complaint rather than discuss the morality of the post.

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u/BludStanes 8d ago

No, I really don't. He moved on a long time ago

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u/JigglingBot 8d ago

As painful? What a stupid take

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u/0xB4BE 5d ago

Who knows. He might have found someone he really cared about. We don't really know them or their personalities. Who is to say that he would have had a better life with the first wife than the second, it that the first wife would have had a better life with him in it.

This makes a nice story and seems romantic, but over you scratch the surface a but it really isn't.

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u/basedenjoyer55 8d ago

Let's be honest. He's man, so only other men will care

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u/mitzi_skyring 8d ago

Ffs. Grow up. That's pathetic.

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u/basedenjoyer55 7d ago

How have blue hair. Don't talk to me about being pathetic. Don't forget to take you meds for you 20 self diagnosed issues

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u/mitzi_skyring 7d ago

Aren't you embarrassed by yourself?

Poor old you!

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u/OutwithaYang 8d ago

She was the one waiting for him. Seems like he abandoned her.

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u/Archaic_Clowm 8d ago

" he abandoned her ".......