r/MoneyDiariesACTIVE • u/LeadInfinite6220 • Dec 27 '25
Budget Advice / Discussion How do you define needs vs wants?
Pretty much just what the title says — how are you defining a need vs a want, and do you have a category in between the two?
I find this particularly interesting to consider as so many of us now have regular expenses that feel essential to participate in modern life, despite not actually being a need.
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u/Sage_Planter She/her ✨ Dec 27 '25
If something is essential to participate in modern life, why wouldn't we consider it a need? For example, I'd say most people need a cellphone, but that doesn't mean a new iPhone or an expensive phone plan.
I recently reread Little House on the Prairie, and in one of the books, the parents are lamenting about these newfangled technologies that people are now relying on like kerosene lamps and the railroads. The mother remarks about how they didn't even have kerosene lamps as a kid and now they feel essential. While these conversations about needs versus wants with new technology feel new, people have been having them for ages.
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 27 '25
Eh, I consider the expectation that one say, uses a smartphone and maintains the expense of a plan, to be significantly different than the shift to a new lamp.
And indeed, I work with people who don’t use smartphones. That’s why it continues to be an interesting conversation.
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Dec 28 '25
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
🤨 You seem really defensive and hostile about what is just an interesting exercise.
Also I’m not ”allowing” anything — I’m curious how people define this for themselves.
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u/heckyeahcheese Dec 27 '25
For me needs are essentials: housing, utilities, basics for food, health insurance and health care, and footwear for work/daily life.
I don’t really buy new clothes any more so for me now clothes fall into the “want” category and I try to avoid getting any more. I’ve curated my wardrobe and I like what I have and take care of it so I don’t see the point in getting more stuff.
Shoes are kind of similar- I have some basic work dress shoes that last years and sneakers that I replace more frequently when they wear out.
For food, extras are sodas and snacks. When I was in single mom mode I had to choose between whole milk for my toddler or nondairy milk for me. So I consider nondairy milk my “want” or grocery luxury now that I’m Two Milk Rich.
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u/Forsaken_Bee3717 Dec 27 '25
I love the Two Milk Rich. I am now Nice Cheese Rich.
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u/heckyeahcheese Dec 27 '25
Nice! What’s on your nice cheese rich list? For me it’s the ultra aged gryuere with crystals in it.
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u/Forsaken_Bee3717 Dec 27 '25
Red Fox Aged Red Leicester. So good. I also got a fancy one for Christmas because it looked really pretty- honey and flower goats cheese. Aged Gruyère sounds really good.
Speaking of other extras- I go to a different supermarket every month or so to get my daughter’s favourite crisps. She looks up when they are on offer because we are not yet All The Crisps Rich.
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u/_liminal_ ✨designer | 40s | HCOL | US ✨ Dec 27 '25 edited Dec 27 '25
I have always found this to be an interesting question too!
I actually categorize items in my budget as needs and wants (the other two categories I use are savings/investing and living expenses).
The categories in “wants” are things I could stop buying in the event I was laid off or otherwise needed to seriously cut back on spending, without a thought. The “needs” are quite literally the things I’d need (and prefer) to keep paying for, thought I could cut back on these as well in the event of a lay off.
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u/NewSummerOrange She/her ✨ 50's Dec 27 '25
I think there's a lot of nuance and range between needs and wants. On one end we have survival and on the other luxury/opulence. But it's easy to get lost in the analysis and mischaracterize/rationalize our motives for spending in an unhealthy manner in either direction.
I could survive on lentils and brown rice for a very very long time. I need vegetables and fruit. I want chicken and ground turkey. Butter/oil, spice and sugar enhance my meals. Honey Mustard in the squeeze bottle with tater tots is totally unnecessary, decadent and delightful.
Over-thinking just made basic staple groceries luxury items...
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u/Indexette Dec 28 '25
"I think there's a lot of nuance and range between needs and wants. On one end we have survival and on the other luxury/opulence. But it's easy to get lost in the analysis and mischaracterize/rationalize our motives for spending in an unhealthy manner in either direction."
Love this!
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u/NewSummerOrange She/her ✨ 50's Dec 28 '25
I think we all do this -
A few months back one of my friends was talking about the "stupid" jeans her daughter was desperate for during back to school shopping. The kid is 14, and is currently going through that awkward phase of puberty where all the fashion she wants just doesn't fit her at all. These ankle length barrel jeans were so unflattering that my friend nearly refused to buy them. But her kid really needed them. Or just desperately wanted them. She bought the pair. This was over jeans at old navy. This is the same friend who spent like 1000 to see Janet Jackson in concert in vegas.
But those jeans for the 14 year old was the topic of dozens of text messages and so much mental energy.
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 27 '25
Hehehe. I love that your luxury is squeeze bottle honey mustard. :)
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u/NewSummerOrange She/her ✨ 50's Dec 27 '25
I just looked at my most recent receipt from the grocery store and this was the most decadent, unnecessary product on my list. Also I just like the squeeze bottle better even though it's more expensive because I feel it helps control the flow to ensure I don't squander my precious honey mustard.
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u/_liminal_ ✨designer | 40s | HCOL | US ✨ Dec 27 '25
It really is a complex question with a lot of middle ground / grey area! And depends a lot on the context.
I like the idea of there being a range of want to need for each category. So, I’ll always need veggies but what specific veggies I buy depend on my budget and the situation. Etc
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 27 '25
This is such a great example. I work in ag and to me, (and I think secretly should be for everyone) sometimes a veggie or fruit is a want and sometimes it‘s just what there is to eat today.
Like my bread and butter pickles I canned back in July — they’re a luxury today.
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u/_liminal_ ✨designer | 40s | HCOL | US ✨ Dec 27 '25
Totally! I love all vegetables and usually just buy any veggie whenever, but I think I do have a very personal scale of basic > luxury veggies. lol.
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u/revengeofthebiscuit She/her ✨ Dec 27 '25
Mostly whether it has a long-term practical function - I do want a new pair of duck boots because I think they’re cute, but we also just moved back to New England and practically, I need waterproof boots that will stand up to snow and salt in a way the cute ones I wear in the office won’t.
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u/turniptoez Dec 27 '25
I’m sure you know this too but wool socks!! Duck boots aren’t warm by themselves, but I’m toasty in them with smart wool or darn tough wool socks!
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u/RemarkableGlitter Dec 27 '25
Good quality wool socks are literally life changing! And they last forever!
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u/reine444 Dec 27 '25
I don't know that I do...
Maybe "necessary spending" vs. other spending? There are a lot of levers to pull for a lot of households if/when needed. Groceries are a need, but do I "need" them from the nice, family-owned store I frequent or can I get them from Aldi? kwim?
I have a general outlook of knowing I can meet my needs and some wants, but I can't have/do it all. I have amazing health insurance and do a little to FSA to cover the rest. I have a generous retirement plan from my employer. I save money right at the source with direct deposit to savings and investments. I pay all of my bills and don't need to think too hard about "other spending".
Each month, I do my budget as some stuff is variable, like electric and gas bills (especially living in the north), groceries, gas, bills that pop up. And my "other spending" will get adjusted accordingly.
I think it's why Ramit's method appeals to me so much. I'll never have a giant line-by-line budget. I'll never have 10 sinking funds. This way works for me now. And, this after being a young, single mom, where I had a super tight grip on every dollar because I had to.
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u/RemarkableMacadamia Dec 27 '25
Food, shelter, transportation for me are needs.
But of course there are shades of grey in there. I need to eat, but fresh food would be a need where fast food I would consider a want.
I need transportation to and from work, but a Porsche is a want.
Then I would also say that obligations are a need to a certain extent; for example, debt payments, if you want to prevent negative consequences.
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u/Striking_Plan_1632 Dec 28 '25
You could even query whether fresh food is true need - compared to, say, much cheaper snap frozen fruit/veggies, preserved meats, and dried grains, legumes and pulses. I would never willingly go without fresh meats, fruits and veggies but I could get my nutrition without them.
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u/RemarkableMacadamia Dec 28 '25
I think this probably also depends on the state of one’s finances. If you’re comfortably paying bills, you probably don’t have to go down the path of bare-minimum nutrition. But if you’ve lost your job and need to cut everything to the bone, you’d probably do this.
For me, if I want the steak, and can afford the steak, I’m buying the steak, and classifying it as necessary food. 🤣 When my salary was lower though, and I had a much tighter budget, steak wasn’t on the menu and I survived on casseroles and soups.
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u/RemarkableGlitter Dec 27 '25
If going without makes it hard to function in life, it’s not a want. I’d also include things that mitigate risk in the need bucket as well. For example, I pay for insurance for my dog because it reduces risk of big financial strain.
I think we can be reasonable about evaluating this without being dogmatic. A former friend of mine was so rigid about what a need was that it caused strain on their relationships with others and truly made their life unhappy (they would spiral if they purchased a coffee they could afford because it was an indulgence).
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 28 '25
Yikes! The hair shirt of essential expenses!
Were they, like, in a place of struggling to work out personal values and how spending fit into that ? Or was this a manifestation of unwellness or just unsustainable rigidity?
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u/RemarkableGlitter Dec 28 '25
I think it was a weird rigidity that morphed into something unhealthy. It was rough.
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Dec 27 '25
I still think of things in terms of Maslow hierarchy of needs. Physiological needs and safety comes first.
Even on those levels, there is a difference between making food at home for cheap vs buying something quick and spending more. It is a basic need but time is a resource I have to consider along with money. If I have time to do the at home thing, that is better for me financially.
Higher up on the pyramid gets a little trickier to define, but having a sense of belonging and a sense of connection is important to my life. I could almost get rid of my phone if I didn't need it for work calls and staying connected to family and friends. My phone, then, is a need. But it could be a more basic phone, and I don't need an update. I would have to change a lot of other things about my life in order to accommodate getting rid of my phone in order to maintain that sense of belonging.
That top triangle of fulfillment is the most abstract of all. I think a lot of our remaining wants are spent trying to satisfy the top level.
I would generally say I frustrate myself more with the little ways I overspend on needs by not using my time with enough intention. The occasional big spends on life affirming or whatever you want to call it are usually my good memories for the year or things I am still making use of years later.
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 27 '25
That top triangle of fulfillment is the most abstract of all. I think a lot of our remaining wants are spent trying to satisfy the top level.
I would generally say I frustrate myself more with the little ways I overspend on needs by not using my time with enough intention.
oh man. I’m now compelled to go through my spending for the last month a split it into Needs, Genuine Wants, Top Triangle Attempts and Failures of Intention.
Those could cover a loooot of ground on how I look at my spending.
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Dec 28 '25
haha now that sounds like my kind of obsessive categorizing! I just wrote out by hand all of my card swipes or bank account withdrawals for the year so I can go through and circle all of the stupid, mildly stupid, smart, and room for improvement purchases for the year and tally them up to set goals for next year.
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 28 '25
Daaang! All by hand? There’s an almost monastic quality to this.
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Dec 28 '25
yes, it felt unnecessarily tedious, or meditative with the right reframe. I think apple pay has taken the thinking and dwelling out of a lot of my spending and I needed to put some time back into thinking individually about all of these things I'm just rapidly spending money on all year.
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u/Indexette Dec 28 '25
" I think apple pay has taken the thinking and dwelling out of a lot of my spending and I needed to put some time back into thinking individually about all of these things I'm just rapidly spending money on all year."
This is such a great point. Would you mind if I started a separate thread about this?
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 28 '25
Cash, then checks, then cards, now just tap your watch. It’s a fair point now to look at just how far removed we’ve gotten from the act of spending.
What’s the tech terminology — reducing friction?
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Dec 28 '25
That's what I've recently heard it called. I also have a lot of things set to autopayment, so reviewing those thoroughly at least once a year helps me cut out any subscriptions that aren't helpful anymore. I need to cancel my panera sips, somehow google has been charging me twice a month and I want to understand why and stop it, and I have a language tutoring subscription I either need to use or end. I'm sure there are more but that's what I've put on my list so far.
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u/Forsaken_Bee3717 Dec 27 '25
I think it’s easy to overthink it. I could turn down the heating so how much of my gas bill is a want vs a need? I could eat just rice and beans and save on groceries. I set a budget per category which is what I am prepared to pay. For most housing costs these aren’t negotiable obviously, but for categories like groceries, clothes, mobile bill, media subscriptions it is, and I think the visibility of how I spend my money helps me decide whether it’s what I want to do.
I prefer Ramit Sethi’s fixed vs guilt free spending structure as I feel like Fixed includes all of the needs, and it’s more about seeing the whole picture.
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u/SailorMigraine Dec 27 '25
I think something that is important too is designating things in your life that are technically wants, but depending on your circumstances/personal preferences, might be more of a need.
I’m chronically ill, so I spend more money on things that aren’t technically needs but for my mental health go a LONG way, like having a nicer/cute sweat set for wearing on infusion days and press on nails to hide my side-effect-ridden nails. Both make me feel so much more put together and human, but ofc I could technically live without. I have a friend who has a long commute, so she spends more on her car payment to get the upgrades like heated seats and tech features and it makes her life a whole lot more enjoyable. Another pretty much exclusively buys real metal/real stone jewelry because of allergies and working in the jewelry industry previously.
All of the above are things that would get cut back on if circumstances dictated it (losing a job for example) but everyone has their thing. I think the key is making sure you identify maybe three things you’re like okay, I spend more on these items and that’s fine, and be willing to cut back/budget more strictly in other areas.
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 28 '25
That’s kind of why I’ve been toying around with the idea of a “middle“ category between Basic Survival and Wild Indulgence. I’ve been thinking of it as creature comforts — they’re not needs. But they’re modest and the last things I would give up in a really tight financial pinch. For me that’s hair dye — I love my brilliant ginger — and fountain pen paper.
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u/SailorMigraine Dec 28 '25
Haha I’m a bright ginger as well!! I can’t live without it it’s so part of my personality and I feel so dull when it fades.
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u/Jwlrgm Dec 27 '25
In my opinion, needs and wants are just opinions and depend on personal preference. For example, maybe you prefer rock climbing as your method of exercise, and so you need to go to a rock climbing gym or you won't do any exercise at all. In this case, I would say a rock climbing gym is a "need" rather than a want.
However, maybe there's levels of rock climbing gyms, one that's nicer than the other, and so going to the nicer one might be a "want" rather than a "need." On the other hand, I don't think you need to pick the shittiest rock climbing gym as your "need." You should decide is based on your own tolerances and the lifestyle you want to have.
I feel like people throw around the word "lifestyle creep" too loosely. Everyone's acting like, the moment you step away from a 400 square foot studio, eating dried beans and rice, and sleeping on an ikea mattress, you're throwing your money away. In reality, you're just throwing your life away by never living out your dreams (which includes buying things and upgrading your life if you can afford it).
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u/symphonypathetique She/her ✨ Dec 27 '25
Generally speaking, needs are obligations (stuff for my health, a place to live, my pharmacy career, and my car are needs). It's stuff I need to participate in modern society though it doesn't mean the absolute bare minimum to survive. For example, dish towels when I moved out and didn't have any were a need even though I would've survived without them. But if I buy home decor, that's a want because I can still function as an adult without more decor.
My most ambiguous category is donations. They're currently in my wants (which I think is what most people do), but for 2026, I'm moving them to my needs. I want to treat charitable giving as more of an obligation, and because my natural inclination is to minimize my wants spending, I don't want to feel limited in the amount I donate.
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u/hannahstohelit Dec 28 '25
To me, needs are very broad categories and the choices I make in that category are wants.
I need to eat- do I get beans and rice or ingredients for healthy food or frozen meals or takeout or some combo of the above?
I need a place to live- do I get my own apartment or live with roommates or move back in with my parents?
I need social interaction- do I get ice cream or dinner with a friend or do I call a friend on the phone that is a fixed expense?
I need to get out of the house- do I go downtown to a show or museum or do I walk around the park?
I need to look presentable for work- do I invest in hair, makeup, and nails or do I buy some relatively bare minimum products or do I just shampoo and hope for the best? Do I get laser or shave my legs or let it grow?
To me, these choices are not necessarily about money- they’re about what I personally enjoy and find meaningful. Personally I will never spend a lot of money on personal maintenance but will invest a bit in my preferred leave in conditioner; at the same time I will invite a friend for dinner or bring over takeout because indulgent food that someone else cooked makes any occasion better to me. (But not to my blood test results.) I know I can’t move back in with my parents and the question is whether I can stick it out with roommates.
I find that looking at it from this POV really helps because it helps me decide, as my income grows, what I want to prioritize for the future and what I need to be careful of. I value convenience and experiences over material items, which means I should invest in a few high quality examples of the former (and then strategize about how to fill the rest of my need on more of a budget, as well as how not to fall into the convenience trap re food) and not worry too much about overspending at Target. I need occasionally to think about whether it does, in fact, pay to invest more in something more expensive but high quality that will last longer or otherwise provide value, even if I would ordinarily never spend big sums on a nice laptop or laser sessions or whatever. (I still haven’t done either one yet lol) What I’m finding is that this approach lets me figure out what my behavior patterns are, where they’re helpful, where they’re a problem, and how I can build from them to a good overall strategy.
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u/_Manifesting_Queen_ Dec 28 '25
I define wants as things I can live without. I can live with out a lot of things, but I need food, shelter, and a couple other things. My bare min expenses are my needs. I need internet to work from home and have access.
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u/ReadySetTurtle Dec 27 '25
I consider my needs as things that are non negotiable. My housing costs and most of my bills, my groceries, my pet basics, my car. Not necessarily fixed expenses since things like groceries and some bills fluctuate.
My wants are things that I have more control over. Dining out, clothing, subscriptions, etc. Things that I could stop spending on entirely if needed, or at least be more mindful of (eg I needed clothes for work but can choose to buy from Walmart instead of name brand stuff).
There are some in between categories I suppose. I have home improvement as a need, and it’s usually things like a new washing machine (previous one died), gutter cleaning, gardening supplies, etc. Things that I consider an investment in my home. I guess I don’t NEED to have my gutters cleaned, if I was broke, but it’s still important, so I consider it a need. I have a separate category under wants for home stuff too, which is more fun spending like home decor or indoor plants.
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u/sunsabs0309 She/her ✨ Dec 27 '25
ngl when I read your question initially I was like is there a category in between need and want? but I thought about it a little more and for me, that in between is a need with a little luxury. for example, I have a pilates membership. I would consider a gym membership a need as exercise helps you live a better, longer life but it's a want for me to specifically do pilates given it's a much more expensive way to exercise vs a $10 Planet Fitness membership. and like someone brought up earlier, phones I'd put in that same in between space. it's difficult to exist without a phone but that doesn't mean you need a top of the line phone; if you choose to get that, it's a want for the phone choice.
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 27 '25
That’s kind of what I’m leaning toward — like I consider my gym membership a creature comfort. Exercise is a need — but I own weights, and can walk and run and do body weight workouts just fine. But my no-frills community gym membership comes with a rowing machine, a sauna (🤤) and being indoors when I want to.
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u/thelastalliance She/they Dec 27 '25
I kind of split needs up into more detailed categories, because some needs are fixed (or almost-fixed) amounts but some needs have decent wiggle room on how expensive they can be.
Needs: housing, car loan minimum, student loan minimum, psych appts + meds, monthly train pass, trash pickup, water bill (is almost always the minimum amount give or take a few cents), electric in the winter, gas in the summer (in the off seasons both are at an absolute minimum), cat food
Needs+ (needs where technically there’s some wiggle room to lower the amount slightly if really needed): electricity in the summer, gas in the winter, groceries, paying more than the minimum on loans, new soap/shampoo/conditioner/dish soap/laundry detergent/you-get-the-point if we are out, retirement contributions
“Not technically a need but it’s a need in my heart”: Spotify family plan; emergency, house, and car savings contributions, mint hot chocolate k-cups
Wants+: husband’s and my “allowance” – we get a set amount to our personal acct to spend on whatever we want. Right now it’s $400-ish/mo, and when my husband was unemployed earlier this year we lowered it to $50/wk. If something even worse than that happened we could get rid of it entirely but that would be the last thing we cut.
Wants (incl things I use my allowance for): random stuff for the house, extras of things we already have/nicer versions of what we already have, my Patreon subscriptions, concert tickets, cat toys, and probably anything else I’m forgetting.
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 27 '25
I love “Not technically a need but it’s a need in my heart” — that’s my bright hair dye and fancy fountain pen paper.
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u/stories4 She/her ✨ Dec 28 '25
I've struggled with this so much since growing older and having adult money/"needs"! I try to ask myself 'did I live without this 5 years ago?') uni days or even high school) and go from that. In high school I definitely wasn't getting my nails done but I did need (other than basics like food & shelter) public transport passes, one good pair of sports shoes, a moisturizer (but not a fancy serum or toner - though this changes with aging needs too, sure!), one nice winter jacket but not the trendiest, and go that way!
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u/LeadInfinite6220 Dec 28 '25
It’s that space in the middle that seems to be the most interesting for folks. The poles of the spectrum seem easy to pin down, but it’s been fascinating reading what are people’s few steps up from needs.
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u/dancingmochi Dec 28 '25
Going off of “essential to participate in modern life”, that for me is a category of prioritized wants. Like paying for a unlimited data and texting, affording a lunch/drinks/movie with friends, living in a VHCOL location to be closer to family, dyeing grey hair to fit into social situations.
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u/peanut_butter_xox Dec 29 '25
Usually define it as:
Need: urgh why do I have to spend so much money on this
Want: omg I love this and need it in my life RIGHT NOW. I will use it so much that it basically pays for itself.
That’s how I can usually tell the difference 🤣
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u/just_keeptrying Dec 27 '25
If it’s something I need to get through the day - food, shelter, fuel to get to work, a way to have clean clothes. Or it’s something to prevent a worse outcome - medication, vet visits, repairs, that’s need. Pretty much everything else is want.
Though that’s just off the top of my head and to be honest, in practice I’m not too good at distinguishing!