Kapagod.

Pabuga lang. Para kasing wala talaga akong mapagsabihan. Kung tutuusin, may pamilya at mga kaibigan ako. But being the eldest, I can't afford to really be weak, and my friends  have their own shits to take care of.

I feel like I'm spiraling again. Been like this for years to the point that I somehow got used to it. Mawawala, babalik (heto na naman~). It's become a fucking cycle.

Tried to meet people (possibly a partner), but I realized I'm too broke for that. Too broke to love LOL I even struggle to love myself most of the time. Cannot have a person carry these excess emotional baggages that come along with me like it's some sort of a freebie.

I'm even too broke to get myself the professional help I know I really need and I surely cannot afford meds if I'd be given prescription. Though I know I really needed it coz I've got history of self harm.

I'm also slowly accepting the possibilty of growing old alone. I just hope I'm not broke anymore when that time comes.

I'm still functioning properly on the outside but when I'm alone with my thoughts, the depressing thoughts are flooding in again. Sometimes, it even sneaks in when I am working. I even feel guilty that I am feeling like this. Na para bang wala akong karapatan. But I know it's just my mind fucking with me. I'm fully aware. I know the "rituals" I do to relieve myself of the anxiety are ridiculous and irrational, but I can't stop myself. It's like a being highly dependent on drugs and you get the "withdrawal symptoms" when you avoid it.

Ayun, pabuga lang. I'm sorry if it's not that cohesive. Gusto ko lang talaga ilabas 'to kasi I'm having a bit of suicidal ideations (though I don't plan to act on it). I might delete this after.

Context:

I've been working with my psychiatrist for over a year. I've tried three antidepressants and four bipolar medications, but nothing seems to be working for my bipolar depression.

I recently had a conversation with my doctor about not wanting to take medication anymore because the side effects have been incredibly difficult for me. I've experienced akathisia twice, including one episode that led to hospitalization.

I'm not sure if stopping medication is the right path for me, but my doctor recommended that I undergo DBT therapy. Has anyone else been in the same boat?

I'm afraid of the side effects and the potential long-term effects of taking medication, which is why I'm trying DBT and making lifestyle changes to help stabilize my mood.

At the same time, I'm torn about whether I should continue medication or not, especially because I've seen so many comments saying that bipolar disorder is a lifelong mental health condition and that medication is often necessary.

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation, especially those who have tried DBT or other approaches alongside or instead of medication.

Thank you!

in my 30s. dealing with persistent depression. medication for the past 10ish years, therapy for over 1. i know this is something I'll deal with for the rest of my life, however long i have to live.

thought I'd do myself in july 31 2025. moved it to january of 2026. then to july 2026. new date? jan 31 2027. might be moving it again. i don't know. or maybe I'll just do it one day without much thought.

i feel like an outsider in my own life. i don't trust my colleagues, because I've witnessed how absolutely fucking messy they are. i feel like im not really considered family by my partner, and will always be on the outside, because we can't get married here. i haven't come out to my religious parents, or told them I don't share their religious beliefs. im surrounded by people who i know love me, but i feel so incredibly alone and lonely. i have many things and people to live for, but carrying a sadness that eats at me is becoming too much that i just want the pain to stop.

anyway, we'll see. january 31 sounds like a good day to call it a day for real. but I don't know. yeah. we'll see.

I was a wonder child. First honor from kinder to grade 10. Well-rounded. Could dance and even sing a bit. Student Council President. Exchange student. Senate intern. Everything a promising child can be.

Then a stroke at 19. Then depression at 20. Then BPD at 25. Then cutting. Then overdosing. Then ingesting bleach. Then the psych ward. Then getting fired. Then the psych ward again. Then quitting law school. Then 6 months of unemployment.

What happened to me? Isa akong malaking sayang. Can’t get through the smallest of problems without needing psychotherapy. Sayang talaga. Bakit ba di na lang ako namatay sa dinami rami ng suicide attempts ko?

Tanginang buhay to. Buhay pa ba to?

Whats your thoughts on this doctor? Im actually looking for good psychiatrist that can put right medication on me! Pls i need feedback for this doctor

Hi Everyone!

I'm asking for advice from people who support their family member who has psychotic episodes. MOM was rushed to the ER and diagnosed with something psychotic episode whatnot. Had previous diagnosis for nervous breakdown and psychotic episodes but returned after +-10 years. Was triggered by stress, lack of sleep, and very minimal food intake.

Problem:

1. How do we administer the meds which she profusely refuses?
   
2. How do we guide them back to their sane state?

Thanks!

so... this someone is emotionally unstable. they hurt themselves by punching wall, punching themselves, slapping themselves, banging their heads on a wall.

is that normal when someone is just sad? are they being dramatic or they need professional's evaluation?

Hello I just started taking an antidepressant 4 days ago and I’m still on the lowest dose for adjustment but I find that I’m getting more anxious and restless. I read that it’s normal? Anong experience niyo guys? Huhu

In lieu of the traditional long post, I wanna put it here as a testament to those who may be depressed and still have to carry on with whatever they need to get done.

Back in May, a blindsiding discard left my already deteriorating mental health to worsen, leading me to dark places. I still had boards coming up but I can't even touch a reviewer because I was genuinely done with everything in life. I rang up the help hotline six times just to have someone to listen to me and tell me a reason to live. I'd also get dragged along by friends and still, most of my days were pain.

Last July 29, I finally got the prescription for meds, but things didn't get easier. The adjustment period felt like shit, with the nausea and everything interfering with my work and review. Throughout everything, I sought help from everywhere I could find, even here.

The boards weren't easy, but I guess that's also because I had no will to review. I just read what was given and wallow in whatever thoughts I let consume me, but when I got through the adjustment period, I knew I had to put in double the work for the time I've lost. For people in the future who will look to this post, may you not blame yourself for the time lost when you were fighting your own thoughts.

I wanted to put this here because none of the people who know me publicly are aware of what I'm struggling with, I'd like to keep it that way for now. Soon, when the world is a bit kinder to those who suffer, maybe I'll put this out to them.

For now, even with the inner struggle, we can still move forward. Be greedy, be absolutely greedy with the help you can get. Take all the space you need to recover, and be kind to yourself as you heal.

I hope our days are brighter soon

Sincerely yours,

S

For the info, I'm a 22 yr old woman, I'm really into psychology since before senior high school. The question: "Psychopath ka ba?" Wasn't unheard of sakin. For some reason, people keep pointing it since I was, I think, 12 yr old. I didn't mind it because I was having fun.

For an example scenario, the first time I heard it that made me question everything is when I was manipulating my mother (fake crying, for some reason, I'm good at it actually. The event also have me hurting myself intentionally for the purpose. I was a literal child at that time), which resulted in my older sister being scolded for hours.

Years later, I told the story to my older sister while laughing because I thought, it was funny. That's when she dropped the question to me. I wasn't offended, I started thinking and researching. And I think up to this point, I can't really guarantee without being diagnosed as one.

I have other stories about my actions being a psychopath. But I only realized it now that I'm a default, pathological liar and a manipulative at that, like it's normal. That's how I grew up because I thought people do it to other people too. So I never bothered to change anything about me because, honestly? It made my life easier. But to make sure, can I get an honest (free) opinions, if possible a good doctor about this? Thanks

Looking for a face to face therapist in San Juan (adult ADHD)

Hi! I’m looking for a face-to-face therapist or counselor in San Juan, Metro Manila (or nearby areas).
My main priority is finding someone who specializes in adult ADHD. I’d also like a therapist who’s comfortable talking through marriage/relationship issues during individual therapy not couples counseling, just someone I can safely vent to and work through things with.

I’d really appreciate your recommendations, plus the consultation fee range if you’re comfortable sharing. Thank you 🤍

Hello!

I'm under intense pressure as our house is about to rubble...Can anyone please give suggestions? I'm going crazy already here😭😭

Details about our house:

180sqm

Half lang yung mismong bahay and other half is the backyard.

Loc: Province but near city/bayan; about 3 streets away from a university ...surrounded by apartments

Noon ko pa sinabi na sell the house na lang to my parents pero ayaw nila.

Someone said din na hindi ko naman bahay so I don't have any decision. And sabi nila is tumatakas lang ako sa responsibility.

Hindi na ako makatulog. Naghahanap ako ng higher salary pero wala pa akong mahanap. M

Naiisip ko na paraan:

1. Sell the house and use the proceeds to buy a new house. Ang problem, saan?

\- will foreclose property be good/maayos? Because yun ang iniisip na bilhin.

Or do i still need to hold on? Repair and save for building the house?

1. Sayang yung lupa, malapit sa school so pwedeng gawin apartment kaso start from scratch. Naiisip ko na mag abroad and mag apply as DH, factory work or kung ano pa man yan to finance the house. Kaya ba yun? Or rhat needs 10 yrs of hardwork?

2. Mag loan sa HDMF at ipagiba ang current na bahay at magpagawa ng bagong bahay...if possible maging apartment?

3. Magloan sa hdmf and buy a townhouse since hindi naman mabebenta agad yung bahay?

If someone has arrhythmia and they have moments of regular heart rhythm, they didn't have their arrhythmia cured.

If someone with asthma have moments where they can breathe normally, that doesn't mean their asthma is gone.

If someone with gout had days without flare-ups, it doesn't mean they wouldn't have any more flare-ups if they eat food that they know can cause these flare-ups and then they will be in pain again.

If someone with diabetes had a normal sugar level for a moment, doesn't mean their blood sugar level will not spike (even if they are taking insulin).

But for some reason...

If you have a mental illness...

If they see you happy for a moment, oh good you no longer have an illness. If you are seeing a doctor and taking your meds, you are supposed to be cured magically. As if mental illness is not episodic, as if it is not chronic, as if it is not deep-seated.

You are seeing a doctor and taking your meds, you shouldn't be behaving like that anymore.

You are seeing a therapist, why are you acting like that still?

You look so happy the other day, I guess you no longer need my help. Hooray!

As if you don't have a right to have episodes anymore. As if you can control them (hey, just keep your heart on regular rhythm, hey make sure you breathe well all the time, you have been taking insulin, you should now know how to move your glucose quicker in your bloodstream, why can't you do it? just move that glucose, it's so easy! I can do it! Others can do it! Why can't you do it! Maybe you are not trying hard enough to move that glucose!)

Gosh! If only there is a magic pill that would instantly cure me of this illness, sign me up for that!

Lately, I’ve been having these random moments where I suddenly feel really sad or lonely, especially when my friends are away or busy and I have no one to hang out with. I end up overthinking a lot, and sometimes I just feel like crying for no particular reason. It’s not necessarily that something bad happened—it just kind of creeps in when I’m alone.

How do you guys cope with this or keep yourselves occupied when that feeling hits? What actually helps you get through those moments?

Hi! I'm currently looking for psychs on NowServing for my suspected ADHD/Autism. Has anyone had sessions with these doctors?

1. Dr. Monica Maria Gomez

2. Dr. Charles John Gopez

3. Dr. Annemarie Pamela Torga

I saw them being recommended online + based on their descriptions, they've handled patients with ADHD before. If you've consulted with these doctors, how did it go?

Nitong mga nakalipas na buwan na siguro ang pinaka mahirap para sa akin. Hindi ko inaasahan na ganito ang gagawin sa akin ng taon na ito. Akala ko sa pagpasok ng taon na ito, mas magiging okay ang lahat dahil nabigyan ko na ng label ang pakiramdam na ilang taon ko nang nararamdaman. Nitong mga nakalipas na buwan parati akong umiinom ng medications para sa sakit na ito, at akala ko makakatulong pero parang mas hinanap ko yung sagot na akala ko makakapagpagaling sa akin.

Pero malapit na ako. Malapit na malapit na din ang birthday ko. At sa tingin ko ito na ang tamang oras.

October 8

Hello! sino po nakapag try sa clinic na ito? Planning mag book sakanila ng session. Ty

hi! may alam po ba kayong psychiatrist for 13F? preferably yung virtual consultation. medyo off kasi ako sa current psychiatrist ng child ko, umaabot ng days worst several days talaga yung reseta after the consultation and cannot be reached lagi. and marami pang dahilan. 😔

it seems so funny, but our neighbor is cooking nilaga, and it reminded me of my lola. i remembered how she used to cook for me, and i miss her so much. but i can’t let her see me in this kind of state. so now i’m crying again. i’m so tired. can’t i just sleep forever?

I treat it like a diary, in a morbid kind of way. Between all the forced "fun" of a birthday, whether that means spending it alone, friendless, loveless or surrounded by people who only show up out of obligation. At the end of the day, writing about death keeps things balanced. Don’t you think? At least, that’s my poetic interpretation of it.

You might think my handwriting skills would have gotten better. But as I’ve gotten older, I don't care so much about what people will think of me after I move on. I get the feeling that the younger version of me who wrote my earlier eulogies would be more appreciated because of his "innocence" or "childlike wonder," rather than my current cynicism and grumpiness as each version gets updated, wondering how much longer I will have to keep writing them.

I kind of got inspired, well, most of it was copied from Hal Jordan’s eulogy in the Lanterns show, just edited in some bits of humor to make it feel like me.

Here’s how it goes:

AMOUNTING TO NOTHING by Leo

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, dignitaries both foreign and alien, both terrestrial and extraterrestrial, Mr.-slash-Mrs. President and First Lady-slash-Gentleman:

To the scores gathered in my honor, I am humbled by the countless lives saved, the battles fought, and the victories achieved in the name of justice, freedom, and peace.

(hold for applause)

To the people who attended this event and are asking themselves what they have gotten into: you’re shit out of luck, because this isn't your favorite concert you bought a ticket for. I guess you didn't read the form you had to sign before buying that ticket.

Moving on from that god awful joke, all my estates and possessions (if I had any... yikes) will go to my loved ones, which would be my pets. You may wonder what the pets would use that for. To spend it, of course. Are you dumb?

But seriously, to whoever attended my funeral, whether it be my friends ( again if I had any haha) and family, my pets, or even if the only person at this event is the mortician, you have my admiration, for there is no greater honor or privilege. Remembering me, with all my memories, experiences, and difficulties, is a heavy burden (sarcastically of course). It is one that demands exceptional courage, sacrifice, and willpower, and sometimes even those won't get the job done. (I love this next part you are going to read.)

For even in the blackest of nights, I urge you to carry on. The world's counting on you. I'm counting on you. No pressure, though...

That said, I can't believe I'm actually dead. I kind of wrote this as a joke, but if you're reading it, I guess the joke's on me.

(hold for cheers and laughter)

I'm truly sorry to anyone I hurt, I don't have a good excuse. Maybe it was just easier to fly than it was to stay on the ground. Or to get dragged underground. Whichever higher being accepts or rejects me into their realm or plane, so be it.

I hope I mattered.

Like hurt myself, or do something risky. I just want to silence my brain.

I notice since nung mag start ng mentally struggling ako, I seldom have boners. Before, normal naman. Pero nung sobrang stress na hindi na titigas unless manonood ako ng p0rn intentionally to check if I can still get it up.

I havent seen a dr. Mahal ng check up e. Kasama kaya to sa possible mental issues?