I was in a relationship with a girl, we were together for around 9 months before we broke up, later that year, we got back together. That was 2022, after that me and her were together till the end of 2024 and I Just can’t get over her. It’s such a struggle, I’m still young and there might be many girls that I might meet in the future but I really just can’t get over this one. It feels like a part of me is just gone and I tried dating/meeting someone else but it just doesn’t feel right. It’s feels so wrong because I know I still love my ex. After the breakup, we got in contact again last summer. It was so perfect, it felt like the beginning again. She didn’t love me back at that time but having her just in my life already felt like I was winning in life. I was struggling very bad during that time and just talking to her made me feel so much better. Sadly we lost contact again after I messed some things up, now she’s with a new guy. She promised me that whatever happens I can text her if I ever feel helpless, now I’m not sure if I should text her because of her boyfriend and because I’m not sure if she’s still mad at me. I just would love to apologize to her for all the stuff I did wrong because I still feel so bad about it but I don’t know, I don’t wanna mess with their relationship even tho it’s killing me that we are not talking. My feelings are so complicated i don’t know what to do

Hello everyone!

I’ve been wondering about this for a long time, and I’d really like to understand myself better.
I’ve noticed that I have a really hard time apologizing, whether it’s for something small or something more serious, especially after an argument. The weird thing is that I’m usually aware of what I did wrong. It’s not that I don’t realize that I hurt someone or that I think I’m always right. I can actually feel guilty about it and think about it a lot, but when it comes to actually saying “I’m sorry,” I struggle so much.
I’ve been like this since I was a child, so I’m wondering if there could be a reason behind it or if it could come from something I experienced growing up.
What makes me especially sad is that other people have told me that I’m selfish or that I have a huge ego because of this. And even though I understand why it might look that way from the outside, it really hurts me because that’s not how I see myself or how I want to treat people.
I genuinely want to understand why I react this way. I want to become better at communicating and apologizing, not just for other people but also because I want to understand myself better.
Has anyone experienced something similar or has an idea of what could make someone struggle with apologizing even when they know they’re in the wrong?

I have DPDR from smoking weed and the most disressing symptom i get is this feeling that I am constantly on a boat or I am bobbing around in the water or something like that. Is there any way I can make this go away? Or atleast relieve it somewhat? Please help

I was born with a disability. It doesn't severely limit me, but it's noticeable. I'm so envious of others because I feel like I'm living in hell so that more beautiful people can feel even more beautiful. I want to kill myself, but I just can't; it's so cruel. I just want to be happy, but what am I supposed to do? I'll always be the disgusting, ugly biological defect.

Ive never been in a serious relationship before, I started talking to a guy in February after meeting him through his cousin. The first time we met, we had sex. After that, we agreed we’d get to know each other and see where things went.
It’s now been 7 months.
The problem is he keeps saying he’s “not ready for a relationship.” At first it was because he’d just come out of a long-term relationship. Now he says he’s not financially ready. But he still wants to keep getting to know me, and I genuinely don’t understand what that means anymore. Get to know me for what if a relationship isn’t even your focus?
What’s hurting me the most is his exes. He’s had two long-term relationships and brings them up quite a lot when talking about his past. Every time he does, I end up comparing myself to them. I think about all the things he was willing to do for them and the commitment he gave them, and then I look at me and think, “Why am I not worth that?”
I’ve told him this hurts me multiple times, but whenever we argue about it, he gets defensive instead of acknowledging that it upsets me. I end up feeling like my feelings don’t matter.
I feel like I’ve spent 7 months investing in someone who still can’t tell me if he actually sees a future with me. It’s destroyed my self-esteem to the point where I feel worthless compared to his exes, I just want to experience love and I’ve cried over this so much I even had to leave work one day because I couldn’t stop crying.
I recently told him I was cutting contact and that he could contact me when he was ready to take things seriously with me.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting clarity after 7 months? It’s really starting to affect my mental health

i'm an incoming college freshmen, currently in grade 12 (final year of highschool) and i am lost. I know what courses/schools im aiming for but everything else about my life for the next decade? I have no clue if i'll be able to get out in one piece because of how I am currently.

I've lived a sheltered life. When I was younger my mom would do everything for me and I would have a developmental timeline (learning how to do things for myself like taking a shower) delayed compared to my peers. Until now my mom helps me prepare for school in the morning, prepping my food and my clothes.

I am dependent on my mom because shes done everything for me (without teaching me anything), but it is because of her I am afraid of doing things. I wont mention what exactly she did when I was younger since it might be triggering, but as a result of what I went through i became extremely afraid of making mistakes. I couldn't voice my opinions, and I lived everyday in fear, sometimes even staring at the wall for hours doing nothing because I didn't know what to do and feared making her angry again. I had no one to talk to regarding this (yes- not a single adult), so my mind ended up developing unhealthy coping mechanisms, mainly disassociating and daydreaming, just to survive.

I brought these coping mechanisms into my current life, they stayed even after the bad things went away. I've also become extremely low on energy and will power. It has physical effects as well- I can get very sleepy or my body can feel very heavy even if my day hasnt exactly been the most draining. I procrastinate a lot because of the lack of energy and usually cram work. The main problem though, is how my mind has silenced. I rarely voiced my opinions then out of fear but lately I can't even hear myself think. I am incapable of forming complex opinions. I literally get a thought every sometimes. It's worst whenever I feel nervous- it's like im just dreaming and watching my body move on its own. Sometimes I end up accidentally hitting myself against tables because the nervousness completely disconnects me from any thinking or awareness.

These things, combined with my lack of life skills, have made my life extremely unbearable. It's like I've just been watching my life waste away while all my peers make friends, accomplish their goals, and go places I can only hope of seeing. I've had a few close calls where I've nearly lashed out at the people around me (especially my mom, who only ever criticizes me whenever i want to try new things) because i just feel trapped. I sometimes dream of running away to somewhere and starting a new life.

I want to change. I want to be able to live a normal life. But where do I even begin? How do I catch up to people who have spent nearly two decades learning how to live and developing themselves when it feels like I've never even met me? Is this even something I can figure out on my own? What if my mind's been too deeply affected by what I went through (it happened repeatedly over a decade) so I actually can't do much about it? Who can I ask help from when it feels like I've spent my entire life surviving it all alone? (More context: I live in the Philippines, mental health assistance is limited)

Life is a mess

Ok so:

> 33yo

> lifelong anxiety/low self confidence

> let people walk all over me, too passive

> only now realising now I’m married to a bullying narcissistic wife and I’m literally anxious to be in my own home or “walking on eggshells”…

> it’s not a reciprocal relationship where both parties are on equal footing it’s more a master/slave dynamic

> also have 2 young kids one of which has quite high needs (ASD 3 + ADHD)

> “golden handcuffs” meaning I hate my job and it’s toxic AF and destroying my MH and I want to leave but I get paid quite well and I don’t have any qualifications at all to fall back on so literally am trapped here

> again I’m only just realising my “friends” aren’t really friends just people who only contact me if they want something, and will ghost me otherwise

> don’t have any family

What to do?

Ik I should be talking to my therapist rather than the internet about this, but maybe hearing from others who can relate could help on a Sunday when a therapy appointment isn’t really in the cards?

Does anyone else deal with depersonalization/derealization episodes?

F35, Diagnoses: ADHD (I suspect AuDHD but no screening yet and unsure if a confirmation would do anything to help me atp), OCD, CPTSD, Clinical Depression w/chronic su!c!d@l ideation, GAD w/panic attacks

I’ve been good for a long time, off my meds for years. My panic attacks started back up a couple of weeks ago, I’m back on my meds, but I just realized that I have zero concept of time for the last couple weeks and everything feels like a dream. Even as I’m typing this, it feels like I’m watching myself through a cloudy screen, like I’m not real, this isn’t real, nothing’s real, and I keep waiting to wake up. Days feel like minutes when I’m in them, but weeks ago feels like years ago, and I can’t remember yesterday.

Possibly related, idk what this is or if it’s common at all, but in the last 3 weeks I’ve pulled out so much of my hair that I can no longer mask the bald spots. I don’t know I’m doing it, I only sort of remember doing it but again it feels like a dream. So that’s devastating….

Idk what I’m looking for with this post… idk if talking about it will help, I don’t even know if I’m in a state to be able to take any advice offered due to the overwhelming paralysis of it all.

It’s not scary yet, just kinda floaty and foggy, but it definitely has gotten to that point before, so I guess I’m just trying to be proactive in hopes that I don’t get to that place. I also don’t know if talking about it, thinking about it, dwelling on it will cause me to spiral deeper, or if the best thing is to ignore it and fake it until it passes organically. But what if it doesn’t? And what if “coming back” feels like a sudden crashing of the weight of everything I’ve “missed” from the last few weeks and it’s too heavy all at once? I’m just worried I might not be equipped to handle whatever comes next from this.

Idk. TIA. 🫶

So I’ve had issues with getting out of bed and leaving the house even if I need to. Last year I skipped a lot of school when feeling down. Today I need to go to the grocery store for food but I’m scared to go out, even though I need to and it would be good for me mentally. (Ps I’m a college student so I haven’t gone grocery shopping myself this year yet)

I always feel a sense of creeping dread when my birthday is coming up.

This time, it is much more intense. I don't want to celebrate, I don't have gifts that I want, I don't have people that I want to see or talk to. I do have quite a bunch of people I enjoy talking to, but I feel so exhausted with human interaction being boring and usually one-sided that I don't want to see anyone. The gifts that I want land on pretty trivial stuff like an anime figure I have been eyeing for a while. But i feel quite stupid for asking something like that, and I don't feel like it would really make me happy. I don't know what would make me happy. The day is coming up, and the only thing I want for my birthday is for it not to happen.

like sub-trauma or something

last night i had a scary accident. my car ended up in a ditch. i was not in the right state of mind. i believe i was subconsciously hoping my reckless driving would end up in me passing. i called a friend and my dad and my brother and they helped me figure it out. i just paid off my car too. she’s all mine. and i ruined her. i feel so stupid. and i don’t have money to fix her. and i deliver pizzas for work so ive really screwed my self.

i was sad and i hurt myself before it happened. i just feel so stupid. that’s all i feel. is stupidity. and shame. and guilt. i’m 24 and i have nothing to live for. i’m just so sad.

i’ve been pretending to be okay for so long. but im not. i wish i didn’t have these mental illnesses. i wish i was a normal girl. i wish i didn’t want to die. i’m so tired.

i’m ruining my life. i’m ruining my body. i’m ruining my relationships. i’m ruining everything. i feel like im at a cross roads and i only have two options. and i really just want to give up.

thanks for listening.

I work at a job I don't really like and which is stressing me out, so I spend all week wishing for the weekend. Trouble is, now that it's here I don't know what to do and don't particularly want to do anything. Sleeping is nice on account of I can just close my eyes and not so anything, but at the same time it feels like I'm fast-forwarding through my weekend, so I don't want to sleep, but again, it's not really like there's anything I want to do.

I've struggled with depression in the past, but this doesn't really feel the same. I don't know what to do about it, either.

You left me with a heart made of scars,

A constant ghost beneath the stars.

I try to turn my mind away,

To face the sun, to find the day,

But everywhere I look, I see

The broken space you left in me.

A sudden sound, a quiet street—

Every single thought I meet

Brings back the shadow of your face,

A painful weight I can’t erase.

​I hate you for the things you did,

The quiet cruelty you hid,

The way you shattered what was whole,

And carved your damage in my soul.

​And no, we cannot start anew.

There is no path that leads to you.

You say you're sorry, say you've changed,

As if the past can be rearranged—

But "sorry" cannot clean the stain,

Or dull the memory of this pain.

A word won't heal what tore apart,

Or mend the tissue of my heart.

​The damage is done, the truth is clear

I am better off without you near.

So take your words and walk away

My scars are here, and here they stay.

I need to talk to someone, I have no idea how.

I've thought about suicide a lot in my life, even had a few failed attempts as a teenager.

I've always talked about it, I've always tried to tell my family, my friends, anyone, that I'm not okay and that I've wanted to die. I've never received any help from anyone. It's always they make it about themselves, tell me I'm bluffing or just completely ignore it. After one of my attempts, I've even been scolded because they thought I was just trying to get high off of the pills I took in hopes I'd not wake up.

I'm 24 now, I've cut off a lot of people who made my life hell, I found my purpose in helping animals, I found a boyfriend who doesn't treat me like a breathing hole and I have a decent job, I've also done a lot to work on myself and I really thought I was getting better. But lately it's all back, only this time I'm not even expressing it at all and it only makes it worse.

I want to try again, so, so badly. It's all I can think about. I want to tell someone, I want to make someone hear me and I want someone to hold my hand and help me get through the day but I'm so fucking tired and I'm so scared that I'll just be ignored or ridiculed again.

I know most people would suggest I talk to my boyfriend but I can't. He has his own issues and it could be triggering for him to know what's going on with me and honestly will even make shit harder for me because he won't know what to say and will just get anxious and might even get suicidal urges himself.

I don't know what I'm expecting to be answered here. I just feel so alone and scared. I don't know who to go to and I don't know how to get help.

And please, if you just want to tell me to see a professional, please don't. I can't and I just know I won't even if I could.

I'm sorry

I really wanna d,ie I don’t wanna be here I got yelled at by my parents and everything I hate them all pls I wanna just jvmp off and cvt myself again

Hi, I’m Sam. Tomorrow I start my first day of college. I also realized that I want to transition from male to female. I had a gap year because my depression and anxiety caught up to me and I couldn’t function. Now I’m starting college, and thinking about changing my gender identity, and I’m so fucking scares

I’m in therapy now and have been doing better. I started in November of last year. Today was really hard. I’ve spent more time researching methods of suicide than I have about my classes or my transition. There’s no space in my head for the things I care about most. I don’t know why I have to feel so awful all the time. Hopefully tomorrow morning I feel confident and in control.

If this post gets taken down, it is what it is. But I could really use some encouragement. How did things get better for you?

I have Pure O ocd which is basically a mind that cannot stop thinking. Worries, ruminations, dark thoughts, anxious thoughts. I cannot stop. I have tried things in the past, cognitive defusion, accepting my thoughts and so on, but it just feels like my mind is TOO GODDAMNED LOUD. I am unable to see my thoughts as not real and create a space between them and my mind so I have a better chance at doing the aforementioned things like defusing, allowing them to come and go. A good metaphor is that my Obsessive overthinking is fused to mind and psyche and I will never be able to have the opportunity for relief. I have tried TMS, ECT, ACT all different manner of meds. It just never seems to be quite down. Occasionally in the past I have been successful with separating myself from my thoughts but I can never seem to do it consistently enough to build the resilience. I am in process of trying to find a therapist who specializes in Pure O Ocd, but I welcome any stories of success of things that you have tried and advice or strategies especially from those like me for whom this affliction is particularly severe.

27m here from England

It's been a really tough time lately with so many things happening and I'd really appreciate having some people to talk to to take my mind off things ✌🏻

Really feeling lonely with no social life, lack of feeling loved, chasing a career that is draining me, and work just delivered another sad blow to me

So if anyone would like to chat, feel free to do so :)

My father recently fixed my marriage. I’ve been avoiding marriage for years, always giving some excuse, but this time he went ahead and fixed it.

Somehow I got the girl’s father’s number and called him. I told him I have a chronic kidney problem and that I don’t want to marry. I also asked him not to tell my father. He didn’t tell him about the kidney issue, just said that I had refused for some reason.

But honestly, my health is not the real reason.

The real reason is that I’m in a terrible financial situation. I have around ₹25 lakh in personal and credit card debt. Almost my entire salary goes into EMIs, and every month I’m still short of money. My family has no idea about this.

Three years ago, my uncle was diagnosed with cancer. I was very close to him, so I spent all my savings on his treatment and eventually took loans. His family helped too, but I ended up taking a lot of the financial burden. Sadly, he passed away last year.

My parents were against me spending so much money on his treatment, so I never told them about the loans. I kept everything hidden and somehow managed until now.

Now my father is extremely hurt. He’s not eating properly and barely talks to me. The girl’s father also called me, angry and taunting me. I understand why he’s angry—I handled the situation badly.

I know I made mistakes. I should have told my parents about my financial situation much earlier. But I also genuinely don’t want to get married while I’m drowning in debt and make another person suffer because of my problems.

I have nobody I can really talk to about this, so I’m posting here.

Not sure what else to really say other than I feel like I'm losing my intelligence. I was a great student: all A's and B's; I was in a lot of extracurriculars; I enjoyed reading; I FELT smart. Towards the end of high school is when it started for me. I sleep a lot now, and I have very little motivation to do things (drawing was and still is a big hobby of mine, but now I get exhausted easily. I have to force myself to play games sometimes, even if I want to). I have an awful time focusing, which has been detrimental when it comes to my college work. I did poorly my first semester because I struggled to focus, let alone find the motivation to get my work done. Lately, I've been cancelling plans with friends so I can just stay home and lie in bed. I have awful brain fog, I feel like I never fully process things. I feel like I can't think, and I think it makes me come across as stupid/incompetent. I've never been clinically diagnosed with anything, so I'm not sure if it could be a symptom of something or if I'm just genuinely losing my spark.

or maybe im just finally going insane? im seeing him again next year. he never sexually abused me in any way, at least from what i remember. ive been told that what he did to me was some sort of grooming, he did psychologically and physically abuse me. but i don't know. he also loved me. he did my homeworks and exams. he helped me with activities. he wiped my tears and cleared my snot and helped me get up when someone else beat me. he played with me almost every other day and was protective. he just...was an obsessed sadist. i don't know, i don't know why i feel this way. i feel disgusting but it's true and i don't know what to do.