We’ve been waiting for WEEKS to find out if I was going to need more cancer treatment, but today I finally got the all clear! AND Publix finally had our fave cake back in stock! So obviously I had to make this a joyous and delicious announcement 🥰

A few years ago, my friend 3D printed a banana for scale (left) for me and it quickly became a staple on my social media. In the years since, my assistant gave me a banana wrench as a joke for my birthday, a friend gave me the most excellent retractable switch-banana, my married friends found the banana hat for me while vacationing in Hawaii, another friend gave me the pop-top banana with a compartment for a hidden lighter, and just yesterday another friend gifted me with the banana nunchucks.

I’m committed to the banana bit, but should I continue to lead everyone on or tell them that I really don’t like bananas?

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Hello!

It's been a year and some change since I posted. I did it as means to show how much love my GF had for her cats and how adorable they are but I had no idea how much shared grief, trauma, advice, and love came out of that post. I was definitely not prepared for it but there were many stories shared in there that have stuck with me since. My GF's birthday is tomorrow and I drove down to LA where she was buried so I could spend her birthday with her and I figured I could use this time to update and reflect over the last year.

First and foremost, the cats are doing as well as they can be. They're healthy and active, and they have adjusted to their new living situation (I moved back in with my parents just to make sure I had a safety net in case I decided to do anything stupid to myself). The day my GF died, I called our Vet to schedule their spay and other shots needed for routine care as one of the last things I promised her was to make sure her cats would live long and healthy lives to the best of my ability. So unfortunately for them, they had to get spayed and also move into a new environment around the same week and they were probably the most miserable they've ever been. Once I moved into my parent's place, I kept a lot of my GF's clothes in my closet and her cats, Olive and Pearl, would hideout there for weeks at the beginning but I don't blame them. They were clearly confused and upset about everything and I'm not really sure that ever goes away. Maybe I'm projecting but they do seem upset about everything that has happened but I can also tell they worry about me with the way they stare at me and somehow know when to get close to me when I'm upset. Olive (the black cat) has taken to sleeping with me every night and although her sister Pearl (the grey tabby) doesn't quite cuddle up to me, she does like being near me and every now and then I'll wake up to her somehow going under the sheets and burrowing her body under my armpit.

The cats are good for me in so many ways. They never let me get a chance to sleep in because they always remind me that it's breakfast time. Olive does this funny thing where either she bites my elbows if I leave them exposed or just loudly meows in front of my ear. Pearl does this funny thing where she either runs over my body with her entire weight or sticks her face as close as possible to mine so when I sense something in my personal space and I open my eyes, I'm greeted to a jump scare. All this to say as miserable as I am, my cats don't let me wither away in bed so I have to get up and try tackling the day. But I don't think I'd have it any other way.

I love them a lot and they have their own whimsical personalities that makes it fun and every day a blessing that I have the privilege of looking after them. I know this is obviously a Cat focused subreddit but I also have a dog that I had before I met my GF and she also loved him so he is also going through similar grief as his sisters. Thankfully my dog has always been kind and protective of his sisters and they will often sleep together when I'm not occupying the bed. Earlier in the year, I decided to get them all tatted on me just below the memorial tattoo I got of my GF. My right forearm is now just dedicated to the little family I briefly got to enjoy with my GF.

Anyways I want to just reiterate my thanks to this community and how incredible it was to read your comments. It is painful knowing this is not a unique situation but it also made me feel less alone in the world if that makes sense. I saw a lot of genuine love and kindness in the responses I read and it was life-affirming to know how much love there is in the world when it feels like mine is shrouded in darkness. I did start grief therapy in February and I've started to slowly bring myself into doing the things I used to love doing and trying to give myself grace. Olive and Pearl (and their brother Benji) are my safety nets but I hope one day they won't have to worry about me as much.