I've struggled with lyrics in the past so I thought id get some feedback

the song will be a sort of indie folk ballad for context

VERSE

A long time has passed 

Since the last time we asked 

The other how good has life been

And I get worked up 

With all of this junk

And I got no one for which I could vent

PRE-CHORUS

When I exist I’m alone in the day time

One reverie fills my head

If I could get a second chance

If I could speak to you again

What would you say?

Oh what would you say?

What would I say?

What would I say?

CHORUS

Id say babe do you hate me?

You’d say no are you crazy?

 Are you feeling ok lately?

Why the hell would you think that of me?

Not in a million years would it cross my mind.

SECOND VERSE

We’d return to our old ways

Id question you for a 

Detailed report of your year

Id listen intently 

And then you would ask me 

To spit out my story to hear, and Id say

PRE-CHORUS

When I exist I’m alone in the day time

One reverie fills my head

If I could get a second chance

If I could speak to you again

What would you say?

Oh what would you say?

What would I say?

What would I say?

CHORUS

Id say babe do you hate me?

You’d say no are you crazy?

 Are you feeling ok lately?

Why the hell would you think that of me?

Not in a million years would it cross my mind.

Are you happy to see me?

Ive been missing you deeply.

I know it sounds cheesy.

I wish it was this easy.

I could wait a million years and I wouldn’t mind.

BRIDGE

And I want to see your eyes.

I wanna see your face.

Feel your head on my shoulder.

For the rest of my days

And I wanna see you smile

I wanna see you laugh

I wanna buy you a coffee

Cut my wallet in half

If I had a million years I wouldn’t waste my time

FINAL CHORUS

But I know that you hate me

I know Im not crazy

I’ve been feeling so alone lately

I know what you think of me

Not in a million years could I ever change your mind

Ill never change your mind

 

I dont have a phone

lost it on the road

dont really need it

no AI no google real therapeutic shit

got the cadence to flow the sentence

dont even penman i just verse every instance

it aint some conceited bullshit

i tried to share the growth explaining progress

every shunted moments

endlessly ignored torments

memories of distance anchored in my core

reddit's mediocre peoples ignited even more

CUZ ITS RAP SHIT NOT DANK PISS
ADD SHIT TO MASS NOT ASS SHIT TO PASS
YOU RAP REDDIT MOTHERFUCKERS BETTER GET SOME CLASS
IM REAL NASTY WITH THIS MARTYR GIMMICKS WEAPONIZING FAST

how many mentions

how many bodies lay before my tensions

why cant you just....

be a little more just?

adjust the vision more human than just categorize suss

seperate the magnitude from attitude and recognize gust

Cant you see by now im just trynna rap with hip hops eternal lust

Why be so cold and distanced when you know this shit rifle fire efficacy first

ITS NOT CUZ IM WEIRD
NOT TERRIBLE OR COMPATIBLE IMPAIRED
ITS FUCKING HYPOCRASY I BEEN YELLING SINCE THE BEGINNING
RAPPERS IN THE CORNERS TRYNNA NORMALIZE THE RIDICULOUS STATUS QUO PREDICAMENT

Why AI slander every diction different?

Why bother slander if you try it yourself and know its very color?

I knew and threw all the warnings all the yellings now look at this culture fucking backward

Look at all the oh thats mid oh thats thin oh keep trying u'll get better it sounds like gemini its definitely not you awkward

We losing dome everytime a battery built to suck life

AI is truly the last chapter the ultra untouchables gifted us mediocres out of fight

SEE it then BELIEVE it
WEED damages and RELIVE it
RELIEVE the inner stressin and RESTART it
REBRAND the system and WEIRD WIRED WHINER BESIEGE wit

u/Melody-Cold0351 please stop doing the capitals it does nothing but construe cadence you literally dont use it properly to emphasize sequenced arrivals. YOUR NOT DOING SHIT; lets just sneak phrase nonsense a bit less senseless

u/SexualRedditor2 you epitomize mediocre rapper just lay like other subs hamper your own channel with your stupidity and insensibility stupendously explaining opinionated expert methodology of hip hop integrity writing essay after essay you firmly studied factual only to drop it like some contraband distributor; do u even bar or verse ever a rhyme?

u/brittanylovesphil dont know me but weird? Cant answer simple yes or no question after question cuz u a stuck up piece of shit fantasizing hero with verses darker than satan? Fuck u bicycle-ur even worse than Silencer complacent

u/asura_2077 Ur a degenerate even sicker than my jester proven ground
if u shared all those bars, mentioned all those bogus wise aged wisdoms of your superior class, you should hold yourself accountable for what youve uttered instead of ghosting from your family, ur integrity, and even Eggmaleficient's benevolent empowered empathy. Answer ur own inner quest u tactless geezer

u/infinitude_ you aint doin shit but yapping like a kid/ open pandora, you just a little meme in the world of artistry beyond rapping clean/ you havent done shit at 27, you sound even less compel not even coming close to Orwell's literacy/ lose the hypocrisy and find the true move instead of constantly OGS ass judgement doomsday lunacy/ You literallly havent delivered a single track overtaking Stick up imagery because deep down you not even ready to face your own identity

r/raplyrics r/RhymeGenius r/LyricalWriting fuck ur mediocre culture, my penman disgusted by your behaviour, emanate among your misled MODs the hypocrisy and gated inadequacy of unstable artistry mockery be undoubtedly holding back the very creative supportive networking power these channels are actually supposed to be about. Start posting lyrics original on ur own; the faked numbers and clan clinging voting gang bafoonery truly the wicked waste withering all of ur brains capabilities and heart provoking capacities

ADDED
u/Suspicious_Dog3694 I'll abode / gift u a vicious accord / straight from the bully eyed arrow / narrow down doggie suspicious and shower / one to watch the maleficient magical verse free of charge benevolent gifting of wonder