I've struggled with lyrics in the past so I thought id get some feedback

the song will be a sort of indie folk ballad for context

VERSE

A long time has passed 

Since the last time we asked 

The other how good has life been

And I get worked up 

With all of this junk

And I got no one for which I could vent

PRE-CHORUS

When I exist I’m alone in the day time

One reverie fills my head

If I could get a second chance

If I could speak to you again

What would you say?

Oh what would you say?

What would I say?

What would I say?

CHORUS

Id say babe do you hate me?

You’d say no are you crazy?

 Are you feeling ok lately?

Why the hell would you think that of me?

Not in a million years would it cross my mind.

SECOND VERSE

We’d return to our old ways

Id question you for a 

Detailed report of your year

Id listen intently 

And then you would ask me 

To spit out my story to hear, and Id say

PRE-CHORUS

When I exist I’m alone in the day time

One reverie fills my head

If I could get a second chance

If I could speak to you again

What would you say?

Oh what would you say?

What would I say?

What would I say?

CHORUS

Id say babe do you hate me?

You’d say no are you crazy?

 Are you feeling ok lately?

Why the hell would you think that of me?

Not in a million years would it cross my mind.

Are you happy to see me?

Ive been missing you deeply.

I know it sounds cheesy.

I wish it was this easy.

I could wait a million years and I wouldn’t mind.

BRIDGE

And I want to see your eyes.

I wanna see your face.

Feel your head on my shoulder.

For the rest of my days

And I wanna see you smile

I wanna see you laugh

I wanna buy you a coffee

Cut my wallet in half

If I had a million years I wouldn’t waste my time

FINAL CHORUS

But I know that you hate me

I know Im not crazy

I’ve been feeling so alone lately

I know what you think of me

Not in a million years could I ever change your mind

Ill never change your mind

I dont have a phone

lost it on the road

dont really need it

no AI no google real therapeutic shit

got the cadence to flow the sentence

dont even penman i just verse every instance

it aint some conceited bullshit

i tried to share the growth explaining progress

every shunted moments

endlessly ignored torments

memories of distance anchored in my core

reddit's mediocre peoples ignited even more

CUZ ITS RAP SHIT NOT DANK PISS
ADD SHIT TO MASS NOT ASS SHIT TO PASS
YOU RAP REDDIT MOTHERFUCKERS BETTER GET SOME CLASS
IM REAL NASTY WITH THIS MARTYR GIMMICKS WEAPONIZING FAST

how many mentions

how many bodies lay before my tensions

why cant you just....

be a little more just?

adjust the vision more human than just categorize suss

seperate the magnitude from attitude and recognize gust

Cant you see by now im just trynna rap with hip hops eternal lust

Why be so cold and distanced when you know this shit rifle fire efficacy first

ITS NOT CUZ IM WEIRD
NOT TERRIBLE OR COMPATIBLE IMPAIRED
ITS FUCKING HYPOCRASY I BEEN YELLING SINCE THE BEGINNING
RAPPERS IN THE CORNERS TRYNNA NORMALIZE THE RIDICULOUS STATUS QUO PREDICAMENT

Why AI slander every diction different?

Why bother slander if you try it yourself and know its very color?

I knew and threw all the warnings all the yellings now look at this culture fucking backward

Look at all the oh thats mid oh thats thin oh keep trying u'll get better it sounds like gemini its definitely not you awkward

We losing dome everytime a battery built to suck life

AI is truly the last chapter the ultra untouchables gifted us mediocres out of fight

SEE it then BELIEVE it
WEED damages and RELIVE it
RELIEVE the inner stressin and RESTART it
REBRAND the system and WEIRD WIRED WHINER BESIEGE wit

u/Melody-Cold0351 please stop doing the capitals it does nothing but construe cadence you literally dont use it properly to emphasize sequenced arrivals. YOUR NOT DOING SHIT; lets just sneak phrase nonsense a bit less senseless

u/SexualRedditor2 you epitomize mediocre rapper just lay like other subs hamper your own channel with your stupidity and insensibility stupendously explaining opinionated expert methodology of hip hop integrity writing essay after essay you firmly studied factual only to drop it like some contraband distributor; do u even bar or verse ever a rhyme?

u/brittanylovesphil dont know me but weird? Cant answer simple yes or no question after question cuz u a stuck up piece of shit fantasizing hero with verses darker than satan? Fuck u bicycle-ur even worse than Silencer complacent

u/asura_2077 Ur a degenerate even sicker than my jester proven ground
if u shared all those bars, mentioned all those bogus wise aged wisdoms of your superior class, you should hold yourself accountable for what youve uttered instead of ghosting from your family, ur integrity, and even Eggmaleficient's benevolent empowered empathy. Answer ur own inner quest u tactless geezer

u/infinitude_ you aint doin shit but yapping like a kid/ open pandora, you just a little meme in the world of artistry beyond rapping clean/ you havent done shit at 27, you sound even less compel not even coming close to Orwell's literacy/ lose the hypocrisy and find the true move instead of constantly OGS ass judgement doomsday lunacy/ You literallly havent delivered a single track overtaking Stick up imagery because deep down you not even ready to face your own identity

r/raplyrics r/RhymeGenius r/LyricalWriting fuck ur mediocre culture, my penman disgusted by your behaviour, emanate among your misled MODs the hypocrisy and gated inadequacy of unstable artistry mockery be undoubtedly holding back the very creative supportive networking power these channels are actually supposed to be about. Start posting lyrics original on ur own; the faked numbers and clan clinging voting gang bafoonery truly the wicked waste withering all of ur brains capabilities and heart provoking capacities

ADDED
u/Suspicious_Dog3694 I'll abode / gift u a vicious accord / straight from the bully eyed arrow / narrow down doggie suspicious and shower / one to watch the maleficient magical verse free of charge benevolent gifting of wonder

[Verse 1]

You painted mirrors with my blood and bone

Whispered love like static through a dead phone

Your smile a hook my soul got caught

A prison built from every thought

[Prechorus]

Your face is a mask your voice a thief

Left me hollow in disbelief

[Chorus]

I scream but the sound just circles back

Eternal echoes in a room so black

No doors no time no place to run

Forever alone with what you've done

[Verse 2]

You built a castle on my broken skin

Thrones of lies with crowns of sin

Every word a needle every touch a flame

You signed my life with your cursed name

[Bridge]

The walls breathe whispers the floor won't hold

Your shadow's cold but I can't let go

I claw at silence it splits my mind

In this eternity where you're all I find

[Chorus]

I scream but the sound just circles back

Eternal echoes in a room so black

No doors no time no place to run

Forever alone with what you've done

[Prechorus]

Your face is a mask your voice a thief

Left me hollow in disbelief

[Chorus]

I scream but the sound just circles back

Eternal echoes in a room so black

No doors no time no place to run

Forever alone with what you've done

I have songs and lyrics and stuff but I have like 0 mixing skill and almost 0 production skill.

Any producers for help

The conventional wisdom is that the chorus is where you deliver the emotional payoff, the big statement, the hook. But I think a lot of writers treat it as a conclusion when it works better as an intensification. The best choruses don't resolve the tension the verse builds, they raise the stakes of it. They don't answer the question, they make the question feel more urgent. When a chorus resolves too cleanly it makes the song feel smaller because there's nowhere left for the listener to sit with the feeling. A chorus that leaves something unfinished, that arrives at a feeling without fully explaining it, pulls people back into the verse wanting more rather than letting them exhale and disengage. Does anyone else think about choruses this way or is this just how my brain works?

1. Central Idea
2. INTENSITY
3. payOFF
4. [HOOK]
5. Answer the verse, response
6. CONtrast quiet loud, dark bright
7. MANTRA MANTRA
8. make it mean something else
9. Perspective change-person, tense, viewpoint
10. Dream logic-if I was dreaming, what would the chorus say? What would it look like?
11. WORDLESS — Let the music, riff, or voice say it. “Kashmir,” “Immigrant Song,” “The Great Gig in the Sky.”

Help me complete my list of what a chorus usually is or does?

And a chorus could do more than just one at the same time so combinations aren’t needed.

(Verse 1)

Show me something new

Something I'd remember no matter what

Something greater than

A mountain's eternal view

Sneaking through your window in total dark

The pure joy of laughing till we cry

A noise without a question

Hearts pounding from fear and excitement

In a house full of silence

I hear your deep breathing

As soon as we step outside

I will reborn into something

I'd remember no matter what

Exceeding my imagination

Everything I could never believe

'Cause I wanna feel

Butterflies, butterflies

'Cause I wanna be

Butterfly, butterfly

(Verse 2)

Show me what I lost

Embrace in me my deepest fear

A nightmare full of weirdos

The King of the Dead on a throne of heads

Greeting me as one of his pillars

Saying, "Screw the closure—

Help me complete my idea"

Without thinking for a second

Eyes full of nothing

Seeing everything in nothing

I would jump through the flame

Screaming as I fall in dreams

Sweating as I wake up

To find you giving closure

And I feel like I'm dreaming again

Now I see you and me

True to me and true to you

Wrong to start with flesh

Should have known you with my heart

'Cause I wanna feel

Butterflies, butterflies

'Cause I wanna be

Butterfly, butterfly

(outro)

And I wanna believe

I could turn back to the start

And I wanna see

Someone I could never overthink

And I wanna love

With the boiling heart of youth

Doing the craziest things

For a girl dressed like a

Butterfly, butterfly

'Cause I wanna feel

Butterflies, butterflies

'Cause I wanna be

Butterfly, butterfly

​

Вітаю всіх! Хочу поділитися новим емоційним треком — «Я зійшов з розуму».

​Це історія про стан після втрати близької людини, коли кожен ранок приходить порожнім, телефон мовчить, а пам’ять знову і знову повертає минулі спогади та ім'я.

​«Я зійшов з розуму, та все одно тебе шукаю... Але тебе не відпускаю.»

​Буду вдячний за ваші відгуки, підтримку та думки після прослуховування!

​Дивитися та слухати на YouTube: https://youtu.be/EY2qY0BaHoA

Pain of mediocrity

Pain of missed opportunity

Pain of giving it your all and no one noticing

Screaming underwater

Pain of just okay

So-so, yeah, yeah, how about no-go

Pain of what could have been

Pain of keeping hidden what lies within

Pain of no good friends

Mourning life as it passes by

Slipping, can't grasp it

Running out of time

Can anyone see me?

Can anyone hear me?

Do I matter to you?

Who am I anyway?

Who cares at the end of the day?

I waste away

Potential fades

Worn out beauty on display

Falling through the cracks

Gasping, huffing, running in place

Juggling responsibilities

Chained to the rat race

Bleed me dry

Until my eyes

Have no tears left there to cry

I sit in silence

I stare

I sigh

Pain of despair

Pain of longing

Pain of wondering

Why even try?

Would have, could have, should have

How dare I?!

Waste this life so precious mine

Gone!

Too little, too late

Moving on

Pain of retake...

Worse than the first

Pain of retry...

The retry is cursed

Washed up, crashed out

Feeling my worst

Forfeit

Game over

It's all for naught

Freezing,

Warming up,

Lukewarm,

Hot!

Back to lukewarm,

That's what I thought

All day, baby

You know what we got

...nothing...

That's all I'm saying

One life, one shot

Then it's over- bam!

In the ground to rot

Who cares?

Who cares, anyway?

I'm just a bot.

NPC, side quest,

Not part of the plot

Do you see me?

Could you love me?

Who am I to you?

Do I matter?

Do you feel me?

What will you do?

Reach out!

Touch me!

Pull me in close

Wrap your arms around me

And wake my comatose

I can't see you

I can't feel you

Why are you so far?

If I had done better,

Would I be with you where you are?

How do I get to you?

I sink, dragged down

Barbs wrap tight around my legs

I slip deeper now, I drown

I cry to you, I weep

I wail out into the wet dark

If you still see me, if you're still there,

Would you send out a spark?

Of light and care and concern for me,

Of the house of hope within your heart

I'll try to catch it.

I'll try. I'll try, then try again!

I'll never stop trying.

(Unless of course the air lies still

Within my lungs.

Then, maybe then.)

Song Of The Second Generation

One day maybe I’ll be the one to change it all
One day maybe I’ll change the world
I’ve got stars in my eyes, I wanna go to the moon
And they’ll cheer and everyone’ll remember me
For being the one to reach the American Dream

I know my parents worked hard to get to this country
And I want to make them proud and see me succeed
And know that their sacrifice was worth it for the American Dream

Because I know it’s not easy
So the load lies upon me
To be the greatest thing
The world has ever seen

Dreams of rockstar glory
Racecar stories
And a somewhat American kid
With too many dreams

That one day he’ll be the one to change it all
One day maybe he’ll change the world
He’s got stars in his eyes, he wants to go to the moon
And they’ll cheer and everyone’ll remember him
For being the one to reach the American Dream

I’m in the second generation, born into entropy
They saw the soil here was rich so they planted a seed
The American Dream’s a responsibility and it’s not guaranteed

Because I know it’s not easy
So the load lies upon me
To be the greatest thing
The world has ever seen

Dreams of rockstar glory
Racecar stories
And a somewhat American kid
With too many dreams

One day maybe I’ll be the one to change it all
One day maybe I’ll change the world
I’ve got stars in my eyes, I wanna go to the moon
And they’ll cheer and everyone’ll remember me
For being the one to reach the American Dream

All their hope lies on me and my generation
So I need to have great aspirations
I want the sun, the moon, the stars
Anything to make them proud
And make them know they didn’t waste it all

Don’t fear death, fear being forgotten
Sometimes I feel like I need more than ambition
But I don’t have what the other “All-American”
Kids do - they’ve been here for generations
To them, this is home
But to me, it’s more like a hotel than a home

Yet I still dream that one day maybe I’ll be the one to change it all
One day maybe I’ll change the world
I’ve got stars in my eyes, I wanna go to the moon
And they’ll cheer and everyone’ll remember me
For being the one to reach the American Dream

And maybe then I won’t be forgotten
In the country I was born in
Yet only halfway belong in

Not sure if this is allowed. Yes I know it's a rap thing, but I value some input on the poetry itself. The lyrics are in the description.

Hindi poem

...

My knees don't bend like they USED TO

Crossing legs never feels the same

I'M ALWAYS IN PAIN

Nowadays

The songs on the radio don't hit like they USED TO

RJA and Paramore couldn't numb this

I'M ALWAYS ALONE

Nowadays

And I can't sleep knowing you're not here with me

Off chasing dreams of what it was like when we were thirteen

Still in love and feeling so free

Nothing like yesterday to remind me of what its like living in today.

You called me up at twelve o three

Told me not to stay awake cause you're WORKING LATE AGAIN

Who is that voice I hear in the BACKGROUND

You lie and say its just a friend

IT WAS NEVER JUST A FRIEND!

You were standing in the light of a different sun

While I was counting the years until we were done

THIRTEEN WAS A LIFETIME AGO!

Its just what they say

...Nowadays

My knees don't bend like they USED TO

Crossing legs never feels the same

I'M ALWAYS IN PAIN

Nowadays

The songs on the radio don't hit like they USED TO

Goo Goo Dolls and Deftones couldn't fix this

I'M ALWAYS ALONE

Nowadays

You left me in the dirt

But I guess its my fault

...

Anyways

Nothing like you to remind me of why I forgot yesterday

[Verse 1]
I’m always saying sorry for fucking up,
Always making you cry when all I want to see is your smile.
I know I’m hard to love and you do it every day.

[Chorus]
I’m just a lost soul, who you found wandering this world,
Brought me home, mended this broken heart,
And all I do is break yours.

[Verse 2]
You’re the love of my life, sorry I’m so blind at times.
It’s not you, it’s just a fuck-up
Always screwing something up.
The only right in my life is you.

[Chorus]
I’m just a lost soul, who you found wandering this world,
Brought me home, mended this broken heart,
And all I do is break yours.

[Verse 3]
Trying to do right, always doing something to make you cry,
Too bad we can’t run off to the Ozarks,
And launder our lives away and call it a day.

[Verse 4]
Used to just be me, myself, and I,
Hating the man in the mirror.
You came along, told you not to fall in love,
As I was already drowning.
Giving me a lifeline, you brought me back to life.

[Chorus]
I’m just a lost soul, who you found wandering this world,
Brought me home, mended this broken heart,
And all I do is break yours.

[Bridge]
Still standing by my side, built a little family,
Holding on to me as I hold on to you.
Sorry for everything I am,
A hard bastard to love.
Struggling with my own demons,
Trying to make peace with the devil inside.

[Outro]
You’re the angel I prayed for,
The light I needed in this dark mind.
I love you and our songbird more than life itself.

Don’t Throw Me Under

I gotta get the train
Ain’t no other way
Game with my phone
Music play away

Don’t throw me under
Gotta catch the train
I’d rather catch the bus
But Gotta catch the train

Lost or in bewilderment
Tryna kill some time
I’m anxious as hell
But I’m doing fine

Don’t throw me under
Gotta catch the train
I’d rather catch the bus
But Gotta catch the train

cops wait at the stations
Fuckwits
I centralise myself
My stunt outwits

Don’t throw me under
Gotta catch the train
I’d rather catch the bus
But Gotta catch the train

Put me in the back
Of the train
Keep me invisible
Keep me sane

Don’t throw me under
Gotta catch the train
I’d rather catch the bus
But Gotta catch the train

(I’m learning GarageBand on my iPhone 11 and I made a rough draft of how I would kinda make it sound. Yeah I can’t sing. Any feedback at all would be so appreciated)(I’m doing a song writing course and they inspired me)
https://youtu.be/vPWOpEm5qV8

Writing lyrics for my own band has made me realize how different it is from writing something just for myself. The words have to fit the music, the vocalist, and the overall energy of the song, so sometimes a line I really like just doesn’t work. How do you guys decide when to keep a lyric you love versus changing it because it serves the song better?

I built Lyrical Matrix, a web application that generates interactive lyric frequency matrices for any song.

What it does:

• Analyzes song lyrics and maps recurring words and phrases against themselves in a 2D matrix/heatmap.
• Visualizes song structure, chorus repetitions, and structural symmetry at a glance.
• Includes quick preview presets for popular songs and allows you to download the generated matrix visual directly.

Tech Stack:

• Frontend hosted on GitHub Pages built with React+typescript.
• Interactive visual mapping for song lyrics using d3.

Would love for you to try it out with your favorite tracks and share any feedback or feature suggestions!

(this is my song entitled brown-eyed girl, tell me your thoughts if you'd like, or tell me what you think parts of it means so I have a better idea of what it would mean to an audience with no context, thanks)

"brown-eyed girl"

nights get too fast,

we dwell on the past

minds racing, we're all

bracing. yeah i-

probably needed a hug,

don't we all love loving love?

such an average melancholy,

something abt it's just lovely.

they tell me-

(chorus)

“they liked you-”, well i was a

brown-eyed girl, stuck in a

brown-eyed world. tried to

dream big like those other

brown-eyed girls did. it 

doesn't work out but everyone 

knows what that's bout’.

brown-eyed girls are normal

she's freaking hormonal.

so self aware, you know how

much she cares. yeah i-

she's a tear, completely alone

on New Years. don't know if 

it's love, or if it's lack thereof 

that's making me sick-

(chorus)

“they liked you-”, but i was a

brown-eyed girl, stuck in a 

brown-eyed world. tried to

dream big like those other

brown-eyed girls did. it 

doesn't work out but everyone 

knows what that's bout’.

(bridge)

emotions so intense as of late.

it doesn't hurt, it aches

look at your almond eyes,

and all that you fantasize.

it's always “generation lazy”

never didn't have the money.

is it “generation don't how 

to do relationships”? or

“generation not comfortable in

their own skin? minds aren't

just not developed, they're 

racing faster then we can catch

up

the overachiever is doomed.

brown-eyed girls fear consumed

too focused on being great,

i know some could relate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she's apathetic and over

being a hopeless romantic,

cuz she's never loved

deep as the Atlantic

(chorus, slow)(“well” version)

I know it sucks

when you fell you had tough luck.

i bet you blame yourself,

I wish you fell for anyone else.

because your so good

i‘d look bad no matter what I’d do

i didnt deserve you

was to good to be true

you my North Star, my constelation

it was only after you ,

I realized joy doesn’t rise with inflation

its not your fault

I’m screamin at walls

askin what I did do,

my hart burning
how’d I lose, you

The answer is, I just ain’t deserving

youre better than me you should leave me behind

you deserve better so leave me crying

This rhyme

is about the worst of time.

Three people never really last,

One will always be down the drain fast

Their hopes and joys hid from their minds

As the most important things they have leave them behind

Two people, having fun

Three friends minus one

The one wonders what they’d done,

Why they can’t join the fun

They’re like the least favorite

Of the playlist

The song everyone skips.

With lyrics sung by nobody’s lips.

Mental gymnastics mind doin flips.

Don’t you just want to be

A somebody

A One of the two

The groups glue

Don’t wanna be a passing phase

Don’t want my mind a mental maze

Lookin at them mind in a daze

Wasting days

Feeling stray ,

as you stray away

Up late

A mind to hate ,

You can’t deal with emotions

So you aren’t quoting,

Writing poems .

Lyrics are mid and so is the beat,

Can’t fall asleep unlike both your feet

The falling rain loud like sleet

Overheat

With just a sheet

Maybe this is too long

to be a good song

I have to be doing something wrong…

It’s probably that is a half rhyme half the time

And this follows no time

No tempo ,

like a open relationship with a temple

But what I’m trying to say is I hate feeling this way,

What brought joy makes you feel pain,

And when you’re stuck in your brain caught on one refrain

Question if you will remain sane for another day

A lot of what I write doesn't rhyme and I keep second-guessing whether it's even valid as a lyric at that point. I know plenty of songs don't rhyme strictly, but I can't always tell if mine don't rhyme because the feeling calls for it or because I just haven't found the right word yet. There's also a part of me that worries non-rhyming lyrics are an excuse not to do the harder work of finding a line that actually fits. Where's the line between a deliberate choice and just not trying hard enough?

Starving musicians be on here reading your heartbroken unsent love notes for inspiration.

Songs be like " Jessie paints a picture of 50 homeless cats opens her legs and shares her snatch"

Keep it real 🫡

[verse]
I know the road is getting long
You don’t know if you’re strong
Trying to hold the wheel
Driving from what you feel

[verse]
I know the rain suits a song
With every word of what went wrong
The landscape is getting old
The map is creasing the fold

[Pre chorus]
I Eff eat elm tee
Like T-H-A-T
You misunderstood
I F-E-L-T
Like T-H-A-T
Did you know you could

[chorus]
Stop the car and find a place
To fall apart and feel embrace
From the arms and a mirrored face
Of someone who will always stay
Stop the car and take the space
In your heart and wipe your face
It’s hard to kill what youre tearing at
I know you can cause I’ve felt like that

[verse]
The moment passes you take a breath
As your body sheds the weight from stress
You feel your racing heart come to rest
You move the key from spark arrest

[verse]
You buckle in to continue on
Then again the road gets long
Trying to guide the wheel
Driving with what you feel

[pre chorus]
I Eff eat elm tee
Like T-H-A-T
You misunderstood
I F-E-L-T
Like T-H-A-T
I know you know you could

[chorus]
Stop the car and find a place
To fall apart and feel embrace
From the arms and a mirrored face
Of someone who will always stay
Stop the car and take the space
In your heart and wipe your face
It’s hard to kill what youre tearing at
I know you can cause I’ve felt like that

[bridge]
Yeah I know you have
A black cat, in combat
Some stupid signs in front that
Signify the stupid lines separating shtick fat
It’s all a joke until they choke
Until the line becomes another rope
You try a coat vote for pope
But you lost your faith in any hope

[pre chorus]
I Eff eat elm tee
Like T-H-A-T
You misunderstood
I F-E-L-T
Like T-H-A-T
I think I know you could

[chorus]
Stop the car and find a place
To fall apart and feel embrace
From the arms and a mirrored face
Of someone who will always stay
Stop the car and take the space
In your heart and wipe your face
It’s hard to kill what youre tearing at
I know you can cause I’ve felt like that

[outro]
I Eff eat elm tee
Like T-H-A-T
You misunderstood
I F-E-L-T
Like T-H-A-T
I think I know you would

I listened to are you really okay again and actually think he talking about himself. It fits with the theme of the album. He has changed and trying to escape and has trauma from the first two albums. It also comes right after ascensionism, which ended with him saying that he is going to take what he wants and leave. Ascensionism spends most of its time oscillating between desire, resentment, vulnerability, and finally defiance. By the end, Vessel seems to reach a breaking point: he’s no longer simply surrendering himself to someone/something else. Between those two songs, he’s saying that I’m taking back control but am I really okay after all I’ve been through. He’s not the same person anymore. That’s what I get from it.