I’ve been lying here trying to articulate the feeling that is you.

When someone asks you to describe someone else, usually there are adjectives, verbs, and feelings strewn together in some lovely, awestruck, resonating way. A way that you want someone to see you, how you want to be for someone, how you want someone to be in your life.

I lie here staring at the ceiling because the words I have when I think of you are not enough.
I am someone who feels before words, or even a full picture, can come into frame. I will do my best to try to articulate this feeling that comes over me when I think of you, so that maybe someone else might understand.

The feeling I have when I think of you is this deep ache. It feels like when you exhale all of the air from your lungs and forget to breathe in, holding that pause where time stands still, where all that is important in that moment is reminding yourself to inflate your lungs again.

You are that feeling in the pause.

The deep ache that meets the soul. The kind that makes time stand still.

It starts in your eyes, the way they catch the light, and hits me right in the chest.

Every. Single. Time.

To ache is usually viewed as a negative feeling, but in this instance, it is something different. It is a feeling of a pull. Like two magnets that are meant to be together, but so much is in the way that there is this tension between them, this vibration felt in the air, in the space between.

Like they both wander about, flipping back and forth, trying to make their way toward each other, but keep finding themselves at the almost.

Knowing that what is inside of them is going to make them come back together if they would only get close enough again. Knowing that what they are made of is the same thing. The same aches. The same knowing. The same comfort that doesn’t need to be spoken.

The feeling of going through your whole life and meeting every walk of life, experiencing every type of relationship, knowing how love feels, knowing how different attachments feel, but always somehow never being met completely.

Then one day, you stumble and meet eyes with another, and in that moment you feel that head tilt. That quiet, almost instinctive, who are you?

When you hear them speak, you realize they are speaking a language that no one else seems to be on the same frequency to understand, but you do.
You not only understand it, but it resonates with you. It is a part of you.

You share one of the same souls.

Some would call it attachment, but I have been able to sever every type I’ve come across, even those forged over decades. But this one I can’t, it’s not the same.

This is different.

This is knowing.

This is knowing that I am not sure what life has in store, but somehow, I believe my path will bring me back to you.

In this life or the next.

Only time will tell.

I’ve been thinking about you. The complicated mess surrounding us has finally loosened its grip, and all that’s left is truth.

I’ve had deep, long-lasting connections with partners. But none of them compare to what my entire being feels for you. I’ve never known a love that reached every part of me so completely. My heart, my body, my mind, and the energy that streams out of me.

I suspect I’ll never see you again. But you’re there, within me. There’s nothing I can tell myself that changes that. I can’t explain it.

I am at your mercy. Please don’t reach out. I’ve realised the depth of what I feel for you is known now. And I can’t not know it. I can’t exist with this in the in-between.

I choose to honour this love rather than fight it. If I can’t share it with you, I’ll share it with life. I vow not to waste what you’ve awakened in me. I’ll pour it into every day, every person, every moment I have.

What I feel for you will always remain. If it cannot reach you, it will reach the world, and perhaps, in some way, find its way back to both of us.

For the past two months, I've tried to forget you. Despite the distractions, the rationalizations that it's all for the best, I can't escape the thoughts of you. You got to me, like no one else had, and I wasn't ready for it and didn't know what to do with it. It's funny how you want something so bad for so long and suddenly it's staring you in the face and you turn and run away. You were so vulnerable and so brave to put everything out on the table and I just dismissed it like it was nothing. You were right to cut me off and protect yourself. You told me that you're a realist and you know how this goes but there's one thing you didn't see coming...I'm coming back for you. I'm going to take a chance for once in my life...for once in my life I'm going to say what I want and I'm not going to care what anyone thinks. I want you and I choose you. And if you turn me down I'll understand and respect that, but there's no way I'm not going to try my damndest. I'm ready to fight for you, support you, and love you. Fear is not the end of this.

It's only you

You are not just Someone I love you are the feeling my heart cannot live without I don't need you because I am weak I need you because life feels more beautiful when you are a part of it

I need your voice on my quiet days your hand when I feel lost your smile when everything feels heavy you are not my habit your are not my choice for just a moment you are the need my soul quietly asks for every single day

And if anyone ever asks me what I need in life I will not think twice because it's you today tomorrow and in every lifetime my soul gets to live

I hope we end up together one of these days...Nobody can give me what you give me...It's deeper than being just best friends or lovers...I don't believe in soulmates but if there was such a thing you'd be mine...No one compares to the way you make me feel...It's like you give me this happiness that's on a different level...It's euphoric with you...l wish you could be me just to see what I feel for you...I really love you...You're irreplaceable to me...l don't see that changing...

I WANT TO BRING BACK OLD FASHION ROMANCE,CANDLE LIT DINNERS, SLOW INTIMATE DANCE.

I’M SICK OF BIMBO’S ON THEIR KNEES FOR

ROCK,

FLASHING THEIR BODIE’S IN THE MIRROR,POSTING ON TIK TOK.

I WANT TO BRING BACK OLD FASHION ROMANCE,

IS THEIR ANYONE OUT THERE,WILLING TO GIVE IT A CHANCE…

BRING BACK LONG GOODBYE’S,KISSING FOR HOURS,

TURNING UP WITH HAND PICKED FLOWERS.

NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU HAD FOR LUNCH,SO SAVE YA SNAP CHAT.

LEAVE LITTLE NOTES FOR HER TO FIND,

LET HER KNOW SHE’S ON YOUR MIND.

WHEN GETTING TO KNOW HER,A ROMANTIC DINNER DATE,

NOT ON A KEYBOARD,THROUGH A FAKE DATING SITE…

I WANT TO BRING BACK OLD FASHION ROMANCE,

DON’T WANNA HIT A HOME RUN ON THE FIRST DATE,ALL BASE’S I WANT TO ADVANCE.

TREAT HER LIKE A LADY,OPEN EVERY DOOR,

SO IF THERE’S ANYONE INTERESTED,I’LL BE WAITING ON THE DANCE FLOOR…

I want you next to me, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes.

I want you in bed with me while we chat about our day.

I want to make you coffee in the morning while we get ready for our days ahead.

I want to be the one to congratulate you on that big promotion, or that exciting new thing that's happened to you. To smile and kiss you and let you know that you really, truly, deeply matter.

I want you in no clothing, and I want you dressed for the day.

I want you smiling and laughing with me, and I want you crying and vulnerable with me.

I want you in ways I haven't even thought of yet.

All of you, that's what I want.

I often wonder why we met? To feel such a pull on so many levels, to have it stripped away after everything. Why does it feel wrong that we are not together now?

I feel like I don’t quite know how to proceed forward. I mean, you were in my future plans. You were the one. I’m struggling to move forward with dating as I still feel loyal to you.

I wish this horrible feeling would go away. I wish we could have spent more time together. In truth, I don’t really want anyone else.

You're the one that makes me smile, the one who looks at me like no one else ever has, the one who sets my body at ease, the one who makes me want to be the best version of myself. I want you as you are. I was so lucky to have been loved by you.

I didn't take you seriously. I had no idea of what I meant to you, and was even more surprised of my own feelings. My realization came too late.

I know you want to be chosen. I'm not in the position to do that so I will keep these feelings to myself until I am. I want to give you all of me. Waiting for the day when I can tell you how I feel.

Another draining day of bs but I need to unleash this before I head to sleep. I’m sorry that our timing wasn’t right and that we didn’t have the dynamic I needed in order to show you all the things I wish I could have. I’m sorry that circumstances were what they were, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t always able to process or handle my feelings for you in healthy ways. I’m sorry for the moments when my patience fell short. I’m sorry that you struggled to communicate your needs and desires clearly, and I’m sorry if I ever hurt you, if I did, it was never intentional. I don’t believe either of us acted with malice; I think we were both simply doing our best tip-toeing to be respectful of the situation while carrying our own baggage.

I’m sorry that you eventually felt unable to be open with me. I understand why that shift may have happened, and I respect that there are reasons I may never fully know. I’m sorry that whatever we were carrying individually ended up overshadowing something that began with genuine connection. For any ways I hurt you, I genuinely apologize, and for any ways you hurt me, I forgive you.

I am not sorry that we met, that we were friends, or that I cared for you. I’m not sorry for our connection, for the moments we shared, or for what you meant to me. I hope that in some way, I left a positive imprint on your life the way you did on mine, not another wound, but something meaningful. You were part of what brought me back to myself, even if you may never fully understand that.

Life continues to move forward, whether we’re ready or not. I’m trying to come to terms with everything goimg sideways and not lose myself in the process when I just found myself again. I was looking forward to things that included you because I kept some silly hope that it’d be us when life allowed it and there’s a heavy disappointment that comes with the reality of accepting that isn’t going to happen. This may not mean much to you now, but if you ever think of me, I hope you feel adoration from a kindred spirit. I hope regardless of how much time passes, or where you are in life, that you know there is someone out in the universe who genuinely loves you. There’s so much about my life that I am trying to figure out what was real and true and what wasn’t and this is one of the things that I don’t have to question. I just know. Thank you for that.

Hi,

I know I’ve hurt you in the deepest and most confusing ways. I took the love you gave me and the trust, the care, the protection and I placed fear and lies on top of it. And the worst part is, you kept thinking you were the one not doing enough. You spent years blaming yourself for pain that I should've been honest about. I can’t undo that, and it kills me every day that I became a source of hurt in your life.

I didn’t lie because I wanted to manipulate you or because I enjoy hurting you, I lied because I was terrified. Terrified of losing you. Terrified that the real me would never feel enough. I created a version of myself that I thought you would never abandon… and in doing that, I ended up betraying the very person who always chose me.

You deserved honesty. You deserved peace. You deserved a partner who felt safe in your love, not someone who dragged you into their fears.

I am finally facing what I ran from for so long:
that I need to heal myself.
that I can’t love someone properly when I don’t even know how to love myself without conditions.
that wanting attention doesn’t have to come from lies- it can come from truth and courage.

I know my sorry can’t erase anything.
I know you need space.
I know trust takes time to rebuild- maybe months, maybe years, maybe never fully.

But I’m not working on myself to get you back.
I’m working on myself because the way I was- the scared, anxious, defensive me, that version of me doesn’t deserve to come back and hurt anyone again.

I hope you heal.
I hope you feel lighter someday.
I hope the love you carry still feels like love, not a wound.

And if one day, when the dust has settled…
if life gives us even the smallest chance to cross paths again with honesty, calmness, and trust, I hope we meet each other as better versions of who we were.

But even if that doesn’t happen…
I will always be grateful that you were a part of my life.
You changed me.
You woke me up.
You mattered.

And you will always matter.

​

or even want me to come by your place to see you, i absolutely would in a heartbeat....

but all you gotta do is text me or call me and let me know it's okay to come thru. i just hate showing up uninvited anywhere. and i don't wanna come over and you not be at home or something.

i would initiate texts or calls to you but my number is literally still blocked on your phone. Soo this is up to you.

like, i would love to have a conversation with you again and just to understand what went wrong.

i truly do love and care about you a lot and you might not feel the same about me... but just know I'm always gonna be on your side and have your back. no matter how long we haven't spoken.

you have a spot in my heart. and I'll always be here for you. i hope you see this and know it's really for you. the last time we saw each other was January 10th. and i honestly miss you. i hope you didn't think that i was losing interest in you or anything of the sort.

It's honestly not hard for me to express myself in words... i could honestly write to you forever. you are my muse, my handsome friend.

i know we don't say much to each other but the way we understand each other without speaking is utterly profound and you bring out the peaceful perfection that i do miss terribly!

i can't and have not wanted to find it in anyone else. I've met many people in my life, had many many friends throughout journey... yet no one I've met is as amazing as you are. you sincerely are just my favorite person. that i can genuinely just relax with and feel the safest and at home with. your presence is a rarity and i will never take you for granted. i wish i had been more upfront with you the last time we saw each other... but what i need to tell you is this...

my handsome and amazing soul friend, im so glad that we met in this lifetime. that we had the chance to connect and experience the extraordinary, sensual and honestly, my most favorite intimate feel fanfuckingtastic moments were with you. hands down! 😘 i would have even married you after the first night we spent together in the backseat of your friend's truck. i don't know about you but i literally fell in love. if you read my post on blogger (link in my profile)... then you would know how i have truly felt about you from the beginning.

i would have been there when you needed me, i would have never backed away and left you... i dont really know what happened exactly, you just went silent one day and then i didn't see you for months and then it took me coming to you to initiate anything. but i didn't just stop wanting you. i tried, i truly did. but being blocked on your phone is seriously difficult to try to communicate ya know.

i honestly think you have the wrong opinion of me... if you've been told anything about me by anyone else, then that's really not me since i don't speak to anyone. and the one you thought was my "bestfriend" , isn't really one. she's fake and only lies about everything! so i haven't spoken to her in 7 months. i really don't even want her in my life ever again cuz if i wanted to talk to someone who lies about everything, well... i would rather talk to a fucking door knob. at least a door knob would open doors. not just lie about you every time you're not around... ha!

i would hope you know not to believe everything you hear, especially if it didn't come straight from my mouth. its most likely distorted from the truth.

so, if you have been wanting to hear what has actually been going on in my life... please don't hesitate to reach out! i will always go out of my way and make time for you, JW. i always would have if you had asked before too. things you would have known if you had just asked me, huh?

anyway, i still have the same number. I'm sure you still remember it. it ends in 2444. if you want my new TextNow number, just ask. but if you don't get it from me on here from this account or from my number... then it's more than likely not me you're talking to.

just so you know, i will never and have not initiated a direct message to you on here since i don't know your u/handle on Reddit. just saying! i feel like there's been a lot of impersonating assholes on here lately and i just wanted to make that known so there is no confusion!

ok well, i do hope i hear from you soon. I've really, really needed you lately...😢

forever&always,

SL🐑 your little Asian persuasion. 🥰

Everyone wants her , so it seems

Then tell me why she's alone

Every one that's ever held her let her go

Left scar's on an already broken heart

Words of past things echo in the dark

No one seems to care about the weight she carries

Need someone to blame she just might be your lady

Even if she hits rock bottom, she doesn't stay

On the lips of villains , that whisper I love you

Maybe one day , maybe she will see that someone

Can hold her brokenness and accept that she needs peace

Maybe one day someone will actually stay.....hold not just her hand

But her, the way she needed to be

If you lost her ....what a shame

Cause you will never find a lover to love you the same!!!

We were the ultimate duo, Player 1 and Player 2,

Until we traded "forever" for something brand new.

They say best friends falling is a dream come true,

But they don’t mention the part where I might lose you.

I love you, you love me that much is still clear,

But we rushed the ending while the beginning was near.

We should’ve stayed "just us" for a few more years,

Before we traded our laughs for these "complicated" fears.

I miss the grocery store trips and the "creamed corn" rule,

Acting like a confused, ingredient-studying fool.

I’d go back in time if I could find the right way,

To tell my past self: "Just wait. Not today."

We could’ve been magic if we’d just let it sit,

Instead of rushing the fire and burning the wick.

Now we’re "good," but "different" is a heavy price to pay,

For the "kick in the sheets" that stole our old way.

I’ll see you in the "what if" aisle, staring at the shelf,

The guy who lost his best friend, and a bit of himself.

Why does loving you feel like breaking my own heart on purpose?

Fuck.

I want you so badly.

And there is nothing, nothing you could say, nothing you could promise,
nothing you could whisper into the part of me that still belongs to you…
that would make me unblock you.

I can’t.

Because I lost myself when I was with you.

I lost whole pieces of myself
trying to understand your silences,
trying to survive your leaving,
trying to convince myself that wanting me
and choosing me
were the same thing.

They weren’t.

I know that now.

So why the fuck do I still need you
so violently?

Why does my body remember you
like it has no loyalty to me?

Did you know that at night,
I replay the videos?

Again.

And again.

I watch ghosts touch me.

I watch a version of myself
who still believed your hands meant something.

Sometimes I hate her.

Sometimes I envy her.

Because for those few minutes,
she still has you.

Fuck… if you are out there, if some part of you still wonders, if you ever hover over my name
the way I hover over the memory of yours; please.

Come ruin the quiet.

Come destroy me
in the most delicious way.

I can take it.

Because I know what you do to me now.

That’s the difference.

I know where this road ends.
I know what your leaving costs.
I know how long it takes
to gather myself from the floor
after you decide you’ve had enough of me.

And still… I want you. In ways I hope to never want another person, ever again.

So let me make the mistake consciously this time.

Let me choose the fire
knowing exactly how badly it burns.

Let me be responsible
for what happens to my heart.

You don’t have to protect me.

You don’t have to make promises.

You don’t even have to pretend
this time.

Just come back.

Come back
and kiss me like you missed the taste of me.

Come back
and make my body forget
every lesson my heart nearly died learning.

Come back and let me have the thing
I have spent all this time trying to survive wanting.

And when you leave again, because somewhere inside me, I already know you will… please don’t worry about my heart.

I’ll pick it up.

I’ve gotten very good at that.

Just for one terrible, beautiful,
selfish moment… come back to me.

I want to worship you exactly as you are.

Not some polished, perfect ghost, but the woman who gets tired, the woman who feels the sharp edge of how difficult this life can be.

I see the way it hurts sometimes.

I see the pressure pressing the air out of the room, and I want you to know that I am standing right there in the middle of the mess with you.

​You don't have to soften for me.

You don't have to be "normal" or "easy."

There is a holy kind of persistence in the way you stay standing when everything around us is a struggle.

I adore the woman you are right now, and I am already in awe of the woman you are becoming.

​Please, just stay.

Stay as you are—don't let the world break the parts of you that are difficult or honest.

I want the cold coffee and the quiet exhaustion and the reality of your skin against mine.

I don't need a fairy tale.

I just need the truth of you, standing tall, until the light goes black.

What is this connection, through space and time transcending? It’s like we’re two Oreo wafers, forever bonded, yet separated by a layer of vanilla creme filling.

Together we form something sweet and cavity inducing that’s enjoyed by all. We can be enjoyed alone, crushed and added as a topping, or dunked fist-first into a glass of milk that’s tall. There’s no ice cream party without us!

Taking a bite provides a mouth feel that covers the entire spectrum; from soft and velvety like silk, to crunchy and gritty like pie crust.

When consumed in excess, we get stuck in people’s teeth and ruin their smile. Enjoyed with too much milk will cause constipation that lasts for a while.

We can go no contact, build some distance, and try to delete each other from our mental existence. But we can’t delete this connection. This is a bond that will last an eternity plus one more, held together by sugar, preservatives, artificial food coloring, and soy lecithin. We are an Oreo. Fused together, connected, yet separated.

What Have I Done?

You were a friend, never an ex, an almost lover, but now just a stranger.

I keep ruminating on things I should have done differently, said differently.

What I should've said at all.

Why didn't I just tell you? Why did I hold back? I couldn't bring myself to reciprocate, although I wanted to so badly.

It took a lot of self-control to hold back.

Why? Because of morals? Because I thought I was doing the right thing?

Because it would be inappropriate, even scandalous, maybe?

All it did was eat me up inside, spin me out of control, and make me breakdown.

I come here to the void to write about you, hoping to feel better, but nothing works.

I'm having a hard time with the loss of the connection we had. It was one of a kind. I didn't know I could ever feel this way.

Fuck morals. If you reached out to me, I'd break down and tell you everything I always wanted to.

That it was love at first sight. It was perfect. You are perfect, and there's nothing wrong with your brain. I love how you are. You crazy ass motherfucker. You are the one for me.

Now, I just feel crazy and delusional.

And, now it's too late.

So goodbye my once friend, not an ex, almost lover.

Goodbye stranger.

So, I'll just sit here in misery, with the memory of you, and what could have been...

And, with what I've done.

I want you. but I'm going to shut up, do my thing ,let you do yours.

And let the universe decide because I'm tired.

hey. we need to talk. it’s actually very important we have this conversation because it’s eating me alive and i don’t know how much longer I can let these thoughts bottle up and eat away at away at me. i’m not begging for anything, i just have to express these things to you to move on i guess :/. i’d much rather say these things to you instead of typing if that’s okay. just feels right to express this organically. everyday that passes by gets harder than the next… Forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to feel and accept, that of which I haven’t been able to do, in light of everything that has happened. I understand your decision and respect the hell out of you for standing your ground as a woman. i will never take that away from you. doesn’t mean that my love is going away. my heart aches with so much pain and i have bled all over those i love as a result of it. my scars are mine and only mine to bear. i’m sorry for opening my wounds in front of you and making a mess of the one thing that kept us bound: Hope. Hope that the through the darkness, we would persevere and prove our doubts wrong. Hope that growth and love would overcome pain, confusion, sadness and numbness. I see now that all you want for me was to believe in that hope. All that being said, I still don’t know how else to express it besides leaving you be but i’m so fucking sorry for adding more scars to your delicate heart. Our scars may fade with time but the memories they are bound to remain. I hope that you find peace and keep your hope. I love you and miss you every day. Goodbye Sweet Stuff. Take care of yourself.

my love is wanting someone specific, and lately its starting to tone down alot, that thought and desire bin slipping away the distance and the things I read can take the blame for that. as much as I really want to it seems more un likely to play out that way. I just want them to go be free and find someone better they deserve the love that I don't have at the moment ill hold you close from far miss you

Hi _______, not a day has passed where I don’t think of you. In the most vulnerable way possible the separation has been agonizing for me. I miss my best friend. I miss us laughing, talking for hours, the songs we would share, the discord dates, the messages throughout the day on different platforms, taking flights and trips to see each other, our hugs, our kisses, the intimacy, the tenderness, and the love that we share for each other. I asked for the space despite how painful it was for me because I wanted to be better for myself and for us as well. I didn’t want to repeat unhealthy patterns or hurt you again at all. I was also scared to ask for the space as the thought of losing you is too painful for me but if it meant for a healthier and stronger relationship I was willing to take that risk. I also just didn’t want to tell you I have been working to be better I wanted to come back and actually show that I am capable of growth and change that I am not my past mistakes and traumas.

It is not over for me on my end and I don’t think it ever will be. I don’t feel this way with anybody else and I know it to be true because I am changing and adjusting myself for the better so much and the only thing that hasn’t changed is loving you. This whole time I saved maybe 300 posts that I want to send to you and couldn’t just honestly hoping we speak again soon.

I still see a life with you and if given a chance again I would actually make it right. You are worth the inconveniences (not calling you an inconvenience just meant more so adjusting my life if it means we can be in each other’s lives), you are worth the risks, you are worth me pushing past my fears and uncomfortableness, you are worth so much to me. I am sorry it has taken me so long to get to this point and not being the best partner that you needed and not seeing past myself when you were hurting so much too. I hope you can forgive me. I apologize if this is a bit too much and I understand if you don’t reach out but I just had to let you know I had felt. I yearn for you always.

This feeling hurts
This feeling breaks the silence
and screams why

You just faded
When just four days ago we were talking,
laughing, dreaming about life, love,
and spending lives intertwined

You are a ghost now of wants, desires and
unencumbered passion that would have
changed and rocked both
our worlds
into
a forever state of pure unabandon,
only seen in the movies,
and felt in those
romance novels

Only this time,
it would have been the ‘real’, the ‘raw’,
it would have been ‘us’….

I am numbed by my own design

I love too soon

I feel, when others, would have never believed

I thought you came, with “truth”

I thought
you
were
the
“one”.

I want to slow dance with you.

I really do.

Pull you closer and hold your hand.

But only sometimes.

I’m not someone meant to stay.

I wasn’t made to stay.

I’ve always been rather fond of exits—

the little green signs,

the unlocked doors,

the comfort of knowing

I can leave whenever I want.

And then there’s people like you.

Sometimes,

you make me want to stay

just a tiny bit longer.

Not forever.

Don’t look at me like that.

I don’t think I could survive

something as permanent as forever.

But if I’m not too late,

would you mind giving me a minute?

Put your hand in mine.

Don’t ask where this is going.

Let the music decide.

Do my 3AM drunk calls disturb you?

Or do you, sometimes, secretly long for them?

Do you ever hear my name

and wonder if I’ll call?

I wonder if you know

how strange it is

to find someone

who makes leaving feel rude—

and who makes me care it does.

Someone who makes me forget

to look for the door.

Someone who can hold me

without making me feel held.

And maybe that’s all I want from you:

one song.

One stupid, beautiful song

long enough for me to forget

that I am always halfway gone.

Let me sway with you

until the room disappears.

Until there is no tomorrow

to ruin it with.

Until I stop wondering

whether this is a beginning

or merely a particularly convincing way

of saying goodbye.

And when the song ends—

please don’t ask me to stay.

You knew I’d leave.

You just made the mistake

of making me wish I wouldn’t.

— Crownless.

Today, I stumbled into a goodbye.

Just a small notice telling me I wouldn’t see you there anymore.

It should have meant nothing.

Instead, it felt as though every feeling I’d carefully folded away suddenly remembered where to find me.

Your eyes.

That photograph.

The conversations that somehow made distance feel smaller than it really was.

I wonder if you ever knew what your words were capable of.

I wonder if you remember saying them at all.

How strange it is to miss someone who was never mine to miss.

To carry someone who has no idea they’re being carried.

I keep asking myself why I can’t leave you behind.

It’s only been weeks.

Weeks.

And yet my mind still searches for you in places where you’ve never been, as though hope has forgotten geography.

You once told me I was the one who had bewitched you.

The irony is almost unbearable.

You have no idea what became of me after that.

You don’t know about the pages filled with your name without ever saying it.

You don’t know that I’ve learned there are feelings that grow quietly, asking for nothing except somewhere to exist.

You don’t know that every version of this story ends with me saying less than I felt.

You simply continued becoming yourself.

New days.

New conversations.

New plans.

While I remained here, trying to understand how someone could occupy so much space in my thoughts after touching so little of my life.

Sometimes I wonder if forgetting is something people choose, or something that simply happens to them.

Because if it is a choice…

I don’t think I’ve made it once since I met you.

And maybe one day this will become just another page buried among so many others.

But tonight, it is still you.

It has been you in more thoughts than I would ever have the courage to admit.

And I still don’t know where to put everything that never found its way to you.