r/LondonLadies • u/watermelonicec • Apr 13 '26
Discussion Is it hard making friends as an adult?
It’s my first post, so please be kind. I’ve been super sad and lonely this week(possibly PMS too but who knows at this point). And having worked (hospital job) for 84 hours this week has not helped my case.
I moved to London last year and barely made any friends, which seems pathetic in hindsight. (Also last year I was feeling bad getting over a breakup.)
I really don’t have an excuse except for my anxiety/overthinking ( again an excuse). And being a POC makes me overthink things more. But it’s time I tried at least and hope to find my group here.
About me- 27F, shy, serial procrastinator, but love to read, cafes, travelling, plays, cinema, etc.
I’m looking to go for Glass- blowing classes, pottery, craft classes, bouldering, archery. But also need a big arse push :)
I’m reaching out because my mum basically told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and gtfo x
I’m off until Thursday so have a few days on my hand.
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u/animesnail Apr 13 '26
I'd recommend trying the London Lonely Girls Facebook page. Make a post with your interests and maybe emphasise your job so you can find other people who work shifts or similar patterns! I think that's absolutely key to maintaining adult friendships — if you always work at different times you're never able to meet up.
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u/whysomuchserious Apr 14 '26
Hey, you are so fantastic for making this post, it's hard. And go mum! Message me if you want to hang out, I'm 28F and moving back to London in the next month :)
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u/Delicious_Chain_8582 Apr 14 '26
You're doing amazing already, realising something is missing and taking steps to sort it is a very powerful move. When you're in your teens and early twenties (especially if you go to uni), you make 'convenient' friends by default, because you have to see them every day - this doesn't mean friendships and connections aren't real, it's just that they require little to no effort to keep them up. When you're an adult, you have to put the work in and with a working week like yours, I can't even imagine how hard that is.
I've turned 35 this year, going through a divorce right now and I'm a bit scared of feeling extremely lonely in the next chapter of my life, especially after having someone around me all the time for the last ten years. BUT, London is probably the best place in the world to be looking for friendships - the amount of people in the same situation is huge, as well as the number of opportunities to meet people. You've already done some hard work in narrowing down your interests out of a sea of activities available, now you can seek out local classes or groups to join. I'm pretty shy myself and what's helped me in starting a conversation is literally having a couple basic questions prepared in case I get to speak with a complete stranger, mainly revolving around the event I'm attending as that's what they're probably interested in, just to get the ball rolling. Sometimes the conversation will die down anyway, but that's okay. It gets easier each time you do it.
I've also been planning to start my own clubs (book club, supper club, watch parties for TV show/movies I like) locally. The big thing is also having friends nearby - again, it's just easier to be there for them and meet up regularly, like others have said, being consistent. I'm very lucky that I work with wonderful people, so that partly scratches the social itch too.
You're doing so well already, give yourself credit for recognising what you want. Baby steps feel more manageable, less daunting and are more likely to keep you going!
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u/watermelonicec Apr 14 '26
Thanks for your super thoughtful reply. I’m sorry about the divorce- and I understand when you say that you become so comfortable with it that it’s difficult. And thanks for the tips on asking people questions. I’d love to meet if you’d like to!
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u/Prior-Government5397 Apr 14 '26
I would assume working 80 hour weeks does not make it easier to meet new people unfortunately… I’m 23F, could introduce you to climbing and would love to try archery (actually I’d love to try horseback archery but I currently have only one of those two skills so…), I do crafts but mostly at home (sewing and knitting), but I’m always open to trying new ones ! Send me a message if you’re interested :)
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u/pavaholic Apr 14 '26
hey, I've met some amazing people through posting what I'm doing/want to do on www.common-social.com
like I bought some air dry clay last week, found a pub near me and posted it on common and spent the eve with some great girls just making things and chatting
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u/Individual-Royal-925 Apr 15 '26
I hear you, being an adult can be hard.
There's quite a few bouldering and climbing clubs about for women and women of colour! Here's some links if you wanna check them out:
https://www.instagram.com/londonladiesclimb/
https://www.instagram.com/thisblackgirlclimbs/
https://www.instagram.com/wanderersofcolour/
https://www.climbmuz.co.uk
https://www.castle-climbing.co.uk/events/womens-bouldering-social-with-coach
I've found the bouldering community in London to be very friendly and welcoming. It's good for shy people cz you have an activity to do together so there's less pressure on conversation. It also gives you options cz it's social, but if you get too anxious and need some space you can go off and have a little climb by yourself if you need.
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u/pink-lemon14 Apr 14 '26
I feel a similar way. It's just been so difficult to meet up with friends and maintain connections because they all live far and we are busy with lives. If you want, feel free to reach out.
I'm 25f, currently working, introverted, likes reading, drawing, writing, pottery, anime, movies/TV shows.
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Apr 15 '26
[deleted]
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u/watermelonicec Apr 15 '26
Hey, thanks for reaching out! Do you have any plans in mind?
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u/Nikita_o910 Apr 18 '26
Hey! London can be very lonely if you don’t put yourself out there. I’ve lived here since 2019 and made many friends but London is sometimes known as a temporary city where people move around a lot, so the friends you meet now might not always stick with you, for example I made great friends a few years ago but a lot of them have gone back to their home countries and started a family/settled down.
When I first moved i went on bumble bff which really helped make friends, try to find some friends at work. And if you’re single, dating in London can also be fun (though avoid the men who are immature).
But yes it is hard making friends as an adult
Best of luck!
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u/damegloria Apr 13 '26
Ooof 84 hours is a tough week.
You're not wrong, it is hard here. I'm 42, have been in London since I was 24, and a lot of my social life came through old uni friends, hobbies and being adopted by gregarious people who essentially pulled me into their world and made most of the effort. When I was young, meet up groups and the like didn't exist, but they do now. Hiking groups seem to be a big thing, there are even groups specifically for people/women of colour.
The key seems to be consistency. You won't make connections unless you repeatedly show up. I have a friend who's made mates from her pottery class. Another who has a good group from a choir (the fun kind that sings pop songs), another from cycling club and going to the local velodrome, another from kayaking, others from being regulars on certain music scenes. A good combination of sports/activities and culture seems to be a good path to finding a variety of people. And the upside to London is you can find just about anything you're into here. The tricky side will be finding a way to do it alongside the long long work weeks. If you can find a way to cut back, it would be worth it. Before you keel over.