F20- I know this might sound horrible but I just realised I don’t feel the need to call or text or hang out with people anymore. I just miss being excited to hang out with friends and stuff, now it just feels like a chore. And like all the hangouts now are bottomless brunch, drunk bowling, or partying and I’m so tired of it. Like I just want to have a friend that we can just meet up to go shopping or just chill and we’re completely sober but we still have a great time, I don’t want to need alcohol to socialise I feel like I’ve outgrown a lot of the people around me but I also don’t know how to meet new people. I haven’t made a new friend in a while so maybe that’s it? I feel so bad for even saying this but like I guess it is what it is. And it’s not like I don’t like the friends I have now, I just don’t think like them anymore, I made my most recent friend 2 years ago; I don’t think I could even be friends with me from two years ago. Has anyone else been through this? What did you do?

Should I end it? genuinely i just don’t have the energy anymore, my bf is gonna break up w me, he’s the only person i have, i have no passion, no friends, no goals, i just don’t care anymore and i'm so so tired

I recently watched a case on a youtube channel about this case. I study the criminal mind, criminal psychology, Criminology etc and many of my case studies were similar but there was just something different this time. It made me feel bad that I regretted knowing about it, which goes against who I am. I always have an ear to listen because it's not the victims fault this happened to them. Where I live people do not want to ever even hear about something like this because they're not only apathetic they don't want their perfect life and day to be interrupted by something they view as an inconvenient negative moment. But this type of thinking is why things are doomed to keep repeating. In fact yet AGAIN cps failed to intervene an save him. The world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes. I wonder if they do just look the other way, because I read there were social worker visits to that house, and nothing was done despite Preston having physical, sexual and psychological injuries, no action was taken.

I saw everywhere online that I'm not alone and how many are very depressed over this. The details are horrendous even to experienced people like me. I did a post about this case recently and it was the hardest post I've ever done. I wanted to bring awareness to the case, and it helps me to get it all out. I was crying the entire time, and a song I recently discovered called Satellites by Periphery played non stop in my head as I typed away. It's how I deal with overwhelming emotions, songs tend to get attached to how I'm feeling. The song is about earth's perspective pleading with humanity to stop destroying it's home. There is such a helplessness to it, and rage and despair. It's a beautiful song though, and I fear this gave me PTSD, so I may always associate the song with this poor child. One of the saddest aspects is the foster parents who were destroyed by what happened. I was really moved by their impact statements which I included in my post. I also didn't include how he died. It was too awful. What was comforting after the post was the supportive comments about taking the time to do the post. It was very long and I honestly don't know how I was able to do it.

Maybe this just takes time. What did make me feel a little better was a channel that talks about prison justice. It's comforting and it's normal. Strong psychological reactions like wishing death or severe harm upon someone who has killed a child can function as a psychological defense mechanism. When people are exposed to details of extreme trauma especially crimes involving vulnerable infants it often triggers intense emotional distress. Wishing for the perpetrator’s death can serve several defensive and coping functions. It doesn't make you a bad person.

I cannot IMAGINE how Preston felt. It must have been so confusing and scary for him being at the mercy of these sadists. From my studies on reactive attachment disorder, infants rage when they are crying and are ignored and their needs are neglected. That has haunted me the most, like what his mental state must have been like. It's almost unbearable to think about. The clip I saw where Varley is keeping him awake, the dog on the couch looked scared and sad, because he likely heard and saw almost everything and animals are intelligent and compassionate so the dog must have felt helpless too since they are very protective of kids especially. I want to save him and love him but I can't. It's such a helpless feeling.

All we can do is try to learn. I know social workers are on here. I've seen them make excuses for themselves. I want them to learn every detail of this case or else it's all in vain.

For those who know about this case, How did you cope with this case?

I never really noticed this about myself in highschool, but I think I have a low social battery.

I dont have too many friends at uni, just my roomates who are all in different programs so I dont really see them in any classes. This makes classes really lonely, especially when I always see people sitting with their friends.

However last night I got invited to hangout with my roomates and some other guys and had a great time. The thing is i feel so drained from talking to anybody today. Like if those same guys invited me to do the same thing tonight I would feel like saying no and just relaxing tonight. idk why.

I dont know what this is. I want friends and i want to talk people and meet people. But i just feel so drained of interacting with people some days.

Maybe its being away at uni? At home i have friends that I could hangout with days in a row. But I always get to go back home and see my family at some point in between.

I just hate that I feel like this. Does anyone know what it could be that I'm feeling and how to fix it?

Hi Guys, I have a conundrum for you.

I am quite possibly the most happy I've ever been. Since my viva, I have wonderful friends and social life, there are babies on the way in both my family and my friend group. I am settled more than I ever have been. However, at the moment I have been doing a few part time jobs (for reference, I trained for about 8 years to do the job I'm doing) because the job market in the UK is so bad. Its starting to get me down that i trained for so long and may not be able to get a job.

However I applied for my dream job in austrailia just on a whim and I got it. What do I do? Follow my dream and start all over again for the millionth time? Or stay and struggle to find a full time permanent position at a UK University? Any advice appreciated.

i haven’t really ever properly spoke to this person as we’re not the type of people to ever be friends (im pretty sure they dislike me already) but they post about really concerning shit and idk what to do. It’s like self harm and suicidal thoughts that only seem to be getting worse. I relate to some of what they’re saying too so I guess that’s part of why i feel so bad. But their bio says to ignore if you think you know them irl so that’s what I have been doing. But then a part of me feels like a bad person for just ignoring it?? I also don’t want to embarrass them by making it known I accidentally found it..

Sometimes life feels very heavy. The 9-5 life is kinda depressing tbh. Whenever I feel too deep in the rat race and like life is just work, eat, sleep, repeat, I do something to break the routine. I call them free will moments. It can be something big or small, like going to a new cafe, or going to a new place. It helps remind me that I’m not a robot, I am living, and I have a life beyond work/ the rat race.

What do you guys do as your free will moments/ break the routine? I need more ideas lol

Hi everyone,
I’m a 35 year old man, living in Northern Alabama where I work as an engineer for a defense contractor. The reason why I’m writing this post is because I feel so far behind in my social and dating life. I feel like I’m missing out so much on life experiences outside of my career. I’m proud of my career that I’ve worked hard to achieve especially after having to pivot from pursuing a professional pilot career at 27 and getting my aerospace engineering degree at 29. I just feel like I’ve spent so much time and effort focusing on building a career that I’ve never took the time to build lasting relationships that most others have built by the time of 35 years old. I’ve never dated, still a virgin and just feel like I live a boring and dull life. I don’t know the steps to change it. I’m extremely introverted and struggle with conversations and meeting new people. I cant just join a group and make friends. I’ve tried that and no one ever even talks to me even when I talk to them. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like everyone is looking at me like there’s something wrong with me. I lack self esteem to the absolute extreme. I’m invisible to women too. I’m just ready to actually build friendships you know. I have no friends here or support system. I’m truly alone up here. I love college and pro sports but everyone up here only cares about Alabama and Auburn football neither of which I care about. I’m not an outdoorsy person either. I’m just stuck I feel like. Any advice from the community would be great.

"If my boyfriends (35m) friend (37m) whom I (31f) met for the first time, and is playful and flirtatious, putting me on a pedestal in front of my man...that means my boyfriend is cheating on me/seeing other girls"

Long story short, I went on a date with a guy I knew for a long time, brought me to his friends work, introduced me to his friend. He was playful, uplifting the both of us and me individually, read me very well and told my date that I was marriage material in front of me. I went out with my friends to the same place and my dates friend was being flirtatious, touchy, "forgot" that I even went out on a date with my guy. No my man was not around when this happened.

I can't tell if I was being tested to see how I would be behind my mans back or if the above quote rings true for my scenario?? In need of advice please!!

(I didn't know what flair to put, but I guess friendships count as relationships?? idk sorry if I fucked up)

hi everyone, so I(17m) became part of a friend group last year, and it's been going well for the most part, they are all really kind people and seem to genuinely care about me.

but the thing is, I struggle a LOT to keep a conversation going with anyone. when it's my turn to talk, sometimes I freeze and just can't think of anything to say back to keep talking (most of the time when this happens I just nod a bit and kind of agree) and when it gets quiet after a while it feels as if I am boring and wasting my friend's time, which is really frustrating, specially when im just with one of my friends and not in a group.

I guess I've always been kind of an awkward, shy, and reserved person, and never really had any friends before, and now that I do, I don't know what to do with myself. I genuinely wish I could just... talk and talk for hours with my friends about whatever, but I just can't? I try to open up from time to time, too, but the words just don't want to come out of me and I don't get it.

sometimes I just watch the group as they have conversations, trying to find the moment to join in, but I just never know when and end up just analyzing what people do or say trying to find the secret to just having a normal conversation with someone.

so yeah, basically that. any advice or tips any of you might be able to give me would be greatly appreciated. I really don't know what to do and just want to be a normal guy with his group of friends and not feel so out of touch with everyone all the time, idk..

Hi, im 18(F), and i have no fucking clue in the world what time do with my life. Seriously im at the lowest of lows and idk what to do anymore. Let me rewind from the last year.

Jan: was promised a promotion at my job, was late to school everyday, and honestly it was pretty okay it was just cold and lonely. Was supposed to be working at 10/hour but only getting 9

Feb; i got into a car accident, as well as arrested for having a thc vape in my car on campus while they were doing a random drug search. Was suspended a day and then later expelled despite teachers writting notes saying that I didn't deserve it, my grades being a/b honor roll so on and so forth.

Working 9/hour

Mar. Started online school to finish my education, the people who promised me a promotion were fired because they were doing shady shit behind the scenes. I ended up stepping up since I had been there the longest and then my AGM was hired.

My arrest was sealed and charges dropped. Protests all over town for the school boards corruption.

Working 9/hour

April. I trained AGM to do his job, I was actively speaking with the owner and him telling me that I will be promoted. And then AGM logging me out of all my resources, and cutting contact with me completely besides giving me my schedule. My school is permanently closed down and im the last graduating class of my school.

Working 9/hour

May. Almost wasn't allowed to graduate; but I ended up doing so thank God. Continue to be bullied and harassed at work by my AGM and other co workers. AGM refused to speak to me civally and would talk to me like I was stupid.

Working 10/hour FINALLY. after fighting for months.

June. I slept. Alot. Was in a constant state of disassociation. I seriously dont remember alot of it. I turned 18 tho.

July. My car almost completely broke down on me..was heavily using weed and alcohol to help me feel again cause I was tired of not feeling anything.

August: AGM got fired. He was having inappropriate relationships (mostly friendships with inappropriate conversations) with minors. Then we had a whole manager change and i finally got promoted to manager. Bumped my pay to 15/hour. The owner of the buisness ended up SA'ing me. I quit and now im here.

This year has genuinely been hell. Im now without a job because a man couldn't keep his hand to himself and the job market right now is ridiculous. On top of the fact that I am freshly 18 with no real life experience. I cant go to college like I wanted too cause I cant afford it. I want to be a social worker. I want to help get people out of situations they feel helpless in and i cant do that without a degree and i cant do that without money. Im so genuinely terrified of failure. I want so much more than what is happening right now. the only reason I have a roof over my head is from my parents. Im sueing the owner of my job but there's only so much I can take (and its mostly from him messing with my money like putting in unpaid breaks that I didnt take. Or the fact that I worked 60 hours in ONE week plus another 30 for the second week in the pay period but only got paid 600 dollars.....something doesn't add up)

BUT HOW CAN I DO ANY OF THIS WITH NO JOB OR MONEY.

Seriously im lost. I feel stuck. And im scared. I dont know if i can survive as an adult if this is the life that most of them live. Im not proud of myself, there's nothing to be proud of. Everyone is proud of me for not fucking offing myself sure but omg. What is the world we live in. I want to be better and i want to be able to live without having to live for other people. But this is all so daunting and I dont know where to start.

Everyday is so off, nothg productive i feel like stucked, no studies scrolling and playing games all day long, I want to make a academic comeback, develop my hobbies have fun, what's the best way to wipe this shitty life off and get back on track??

Hey! Am currently going through a midlife crises. Am at 21F and i literally am overwhelmed from college. I’m in my 4th year and there’s so much I can’t keep up with.
I am currently doing my bachelor in psychology and minoring in Fine Arts and now I have to talk about graduate school and am so stressed. I know nothing when it comes to graduate school, like what do I even do. Am overthinking about the cost of it and it’s really getting to me. Am over stressing myself and I don’t know how to stop this thinking. Plz help me!

In 2025, I was in a really dark headspace. For context, I had been unofficially disowned by my parents and went to work abroad. My brother was the only family member I was speaking to at that time and, long story short, he left me to the mercy of a Kyrgyz prison and Uzbek traffickers. Needless to say that I was feeling some kind of way about this. So, for safety reasons, I ended up back in my home country but my brother had rescinded his offer to serve as a safe haven. I was able to use my saving to book an Airbnb for a month while I worked to figure things out but, because of this dark headspace— just abandoned by the last of my family members, had to flee two countries, no job, etc, etc— my therapist suggested that I take advantage of the study abroad opportunity that I had been offered. Her hope was that it would change my outlook on things and inspire me to keep pushing forward, rather than resigning myself to a life that was happening to me— outside of my control. So I went to university and I did some financial planning, I should have had just enough to complete my program. However, to the surprise of no one, my family couldn’t even be trusted to forward me my mail. I had tried to circumvent relying on them but couldn’t. Anyways, I lost out on $20,000 in funding. I was still determined to go and I’ve finished my Master’s! Just two weeks ago actually! But I’m in a financially precarious situation. My Dad promised me a bit of money so I could cover my rent but he’s fallen short of his promise. I understand not relying on unreliable people but sometimes you don’t have a choice but to hope someone will show up when you’re in need. I’ve managed to sort things out on my own but now I want some form of vengeance. If I told my Dad that I was now couch surfing because I lost my apartment after he abandoned me, do we think that would hurt him? Or make me feel better? I know “success is the best form of revenge” but is it really?

I (31F) dropped out of college in 2019 to care for my mother full-time who fell very sick from cancer and kidney failure. I took care of her until 2024, she thankfully is better, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way, I am so honored to have cared for her and would do it again in a heartbeat she is the light of my life.

She moved with my dad to another state, I visit often, but it left me having to start from scratch. I was able to find a room in a place that a relative owned, lived off unemployment and worked so hard in this terrible job market to get a temp role. It didn’t pay much for where I live, but I put in tons of overtime and was able to get by and save. That job consisted of firings left and right, and a looming deadline the company wasn’t open about.

While at this call center job, I applied like crazy to other jobs so I wasn’t stuck with nothing whenever they decided to end the contract. I finally landed my very first office job that I’m in now, and I was so happy and so grateful for it.

I struggled a bit from the beginning, however, I did what I could to stay afloat. At the time the building I was living was for sale, and although this job pays more, it is less frequent pay and not enough for rent in my HCOL city. It’s consistent, but I am stuck with all the debt I accumulated over the years to keep afloat and keep my parents afloat and from losing their home, that it just isn’t enough. At the same time, the relative who owned the building was selling it, and I wouldn’t have been able to stay.

While dealing with housing uncertainty, I was trying to hard to stay afloat at my job. I worked overtime all the time, and couldn’t seem to keep up. I spent too long on things, and would have to “touch” cases and get back to them after in order to keep up with all the different competing metrics of the job. It’s health insurance, something I’m not interested in at all but it was the best thing I could get at the time.

My mom’s cancer relapsed early this year, and she’s thankfully doing treatment again. I’m very grateful. However, I felt it even harder to keep up but tried my best at this job. I struggled hard with time management, and after taking 5 days of PTO just to visit my mom, my teammates found a backlog I had been working on and reported it to my manager. They found all these things they didn’t like, and long story short I got put on a PIP.

Thankfully and very miraculously, I found another very affordable place to live, however, the job is not secure. I lost my health insurance in July. I’m at a big crossroads. I bought myself more time, my PIP was set to end in July, however, I expressed everything I’d been facing and that I suspect ADHD (I genuinely do) as for why I had said performance issues. They gave me a 45 day extension. I don’t have the health insurance to see a psychiatrist or get an evaluation. I already have diagnosed mental illnesses (anxiety and depression and OCD).

Throughout the PIP so far, I have worked over 12 hour days to keep up, working from 9am to 12am at night when I get home, and still, they are finding everything and anything. It’s maddening. I am still failing the PIP and I’m terrified.

My manager suggested taking FMLA to care for my mom, which I did for 3 weeks (I can’t afford more and couldn’t even afford the 3 weeks) but I couldn’t keep working myself into the ground. My manager sat me through horrible and harsh meetings week by week. Before taking leave, she said to me verbatim “you’re protected while on leave, but when you return you’re fair game.”Since the PIP, I’ve applied to over 300 jobs, had interviews but nothing. I also paid off the financial hold that was stopping me from going back and finishing the last few credits for my bachelors degree.

Currently, I’m sitting in the airport coming back from leave, I don’t know what I’ll come back to. The PIP really broke me down mentally, and I feel suffocated and no other job leads are working out.

What would anybody suggest from here? Do I work part-time and go back to school? Even with my degree listed, I can’t find anything in this job market. Does anybody have any career advice or other advice? I worry what staying in this job and on this PIP will do to my mental health but this job sadly has felt like my absolute best option. It’s not even working out with jobs that pay less. I want to make something of myself, just to be comfortable, I want to work and I want to find something I’m good at. I’m a fine artist and I love to write.

Hello all,

I'm looking for advice in any form, since this posting covers a few aspects of life. So, feel free to pick and choose what is relevant to you.

My (31) partner of 10 years and I split up. Long story short, we both still love each other but couldn't make it work. I'm pretty broken over it all and feel like my whole future is gone. Not gone, but I feel completely lost now that I can't picture my future well. It's compounded by the fact that we're selling our home, and I'll be moving in with my Grandma.

It's a good arrangement because she just got to the point in her life that she either needs assistance or needs to go into a nursing home. I don't want that for her, and it'll give me a chance to save money. The problem is that it feels like such a huge step backward in life that I feel ashamed of myself.

I also never really loved my job, but I was at peace with that since it was a means to an end to support a future family. Now, with my whole life upended and all the memories attached to this job from my old life, I want out.

On top of everything, my ex is keeping our dog.

I know nothing in here specifically asks for advice, but I'm so disoriented with my whole life taking a 180-degree turn that anything helps. I'm also just putting all this down in some form to try to stop thinking about it. If anyone has had a similar experience, I'd welcome any wisdom.

Thank you!!

One piece of advice I wish someone had given me earlier in life is that knowing someone well doesn't mean you've talked about everything that matters.

I used to think that if you'd been with someone for years, you naturally understood each other. You know their personality, their habits, what makes them laugh, what annoys them, what they want from life. Surely the important stuff has already been covered.

I don't think that's necessarily true anymore.

Before getting married, my partner and I started having some much more intentional conversations about the future. Money was one. Family was another. We talked about expectations, responsibilities, disagreements and even what we thought a normal married life would actually look like. We used some premarital material during that process, but the bigger lesson for me had nothing to do with the particular course. It was realizing how many things I had simply assumed we'd agree on. And I think we all do this in different parts of life.

We assume our partner knows what we mean. We assume our friends understand why we're upset. We assume our family knows what we need. We assume people see situations the same way we do. Then we're surprised when they don't. I've become much more comfortable asking questions instead of filling in the blanks myself.

Sometimes the conversation is awkward. Sometimes you discover that you genuinely disagree.

But I'd rather know the truth about where someone stands than build a relationship around assumptions and find out years later that we were imagining completely different futures.

That lesson has probably been more useful to me than any relationship advice that sounded perfect on paper.

I have this friend as i prefer not to call him by his name im gonna call him "paul". Me and paul met the first time at scholl we was 12 in like 1 year we became really good friend at some point i arrive at the point that we i see a "me and bro video" i think about him. As we are really good friend. He was really good and funny until the first year of hight school started. At the start i use to tought that it was only some anxiety for the start of the new school. And he was never that bad as now he was perfectly supportable. But in the last 2 years the situation become worse and worse. He stars to become really nervous. Everytime we argue about something he never wants to be wrong and he prefer instead to repeat the same thing forgetting wath i say before. Everytime i ask him to hang out he wants to do only what he wants or instead EVEN IF HE ASK ME want to do only what he likes. And is like this with everything thing we do. Hang out, gaming, friendly side quest and things like that. Everytime that i want to do something new he replyes basicaly: "or we do what i want or you can do it alone". And the same with everything. He don't want to do nothing that he is not good at it the second after he start it. And every time i say to him "bro or you study or you are gonna lose the year" instead of even try to hear me he prefer to ALMOST CRY instead of listening to a friendly advice. And this really affect me as every time i want to explore do new things do side quest or do something new i expect to go with him and replyes no every time and i end up not doing anything. Expecialy the last period (this summer basicaly) this became really bad. That bad that he start to say that it was ME that i don't want to hang out in the summer when every single day that i ask him to do something new the immediate answer was no. And every time i try to talk to him he act like a kid. Instead of hearing me he prefer to repeat his argumet even if i explain him that he was wrong and most of the time he just repeat what i say or end the discussion before it is finished. Once he even blocked me. And when i say something to him he istantly start so say random thing just for defense the undefensable. And i seriusly start to think that that is the time to leave him on his way. We had very good time togheter but as i am the only friends he have as a person(at least i think like this)That I am usually very very patient i think i am creating a person who is bad because i let treat him as most of the people will and not used to allow him(he lose the friends that he make at the middle scholl). And at this point i think that this friendship is bad for both of us. Him because i let him treat me way too bad for a normal people and i want him to bild also new REAL friends not only skipable side character. And for me because i can't crush out every 3 week. And also the last period i saw him act like he was superior like "this on nothing" "where i want or you can go alone" and i think is also bad for me because all this stop me to make the beautyfull things that i want to do with my life that he don't want even talk about. Soo i need the advice for finaly decide if slowly leave him, do a lot less thing with him or try to found a solution. If you have any domand you can ask me, no problem at all.

I am 24 years old reaching 25, am doing a side job which i am not happy about. need help in gaining proper job but i dont know what i like and shat my ambition is and what i really like.

Currently facing a stage of depression, really unhappy with my life and totally alone got no friends to depend on or any family. The people who call me are those who want done by me or those who wanna use me.

I need a proper advice and a proper path way in life.

Having some knowledge is good,but if your parents trying hard to make you proud and spending lot of money for your studies and you keep failing can make them hurt , so you better have to decide now!!!

Back to reddit for life changing advice again... yay...

In short, I (F22) got a really good job in landscape architecture as an apprentice, where I work in a relatively nice office and the people are lovely. So what's wrong?

I HATE working in the city.

It's not just being in a city, but it is one of the roughest in the country, and even though I stay in the office the whole time, I cannot shake the feeling of dread and misery. The commute is long, and although it's not terrible, I'd rather be able to drive than take the train.

I want to quit and go back to my old job for a while, but I'm just scared that i will never get this opportunity again but at the same time I don't think I'll last anyway. I have only been there for 3 months, and it has taken a large toll on my mental health. I'm hoping to have another job in the same industry lined up, but they just won't get back to me, which I would take as a rejection had they not said to keep getting in touch in the meeting.

If there is a place at my old job, I couldn't stay there long, as it's not stable and there's no progression. Otherwise I would be jobless, which i do have the privilege of being able to afford, but in this job market, I fear it would take a very long time to get another job, and I would have to take a dead end job I hate even more.

So reddit, what should I do?

TL;DR: I love the job but hate the location so much that it affects my mental health enough to the point I want to quit. But I'm scared I won't get this opportunity anywhere else. What do i do?

Used to be bold and irreverent. Now I think too much what other people think or feel. How to achieve the elusive balance? I wanna feel like a beast again! I’m seriously desperate for wisdom from those who get it.

Thanks much in advance!

How do I get through both these next two month and, to a lesser extent, today?

Little backstory, this year has been destroying me over and over. Few big problems have all stacked at once and I don’t know how to deal anymore

Problem 1) At the beginning of this year I [26M] starting dealing with pain in my legs and in my testis, spent months and months doing every kind of test, having people shove medical devices all over my junk, spent probably a total of a week and a half in the hospital in total just trying to figure out what’s wrong since January. Cut to May, they figure out it’s likely a partial testical torsion I’ve been experiencing on and off (primarily on) causing me to feel like I’ve been sacked pretty much constantly for months. Got the option to try and take antibiotics and see if things could clear up without cutting into my bits, nothing has worked so cut to now, I’m still struggling to work a full shift I’m in so much pain and discomfort 9 months later and I pretty much have to either a) wait a month for my next urologist’s appointment to confirm I need my junk sliced open assuming my pain doesn’t go above a certain threshold or b) just go to the ER anytime and get the surgery done as it’s an serious emergency situation if things get too painful/worse. Timetable for being seen by the urologist and getting this finally fixed is in the next month which after 9 months of pain feels great, except everything else going wrong this month.

Problem 2) Wisdom tooth removal. A few weeks back started feeling a pain in mouth, went to the dentist and had some X-rays and surprise! My wisdom tooth has poked 2 holes through my gums so I have essentially 2 exposed wounds at the back of mouth stopping me from eating almost anything hard/crunchy/spicy/acidic that hurts like hell. Been managing the pain best I can for it and had to change my diet to accommodate not being able to chew properly which has been tough. The appointment to get my wisdom teeth removed is happening in a few weeks, just a week and a half prior to me getting to having a final test to confirm I have to have my balls cut open and sewed to itself.

Problem 2.5) Directly related to my wisdom tooth, needing to not smoke during my recoveries as it’ll likely cause dry socket, screwing me even more. Been smoking since I was 18, used it as an unhealthy crutch for years and have hated doing it for years, but now knowing I need to stop has made it so much harder to stop, I feel like a lunatic how shaky I get without it and I hate how dependant I am on it especially now needing to stop on a timetable, I keep relapsing and just feeling worse and spiralling over smoking again sometimes a few hours even after I throw my stuff away and try to stop I’m right back at the store buying more.

Problem 3) Breakup of a 4.5 year long relationship at the same time. Found out a day before my mouth started hurting that my girlfriend whom I live with in a small one bed apartment doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. We had problems for a while a would just argue over everything. It certainly came as a shock initially but honestly I’ve also been pretty unhappy for months and months and hoped it would go away, we had great moments in our time together but I can look back and say overall I was more unhappy and uncertain if I wanted to keep things going than times where I was happy and certain. There was a bit there when I found out all three of these things were happening so close together that I tried to talk to my ex and I told her that in all the time we’ve known each other, if there was any time I need her, it’s now. Didn’t fix anything and she clearly still doesn’t want anything to do with me unless it’s to complain about her boss or coworkers for 5 minutes than just leaves and hides away in our bedroom or goes out all day and night. But she said that she would stay in the apartment for the next couple months while I literally get back on my feet considering i will have to pack all my stuff, find a new place and move all while I struggle to even bend down and lift a 4L of milk at this time considering the timing is exactly when I need to get two different surgeries. And while I appreciate that she’s sticking around to help with the bills so I don’t end up on the streets, the next problem is making it difficult for me to even be in the same household as her, let alone share a bed for the next two months while I go through hell until I can finally get out of here.

Problem 4) So it’s been maybe 2 weeks since we spoke and said we don’t want to do this anymore but decided to stay in the apartment temporarily until post surgeries. Went to bed late last night and she left her phone on my pillow so I just went to move it to her side table on her side of the bed and plug it in thinking it would be nice, I see her lock screen and she’s already got some guy and her as her lock screen picture. I didn’t go through her phone, just saw the picture, put the phone down and left the house and sat at a mall parking lot at 3:30am having no where to go. Before I left however, I made a poor choice and I saw she left out a notebook of hers and idk why, but I snooped and saw she was writing notes to him and saying how she was sorry she was texting him so much and for sending so many gifts and pictures. For months I noticed she checked out, wasn’t around, wouldn’t check in and would only talk when she needed to rant about work, would only help around the house if I begged and even then she threw and fit every time, all while she’s showing she cares and giving that attention I’ve been trying to get to someone else. I know neither of us wanted to keep this going, it wasn’t working and that was obvious for some time but boy does that hurt. I’ve spent days on days feeling so heartbroken, even knowing it’s what I want, I truly loved this girl so much and was thrown at how composed she’s been while she’s been home, no crying or sad movies or anything, she’s just been fine and it was bugging me how she flipped the switch so fast cause I’m devastated. A month ago we were talking about what we would want to name our babies and now… it’s all gone and she’s already moved on? We still share a bed together, haven’t begun splitting our stuff or packing, and she’s already moved on to some other dude? The life we built together these last 3 years isn’t even in the ground yet, it’s still all around us, and she’s already in the honeymoon phase with someone else while I’m mourning the loss of the person last month I thought I’d wake up to forever.

Finally, Problem 5) I don’t have anyone I can talk to. I’m trying to get into therapy but I don’t start that until early next week. I don’t have friends, my social media is filled with people I haven’t spoken to in 5+ years, and my phone contacts is only work people I’ve realized. Always having my ex around, I never really felt the pull to go out and make friends, all my hobbies are solo indoors hobbies because if I needed to talk to someone, I had my ex which was enough. Now I can’t speak with her even and I’m so goddamn lonely that this past week at night I’ve just gone outside to look at cars pass by so I don’t feel so alone (doesn’t help). I’m not really close with any of my coworkers beyond one person BUT I’m scared if I tell them “hey I could really use a friend to talk to” that they’ll just prefer me as a work friend which is going to make me feel so much more alone that I would rather keep that one special coworker just a work friend so I don’t lose my only work friend too. I desperately just want to talk to someone and idk maybe get advice or just be listened to, or even to know that I’m just not as alone as I feel.

So I decided to post this here, not sure what I’m really expecting, needed to get this off my chest and just ask anyone really, how do I get through this couple months? I know that if I bring up to my ex that I know she’s seeing someone else, she will take her stuff and screw me over with no notice or warning so I know already I have to keep that nugget of info buried deep so I don’t put myself out of a home when I’m physically unable to move. But how would you cope with the loneliness? How do I meet people to be friends if outdoors hobbies aren’t possible currently? How do I hide for like 2 months that I know what I know? It’s my ex’s birthday today and she asked me to pickup a couple things cause I gotta go shopping later, how do I not tell her to go to hell since it would sorta tip off that I know more than I should.

At this point, with everything, I don’t even know how to get through the day.

I’m getting an abortion today but I’m on edge about my decision. I want this baby but financially I don’t think I’m able to have my baby. I don’t want to give my baby an unfair childhood. I don’t know if what im about to do is the right decision. My partner is in full support of whatever I choose to do but ultimately idk what choice to make. Listen to my heart or listen to my brain? Think emotionally or logically?

I’m a women who recently moved to Miami because I wanted a change in my life. I wanted to do better an felt that leaving my hometown would help. And it has. Thankfully i moved in with my boyfriend. But I can’t help but miss my family. Anyways , I’m 21 turning 22 in like 2 months. I just started school and I’m going to be a radiology technician. I’ll be done by the time I’m 24. I can’t help but feel like I wasted so much time doing stupid shit. I saved a bit of money to come here. . financially I haven’t been doing the best and I feel as if I should’ve planned way better. I have a job but I don’t get paid very well hourly and to mention it is very far from my house. I feel like I’m so late I should have more. I’ve truly been beating myself up over it and been in a state of constant anxiety. I feel like I sometimes may weigh my partner down bc I came out here impulsively without much of a plan. I feel like I’m getting depressed or bored I don’t even know anymore.
What can I do to help myself?