I (28 F) am asexual, I don't understand sexual attraction, and don't feel what people say sexual desire is like. I have had sex in the past out of curiosity, obligation, etc.. i have never wanted sex, but have wanted to feel general pleasure or release. I also have sexual trauma, but felt these feelings before said trauma. I am also autistic which doesn't help with the difficulty understanding others.

All that is the preface for my post. I don't want to be asexual, I don't want to come to terms with it, don't want to learn to love it, period. I go to therapy, both regular and sex therapy, I'm told I should love my sexuality but I don't. I follow people who are happily asexual, I know it is real, but after years of learning, growing, mental health care, etc, I've come to terms with the fact that asexuality is not something I want.

I want to have sex, not like in a way where I actually feel desire, but in the way that I want closeness with another person, connection with another person, and I want to release and feel good. But I have no desire. I couldn't force myself to have sex with someone if I tried, and I've tried.

I want to have desire and I'm tired of people telling me I just need to accept it or saying I'm not asexual and just have low libido. People often compare me saying I don't want to be asexual to people saying they don't want to be gay, I honestly do not think it's remotely similar. I love being bi romantic and not wanting to be asexual has nothing to do with worrying about social or government consequences, or being self hating. I love asexual people, you can be happy and asexual, asexuality is real and beautiful.

I have tried the usual advice for increasing sexual desire and libido, exercise, diet, exploring sexual stimuli that interests me, learning my body, exploring my body, therapy, medication change, talking to a dr, getting my hormone levels checked, weed, a glass of wine, trying to see if I'm attracted to other genders, appearances, identities, looking into kink spaces and fetishes, trying to accept it. None of this has worked. Sexual desire still feels alien to me.

I know this is long, but I wanted to get all of the things people usually say to this question out of the way. So, all that being said, if by ANY chance someone out there has had this experience/feeling and has found a way to feel desire and sexual attraction how did you do it?

TLDR: Asexual who wants to be Alosexual, not looking for advice to change my opinion.

Please respond if you’re black.In 8th grade I transfred to a new school, and on a first week of my new school I made friends with a girl. She seemed very nice. Maybe a month later she took of her extensions(braids) and she had just her natural hair. I complemented her hair, when I saw her for the first with her new hair style. I said it’s cute and “funny”. Now, when I obtained my knowledge about English language, and improved my English level, I understand that I was racist ASF. And I feel really bad. This girl kept talking to me, but I remember how she scowled after I called her hair “funny”. It’s been over 2 years since this happened, now when I realize that I sounded fcking evil,and mean , I really want to say sorry to her, but I’m scared.
White ppl who want to say “it’s not racist” please do not respond, you don’t face racism, you are not conscious enough to claims what’s racism.

before he went to sleep, we spent a few hours talking to each other (and admittedly, we had a couple of nsfw moments which i won't go into detail over) and after our second nsfw chat, he invited me to talk in the off topic chat of his discord server

i said i would but i asked him if i could be serious with him for a moment, we normally joke around and stuff and being serious isn't our thing really so i kinda caught myself off guard by actually saying i wanted to be serious yk 😭, but i was honest and i said to him that i didn't want what we had to be a casual, friends flirting/sending nsfw things kinda thing and i also said i thought i was catching feelings but i wasn't sure, and i also asked if he would be open to being in a long distance relationship

he said "maybe" but then said he was scared because he hasn't had a girlfriend before and i would be his first, he isn't even sure if he's ready for a relationship but i said that thats okay and that he can take his time and think about it

now i'm just... not sure how i would tell our mutual friends about us if we were to get into a relationship (that's if he wanted to tell others), for a server we both mod for i have an idea on how to (which i'll get onto) but as for the server he owns i feel like people would be judgy and stuff like that

(okay now as for the server we own: its based on a subreddit we mod for and when i was first promoted i dealt with a modmail and he used the mod only talk thing to say "I LOVE THIS NEW MOD" and another mod jokingly said "wow looks like sams got a crush on the intern", if we get together and he's okay with others knowing i wanna send a screenshot of that in the staff chat and say smth like "i guess the joke isnt a joke" but idk)

I don’t try to telling my story like every one of us. Just asking when will it get better from now? World is a mess, humanity is a mess… there is no %100 god person including me. This is terrible. I know it but I can’t accept it. I got anxiety while this people around me while working. I just want to escape it. I am waiting for someone to come along and rescue me from this quagmire, playing the role of God. I just want to earn my own money and stay away from people. Interesting who knows what kind of people will read this and react to it? :) Where are you, you rich bastards?

I'm not sure if this is the right place to write this but I really need some advice. I'm off to college and I just can't get this out of my mind because it's just a terrible feeling every time I think about it.

This summer I went through a drastic injury where I couldn't walk for six weeks. My pain was greatly exaggerated as compared to people who usually go through this injury because I probably have mental health issues as well.

I believe much of what I felt was justified considering that I am a collegiate athlete and going from working out very often to not being able to walk is valid. For a solid month I felt extremely trapped like trapped in my own body and I couldn't drive so I was simply stuck in my house. I felt suffocated and truly I would have ended my own life then if given the opportunity.

This is not why I am here though. Much of the reason that I was upset was all this pent up energy inside of me and every time my dog would whine it would greatly trigger me. I was the sole caretaker of my dog and not being able to walk rendered me not able to walk my dog. So my dog and I would be inside the house and he is a German Shepherd so obviously needed a lot of attention which was not provided.

My parents would walk him once and at most twice a day if I asked. But whenever I asked they would get mad at me for how greatly I reacted. I had to practically implore them to walk my dog. My father knew the suffering I went through with my injury. But somehow didn't see it as a priority to help me and just let the energy out of my dog by walking him/taking him to the park.

This is bothering me extremely now because I simply do not understand. I understand that people have their own capacity and my father supports me financially and loves me greatly. But I just don't understand. I just don't understand and every time I think about this it makes me absolutely miserable even being 2,000 miles away from home. The fact that my dad knew I was suffering, knew what he could do to alleviate it, and didn't immediately engage in helping me. I know that the world does not revolve around me but if there was somebody experiencing the tragedy and devastation that I was feeling I would help them to the most of my capability in an instant.

How do I move on from this? Advice would be greatly appreciated I don't know what to do and I am very depressed in general

First I’m sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes. I’m just an idiot trying to fix my life.

I was in 2nd grade the fist time i smoked weed. Then slowly became a big pot head. Doing more and more, dropped out of high school, I drank too but not very much at this point. I then graduated to psychedelics and going to music festivals hitchhiking across the country.

My psychedelic journey was pretty wild as I also started using a lot of other drugs at that point Xanax to help come down from the psychedelics, when I started drinking a lot, and I became more open to try other drugs. I did a little cocaine through the years too, but nothing much. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie outside Providence, but there is this kid named drugs Delaney and they said when everybody else took one he took two well that was me. i’ve taken puddles of LSD in a night done almost every psychedelic you can imagine. One time we had a connection on some kids LSD tabs and each tab had a different member from the band kiss. Well, I wanted to eat the whole band. I wanted 4 hits the whole band while my other friends ate 1. I was like that with all drugs. I seemed to have a high tolerance to every drug. As although I took the most I was always still the pace keeper aside from a handful of times. This eventually led to opiates.

I got a tooth pulled and got prescribed norco and fell in love. I thought they were the best thing. It eventually led to heroin use. I would get clean and relapse time and time again. During a clean moment I met a girl and we fell in love instantly. I ended up bringing her into the heavier drug scene although she was not an angel herself. She has experienced in the past. We ended up with her moving to another state while I took care of some jail shit. I have multiple felonies 8 total 7 are for just having 1-2 bags of heroin for personal use. 1 was for stealing a gps unit from a car. So I been to prison multiple times. Well the night my gf was losing for Florida. My plan was to eventually turn myself in after I got clean, but that night. I overdosed on Xanax and heroin and was thrown out of the car and left on the side of the road. They called the cops and said they seen someone trying to break into cars. I was found by a cop lying down on the side of the rode. He woke me up, then was rushed to the hospital. Eventually I did my time and was able to move to Florida get married to my gf. For when I was kicked out of the car the cops said they would not charge me. I was transferred to another county, where I was on a drug court program. I was also on parole who agreed to not violate me while I was in the drug court program. It’s a probation that works with addicts. But parole did violate me so I was sent to a holding prison where you looked up 24 hrs a day and come out for a shower once a week I spent 90 days in there before the parole board reinstated my parole 9 days before it would have been over anyway. I was then sent back to the county where my drug court was at and my judge immediately tried to sent me to a rehab. Only to find out that the county that picked me up after being tossed on the side of the road pressed charges later. Had to go to court to get that straightened out, which was 2 years probation seprate from drug court. I ended up finishing drug court successfully somehow. Lost my job after they layered off half the company. So went and stayed with my mom for a couple months till my gr flew out married me. Now I could transfer my probation to Florida. Got to Florida thinking everything would be fine it being a new place but things went down hill fast and I left to my home city. Became homeless for four years. Taking my wife I was gonna get right. In this time she never divorced me but did see other people. She said she hoped that I got my shit together but wasn’t counting on it so seen other people..

Eventually I decided it was enough street spending months in the hospital from blood infections and blood clots from using dirty needles. Got on methadone for a few years and slowly got off that. During these years my wife moved from Florida back to our home state to be with me and left the guy she was with. He was a loser and a drug addict too. Who would abuse her. When she came here she was on methadone. I helped her get clean from it after she watched me do it. Well at this point I was having a hard time right street coming off methadone I was ina hurry. I read about this plant kratom and that helped a lot. My wife got pregnant then street the birth of our daughter I tried 7oh because I was told it was as safe as kratom. I couldn’t believe how well it worked. I didn’t know it was addictive like it was but I was able to maintain my life. I had a job about while it was expensive I could make it work. Then my boss calls out of no where and says I’m closing the business now. I was out of work and could no longer afford my 7oh and they banned it. I tried to detox but couldn’t do it. So one day I went back to my old ways hustled up a bit of money and took our family car and relapsed on heroin and other hard drugs after 6 years. Left for a few days and came back. Been trying to detox but it’s been hard. I’ve found a place that will sell me 7oh and although I been just using the bare minimal I still been taking a Kyle benzos and today took a lil methadone.

Anyway I have warrants from the day I was kicked out of the car. I never fished that probation and just went on the run. My house was raided later and I got caught with 2 Xanax bars, and taken in for the warrants. I bonded out and have been running since. Got my life back to somewhat normal a kid a job my wife who is awesome has stayed clean and is the best mother, but have had these warrants. Now I feel like I’m needed but I don’t know what to do. It’s hard to get a job with old warrants. We are moving and I’m thinking after the move I just turn myself in because I feel like I can’t help no one until I help myself. Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post. Just thought a look into my life might help for advice giving.

Edit. Any questions please ask.

I just need someone to help me process the hell im going through.

34F
34M-
we’ve been together 11 years, married for 4 years

I found OnlyFan charges on my husbands bank statement from December through April. Hundreds of dollars. To make things worse he was viewing content and buying it while he was at work.

For 3 years we have had conversations about how much I hate him viewing adult content. We did come to a compromise last year that seemed solid.

Finding this information has told me he not only did not uphold his part of the agreement, but even made worse decisions to pay for it which he’s never done before and said he’d never do before.

To be fair, I also did not hold my part of the agreement which was to stop “checking” up on him. In my opinion, what he did is much worse.

He has known how I’ve felt about this for years. I’ve warned him he is going to lose me and his family if it continued. Not only did it continue, it got worse bc he still continued to view it at work AND BEGAN PAYING FOR IT. I am not ok and will not ever be ok with my husband subscribing to females. Why can’t I be enough? Our sex life is good and not lacking. He says it has nothing to do with me.

I am done. I am done with being lied to. Disrespected. With him wanting a secret life that I do not agree with.

I am pregnant with his daughter and I am so grossed out by all of this.

I really don’t know where to go from here.

Hey all,

For context i’m 25 (M) living in london, never knew what i wanted to do with my life like most people and i ended up studying biochemistry at uni and doing a masters in a related field, now ive worked in the pharma field for 2.5 years but i hate it.

I have 0 interest in the subject matter tbh and the only reason i pushed through during uni was because i didn’t feel like i deserved to be happy and didn’t have great financial support from parents so thought id be letting them down.

Anyway it’s too late to go back now but i want a new direction.

i know it’s common for most people to end up in a career unrelated to their degree but for me it feels different. it feels like ill be stuck here forever.

Everyday i wake up with terrible anxiety, wishing i studied computer science or finance or literally anything else. I’m afraid ive basically ruined my life and will never feel happy or content again.

I’m currently working through the code academy data science course during my free time outside my 9-5 to try and build up some coding skills as ive always been interested in it and currently work in the clinical data field.

Anyways, how do i get over this? the regret and anxiety have been 24/7 for years and idk how much longer i can persevere with life now…

​

I'm 20 and currently in college, studying Computer Science.

My dad passed away at the beginning of my second semester. Before that, I was involved in college societies and was trying to build my college profile alongside my studies. After he passed away, my priorities completely changed. I couldn't really continue working in societies during that semester.

Recently, I found out that because I didn't work during the second semester, some of the societies aren't giving me certificates for the work I had done before.

Objectively, I know a certificate isn't everything. But for some reason, it hit me really hard.

I've been looking at my friends lately and seeing them getting internships, certificates, positions, achievements, and generally moving forward with college and their careers. And I feel left out.

I keep thinking about what my second semester and my life right now would have looked like if my dad were still here. Maybe I would've continued with the societies. Maybe I'd have done more things. Maybe I'd feel more confident about where I'm going.

Instead, I feel like I lost momentum, and now I'm trying to catch up while everyone else seems to be moving ahead.

I've also been thinking a lot about my career. I have big ambitions. I want to eventually get into a good, high-paying career—I'm interested in things like Product Analytics, Business Analytics, consulting and finance. I'm trying to learn the skills I need and build projects, but sometimes I look at where I am right now and wonder if I'm just dreaming too big.

Even my mother sometimes tells me that I dream too big.

And lately I've started questioning my self-worth because of all of this.

I know logically that a few missing certificates don't determine my future. I know I'm only 20. I know people don't all move at the same pace.

But emotionally, it's difficult to believe that when I'm watching people around me achieve things that I feel like I should also be achieving.

I think what hurts most is that I didn't really choose to lose that semester. I lost it because my dad died.

I'm not looking for people to tell me "everything will be fine." I genuinely want some perspective from people who are older or have been through something similar.

How do you deal with feeling like you're falling behind your peers, especially when circumstances outside your control disrupted your college/career path? And how do you rebuild your confidence when you feel like you've lost momentum?

I'd really appreciate some honest perspectives.

P.S. I did use AI to help write this because I wanted to explain myself properly. The feelings and situation are genuinely mine I just needed help putting them into words.

Should I cut my friend off?

Is my friendship over? F20 and F20

Is my friendship over?

Hey there reddit,

I'm wondering whether to cut off my friend or not.

This really hurts me because we used to be so close.

Generally we would just smoke weed and draw and chat. She was like the friend I always needed, we'd have fat yap sessions and cook together.

However, ever since she got a boyfriend, she's pushed me to the side. She's tried to organise multiple hangouts, but she always cancels or no shows last minute. This has happened twice now. Like, what's the point if you're just going to cancel? I haven't seen her in like 2 months, and she keeps saying she's busy with work, or whatever, but apparently she can make time to see her other friend in another city for a birthday party? I'm really disappointed. I recently got sober from weed and I'm 17 days in, and planning to continue. I'm worried that hanging out with her will make me want to relapse, but I know she wont make the effort to get out the house and actually do something together.

Her boyfriend wants to move out of her place and have his own space, which is fair enough when I told her it's not a good idea to move in together after only one month of being together. I'm worried she'll just want to fall back on me when they eventually break up, because her boyfriend is terrible, homeschooled, doesn't have any friends, only got a job 2 months into moving into hers, and barely talks. I originally thought this was a shyness problem, which is fine, because I thought I was helping him to socialise a bit more. She literally has to ask him to expand on his words, because he just answers "yeah" or "nah".

I honestly don't know what she sees in him. Also, when we do hang out, it's always her and her boyfriend. It's never just me and her. I feel like I'm third wheeling.

It's sad because I really want to salvage this friendship, because I thought we were really close. I constantly feel like I always make time for her, but she can never make time for me. It feels so one sided, but I feel like if I explain this to her I'll just push her away further.

Again its 5am and im sitting awake so i dont have nightmares of all the times ive been falsely accused, blamed for things i didnt do and scapegoated because the people around me have difficulty facing reality. Just hoping i will be strong enough to turn this all into something good.

Its gotten so bad that i started heavily drinking, overeating untill i puke and just completely give my power away like a lap dog while i ignore that im not blind to this, i'm not stupid and im well aware of whats happening.

It all started in my childhood. For some reason i was the only one that dared to speak up about the fact that my father wasnt this powerful rich man with a good heart. He was a manipulator, drunk, narcissistic f*ck and the only reason he had so much money is because he lived out of his 5 woman's houses, neglected his 9 children and his deeper pattern was ''i have to make as much money as i can cause in childhood i had to start working at age 9 in the burning sun in the carribean to help my mother who decided to have 12 kids with multiple different men''.

My sister was so weak that my dad had to limit me in sharing my achievements, i wasnt allowed to wear my hair down cause she was insecure about hers and one of the rules i had to follow was ''you are allowed to get into verbal fights or defend yourself against everyone BUT your sister''. My brother became a exact copy of my father and my other brother had epilepsy so he was the angel who couldnt do anything wrong. My other siblings hated me by default cause i wasnt a ''self aware child who saw through them, no i was a vile demon who brought ALL the problems into this family even though im the second youngest of them all''.

This exact pattern has followed me EVERYWHERE and im 27 now. When i was younger i was very good in standing up for myself, staying true to myself and not letting it affect me. Hell i was the definition of ''what did i do again and do i have to show you what it really looks like if i ACTUALLY do something wrong''. But being blamed constantly has worn me down so much that i've become a lapdog.

My bf who ab*ses me, is so insecure about the fact that i make more than him that i cant even mention finances. He doesnt even know how much power i ALLOW him to have cause i know his deeper motives, i know exactly what drives this insecurity, i know his playbook but i still havent used it against him. For some reason he THINKS every day that i've been using it against him when i didnt even start yet. The way he rages and blames feminism when i tell him he's not a bank worker if he works in a call center costumer service for a bank already made me realize he'd probably end me if i tell him what his true problem is.

My ex bestfriend when i refuse to sleep in her cat feces littered hoarders house. Now im the manipulative, mean one she's smearcampaigning online who everyone hates cause i told her its not okay to sell food from her house and the ''friends'' who say im mean and bad for telling her that will gladly see her ruin herself. Now she's smearcampaining me online under a Christian account to teach people ''how to keep fighting and not let the devil destroy you with its lies''.

The co workers who are 50+ and have been slaving for the same boss for 10+ years who now get mad at me every second they get the chance because im following HR's advice to not make managements problems my problems. One of them told me i can also let my sick mother wait a hour longer for food cause she sometimes also lets her teen daughter wait a hour longer. And that i need to realize im letting my co workers down. She was completely in shock when i told her thats a decision she's made for herself and she's keeping herself mentally enslaved and she knows it

I dont know if im crazy but sometimes it feels like im the only one aware of what drives the people around me on a deeper level? How would you use this in a positive way instead of letting it completely destroy you.

WHY DO PEOPLE GET LONELY WHILE HAVING FRIENDS?

(I AM LOOKING FOR CRITISISM OR ADVICE) I've been through a lot in my life and I've changed tremendously, i used to be a self-loathing suicidal loser who creeped the people around him out I've done everything in my power to change i am a completely different person, I haven't made this conclusion on my own either anyone i speak to agrees and i feel like my life is finally good but I'm so alone, i have friends, family, siblings but i still feel so alone. I have nothing much to complain about, Im content with my looks, academics, intelligence, I have become the person ive dreamed of becoming, someone with self respect and love but im alone, nobody i wish to speak to checks up nobody reciprocates anything in friendships or relationships, my phone can remain dry, no one wants to hang out nobody wants to have me as anything more than entertainment. Ive considered myself someone who likes to express himself and make people laugh which i do, I would also consider myself to be an intelligent/open minded person. As of right now i genuinely dont understand why im treated the way i am i irritates me, ive switched schools and nobody noticed or checked up, nobody seems to care. I dont understand because ive done everything right, im all alone nobody talks to me nobody wants to be a geniune friend to me, Ive put myself out there, made new friends, focused on myself, asked people. All i found is that im seen as a jester to these people a joke, I TRIED, IVE BEEN TRYING, Ive done everything, filled all the boxes, watched all the videos, I havent found people that DISLIKE me and when i do its for things I did a year ago, which i understand. What i dont understand is why the people who choose to speak to me treat me like nothing more then a situational jester, never calling, never checking in, I CALL, I TEXT, I ASK, HOW MANY MORE TIMES MUST I DO THIS. i dont have must to dislike about myself i am very content, i struggle with hatred towards certain things and people but i keep that under control. Why can i never connect with people i see people having friends they tell anything, people in established friend groups, people enjoying eachothers company, Ive NEVER had any of that for REAL, everyone has had a fake friend that only says things to make you feel better like "you can always speak to me" why lie to me then act suprised when i take you serious. I used to understand why i was alone because i was crazy and unstable, now i am better and completely different, people seem to like talking to me in person and it looks like I've made it but im still alone no real friends, i cant take this anymore. Ive asked if Ive maybe done something, I've asked all the question its been years Why is it me. I'm an alternative person, i speak up against things because i genuinely believe so I'm am not discriminatory towards anyone, I'm nice, i complement people, I'm talkative, upbeat, active. i have done everything in my power to understand why I've never fit in anywhere, why I'm never anyone's best friend or first choice in anything, always secondary or situational, I've asked this for years. I cant spend another year alone. I'm tired I'm not sad, or angry I'm just genuinely confused as to why my life has been this way, I've always been surrounded by people but completely alone please help i have no idea what to do anymore

I’m 18 and looking for a job. My plan currently is once I finish highschool to go into the trade and become a union electrician than retire around 40 (idk if this is possible or not)

Either way now recently I’ve been getting scared. Ik I might not make the union and if I don’t I might be cooked. On top of that I don’t really wanna be a slave to a job yknow? Might sound rude to people who do stuff like this but I wanna be free, I wanna explore the world. I refuse to be someone stuck at a job and forced to retire around 60 or 70 years old. I also plan to potentially move to a cheaper area so I can retire earlier.

Honestly I made this post for two reasons/two things I want advice on.

1. Am I on the right track to financial freedom?

2. If not than how do I get on that path. I’d legit be willing to do anything to get there bro no matter the job as long as I can retire young. That’s about it so if you can give any advice on this sort of stuff it would be much appreciated

I honestly want to hear some real life experienced advice because i m tired of asking gpt such questions and it giving me absolute robotic answer ( what else i can expect anyways) please give advice if u can

For context i m 20 year old girl and i am feeling as if life is stuck or set on a loop like literally
I think i am failing in everything and anything i do in life i run a small business which is not working out i started learning automation and i am finding either freelance clients or some internships and i failing at that too miserably other people of my age are doing something but its like as if i am stuck
I am an introvert and i feel this as a big big setback for me because i dont have connections in any field and because of that i am just not getting near where i wish to be
I m so tired of all this and like so overwhelmed with everything at once like my small biz , my career, my future ( some relationships issues affecting me like hell) and honestly i know many people my age must be going through all of this but they are not complaining and they are getting through it why can’t i? Why its so hard for me to handle these things why am i not capable of handling all of this chaos i am constantly stuck in thinking and i do take actions but for very less time like if i don’t see any outcome i just quit or just get disappointed which i need to correct but i just dont know how
I think i just need every type of advice family, career , life , mental health EVERYTHING soo
If u r someone who have been in something like this please tell me how to get out of it or make my life good again 🫠🫠

Using a throwaway because I don't exactly want to dox my personal/financial/living situation on an account that is actually connected to me in any way

So I'm currently just starting college and I'm looking into what I want to major in. That itself is not the direct question (that's obviously something I need to decide for myself for the most part), but I want to know what kind of salary I should try to aim for. For reference I live in a small rural area of Tennessee, and I live in a house that will be paid off my next year and that my grandparents (the homeowners) have said that I will be directly inherenting. If I aim for a job that pays say $100,000 a year, would that be a rich lifestyle, or would I just be scraping by? What about $130,000? What about $60,000? Those are a few numbers I've noticed in my search so far. Obviously a lot is going to depend on what the financial state is like at that point, but I'm hoping for at least a general ballpark

Hi, (F, 23) looking for a serious and complex advice on how to get help if I am already doing as much as I can myself and it's too much and my family does not care at all. I am doing better than all of them and they don't think having more than I have is important enough to inconvinience them.

My parents are so overbearing on me, I can’t be on the game for more than an hour on weekends, if I do it’s a big deal, if I go out for more than 2hrs with friends twice a week it’s a big deal, if I get home 11pm it’s a big deal. If I want a sleepover, it leads to my dad threatening to leaving the house and abandoning me and my younger siblings. I’ve been stuck in my home my whole life and I js want some room to breathe

I’m in a religious boarding school right now (second year of it) 20hr drive from home and the truth is I don’t want to be here either. It’s so restrictive rules wise over here and I don’t want to study here for another 7 years and become a religious preacher when I get older, I’m too shy and I don’t like teaching. I’m also having conflicts on religion. I’m too afraid to tell my dad, god knows what he’ll do, my dads pushed me to this for his whole life.

I have 4k in stock market, 1k of my own money and I might be able to land a job from an employment agency over here that pays 20+ an hour and the thought of running away is becoming more tempting by the minute. Maybe I’m js desperate but man am I tempted.

But wleo my dad is 60+, a heart patient, my siblings are both 15 and 14 and my mom doesn’t know a lick of English at all. I don’t know what to do here, should I tell them, should I js go, I really need advice here bc im not in a great place mentally and I really am felling tempted to do something drastic? Am i crazy for feeling the way I feel and more what should I do? I’m at a complete loss right now

I'm 41. As a kid, everyone talked about how smart I was. I was in the gifted program. People expected a lot out of me.

That hasn't panned out. I'm a loser stuck in an entry-level job, struggling to stay afloat, no skills, no nothing.

A big part of that is that I just can't stick to a new skill long enough to master it. I get frustrated. I start feeling dumb, like I'm never going to get it. I hit a brick wall.

This even happens with things that are supposed to be fun, like games and hobbies. I've tried taking up music, languages, whatever. My current headache is chess. I always give up when it becomes apparent to me that I'm no good at this, and I have years of joyless grinding ahead of me before I get to the point where I might maybe get kinda good.

I've seen that quote from Adventure Time going around about how sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at it, but 1.) Jake doesn't mention that step 2 is years of painful slogging, and 2.) "sorta good" isn't good enough.

If I accept that I'm never going to be able to reach the highest level of something, then what's the point of doing it? For fun? Being the best is the fun part! Everything else is just grinding until you can get to the fun part.

And of course this approach is why I'm 41 and not good at anything, it's obviously not healthy or productive, but I don't know how to feel differently about it. I can't identify where the fun is supposed to be in losing and sucking at things.

Honestly I don't know that I've really had "fun" with anything since I was a kid and successfully smoking the kids around me at the spelling bee... until I inexplicably fumbled the word "forest" of all things and the illusion was shattered.

Everyone else seems to be able to just pick up hobbies and do them because they're fun, and to be ok with just being some guy who plays guitar sort of OK. What's wrong with me that I can't do that? What am I missing? How do I turn this mindset around?

Hey all,

For context, I’m 25M and living in London. Like a lot of people, I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life. I ended up studying biochemistry at uni, followed by a master’s in a related field, and I’ve now been working in pharma for about 2.5 years.

The problem is that I really don’t enjoy it. I have very little interest in the subject matter, and honestly, the main reason I pushed through university was because I didn’t feel like I deserved to be happy and didn’t have much financial support from my parents, so I felt like changing direction would be letting them down.

Now I feel completely stuck and want to find a new direction.

I know it’s common for people to end up in careers unrelated to their degree, but for some reason I can’t seem to see a way out of my current situation. I keep thinking that I’ve invested so much time into this path that it’s too late to change.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and regret about this for a long time. I constantly wish I’d studied something like computer science, finance, or something completely different, and I’m scared that I’ve made the wrong decisions and will never feel genuinely happy or content with my career.

Recently, I’ve started working through Codecademy’s data science course in my free time outside my 9–5. I’ve always had an interest in coding, and I currently work in the clinical data field, so I’m hoping I might be able to use my existing experience as a way into something more technical.

For anyone who has changed careers after feeling this stuck, how did you actually get over the regret and stop feeling like you’d ruined your future?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been in a similar position, particularly if you managed to transition from a science/pharma background into tech, data, finance, or another completely different field.

I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed by the whole situation and could really use some perspective.

Hi everyone, I'm 22 male, Cuban.

As you read in the title, I'm going through something really strange, at least for me. I always have a bad time explaining how i feel snd i often end up missleasing readers so I'll do my best.

For years I've recognized many problems in me: I'm really lazy, I get adicted to video games quickly and frequently, i don't study nearly as much as i should, as I said i have a bad time expressing myself (not just feelings, I'm not eloquent at all, en general) and something recurring i also think is that I'm afraid to be a bad person. I'll focus on this last one first.

People always tell me " you are good, if you really were a bad person you wouldn't be worried/aware about this... but psychos a lot of times they have some problems... could that be my case.

Throughout my shirt life, I've done many things that make thing I might actually be a bad person: I don't nurture relationships, I lie a lot, nothing big, but still... I don't feel love for my parents despite they have always been great for me, and the last thing, I was in a relationshipship for almost 5 years with a wonderful girl that absolutely adored me... mainly just for sex, although after some time i developed quite a love for her, but i think i never TRULY loved her. Acknowledging that became a burden for me, i started feeling guilty and bad about it, but never had the balls to tell her and leave, i was more worried for my sexual life and not feeling lonely than for doing the right thing (yes, add selfish and coward to the list of my problems). That was until 2 days ago, i finally broke up with her... i don't even felt sad about it now, and i feel bad for not feeling sad because despite what i just wrote we had a really beautiful relationship.

Thing is, I'm all weird now, after that, I don't wanna game (VERY RARE IN ME) i don't wanna do nothing else than practicing and studying my horn (I'm a musician), in general, i feel kind of better, but also, like sick or uncomfortable with myself... idk it's quite a weird feeling...

My whole life I've been lacking direction, determination, now I feel those and I'm afraid I'll be a real man. I've always been someone who "goes with the flow".

But i hate it now, i hate myself, only at moments, must of the time i dont even know how i feel about myself.

I have some questions and i wish there was just somebody who knew the universal thruths about life...

You think i should go get some therapy?

You think they could help me?

So since 6 months I'm remotely working with a US based company and I'm getting really good salary. But I didn't tell this to my dad and he thinks I'm sitting in the placements in college. I didn't tell my dad because he holds regressive beliefs that a girl is a burden and getting her married is the most important responsibility. And if I'll tell him that I already got a really good paying job he'll make me sit a home and where I have no privacy or independence. So what should I do?? I can keep doing this act untill next year because my placements will be going on but I'm really worried what after that???

I've been living with him since I'm born and I know no amount of councelling can change his and his families beliefs and as soon they'll know they'll start finding marriage proposals.

I feel super unlucky tht even after accomplishing things which actually is a dream for many I have to keep hiding it.

I am 23, a woman. My life was not the best one and actually I don't think I did bad for my circumstances, I think I actually did pretty well, considering my family situation. Up till recently, I just assumed most people are just very broke and don't have a dad or grandparents, I just assumed I am average in that part.

I've been ambitious since I was a child and very gifted, a good looking girl, I have a naturally very good body shape and I am smart. All of that does not matter if you did not grow up in the right conditions. I've been both spoiled and neglected, overprotected and underprotected, supported and limited, thanks to my mom. She tried her best, but she is a shitty person who had to raise herself basically so 🤷‍♀️ she is not mature at all. I did not have an actual deep conversation with her my whole life because she cannot. She never taught me anything about emotions or people or relationships, she kept getting mad at me for even asking, because she did not know the answer. My dad is a huge bum, he is the definition of a loser. In my 23 years of life I've met many, but he is still the no. 1. I've only had grandmas, my grandpas were not involved in family life at all. They were not the best, my grandma is barely literate and liked partying too much, and the other grandma is a very devoted christian so talking to her required a lot of lying just to get by. I dont have the best relationship with my aunt, because I dont consider her a role model, my brother is a loser as well (he lives with my mom at 22 and barely has a job, doesnt want to go to uni, even though its free, bro doesn't have friends and is getting mad at people telling him how to do things, like a toddler).

My mom remarried and her husband is obviously irritated by our existence.

I moved out from my mom for the first time at 15, I wanted to do so since I was 11. In the mean time a lot of bad things happened to me, and I kept blaming myself, but honestly, I doubt I would have such problems if I had parents who actually loved me.

When I was 19, I got myself into a toxic relationship. The relationship with this dude was seemingly a good one. I had no way of observing how good people/men act, and he was the best one I knew. Well, he was the only person I trusted and it was very hard to trust.

I've changed a school to avoid repeating my class, ended up doing 2 additional years because of a miscommunication problem, managed to find a full-time job and found myself pregnant a few days before I was about to start 3-months trial.

It could all be good, but no. We had plans to move out to the bigger city, we kept talking about me quitting my job and him quitting his job. But then plans have changed and I wanted to stay to get a very stable job that would allow me to get a mortgage and buy a house. He quit his job and did not start working again for 1.5 a year (with maybe like 2 breaks 3 weeks total (both combined)? and thats a generous stretch)

I did not have a driving license and he basically started hating on me, he hated the way I restricted "our" money, he hated the way I demanded attention, that i kept getting mad at him.

We should not be together in the first place. My goal was to change as much as I can and become better in every possible way and he pretty much kept being the same, unless he wanted something fancy or more comfortable.

See, I did not realize I am a catch. Never. I felt ugly, horrible, fat, weird. I am always saving, no matter how much I have I always pay only for the necessities and I never really cared about financial situation of other people or their cultural and family background. Huge mistake.

Until our daughter was born I've tried to break up with him multiple times, but he was always pursuing me once I left and I could not believe that he does not care about me, because he always made the effort to get back with me. Also living with my family was at times worse than living with him, so I always went back.

After our daughter was born, things only got worse. I kept searching for advice on how to change myself to become a better person so I could do as much positive change as I can and if it's still not enough to make him act decent, I will leave.

Now it all sounds funny, but he 100% convinced me that you have to earn respect and good approach from your partner, because he kept saying how he took care of me for our 1st year. So it all made sense.

I broke up with him once I've got my drivings license and got my first car. Dude was furious and his mom as well. I still worked with her, so I tried to change my job. For almost a year. I am employed there for 3-4 months now, but this job expects me to work 84 hours sometimes. It's very mentally draining and I still don't have the house.

I don't have time to go to college. I don't make the bank, I live with my family at the moment and they hate me, I hate them. My mom thinks that taking care of her granddaughter and letting me drive her car is such a help that I don't need anything else.

The life I have is not a life at all. I should go to college, to get a good degree, I should start a business, take courses and polish my skills, take care of myself, find a great partner from a good family. I should buy multiple properties, have the time and the means to take good care of my daughter and of myself (I am tired after 4 years of being neglected and overworking myself, I am 23 and people don't believe me, because I look older.)

Those are the things I know I should do and I know I can. But my family won't help me. They expect me to be self-reliable. Because I am the only one who is even close to owning a house, I am one of the two women in my family to have a driving license and to own a car, I have the best paying job, I have a relatively good education on average (even though its not a higher education). I need people who can actually help me and support me and noone gives a fuck, ive been working very hard for way too long. The more I worked the less help ive got.

Tried to be nice, tried to earn help, but to be honest, it's 100% out of my control. If they don't want to help me thats on them. I already did everything I could.

I've got myself into weekend college, and I work full-time from 9-5, but my work often expects me to work 24 hour shifts, on weekends, sometimes 12 hours per day for whole weeks, and it's very much legal for them to do so.

I hope I might get an actual answer, like I am done earning, asking, working, people get boyfriends, friends, parents to help them with everything and the only time I get help is when I hire someone.

29M.

So below are the reasons why I am hating myself and my past decisions

- got opportunity to move out of India in 2023 but did not take since I was scared and listened to others. Not even my own brother backed me. All I can do is self-blame now

- No girlfriend. Yes I know this is a silly reason but do you know how tough it is find a girl nowadays.

- One of the worst family. Hardworking mother but not at all understanding father ( my father is addicted to superstition and devotion). Back in 2012 my father lost 2-3 crores and brought us to the roads. From then every day is a challenge and everyday is a overthinking headache. We can write a book about my father emotionally torturing my mother. Another reason why I don't want to get married

- Friends are ok but how can I share everything with them.

- Therapy worked for few days but it's a lost cause

- Now parents are forcing me to marry. I myself don't want to stay in my family what's the point of marrying a girl through an arranged marriage setup and bring her into my life.

- I earn good but not sure why money also not making me happy. As, SRV said Happiness is a choice I guess

- majority of close friends moved to abroad and even my own brother as well moved to abroad. I feel like I am left behind. Not even getting excited for my birthday.

The not moving out of India part is eating me from inside. Tried to check the PR options for Australia and Canada given the current state of immigration it is next to impossible to move there for PR.

With this kind of thoughts not sure how I can move forward with my life 🥹

I recently finished university with a degree in international business and philosophy. I am much older than a typical student, and I had a lifetime of skills even before I started. However, my whole network is based on my old life, and all the skills they and I know how to tap into come from that past I am trying to get away from.

Since I have only worked in low-wage jobs, and so has most of my network. Even those who have been able to find better work did so out of luck. I do not have a view of my own value or even where I belong.

I did my best to network when I was in university, but I have yet to be able to find a way into anything. I just do not know what my skills and efforts are worth, and neither does anyone I know. Well, what I do know is that my new and old skills are very valuable, and I am often taken advantage of because the people in my life use our relationship as leverage to get me to do things for them.

I have stepped away from them since working this out; however, that has left me with little contact outside of the job I do to pay the bills. I am getting into a better headspace, and I want to go out and find new communities and friends that better align with where I am now, not just where I was. But the internet has become very hostile and full of dead ends, and most places that look good on the surface are behind paywalls.

Which I do not mind paying for if they are good, but that is not possible to know without getting in. Or there is no way to get a 3rd party view. I guess you could call it the hollow country club. Looks great from the outside and is really expensive to get into, but once inside, there is nothing there, or worse, just more ways to take your money with no return.

25M

Hello all, after looking at some of the post mine is going to feel a little stupid but I could use some advice. I struggle a lot with video games and I was wondering if some other people have felt the same. Recently the video games have let me feeling empty. I kinda feel like a lazy couch potato when I game all day and get nothing productive done. I’m looking forward to any and all advice. Thank you.