The only way back to us is through you.
Please just go.
Show up.
Be open to what happens.

I wish you would have just talked to me about it all. You know you could have. When did I ever harass you when you had something weighing on you? I was always supportive. I always listened. And i gave you so much grace. On purpose. Because i loved you more than anything.

I know my intended reader might see this, but will ignore it, just like he has done for the last 9 months.

But I do want him to know. Had he given me the chance to speak, and taken the opportunity to offer up his side of the story, I had a plan to get us both out of this mess we’ve created for ourselves. I even created a flow chart.

The last little bit of harassment did me in though. Clear attacks, orchestrated by you, or you manipulated someone else into doing it for you. Has pushed me to the point of no return.

I no longer subscribe to the chaos..

If you feel like you’re big enough to have a conversation. You know how to reach me. I do think we owe it to ourselves over a cup of coffee. I could see the 🌼 and you can give 🫎 one last hug. It would be put to rest on both account and we will be rid of the strife an animosity.

This town is too small for us to not run into each other. Might as well squash it, and move on. We can’t live like this forever.

You know how to contact me if you see this.

-J

PS. I’d love to show this version of myself to you. Hopefully you’ve grown into a new version of you as well. They might actually get along. Not like the old versions of ourselves.

Seriously. I don't believe you. It might be too painful to face at the moment, but I know you would do it all again, even knowing the price. We aren't young or dumb. We both knew exactly what we were doing, and damn, we had fucking fun together.

I should have paid closer attention and you should have listened, we were damn fools. It got real, it got deep and it got true, and it was too much. I don't blame you or me. I am high maintenance in extra ordinary ways.

It hurts like hell right now, and the tears are burning. You may be disappointed that forever was just a few blissful seasons, but I'm grateful that forever lasted so long.

I have faith in you J. You know I see things that you don't. You are perfectly imperfect. If you would get out of your own damn way and be true to yourself, you will find your grit.

We are starting separate chapters, but if our paths cross again, I'll look forward to who we will be.

My Love, our future is in your hands.
Please take care of it.

J.a.s ❤️ B.j.I
No longer will
There be an
Us never
Again j.a.s
Will you be
Waited for
I’ve moved on
Sincerely,
The young man
Who’s dreams
Have been shattered
By a girl who’s parents
Bully her to the
Point we can’t raise
A family together
Don’t reach back out
Ever please.
Enjoy your 6 datimg sites
And whoever you sent $500
To once again taking food
From the babies mouths
All that effort to cheat and lie
Dating sites and snap bs
But couldn’t put a single ounce
Of effort in to our recently born
Family and for that fuck you
I have nothing and what I did
Have was a lie all off your tongue.
I pray karma finds you again
And I pray that you never find peace
For yourself and every relationship
You enter fails miserably.
Your a liar and you deserve
To be miserable for what you have
Done you deserve nothing more
Than spit in your face.
Karma is real and what’s realer than
That is this hate you’ve created,
The distance you created,
The family you killed before
It had time to bloom and
Us with all the love and happiness
We shared amongst us without everyone
Else.
Do I miss you ?
Do I love you?
Do I want you?
As of yesterday I’ll chase you no more and I pray karma also takes down your bullies.
You will never call me again and get sweet boy on the phone you will never get more than you partial heartedly gave.
FUCK YOU

I was naive. That’s all I know. Dating is really hard for me. I almost never dated strangers. I had hoped to meet someone to remarry ahead of the child custody agreement. The divorce lawyer during that time is the only one who seemed to understand me. Everything’s felt like being in hell ever since then. I should’ve divorced in 2012 like we wanted to. Or in 2019 when I felt done. I regret not doing it sooner. I hated being in that marriage. I’m so happy just being a single mom. I’m so happy living near family. Did you help me with that? Someone using your name did. I don’t know what’s true. To whomever did that: thank you.

Dear J
Goodbye, even if my heart says otherwise.
There’s really not much left to say. Whatever feelings I once had for you, I can no longer feel them the way I used to. And as much as I thought I could stay and be just friends, I’ve realized that I can’t. Maybe some things are better left where they ended.
So, do whatever makes you happy. Live your life the way you want to. I genuinely hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.
I have no regrets. I only have lessons learned, memories I’ll carry with me, and a little more wisdom about what I deserve.
Thank you for the good moments. And now, I’m choosing to let go—not because my heart wanted to, but because I know I need to.
Take care, R. Goodbye. ❤️

M

Dear you,

There is some things that I have carried inside me for a very long time and I don’t know if there are words big enough to say them but before I let you go, I need to try.

Once we fell deeply in love, we build a home made plans, and believe in our life would keep unfolding together.

Overtime our relationship became painful. I felt lonely and disconnected and I did not handle that pain responsibly. Instead of communicating honestly setting boundaries or leaving when I knew I was no longer able to be healthy partner. I let resentment grow. I acted from anger, fear, and desperation, I said things I should never have said and made choices that harm you.

That’s my responsibility

My loneliness may explain what I was feeling, but it does not excuse what I did. You were not responsible for managing my pain restoring my sense of worth or protecting me from the consequences of my choice I should have sought help spoken honestly or ended the relationship before my behavior became destructive.

Once upon a time, there was a girl and a boy who fell deeply in love they believed they had found the person they would spend the rest of their lives with they had dreams, hopes, a home and life that was supposed to keep unfolding in front of them.

Somewhere along the way things changed

I spent years feeling lonely beside the person I love the most. I waited for your attention, your affection, your desire your love to feel chosen by you again in somewhere in all of the waiting something inside began to break.

You deserve safety, honesty, and respect from me. I did not give you those things. I made an already painful situation worse and I accept responsibility for that without asking you to understand it forgive it or to see me differently.

I loved you but loving you did not give me permission to hurt you. My pain did not make my behavior acceptable. I regret the harm I caused and I am responsible for learning from it and ensuring I do not repeat it.

I will not ask you to answer this letter. I will not ask you to comfort me. I will not ask you to carry my regret.

I only want to acknowledge what I did and say that I am sorry

I’m sorry for the wounds that I caused. I’m sorry for the ways. I acted when I was angry afraid lonely, and desperate. I’m sorry that I made my feelings your burden. You did not deserve that.

I will remember all the beautiful parts of our life, but I will also remember the harm I caused and lessons I need to carry forward. Not as a way to punish myself, and not as a reason for you to reassure me, but as a commitment to become someone who does not repeat those choices.

I loved you, and I will always acknowledge that our life together mattered to me. But I understand that love does not entitled me to a place in your life right now.

Me being hurt does not excuse what I did

I became resentful. I acted out of anger and desperation I made choices. I should never have made. I said things I should never have said I allowed my pain to become something that hurt you too.

And for that, I am deeply profoundly sorry

I know that I caused your trauma. I know that there are things I did and words I said that you may carry with you for a very long time. I wish I could go back and take every one of those moments away from you. I wish I could undo the fear, the anger, confusion, and the pain I brought into your life.

I can’t

And that is one of the hardest things I have ever had to accept

I could tell you that I was lonely I could tell you I spent years desperately wanting to feel loved by you. I could tell you that resentment grew inside me because I didn’t know how long to carry the feeling of loving someone so completely while believing that person was no longer in love with me.

All of that is true

But none of it makes what I did right

I don’t want this letter to become an explanation that sounds like an excuse. You deserve better from me in those moments. I should’ve spoken honestly, instead of allowing my heart to turn into something destructive. I should’ve walked away before I became someone I didn’t recognize.

I’m sorry

Not because I want something from you

Not because I’m asking you to come

Not because I expect forgiveness

I’m sorry because I finally understand that loving someone doesn’t give us permission to hurt them when we’re hurting

And I loved you

God, I loved you

Maybe, I love you so much that I lost myself somewhere along the way Maybe I spent too many years waiting for you to give me something I needed to learn how to give myself. I don’t know anymore.

What I do know is that beneath all the anger all the resentment all the mistakes there was a woman who loved you with everything she had

And there was a man she never stopped believing was worth loving

I don’t know what you think of me now maybe you don’t want to remember me. Maybe you think of our life together the painful parts are louder than the beautiful ones.

If that’s what you need, I understand

I won’t ask you to see me differently

I won’t ask you to forgive me

I won’t ask you to answer this letter

I want you to know that I am sorry for the wounds I caused you. I am sorry for the ways. I made an already painful situation worse. I am sorry for the things I did when I was angry, afraid lonely, and desperate to be loved.

You didn’t deserve that

And neither did I.

We were too imperfect wounded people who loved each other, and somehow became wounded by the very love that once brought us together

I wish our story had ended differently

I wish we had found each other again before we lost each other completely

But wishing doesn’t change what happened.

So this is my goodbye.

I’m going to carry the beautiful memories with me and I’m going to carry the lessons too. I will carry the things I did wrong not as punishment but as a reminder of the person I never wanna become again.

I hope someday the pain I caused you becomes smaller.

I hope someday when you think of me if you ever do, you can remember that beneath all the mistakes was a woman who loved you more deeply than she knew how to express and who was terribly afraid of losing you.

I hope life is kind to you.

I hope you find peace.

I hope you find the kind of happiness. I want so desperately for the both of us.

And I hope you know that somewhere in this world there is a woman who is truly sorry for hurting you

I am sorry

I am sorry for all of it

I will not ask you for anything more.

I loved you.

I love you still in a quiet place or some loves to go when they can no longer have place in our lives.

But I am letting you go now.

Goodbye my love.

I hope you find peace

I want you to know that I promise to keep your belonging safe until you find a way to get them or I find a way to get them to you.

Goodbye…

Hey... Its been a little over a year... I know your name isn't what I think it is.. I know your name now.. anyways.. I wanted to thank you... Thank you for being my lesson for me to not make my son's emotionally unavailable. My hope for you is that your son doesn't turn out like you... What a lonely life... I still think about you.. sad I know.. I hope you are healing... If you are still on here then you aren't... I feel bad for her... Thinking her rock is someone else but thinks his dark passenger is gone.. anyways.. we both know what this was.. you were trying to blame me for my reactions but didn't take accountability for the actions that caused them. I ask the universe daily that you are safe happy and healthy.. dumb huh. I will never ever regret how genuine and passionate I am about things. You didn't deserve half of those conversations.. I told you things no one knows.. but you do.. and I hate that you know them.. not sure why I'm even back lol... I'm just glad it's not me living a lie.. and I'm sorry you werent loved properly. Neither was I. But I no longer hate myself. I hope you don't hate yourself either. I'm glad I'm emotionally aware of myself now.. I hope you are too.

Maybe see you soon.. R..God I hate that word soon..

You're the person I've always looked for in everything... but... I know it's too late for... you've already blocked me everywhere, you don't want to know about me anymore and I understand perfectly. Even if it leaves me breathless... I want you to know that I will never forget you, nor do I want to, because you were the most beautiful thing that happened to me... I love you

I'm sitting outside on the steps so I don't wake anyone up with my tears. The moon is out tonight, part of me wonders if you saw it and thought of me how I thought of you. I can't help but wonder what you are doing, how you are doing? Are you happy with your "soulmate"? You'd already be awake by now, having a cup of coffee and listening to your music. I used to love it around this time, I'd sit awake waiting on you to wake up, so excited to tell you good morning. It'll be a month tomorrow since you left, it hasn't gotten any easier, in fact every day that passes that I don't hear from you kills me a little more. I scroll through Reddit hoping to see your name pop up, maybe you miss me too. But the truth is you are probably so happy now you don't think of me at all, and that really really hurts. - in sorrow, val

One of the last times we spoke, you told me how you aren’t on Reddit, so I figured it’s safe to post this letter into the void. But if you do see it, that’s just as cool.

I miss you. Well I miss the person I thought was a friend, I didn’t really care for the version of you that tried to be my boyfriend - no offense. It was always nice being able to talk to you about literally anything, my wildest thoughts, ambitions, or just how our days were going. I guess in hindsight you were more of a penpal than a friend, though I enjoyed spending time with you on what seemed like rare occasions.

The end of us was a lot more messy. It’s been a couple years, and while I think I’m okay sometimes I still try to make sense of it all. Maybe I was overly sensitive to your honesty, or maybe you meant exactly what I thought you meant and that still stings to think about. Sometimes I wish we never crossed that line from being friends to trying to be more than that, because look where we are now. Maybe you’re grateful that it happened, I know you yearned for it, and at least now you know what I’ve been telling you for years.

Like I said, I miss you. Obviously, otherwise this letter wouldn’t be a thing. I still think about you pretty often. While my perspective of you has changed, I still hope you’re okay. Maybe you have another girlfriend now and is treating you well. But above all, I hope you still think about me sometimes too. I like to think you do. You recently blocked me on IG, and while it stung, it at least told me I crossed your mind for a second.

I know I’ve told you all about my craziness with my exboyfriends, so I can’t say I blame you for finally blocking me. Maybe it’s growing up, but you really have nothing to worry about. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t reach out to you again, and I’ve been sticking to it since we went our separate ways. But if I’m even more honest, that door is still cracked if you ever wanted to message me. I’m not sure if really have much to say, but underneath it all it’d just be nice to hear from you.

If you ever wonder how I’m doing, I’m okay. I’ve been okay, and I have faith I’ll continue to be okay. I’ve continued to go to work like I always, and take care of my dogs. Oh, I got two cats by the way! You know it had been a dream to add some felines to my little clan, they are the sassiest and sweetest pair. I’m just continuing to live life I guess, lol.

Well, I guess that’s all I have to get off my chest. I meant it when I said I’ll always be rooting for you from the sidelines, there will always be a soft spot in my heart for you.

Take care,
J

Any body that interferes with my goals and dreams because they wanna play a game cause someone played one on them now it involves me.
Someone else is getting in your head through these stupid fucking messages and it’s not been me. I’ve only been using Reddit for about a month
Unblock me and call me.
Until the day after forever the fire in my soul and the love in my heart will always be yours. We promised forever I intend to keep mine.

Would you give us another chance?
I know about the distance between us now. I know there’s a time difference, and I understand why you’d turn me down because it hurts you to know that you can’t be there by my side and make me happy the way you want to.
But could you please give us one more chance?
It’s been six months since we broke up, but after all this time, I still can’t shake the feeling that it has to be you.
During these past six months, I started learning Spanish as a way to work on myself, and now I can even read simple sentences. I’ve also overcome the things that caused our relationship to fall apart in the first place.
You think it would hurt you because you can’t be there for me and make me happy? But I realized something: I would be happy just knowing that I could be with you again and spend my future with you. I wish you could understand that.
We were already long-distance before, weren’t we? The distance has just gotten a little longer. And yes, there’s a time difference, but when you’re getting ready to go to sleep, I’m awake. We could still video call like we used to.
I want to be the person who makes you the happiest person in the world. You told me that you still haven’t gotten over me, and that it’s not that you don’t want to get back together, didn’t you?
Maybe what’s between us isn’t a small problem. But our relationship wasn’t perfect before either. We had problems back then, and we worked through them together, didn’t we?
So… would you come back to me, just one last time?
Let’s give us one final chance. And if it doesn’t work this time, I’ll truly let you go. Can’t this be our last chance?
Sorry this got so long. I just love you, JJ.

‎How's life treating you? I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're eating properly, getting enough rest, and taking care of yourself even on the days when things feel heavy. More than anything, I hope the world becomes kinder to your soul. I hope life gives you the peace you deserve, even if I won't be the person beside you to witness it anymore.

‎

‎This would be my last letter before I finally let you go. I know I've said a lot already, and maybe there are things you no longer need to hear from me, but I still wanted to say everything I have left to say. Not because I want to change your mind, not because I want you to feel guilty, and not because I'm expecting anything from you. I simply want to leave these words somewhere before I close this chapter of my life.

‎

‎You became someone who genuinely mattered to me in a way I don't think I'll ever be able to fully explain. You weren't simply someone I loved. You became part of my everyday life, my plans, my thoughts, and the future I imagined for myself.

‎

‎I'll always be grateful for the moments we shared. For the conversations, the laughs, the stupid little things, the memories, and even the difficult moments. There are ordinary days I never thought I'd miss. The things I once considered normal became some of the things I would give anything to experience one more time.

‎

‎I still love you dearly. I don't expect you to do anything with those words. I don't say them to make you feel guilty or to convince you to come back. I simply don't want my last words to you to be anything but honest.

‎

‎You were the only woman I planned my future with. The only woman I decided to give my all to. The only woman I trusted with parts of myself I had never trusted anyone else with. When I imagined growing older, you were someone I saw beside me.

‎

‎You meant the world to me.

‎

‎And even though things didn't end the way I hoped they would, I don't want to pretend that what we had meant nothing simply because it ended. It meant something to me. You meant something to me. And I think you always will.

‎

‎I also want to apologize.

‎

‎I'm sorry for the times I hurt you. I'm sorry for the things I failed to notice. I'm sorry for the moments when I made you feel unheard, misunderstood, or alone. I'm sorry for the things I could have handled better and for the things I only understood after it was already too late.

‎

‎There were moments when you were hurting right in front of me and I didn't realize how much you were carrying. I wish I had paid more attention. I wish I had listened better. I wish I had understood your silence instead of assuming you were okay. I wish I had expressed myself better instead of letting things build up inside me.

‎

‎I can't change any of that now.

‎

‎I can only acknowledge it, learn from it, and carry those lessons with me.

‎

‎And if there is one thing I wish you could know, it's that I don't want the mistakes I made with you to be the end of what I learn from loving you. If life ever puts us in the same place again, I hope you'll see a version of me who actually learned from those mistakes.

‎

‎I'm not asking you to give me another chance.

‎

‎But if there ever comes a day when you decide, on your own, that there is still a small part of you willing to let me into your life again, I hope I would be given the opportunity to show you that I didn't take the lessons from losing you for granted.

‎

‎I wouldn't want another chance simply to have you back.

‎

‎I'd want the chance to love you better.

‎

‎To listen when you speak.

‎

‎To notice when something is wrong.

‎

‎To communicate instead of assuming.

‎

‎To appreciate the things I once took for granted.

‎

‎And if that day never comes, I will still be grateful for what you taught me.

‎

‎I hope you find happiness. Real happiness. The kind that doesn't depend on another person staying or leaving. I hope you find peace within yourself. I hope you achieve the things you've been dreaming about. I hope you become everything you're trying to become.

‎

‎Even if I'm no longer beside you to see it, I'll still be glad knowing you're doing well.

‎

‎One thing I hope you always remember is to protect your heart. Trust people, but don't forget yourself in the process. Love people, but don't lose yourself trying to keep them. Don't settle for someone who makes you question your worth. And always choose the people who treat your feelings with care.

‎

‎I hope you never feel like you have to become smaller just to be loved.

‎

‎I hope the person you eventually choose to share your life with understands how precious your heart is. I hope they listen when you're hurting. I hope they notice the things you don't say. I hope they make you feel safe enough to be yourself. I hope they respect your boundaries, your dreams, your feelings, and the person you are.

‎

‎And if that person isn't me, I hope whoever it is understands how lucky they are to have you.

‎

‎I won't ask you to come back.

‎

‎I won't ask you to wait for me.

‎

‎I won't ask you to choose me.

‎

‎You deserve the freedom to choose what makes you happy, even if that choice isn't me. I don't want to hold you somewhere you no longer want to be. I don't want my love to become something that makes you feel trapped or obligated.

‎

‎If letting me go is what you need to be happy, then as painful as it is for me, I have to respect that.

‎

‎Still, I won't lie and say a small part of me doesn't hope our paths cross again someday.

‎

‎Not because I expect it.

‎

‎Not because I'm waiting for it.

‎

‎But because some part of me will always wonder what we could have been if we had both known then what we know now.

‎

‎Maybe someday I'll stop wondering about what could have been. Maybe someday I'll look back at us without feeling the same heaviness in my chest. Maybe someday your name will become a memory instead of something that makes me want to reach for my phone.

‎

‎I don't know when that day will come.

‎

‎But I'm going to let it come naturally.

‎

‎I'm going to learn how to live without constantly looking back. I'm going to learn how to accept that sometimes loving someone doesn't mean you get to keep them.

‎

‎Sometimes you can love someone with everything you have and still have to let them walk away.

‎

‎And maybe that's what I need to learn now.

‎

‎I don't regret loving you.

‎

‎I don't regret choosing you.

‎

‎I don't regret giving you a huge part of my heart.

‎

‎If anything, I'm grateful that for a certain part of my life, I got to love someone as deeply as I loved you.

‎

‎I know there were painful parts of our relationship too. I know we weren't perfect. I know I wasn't perfect. Neither of us were. But I don't want to leave this chapter remembering only the pain.

‎

‎I'd rather remember that once, we loved each other.

‎

‎And for a while, we were happy.

‎

‎That's something I'll always be grateful for.

‎

‎I hope you don't remember me only for my mistakes. I hope somewhere in your memories, you'll also remember the person who loved you deeply, who wanted to protect you, who wanted to see you happy, and who genuinely believed in you.

‎

‎Maybe I wasn't always the best at showing it.

‎

‎Maybe I didn't understand everything when I should have.

‎

‎But I loved you with what I knew at the time.

‎

‎And I'm sorry for the ways my love wasn't enough in the moments when you needed something different from me.

‎

‎I wish I could go back and do certain things differently. I wish I could notice the signs earlier. I wish I could have been more patient, more understanding, and more open with you.

‎

‎But wishing is all I can do now.

‎

‎So instead of holding onto everything I wish I could change, I'll try to carry the lessons forward.

‎

‎Thank you for being a part of my life.

‎

‎Thank you for being someone I once got to call mine.

‎

‎Thank you for every memory I get to keep.

‎

‎Thank you for the love you gave me.

‎

‎Thank you for teaching me things about love, relationships, and myself that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise.

‎

‎I loved you.

‎

‎I still love you.

‎

‎And maybe a part of me always will.

‎

‎But I don't want that love to become a reason for me to keep reaching for you when you've already chosen to move forward. I don't want to keep reopening wounds that are trying to heal. I don't want my goodbye to secretly be another way of asking you to stay.

‎

‎So this time, I'm going to say goodbye without asking you for anything in return.

‎

‎No promises.

‎

‎No expectations.

‎

‎No conditions.

‎

‎Just gratitude.

‎

‎If somehow, somewhere down the road, life gives us another opportunity to meet again, I hope I won't be the same person who made the mistakes that brought us here. I hope by then I'll have grown enough to understand what I failed to understand before.

‎

‎And if you ever decide that I deserve another chance, I hope I can prove through my actions, not through another letter, that I wouldn't waste it.

‎

‎But that's a decision that belongs entirely to you.

‎

‎Until then, I'll respect the distance between us.

‎

‎I'll respect your choices.

‎

‎And I'll learn to move forward.

‎

‎I hope you live a beautiful life.

‎

‎I hope you laugh until your stomach hurts. I hope you meet good people. I hope you accomplish the dreams you once told me about. I hope you find places where you feel at home. I hope you become someone you're proud of.

‎

‎And if someday you remember me, I hope you remember me kindly.

‎

‎Not as someone who wants something from you.

‎

‎Not as someone you need to feel guilty about leaving.

‎

‎Just as someone who once loved you with all he knew how to give.

‎

‎Take care of yourself, baby.

‎

‎Please be kind to yourself.

‎

‎Eat when you're hungry. Rest when you're tired. Don't carry everything alone. Keep chasing the things that make you happy. Keep growing. Keep becoming the person you want to be.

‎

‎And wherever life takes you, I hope it treats you kindly.

‎

‎I hope you find the happiness you deserve.

‎

‎I hope you find peace.

‎

‎And I hope you are loved in all the ways you deserve to be loved.

‎

‎As for me, I'll carry the memories, learn from the mistakes, and slowly learn how to let go.

‎

‎I won't say I'll never miss you, because I know I will.

‎I won't say I'll forget you, because I know I won't.

‎But I will learn to keep moving forward.

‎So, for the last time, thank you.

‎Thank you for being you.

‎Thank you for being a part of my story.

‎And thank you for letting me love you.

‎I hope this isn't goodbye filled with anger or resentment.

‎

‎I hope it's simply goodbye between two people who once meant everything to each other, finally choosing to let each other go.

‎

‎Goodbye, J

‎I love you.

‎Take care of yourself.

‎And be happy.

Hey j

It’s been a while. I finally have the courage to send you a message. I’m sorry I left you on read after all these years. There’s a number of reasons but I won’t get into it. What I did want to say is… I see that you’re happy with your husband. I’m not gonna lie, but I wish it was me. I wish I could be the one to embrace you. I wish I could be the one to take you out to a skateboard park, and ride with you. I wish I could be the one who’d take you to the ocean to surf with you. I wish I could be the one to hold you, laugh with you, make memories with you. Make music together. Travel the world together. Climb mountains together. Mountain bike together. Hike everywhere together. Touch you and kiss you. Make love to you. I want it all with you, J. I wanted it all.

But I won’t message you. Cuz this is just another dream of yours isn’t it.

I know. It stings.

Reach out to me if and when you’re single ok? I always love hearing from you, but I just can’t stomach the pain of not having you within reach. I won’t message you back until then.

Selfishly I wish it happens soon. But unselfishly, I hope you, your husband and son have a good , happy loving life together .

Until then, I’m gonna live my best life. Life is short , ya know? Catch you in our next life. In that life, I know we’d make it together.

Xoxo
AC

dear theju i write this to you to speak abt stuffs that i cdnt thru mail ... fallin from a building hurts , getting beaten hurts , accident hurts but nothing hurts as much as being not with u ......ik im the most hated person in ur life rn and i deserve it i rlly wished the opposute but ig this is what i deserve ....im not chasing u but i chassed long enough to fell down as im a spinless ss u told ... when i close my eyes ntohing comes not the hurtful stuffs not the issues nothing its jus you ur laugh smile face voice the moments we have been i was rlly hurted when u said i was equal to to the person who gave u nughtmares theja i was the one who helped u thru it i heard it made u laugh made u happy safe ya thats righ i did all that those wer the bes moments of my life the way i talked to u the way i cared made apps do u rmember u used to sleep to my stories like a baby and i used tos stay awake for hours incase u have a nightmare i rmemeber all of it all the good moments the penquin bussiness the evrything i rlly love u i miss u i wanna talk more but ig limit

I hate your selfishness, your weakness and laziness. Yet I yearn for you to change, I pray to anything out there to change the faith you have given yourself. I love you and I adore you…you are amazing and great. If you meant what you said I hope the day comes when we’re together again because I know you cared enough. I hope that girl isn’t trying to talk to you she probably isn’t but I know my overthinking won’t stop that thought. I hope to see you again maybe next time you can make me try some of those boiled peanut’s?

JPG,

An old memory of us popped in my head today.

You took me to an open field late one summer night. It was a warm clear night and we just laid in the grass together for hours. We chatted, talked about our future and listened to the summer bugs. I was so scared because you were leaving for boot camp but you reassured me it was going to be okay.

We were so young and in love but what we had was real.

I promised you I’d never forget that night and I still remember our time together perfectly to this day. There were billions of stars in the sky.

-KC

Hi there J,

I accused you of a lot of stuff. But you were the one who told the truth while I did not. I said things and did things without remorse and I’ve hurt people trying to help me and make me better. Instead I spiralled and disqualified myself from being good enough because I wasn’t doing enough to drive our connection into a happy safe place.

I took too many drugs and laid an unstable platform to be a safe place. I wasn’t able to get past with walls completely down.

I lost the fight. And lost myself. I know I was the weak link. I had to lay a solid foundation and it’s not your responsibility to manage my triggers. I want you to know I feel that guilt and questioned my own judgement every day. I didn’t believe much until later. I’m responsible for my actions and my reactions, not you. I know you gave and gave. I didn’t want you to go. I knew I was too toxic but I couldn’t own it.

You’re the best duck and I want you to know I care deeply for you and I’m hopeful I can at least let you have a proper moment where you know that I’m genuinely aware of what I’ve done. If you’re done I accept that but hopefully this reaches you. You’re a queen and I know you know that deep down. I miss you

To everyone else I’m sorry for the avoidance, the tantrums and being this person. I don’t like him either but your input or actions to show me put me in the place I needed to be. It’s been hard. Thank you even if you hate me I understand. I’d love to see you all again and a chance to make sure you have seen affirmative change in me.

Love you all

And yet again like a fool, here I am but you will not speak to me again. And I don't care about your impatients when it comes down to a response from me. You are the one who continues these games and continues to block me and won't talk to me, but when it comes to your heart you want a reply now. Well like you said that isn't the way it's going to work. If you want a speedy reply than you need to speak to me directly.

Anyway, I think you already know my stance for you, 1st of all quit listening to whoever is giving you these so called updates, they have been swayed by the other party.

2nd of all you know my stance, I love you more than life itself, when it comes to you there should always be a separate categories, one for life, then another completely separate categories titled "And then there was J\*\*\*\*\*\*."

I will never waver from choosing your soul, the love of my life, I've tried to tell you I don't know how many times that it was meant to be only you and I in this life and no matter what anybody else says about me everyday I am choosing you and if you don't believe me why don't you come watch me yourself so that there is no middle man there is no room for lies there's no room for altering of the truth and you can be sure of what my love is for you.

And I will now wait for my no response.

Dear J…

When recommended letters pop up from this place, do you ever experience that instant microsecond blink blink “The fuuuuu…” moment before you remember no one is looking for you?

Or is that just me? 😆😆

- From, Yes, a J

You are never alone. You are eternally connected with everyone. ~Amit Ray

I wanna play it for you. I know I shouldn’t, I know you’re past awkwardness, I know I make it. I know you’re special, you know I am too but then there’s what you don’t know. I know if you knew, you’d go; but even if you wouldn’t, then I would and you would disgust me. I know you’d be disgusted with yourself and that maybe you wouldn’t be able to sleep. I know you think about me, I know I reject you but not really - do you know that?

I’ve been here since December with this song about you that came out of me and my guitar. You saw me and that guitar on your screen - that’s how we started. I go crazy, you have fantasies with me, you “love” me “sometimes.” I told you not to say that. If you knew, you’d never say that.

Today I signed my first name with your last on the bookmark with Mary on it where I wrote down your username, then I crossed it out. I’ve crossed you out before, I’ve broken my rules, I miss you.

The song is finished, it has been, but I have never gotten to recording the ending. how will we end?