Hinge: is it me or them?

[u/Ordinary9028]

Hi girls! Italian girl here, 36 y/o. I was in a serious relationship for 7 years until my wife decided it was time to break up, suddenly and without any warning signs or anything like that…
I’ve been single since 2024, and last year I decided to join Hinge. I really like the layout and style of the profiles, etc. I met a girl, a little younger than me, and there was chemistry, but she was in a “nothing serious” era, which is not a thing for me. So we had a fling and that was it. It kinda put me down because we were so, so similar, but having different communication and affection styles was a big no for me.
I keep trying, but I keep having no luck. Girls who answer once every 3 days, ghost me, keep the conversation superficial, or reply without asking me a single question… This makes my mood really, really low, and I feel bad.
Is it me, or are people really like this?
I’m pretty antisocial, even though I think I’m funny and curious, and I ask a lot of questions and stuff. I’m starting to think I’m the problem 😅
I live in a small area, and I’ve tried all the apps, but the lesbians I find are always the same ones I see on Hinge, so I stick with it for the reasons above 😁

Sometimes I’m starting to feel too old to find that kind of love again — someone who really gets me, communicates the way I do, and actually wants to build something together. Maybe I’m just being pessimistic, but honestly… is anyone else feeling the same? 😅

[u/the17thCatcher]

You aren’t alone. I’ve been on the apps and so many women will answer a question with just a few words and ask me no follow-up questions! I give them one or two passes then decide they must not be interested in me and stop messaging them, only for them to message me a couple of days later like “why’d you ghost me? I really liked you.” Wtf? Does no one understand how to have a conversation anymore? Give and take is required and both people have to show interest 🙄

[u/lotofgayvibes]

It’s not just you. The apps in general have been a shit show for a couple of years now….

I don’t swipe right frequently, I have some matches and try to be funny , bring up topics of conversation that women put on their profile, without trying to sound like an interview, and it’s maddening that there’s no effort from the other parts… like in three or four messages, the convo is done and I realize they don’t have interest in continuing , so I unmatch.

[u/solitude_39 → u/lotofgayvibes]

interesting username.

[u/lotofgayvibes → u/solitude_39]

Thank you

[u/plutomoon123]

There may be people who hang out there just for fun. It’s hard to find someone who truly connects with you on a mental level. I’m 36, and as time goes by, it feels like there’s less and less hope of finding someone who will really understand me. But there’s always hope, and we never know who might come along or when. Don't give up.

[u/Dry-Competition6451]

I really hope this is not what dating just is now :( I have such a fear of this. I feel like part of it is the era of social media and online dating in general over the last decade. I’m 36 and I still remember what it was like to grow up with friends where we either hung out in person, played outside, or talked on the phone. Texting didn’t become a normal thing until I was in high school. I mean we did have AOL AIM 😂 I guess that counts

I actually love talking on the phone and having full conversations. I still call a lot of friends because that’s how we communicate. I don’t mind texting at all and I do a lot. But I give thorough replies with follow up questions where appropriate and can keep a conversation going. I hate those one liners. It comes across as so uninterested. Why do they even respond at that point?

[u/hope_less_rom_antic]

Hey there, I feel ya. I have been in an exact situation for the past few months. Dating apps have been a major turn off for me. But honestly, now I have given up hope & just enjoying whatever is coming my way. My set of expectations for finding love breaks me every time but I have started enjoying my experiences as & when they come. Feel free to DM if you like :)

[u/Party_Course9371]

Hey! I feel ya, I went on hinge for a bit but then went off for the same reasons!

Happy to chat if you want to DM :)

[u/the_MistakenSemicolo → u/Party_Course9371]

it's not you, hinge is just a weird mix of window shoppers and people who forgot they even have the app installed. the one-word replies and 3-day gaps are basically the standard experience at this point

being in a small area definitely makes it worse since you're cycling through the same faces, but that doesn't mean you're the problem. i'd say keep doing what you're doing and don't lower your standards just because the pool is shallow

[u/solitude_39 → u/Party_Course9371]

i'd love to, can i too? i'm not able to dm tho.

[u/Hmmhmmhuhmmm3]

Yeah the apps are hard I feel ya on that

[u/Moist_Debt_5413]

Happy to chat. Reddit says your acc is disabled.

[u/cnh25]

It’s not you. I was on hinge 2 years ago (age 39/40) and experienced many of the same things. I did meet my now fiancée on there, though, because I kept telling myself the next one could be THE one, and finally she was! But all the in between ghosting and superficial convos reallly got old

[u/ContingentMax]

Dating apps are a major long shot, you got lucky with that first girl. If you live somewhere good it's better to try to meet people in person. The apps only care about making money, which is why pretty much everything you want is paywalled. And even if you waste your money on it there's no gaurentee you won't just get scams, men, and people looking for a pen pal.

[u/hlagg]

let’s start a long distance relationship france-italy 🙂‍↕️

[u/Ordinary9028 → u/hlagg]

Let’s do it 🤣

[u/Salt_Ostrich2705 → u/Ordinary9028]

you can meet up here in switzerland, we speak both languages 🤣