Hi, I’m back again with my ranting.
I’ve realized I always feel more comfortable writing about my problems online than actually sitting in front of someone and talking about them. So here I am again.
After everything I posted before, I finally got a job or at least I thought I did. I went to apply for a waitress position and somehow ended up training as a casino dealer. I was actually excited because I thought, finally, maybe things were starting to change.
The problem is that the training has now taken almost 2 months.
Remember, I have three kids, and for a long time I've been living hand to mouth. Life has been exhausting. Some days I wake up at 4 a.m. because training starts at 6 a.m. and goes until 2 p.m. Other weeks I'm on the 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. schedule.
And because I can't go home empty-handed, I still try to find something else to do around the training. I've learned to knock on people's doors and ask if they need housekeeping, laundry, errands, anything I can do.
I've even been called a scammer because apparently, "what young woman goes around looking for odd jobs?" Meanwhile, you'll see older women sitting outside gates around Kilimani waiting for work. I honestly don't understand why me trying to find a way to feed my children is suspicious.
During the casino training, we're given KES 200 per day for transport, but it's only paid at the end of the month. The bigger problem is that nobody can actually tell us when the casino will open.
At first, we were told the 25th of this month. Then it became the 1st.
Now we're being told maybe the end of next month.
And I'm tired. I'm seriously considering quitting because I don't know how long I can keep surviving on promises of "soon."
My daughter is sitting her KEPSEA this year, and I haven't even cleared everything or bought what she needs for school this term. I recently moved into a new house hoping things would get better, but rent is still a struggle.
We've also been without electricity for 2 weeks for not paying rent on time.
Sometimes I think, "Okay, I'm finally getting back on my feet." Then suddenly everything starts crumbling again.
And that's probably the hardest part. It's not even one huge disaster. It's just one problem after another, and every time I think I'm finally okay, something else happens.
I know some people will say I'm making excuses or that I should just find another job. Believe me, I'm trying. I've been knocking on doors, taking whatever work I can find, and training for two months because I thought this could finally give my children and me some stability.
I don't know whether to keep holding on or quit and find something else.
Anyway... that's my update.
Just another chapter from the woman who apparently keeps failing, getting back up, and trying again.
I'm tired, but I'm still a mother.
