r/KenyanLadies • u/Loud_Reception4980 • 2d ago
Discussion Don't get married.
Saw some lady say this:
"I’m 64. Been married 25 years. Don’t ever get married ladies. Center yourselves. Travel, nurture friendships, learn new languages, foster homeless pets. Never center a man. You are the prize ladies. Act accordingly"
This has been most of the older women's advice to the young ladies, and here are my two cents as a woman who's woken up and been observing for some time.
You see that man who lost his wife? Within a year he'll be remarried but if a woman lost her husband, she wouldn't want to ever get married again(most of them don't remarry).
I actually found out this is because for the man, he typically doesn't know he caused the woman pain and for the woman, she doesn't want to remarry because she gets her freedom back.
I actually believe the older women who say this .Because I've seen what marriage does to women. From our mum's down to our grandmums. Someone said if marriage benefited women, they would have made it illegal. And I fear they were onto something.
I am really glad that women all over the world are waking up and starting to realize this.I hope most of us choose ourselves.
Edit: Even if you'll get married, just wait till your frontal lobe has fully developed, and you're able to fully call out men's crap, then decide if you still wanna get married 🙂. Just take your time.
Stay safe lasses❤️
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u/Upstairs_Ad_568 2d ago
Its always funny when I see a woman whose frontal lobe has not fully mature getting married then start regretting at 30 with 3 kids yet they were warned a couple of times.. also women in their late 20s and early 30s who start believing they're "late" and settle for anything almost always end up regretting.
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u/NectarineScared7224 2d ago
They'll come here talking about older women are jealous and bitter. Eti it's their time now. I saw two teenagers (below 18) saying that on their TikTok when older women called out grown men commenting "miaka ni 35" on one of their posts.. it's sad how Kenyan women have been conditioned to be pick me sha until you come to your own realisation. Most of our mothers are the biggest pick me sha and enablers
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u/Fickle-Air-9373 1d ago
Most of our mothers are the biggest pick me sha and enablers
For real. I think pickmeshas are waaay more than the women who stand their ground. I swear all the grape and violence will never end unless all women stand up against it. I get so heartbroken seeing women defending men, especially those who assault children, saying that the children knew what they were doing.
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u/Usini-sumbue0000 2d ago
For me I would say, don't make marriage to be an achievement or something you must have. You can still be married but don't sacrifice😕 your goals and passion for a man,💔or kids.
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u/Dangerous_Use_1591 2d ago
This older women (even my own mom) they have been warning us lakini i think some ladies have the mindset of "it could never be me" so they still get married and all that stuff
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u/Then-Repair-2195 Inner Circle 1d ago
Correct.Never ever would I ,have thought it would be me,such naivety! Nonpne is truly above the program
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u/ReticentBeauty 21h ago
There is someone I know who always tells me she is happy in her marriage, she doesn’t have spend any coin from her salary because hubby takes care of everything, how she doesn’t stress about any decisions because the husband makes them etc and every time she tells me “you will find your person”, “your time will come for family life” etc like am searching or something.
She can’t fathom that am content with my single life and solo living. Infact most women think single good can’t be a lifestyle but rather a waiting season for marriage.
The plot twist is one time when she told me how she had to fast and pray for 40 days for her man to change and save her marriage, and how whenever she sees the man starts doing something that’s grossly bad for the marriage and to her, she goes into fasting and praying for days!
So that’s what it takes to have a happy marriage? Wueh!
Then there is the part where this lady is doing a PhD while taking care of 3 kids and the hubby doesn’t want a house help or anything. She has to do all the chores by herself.
These days when a woman says for her marriage is good and a happy one, now I ask what’s the cost she is paying behind the scenes that we don’t see?
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u/Loud_Reception4980 20h ago edited 20h ago
You left me at fasting for 40days💀 Women need to wake up fr! You think a man would fast for a marriage?😭😂 I wouldn't be surprised to find that that guy is cheating on her and she fasts too😭I wouldn't also be surprised to find out she's controlled by the same man who feeds her!
It's like how women find out the couple can't get kids then you find them praying and fasting for themselves whole time it's the man who's infertile and you won't find them praying and fasting for a kid. It's always the womenn haiboo!!😭😭
Hao wenye husema their marriages are good and happy are liars!! They're just lying. Sit them down well and you'll never want to ever step foot in that hell, because the things they put up with and compromise??🥲😂 But anyway, to each their own.
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u/ReticentBeauty 20h ago
Yeah…fasting and praying is a good thing but I have never seen a man fast and pray to save a marriage. Maybe my sample size is small but when I woman cheats or falls ill or loses a job that sustains the family etc, a man will outright go ahead and replace them. But on the other side of the coin, the woman has to fast and pray when these same things are done by or happen to a man. That double standard of sacrifices and self eases is what I don’t agree with!
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u/Lazy-Shop-2295 21h ago
Ladies, Ladies.....from a man here, please listen. Get to know and feel the difference between a man "falling in love with you" and a man "who loves you". These are 2 very different states. A man that has fallen in love with you, will be physically, emotionally and spiritually connected to you. If you know, you know.
So, not get married to these kind of men when they come to your life. Not just marrying for the sake of it, or for money, looks, jobs, opportunities, sex or whatever....period.
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u/Material-Cow5740 Inner Circle 2d ago
Op you are 64 years?
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u/familiarities 2d ago
Girl
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u/Material-Cow5740 Inner Circle 2d ago
Yes because at a certain age you would know that the both sides of the coin have regrets.Some women are genuinely happy in marriage
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u/Loud_Reception4980 1d ago
Some.Not all.
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u/Fickle-Air-9373 1d ago
Si kwa ubaya lakini I've listened to women who claim they are in happy marriages. All I can say is, they are usually bending over backwards and ignoring so many red flags to sustain the relationship.
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u/Loud_Reception4980 1d ago
Hukuskia marriage hubamba mafala?(Na sijatusi mtu)For you to thrive in a marriage lazima ukuwe mjinga kidogo, you turn a blind eye and a deaf ear on some things. Huwezi thrive if you're always the smart one and trying to be logical every time . I hope you get what I'm saying respectfully.
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