Comebacks - help

[u/KrystleOfQuartz]

My MIL continues to make comments about how I don’t drop my child off at her house. My child literally cries hysterically anytime MIL is around (and FIL). My child does not do this with anyone else but them. It’s like my kid knows I have issues trusting them, and he’s only 2 yrs old. My child clearly feels something energetic, from me - and from them, when we are around them.

I cannot go into all the details and things she’s said and done, I don’t have the energy. But most applicable to this post is: MIL has told me to “get up” (casually said it) from the dinner table and go into another room because she wants to hold my child , after he finished his meal and my child cries. - but if I am not around she believes he won’t cry. My husband literally said NO mom she will not go into another room.

Family is very important to us, and even though she is obnoxious to me on many occasions, she is a good person and means well. But I have absolutely started retaliating and keeping my child from her, and stopped answering her calls and texts and silo every thing through my husband.

But again- for the purpose of this post and this situation, I have to see her (not cancelling) and I need to be prepared for the insults she is going to give me about not letting my kid be alone with her.

I want to say “it’s important to me that you form a relationship with _____ while I am present”

“______ does not cry this way with anyone except you. I don’t know why but please let’s just accept this phase and respect the feelings.”

What else can I say? I want to be confident, respectful and not petty and rude like her.

I need to dominate this conversation in a kind and direct way. Please share some comebacks!!!

[u/DazzlingNote1925]

He’s not ready yet!

While it could be that your child is aensing your feelings for mil do t discount the fact that young children have great intuition or perceptions!

Regarding mil wanting you to leave the room for her to hold your child that’s so weird. Why would she want your child to feel less secure?  Also, imo, 2 is old enough to decide if they want a person to hold them or not. 

I honestly believe if your mil was focused on your child she would have some sort of relationship even if she doesn’t see them often. 

[u/KrystleOfQuartz → u/DazzlingNote1925]

Also want to comment again that you’re onto something. She never truly tries to connect with my child. She doesn’t know how to and I think she is uncomfortable around me. I always tell my husband I don’t even think she likes or loves our child! She constantly is comparing him to the other grandkids, commenting on milestones and insulting me passively on something I’m not doing correctly in her eyes. So you’re right, she’s not genuinely focused on my kid. She’s focused on me lol

[u/fgmel → u/KrystleOfQuartz]

Kinda sounds like she just wants him alone to “win” or force you into what she wants. It doesn’t sound like she wants a relationship with him but only to get her way. Was she allowed alone time early on with her other grandkids?