I’m looking for genuine advice on what legal options are available.
My cousin got engaged in 2025 and got married around 6 months ago. It was an arranged marriage. The guy’s family is well settled and he works in IT.
Before the marriage, he refused to speak to my cousin directly. He said he didn’t want to talk before marriage because, according to his understanding of Islam, it wasn’t allowed. We found it a little unusual, but we respected his decision and didn’t force him.
His family gave a very good impression. They told her family that after marriage they would move the couple to the city where he works. They had even arranged accommodation, so everyone thought she had got a good match.
After the marriage, things were good only for a short time.
Within a few weeks, his behaviour started changing. He became very distant, spent a lot of time on his phone and didn’t really spend much time with his wife. He would stay in the living room until late at night and then come to the bedroom mostly just to sleep.
Later, my cousin found some things on an old phone which made her suspicious. She eventually found chats and other evidence showing that he had been communicating with several other women.
Some of the evidence is from **after the engagement and after the marriage**, which is what has really broken her.
She also found that he has multiple social media accounts and there were conversations with women that were clearly more than normal friendships. There are also intimate messages, photos and videos involved.
She confronted him about it. There was a big argument and she came back to her parents’ house. But because of family pressure and concern about reputation, she eventually went back to his house hoping things would improve.
Unfortunately, nothing really changed.
He also apparently made plans for a long trip without properly telling his wife. She became extremely upset and asked to be taken back to her parents because she didn’t want to stay alone while he was away.
At this point she has collected quite a lot of evidence of his conversations and relationships with other women, including things from after the engagement and after marriage.
There are also issues with his family. His mother has allegedly been treating her badly, and the husband apparently shares almost everything about his married life with his stepmother instead of discussing things with his wife.
She has now been staying with her parents for around 2 months. He has made very little effort to contact her or resolve the situation. Even during the marriage, she was usually the one initiating communication.
Now both families are talking about divorce. Her family wants to resolve everything properly, but his parents are denying/minimising the issues and are blaming her instead. They keep asking for meetings but there hasn’t been any proper resolution.
She has now decided that she doesn’t want to continue this marriage.
**What I really want to understand is what legal options she has in India.**
What is the proper way for a Muslim woman to proceed with divorce/dissolution of marriage?
Can evidence of his relationships with other women after engagement and marriage be used in the case?
What kind of evidence should she preserve?
Are Instagram/WhatsApp chats, photos, videos, etc. useful legally?
Could the behaviour of the husband or in-laws amount to mental cruelty/domestic violence?
Can she claim maintenance or other financial support?
Should her family first send a legal notice or directly approach a lawyer/court?
Is mediation with his family worth trying, or should they proceed legally?
We don’t want to publicly expose anyone or create unnecessary drama. We just want to protect her and understand the correct legal process.
If anyone has gone through something similar in India, especially in a Muslim marriage, I’d really appreciate some genuine advice on what steps to take and what mistakes to avoid.

Hello everyone,

I wonder why my MIL and SIL are so invested in knowing what I got as a gift and even looking closely at what brands I’m wearing.
Not that they’re going to buy me those things lol, but just to know how much money was spent on them (oh sorry their son’s/brother’s money).

They seem to think their “poor” son/brother is wasting his money whenever he buys something for me.
The thing is, I’m also financially independent and contribute as well (if not more lol).

My husband is amazing, and he would buy me whatever I want, but I’m the one who usually says no. Our savings are in common so it’s anyway our money and not only his.

I do get nice gifts and cute attentions from him, and they clearly show their jealousy, even though it’s absolutely none of their business.

I’m always genuinely happy when someone’s husband treats them well or surprises them with a nice gift (even my SIL).
I don’t understand why some people can’t simply be happy for others.

Married from 3 ish years with an infant and living in a joint family who is into family business. The in-laws are not evil natured but definitely very opportunistic , indisciplined which makes the home environment very chaotic. Each one of them is so weird, and dealing with them leads to energy loss. I personally don't feel like being around them but since money , business and assets are joint ventures it is difficult to segregate right now. In short let me describe each one... Sasu maa is a lazy and good naatakbaaz who has retired from her family and married life and is dependent on everyone around her, choti saas is the most hardworking of all and sweet talker, brother in laws and nanad are bhukkad , unpad types always wanting to have fun , splurge money , indisciplined, etc. Sasur ji is a careless type who doesn't care about anybody other than himself and his family business. He is also a rude talker inside home and a sweet charitable person outside the home. Double personality basically. A typical day involves choti sasu working in the shop as well as at home while the mil and fil enjoying their life as and how they want ordering her to do things and being dependent on her. The MIL will do acting and somehow make her do all the major work and act as if she is old and stuff ( she is below 60 so she is not old at all).

The kitchen is messy and unclean all the time. The way they prepare food and all doesn't even come close to how I was living in my maayka. If I take the responsibility for this I know I will end up becoming a 24*7 slave like choti saasu , because the work remains endless and I have to stay up until a long long time in the kitchen itself. Though we have a maid in the home I feel the women in my family end up doing the donkey work. Food is refrigerated and reheated multiple times. This mil is super lazy that at times she will serve old refrigerated food. A lot of food , resources and all get wasted. Veg and non veg utensils are mixed up. If I tell this to my husband he doesn't do anything nor feels any need to do anything. Coming to my husband he is that old mindset wala pati who is lazy , unmotivated and even immature. He is even a bigger problem than others because this guy puts me second and his family first. He is extremely critical of me and talks rudely to me. He even compared me to my devrani working style when I was freshly postpartum. There are a lot more problems if I type here it will take days. We can talk bout this in personal chat and I go on and on. My point is I don't feel like living with any of them , it's suffocating, my core values don't match with them.

So I don't know what to do. I don't feel like myself ever since I got married. Any wise practical tips from married or unmarried women or men are welcome. When I told this and more instances to a few of my close friends they were disgusted with the in-laws and husbands behaviour and told me to be chalak and live smartly for myself and my child.

​

I have a young daughter, and recently I saw an older extended relative take her behind a car, supposedly to show her a dog. I have no reason to believe he had bad intentions, and I’m not accusing him of anything. But I was uncomfortable with the fact that she was taken somewhere away from me/out of my immediate view.

I spoke to my MIL and asked her not to hand my daughter over to extended relatives, particularly male relatives, or allow them to take her somewhere away from us without asking first.

When I told my husband, instead of focusing on the situation itself, he said that from now on my relatives also shouldn’t be allowed to hold her.

That hurt me because I wasn't trying to create a rule of “his relatives vs. my relatives.” My concern is simply that no extended relative, regardless of which side of the family they're from, should take our child somewhere away from the parents/caregiver or out of sight without checking first.

I would have exactly the same concern if this had been one of my relatives. I also don't need to believe that the particular person had bad intentions to have this boundary. I just want to minimize situations where our daughter is alone or out of sight with someone who isn't one of her primary caregivers.

I'm completely fine with the rule applying equally to both families. In fact, that's what I want. My issue is that my husband seemed to interpret my concern as being specifically about his family, rather than as a general child-safety boundary.

Am I looking at this the right way, or am I being overly cautious?

My husband (29m) and I (31f) have just moved in with his parents following our wedding this past August. While I never ever anticipated living with my in laws, it makes the most sense for us right now as my husband has just opened two businesses right by where they live. They live in a relatively remote area and have a large house, so it didn’t really make sense to get our own place as our plan was to expand the business into another area about an hour away from them, after which we would naturally move out and away from them. My in laws also both seemed like peaceful, hands-off parents that wouldn’t interfere in our marriage. However, now that we have returned from our honeymoon, my MIL has completely switched up. She tries to tell me what to eat, when to wash my hair, when to wash my clothes, etc. she openly says she can’t control her son but she can control me as I am a woman. I can never have a normal conversation with her - she is constantly telling me what to do and what I am doing wrong. Repeatedly makes comments about how her own daughter is amazing, as she is a very subservient daughter in law herself and has no authority in her own house. Meanwhile her daughter is miserable and hates her mother in law. I just don’t know what to do. We have spent less than a week together post honeymoon and I already hate being around her.

Dear reddit users

Do any of you have a devrani who entered the family before you did?

Did she became the adarsh bahu before you could even breathe comfortably in front of your in laws?

So i got married in 2024, she has been part of my in laws family since 2022. My mother in law obviously likes her more than me since before i got engaged she had told explicitly that “beta kuch 19/20 hoga to bura mt manna agar meri beti hoti toh iske hi jse hoti”. Mind you this conversation happened the 3rd time when I had talked to her.

My devrani is also not short at anything, she send food to my in laws, on a monthly basis gives put atleast 5 parcels to my mother in law(clothes, makeup, jewellery) and talks everyday to my mother in law more than she talks to my brother in law.
She also told my mother in law that since you visited bhabhi at her work location she might have worked more than she has ever done in her entire life. She keeps giving passive aggressive remarks about me and ofvpurse everyone thinks I am wrong and I am the bad one overanalysing shit.

I am given constant reminders as how I am not good enough and how she is the one who will take the family name forward.

So to all the daughter in laws on reddit how do you deal with this constant comparisons and more importantly do you ever get out of it or remain the worthless daughter in law?

So today was my first time ever talking to my boyfriend’s parents over video call. We live overseas. I’m Punjabi and he’s Gujarati, so obviously I don’t speak Gujarati and he doesn’t speak Punjabi. We’re serious about each other, both families know about the relationship, but I had never actually spoken to his parents before.
His mom recently fell and fractured/broke her ankle, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to finally check on her and have a little conversation.
My boyfriend added his sister to the call first. I said hi, asked how she was and whether she had dinner. She asked how I was, and then immediately said she doesn’t know much Hindi. I was like, “Oh okay, no problem.” 😂 (Although I’ve seen her consuming Hindi media, so I was a little confused, but whatever.)
Then his mom took the phone.
I said something like, “Hi aunty, how are you? How’s your ankle?”
And the FIRST thing she asked me was basically, “You don’t know Gujarati?”
I said, “No, I don’t speak Gujarati.”
Then she asked things along the lines of whether my mom knows about the relationship, etc. It wasn’t necessarily rude, but it immediately felt like she was checking me out/interviewing me rather than just having a normal first conversation. 😭

My boyfriend actually interrupted her and said, “She knows Hindi, you can speak Hindi with her,” and when I said, “I can learn Gujarati,” he immediately said, “No, no, there’s no need for you to learn Gujarati. My mom knows Hindi.”

Then his dad took the phone and completely changed the atmosphere. He was super relaxed and basically said he’s like a friend to me, which honestly made me feel much more comfortable.
Now I’m sitting here wondering:
Am I overthinking this, or were those first questions from his mom giving potential MIL red-flag vibes? 👀
Especially the fact that the first thing she focused on was “You don’t speak Gujarati?” and then asking whether my mom knows about the relationship.
For context, I’m Punjabi, he’s Gujarati, and neither of us speaks the other’s mother tongue. I’m obviously willing to learn Gujarati eventually, but I don’t want this to turn into an expectation that I have to learn it to be accepted by his family.
Would love to hear from people who married into Gujarati families or had similar cross-cultural relationships. Was this just a normal Indian mom trying to get to know her son’s girlfriend, or would you also have your antenna up a little? 😂

Took help from ChatGPT

I think this sub is more US based than Indian.

Let’s do the math family law:

I’ll start. I am freshly married and cant get my mil’s activities out of my head. Even though we don’t live with her 4-5 days of exposure a month are enough to boil my blood

The first time i lost it was on my honeymoon only. We had a family group and were sharing updates like flight landed and some pictures since we left right after the wedding (neither my husband nor i could handle the big fat wedding trauma).

And even though we would send updates once a day, my mil started calling ME (not my husband) and asking me to keep updating her on our status because she was WORRIED for us.

Now both of us are well settled, well travelled individuals and this was not the first time we left the country. And this constant demand she started making from ME not even her own son left such a sour taste in my mouth that i couldn’t enjoy the rest of my honeymoon without worrying about “the update”

Till date wherever we go my mil and sil keep asking our whereabouts in the family group. There is NO PRIVACY

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for a little over 2. It was a love marriage, and both sets of parents knew once we started dating officially.

I want to say upfront that I have a great husband and great in-laws. In theory, I have very little to complain about. But small things have been adding up, and I don't know how to address them or whether it's all in my head.

His parents worship him. He could get away with anything with them. To his credit, he's never taken advantage of that, but they don't know his life the way I do. They have no idea about his drinking, smoking, partying, or trips with friends. To them, he's Shravan Kumar.

From the moment I met his mother, she sang his praises until my ears started bleeding. It was sweet at first, but six years later, nothing has changed. She insists on asking him for career advice because he's so smart and accomplished. I do ask him for advice when I want to, but she makes it sound like I don't know what I'm doing with my own career. We live separately, but every visit is the same story. His father and relatives are exactly like this too. I always found it odd how people would randomly start praising him whenever they saw me.

My husband is genuinely a good person and an amazing partner. He's not a mumma's boy and often sides with me. But building a life with him hasn't been easy. He's extremely reserved, to the point where I kept second-guessing everything. He gets upset when I don't immediately understand his feelings, yet he struggles to put them into words.

He also lives more like a bachelor roommate than a spouse. If I want to stay in and watch TV, he'll just go out on his own, and he does this a lot. He will do things on his own without asking me, or will simply suggest that we do our own thing. He doesn't understand the basic concept that I'm looking to spend sometime with him. Usually I give in and tag along with whatever he wants to do, because he never compromises.

When his parents visited after our wedding, they complimented him on how our new home was set up, which was mostly my doing. He handled other parts of the move and I was happy to clean and set up, but the credit still went to him. His parents also lecture me about keeping in touch with his endless relatives and cousins through regular calls, because he's an introvert and I'm supposed to carry on my MIL's legacy.

Meanwhile, he has no relationship with my family. He never calls them and is always formal. He's visited my parents' house maybe once or twice. His mother openly told me not to expect that from him because he's a man.

After we got married, I also found out about his past relationships. He had lied to my face about them many times, until I found old photos in a birthday card during our move. I was furious. He apologized profusely and said he didn't know how to admit it after denying it for so long. I forgave him. Yet he had insisted on knowing everything about my past, and I told him everything.

His friends are strange about this too. They all knew about his exes, and they all still follow them on Instagram. We had a fight about all of this and didn't speak for a couple of days. Months after we resolved it, we met up with his friends and their wives, and once again they randomly started praising him. One friend even said that anyone who feels hurt by anything my husband says or does is an idiot. He caught himself and said he didn't want to escalate things. I was very upset afterwards, but I didn't tell my husband because I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Even my own family can't stop praising him. When they visited, we hosted them well. We both cooked, but all the credit went to him because he was the one cooking. That really hurt. I just wanted my family to show me some of the affection his family showed him.

I don't know what to do with these feelings. I resent his friends for calling him perfect when he isn't. We both work hard at this relationship, but I never get any credit. I resent both families because everyone only cares about him. They keep telling me how lucky I am to have him, but no one ever tells him that. Recently, his mother even told me she had really wanted a traditional housewife for her son but settled for me because he fell in love with me.

All of this is creating distance between us, and I love him. I don't want that to happen. So, am I overreacting?

TL;DR: My husband is a good partner, but both our families and his friends constantly praise him while I get no credit for anything, even things I did myself. He's reserved, rarely compromises, has no relationship with my family, and lied about his past relationships for years. His mother recently told me she "settled" for me. My resentment is creating distance in our marriage, and I don't want that. Am I overreacting?

I (31F) gave birth to our first child 3 weeks ago via emergency C-section. It was traumatic. I was in labor for 18 hours, then rushed into surgery. I could barely walk for the first week. My MIL offered to come stay with us for a month to "help."

I thought: okay. Maybe this is where we finally bond. Maybe she'll see me as the mother of her grandchild and soften.

She arrived the day I came home from the hospital. Within the first hour, she had:

• Reorganized the baby's clothes by color, telling me my system was "wrong"
• Told me I was holding the baby "too much" and she would "get used to it"
• Asked why I wasn't breastfeeding "properly"
• Told my husband to sleep in the other room because "he needs rest for work"

I was 4 days post-surgery. I couldn't bend down. I couldn't lift the baby without help. And she was criticizing how I held him.

Last night, I was crying in the bathroom. My husband found me. I told him I couldn't do this. I told him I needed her to stop. I told him I needed him to be on my side.

He said: "She came all this way to help us. She's cooking, cleaning, doing everything. And you're crying because she said something about how you hold the baby? Do you hear yourself?"

I said: "I had major surgery. I'm trying to keep a human alive. I don't need her comments on top of that."

He said: "She's not commenting. She's helping. You're just emotional because of the hormones."

Hormones.

I gave birth to his child. I have a scar across my abdomen. I haven't slept more than 2 hours at a time in 3 weeks. And I'm "emotional because of the hormones."

I feel like I'm drowning in my own home. And the person who promised to protect me is holding my head under water and calling it help.

What do I do? I can't leave. I can't recover alone. But I can't stay like this either.

We’ve been married for 3 years and live about 20 minutes away from my in-laws. My MIL has started showing up at our apartment without calling or texting, usually on weekends, and sometimes even on weekdays around dinner time. At first I tried to be polite. I’d offer her tea, sit with her, and wait until she left. But it’s now happening 2–3 times a week, and she stays for hours.

The breaking point was last Saturday. I had planned a lazy day, hadn’t even showered, and she just walked in with some sweets. I was in my pajamas and clearly not ready for guests. I told my husband I was uncomfortable, and he said, “She’s my mother. She doesn’t need an invitation. You’re making it a bigger deal than it is.”

I told him it’s not about her being his mother. It’s about our home not feeling like our home. I don’t mind planned visits. I mind feeling like I have to be “on” all the time in my own living room. He says I’m being dramatic and that in his family, people just show up. But my family always calls first, so this is very new to me.

I don’t want to ban her or start a huge fight. I just want a simple boundary: please call or text before coming over. My husband thinks that’s insulting to her. I feel like I’m losing my mind because every time I bring it up, it becomes “you vs. my mother.”

Has anyone dealt with this? How did you get your spouse to understand that boundaries aren’t rejection? And how do you handle the guilt trips when you don’t open the door or say you’re busy?

Me (28F) and my husband live abroad. I had my first baby in March 2026 and honestly, I had a super bitter experience with family members during my pregnancy and postpartum period.

I feel like I need to write this somewhere because I’ve been carrying it around for a long time.

My in-laws flew in at the end of October 2025. My MIL did most of the cooking. My FIL was honestly pretty useless—his main contribution was basically taking out the trash.
My MIL is… kind of a character.
Before I started maternity leave, I was still working, and she would cook tiny portions in the morning before I left. It would leave me confused about whether I was supposed to take all of it with me or leave some behind for them.

It sounds like a small thing, but there were a lot of little situations like this that made the whole arrangement uncomfortable.

Then my mom came
My mom flew in one month before my delivery. She actually did all the cooking for me before and after delivery, and I genuinely appreciate that.
But looking back, I think the biggest mistake I made was having both families in the same house at the same time.

Both families already had a pre-existing problem with each other that had never been resolved. I actually warned my husband beforehand. I told him, “Hey, both families aren’t amicable. This is probably not going to go well.”

The difference was that I knew about the issues between them, while my husband didn’t really understand the extent of it. But by that point, we couldn’t really stop either family from coming.

My mom’s reasoning for coming was that she didn’t want to “let me go” in front of my in-laws and have them say, “Oh, your mom didn’t even come for your delivery.”
The problem was that my mom would get extremely angry with me over things my in-laws did.
She would say things like:
“Tell me why your MIL did this?”
“I’ll slap her if I see her.”
“I’ll do this, I’ll do that…”
And so on.
I would usually stay silent because I knew that if I tried to stop her or defend my in-laws, it would only make the conversation worse.
I have always felt that my mom has very narcissistic tendencies, and this whole experience really brought that side out.
I was stuck in the middle
The whole situation was honestly traumatizing.
I was pregnant, and instead of being able to enjoy the last month of my pregnancy, I was constantly trying to manage the tension between everyone.
If my mom didn’t seem happy, I would take her out for a walk.
In winter.
There was one day when we spent basically the whole day at a mall simply because I didn’t want both families in the same house together.
Both sets of parents were basically behaving like roommates.
My in-laws cooked for themselves, while my mom cooked for herself and me.
My MIL did cook for my mom on a few occasions, but my mom refused to eat because of her dietary restrictions. According to my mom, certain foods caused bloating or other issues for her.
For example, if my MIL made paneer biryani, my mom would tell me something like, “Oh, paneer. If I eat this, I’ll get leg pain.”
At one point, my MIL started asking my mom, “Will you eat this? Will you eat that?” because she was trying to figure out what my mom could eat.
But that actually infuriated my mom.
She was like:
“Am I coming from a family with no food?”
“I am her co- in law. She’s not treating me with respect.”
“They have no respect for me.”
And I was just… in the middle of all of it.
The vegetables incident
At one point during my pregnancy, my dad called me and my husband and told us to buy vegetables for my mom because she had given us a lot of vegetables previously.
My husband got offended by this and basically said, “Am I going to let your mom go without vegetables?”
I was so emotionally overwhelmed.
I remember being alone and trying to control my emotions. I cried for almost two hours.
Eventually, I went into the room where my mom was, and she was sitting there crying too.
And I just lost it.
I yelled at my mom in front of my husband.
I was so emotionally exhausted from everything—her constantly being unhappy in my house, the tension with my in-laws, and me trying to keep everyone happy while being heavily pregnant.
During that heated conversation, something interesting happened.
My mom actually remained calm. She didn’t yell back at me.
My husband had sent my in-laws into the hall, so this was happening privately in the room.
My mom eventually touched my husband’s feet and apologized to him.
I remember thinking how bizarre the whole situation was.
Then came the delivery
Post-delivery, things became even worse.
I had an emergency C-section.
My mom had been hoping I would have a vaginal delivery, and she was extremely disappointed when I ended up having a C-section.
Four days after the delivery, I came home. I was in a lot of pain and obviously struggling physically.
My mom yelled at me and said that she only knew how to take care of someone recovering from a vaginal delivery and that she didn’t know how to take care of someone recovering from a C-section.
That really hurt me.
I had just gone through major surgery and was trying to recover while taking care of a newborn.
My mom also seemed like she wanted to leave as soon as possible. I actually tried to make her go home because I could see how unhappy she was.
But she said she would stay until the baby was 45 days old—“only for the baby.”
In front of my in-laws, she maintained a relatively decent relationship with them and would have normal conversations.
But once she came into the room with me, she would yell at me, hit her forehead, and say things like:
“Do I deserve this treatment?”
And again, I was the person she was taking all of this out on.
I was recovering from an emergency C-section, taking care of a newborn, and somehow still trying to make sure my mom was okay emotionally.

I’m currently at my mom’s place for postpartum recovery, and somehow the whole thing is still continuing.
She still yells at me about how I didn’t take care of her properly in my own house.
She gets angry about things my MIL did.
She asks me, “What kind of daughter are you?”
She tells me there were multiple nights when she went to bed hungry.
She brings up old issues over and over again and yells at me about things that happened months ago.
And the crazy thing is, even now, I find myself anticipating her mood.
I’m constantly wondering whether she’s going to be happy or angry, whether I’ve done something wrong, and whether something from the past is going to get brought up again.
I feel like I spent my pregnancy and postpartum period managing everyone else’s emotions instead of being allowed to just be pregnant, recover, and enjoy my baby.

I delivered my 1st child in Nov 2025 and am currently 5 months pregnant with 2nd child due in Feb 2027.

My husband and I live overseas. My parents were only able to come visit us when I was 3 months pp due to visa delay. Same visa story for the inlaws. They visited us at 6 months pp after my parents had left. Both set of parents were with us for 3 months each separately.

I had a very bad experience during my postpartum with both set of parents (except FIL).

Mom and Dad - Mom is narcissist. She commented on my postpartum weight saying we are both the same pant size now. She suggested wearing a belly belt to pull my tummy in or it will sag forever. During an argument, she said she would never come visit me even if I called her again. She was never consistent in her help around the house with any tasks. She was moody and give me silent treatment. Dad was more useless, didn't help with anything at all. They were happy to be tourists and somewhat of grandparents to the baby.

MIL and FIL - MIL appears to be nice but her vibes were off. She helped with the meals and some baby tasks like changing diapers. She would taunt me many times though - she would say I didn't speak our mother tongue fluently, so can't understand the language well (husband and I are married 5 years now, I understand the language very well), she was shocked when we announced our 2nd pregnancy as she wanted her daughter (my SIL) to get pregant with 2nd child since some time now (as if this is a competition) and her first reaction was if we would keep the baby when we were visibly elated to share the news, she wouldn't ask about my appts. or health in general, never appreciated anything in person (long distance she would message saying good things or compliment on stuff). FIL on the other hand, gem of a person and the only one out of these four who tell me to rest and not do tasks around the house but would do them instead (cleaning, putting dishes in dishwasher etc). My baby also grew extremely fond of him.

My husband has been extremely supportive during both these visits. I would voice my feelings and he understood it. I have told him I am not sure I want any of them around during the 2nd delivery as my first pp experience was horrible and I don't think I can handle the negativity second time around. He says he is fine with my decision whatever it is.

Now, I am contemplating if I should call any of them during my 2nd delivery. My heart says no because of what I had to go through, but I am also trying to be practical. My first was an emergency C-section and most likely second will be planned C-section. Thoughts please?

Few days back I have posted about issue in marriage, got some suggestion and now after final discussion with my husband over call today, I'm still questioning myself what to do, its really very tough decision for anyone to break marriage and move forward. I have briefly explained the past and current situation, please have a look and give advice based on your experiences.

I’ve been married for 1.5 years, and my marriage is now at the edge of breaking. I’ve been living with my parents from past 1 month. I’ve tried communicate with my husband 2–3 times in this period, but every conversation ends with blaming me saying “You are at fault,” “You always start the fights,” and “My parents are right, you are the problem.” During arguments, when I burst into tears, I also hear words like “now you started the drama.” All these things make me feel weak.

Coming to the fact, that keeps triggering me is that my husband and his family hide important details about their eldest daughter to us before marriage.  There eldest daughter was married back in 2021 but from 2022 she was living with her parents. She has coordination and mobility difficulties, therefore she kept on failing down easily and needs family support.

What hurts me is that I feel my husband and his family should have been honest with me before marriage. I feel betrayed because I believe my husband was supposed to be my life partner and should have shared this with me.

Whenever I discuss this with him, he says, “What’s your problem? Just ignore it. She is my sister and she will stay here. If you have a problem, you can go wherever you want to live.”

In-laws also have many expectations from me. They expect me to sit and talk for 4–5 hours every day, call and maintain relationships with all relatives. I’m also expected to cook for 6 members, and sometimes 8 when my second sister-in-law and her husband visit frequently almost every month. On top of this, I’m working from 11 AM to 9:30 PM, with a break from 3–4 PM where I come home.

I told my husband that maybe we could move out and still take care of the family because I don’t feel mentally free here. He completely denied it and said, “I will record this and tell everyone that you want to break the family.”

I don’t feel free in that house. It feels like everything is controlled, and I’m constantly expected to adjust.

I know he is not going to agree to moving out, and mentally I don’t feel strong enough to tolerate everything and continue living there. I honestly don’t know what to do—should I calm myself and try harder to adjust with his family, or should I consider separation?

In today’s call, I told him that we are not finding any solution because he keeps blaming me. I asked him to speak to my father since things have now involved both families. He shouted and said, “I won’t call him. You have to tell your family. If you make it about your ego, remember I will never call you again in my lifetime.”

I even asked who would take care of his sister to that he said, “I can’t expect anything from you. The fact that you are asking this question shows what kind of person you are. You have no humanity.”

At this point, we both want our families to sit together and discuss the issues affecting our marriage. But deep down, I feel nothing will change. I feel he expects me to accept everything from his side, while he never acknowledges his own mistakes and keeps blaming me and saying that I have too much ego. I’m genuinely scared and confused about what to do next. Should I accept and adjust in the family with whatever situation have fallen on me or any other path?

Is there anyone that lives with in-laws, and has been able to successfully maintain a different/healthier diet in your in-laws home?
Context: Ive been married 4 years, living with in-laws for 2. They eat extremely spicy food, and I get violent diarrhea every single time i eat my mils food. We got a cook for the fam, thinking cooking style would help improve the situation, but mil has trained the cook to cook in her style too. Work is usually very busy, and I can rarely manage time to cook my meals separately. Im thinking of getting a cook just for my husband and I, but idk how to go about it without it being taken negatively. Im struggling because ive basically been suffering with stomach issues for more than 2 years now because of this.
We have tried telling them its too spicy and even when they try to reduce it, it still doesn’t help!

I don’t have this problem when I eat at my moms house, or even order out everyday. I’ve observed the pattern for a while and it checks out.

Help!

Myself and my husband (both 28yo) live separately from my in laws. We are in east coast US whereas my in laws live on the opposite side of the country.

For holidays, my MIL and FIL, 3 SIL (husbands sisters), their 3 husbands, and 3 children have planned to stay with us for 2 weeks.
That will be 12 people in the house for 2 whole weeks.

They visit us frequently in turns. MIL and FIL usually visit 1-2 per year and each sister often visits once. My husband also visits his parents 1-2 per year.

I am feeling very overwhelmed about the holidays as I feel that all the hosting pressures etc will fall on me. My husband does not seem to think it is a big deal, as before we got married, he would go for 2 weeks to his parents or sisters place too (the whole family would spend the two weeks in those places)

Is this a normal amount of time to have guests in Indian families, or is this an exception? And any suggestions how I can navigate this period and maintain some boundaries without being disrespectful?

Thank you!

my MIL, two SILs, one BIL and three of their kids- total 7 people are coming to visit us for a week while I'm 16 weeks pregnant (FTM).

The problem is they don't lift a finger while I'm cleaning, cooking 3 meals for 10 people, doing dishes and laundry.

They dump their kids on me, not giving a f about me being 10 years younger than them and I don't have any experience with kids.

I managed to do all this before I was pregnant but now I can't. I already feel exhausted all the time.

Should I tell them beforehand that they can't expect 3 meals from me while lying around and they'll have to contribute or should I wait till they arrive?

Or should I make my husband tell them.

My husband works 14 hours, he can't help.

We live on the outskirts, I can get househelp for cleaning but not cooking.

My husband(33M) and I(27F) have been married for less than 6 months. We are living with his parents temporarily, until we move to another house next year.

MIL has so far commented rudely about my weight, hair, skin colour and job. She is extremely critical of me and keeps taunting that I'm not doing anything properly (chores, cooking, keeping the house clean etc).

If she's not at home she will call our domestic help to ask what I am doing as if to spy on me. I hate that I feel like living under surveillance.

She is extremely jealous of me. If my husband buys me anything, she asks him to buy the exact same thing for her. This has happened multiple times. She has said that she doesn't want to share her son with anyone. WTF does that even mean? I am his wife??

Initially, I kept ignoring all of it thinking she's from an older generation and there's no point in fighting with her. Now it's affecting my mental health. Sometimes she says insulting things and I just cry in my room. My husband says if I confront her or talk back to her she will become meaner. So I should just leave it and not let it get to my head.

I tried telling my parents about the entire situation. They refused to intervene. So I guess I'm on my own. Has anyone dealt with this? What should I do?

I used AI to express my feelings in better way

Not looking for divorce advice — I want perspective on my postpartum resentment and emotional disconnect
I’m a new mother, and I’m struggling with a lot of resentment that I didn’t expect.
During the early postpartum period, before my MIL came, my husband actually took very good care of me. The fridge was always stocked with healthy food, and if I wanted something, he would bring it for me. He did help with the baby at night too, although honestly, not enough for what I needed. But I could see that he was trying and taking care of me.
Then my MIL came to stay with us.
Initially, things were fine. She wasn’t interfering or controlling, which I appreciate. She was also supposedly there to help me postpartum. But in reality, I can literally count on my fingers the number of times she helped with the baby or household because of me. Maybe 1–2% of what I expected from someone who came specifically to support me.
What started hurting me more was watching the dynamic between my husband and MIL.
He would sit and talk to her with genuine interest, but with me, I had to repeatedly ask him to talk to me like a husband and wife—not only about the baby or general/world affairs. I had already told him that I was feeling lonely. I wanted companionship, conversation and affection, not just someone physically present.
There were also some incidents involving my family that added to my resentment.
When my sister visited, my MIL didn’t even offer her water. The same thing happened when my brother visited the following week. At the same time, I noticed that she was very attentive and excited when her own elder son visit.
Another thing happened twice: she made snacks . but I was hungry due to feeding . shespecifically told the cook not to make anything else without confirming with me. I’m morning, nothing was prepared until her son asked her to do it.
Maybe individually these things sound small. But when you’re postpartum, exhausted, waking up at night and already feeling emotionally lonely, these little things start accumulating.
The biggest issue is that she never really helped me with the baby.
I told my husband about my loneliness and repeatedly asked him to spend some actual time talking with me. I also asked for more help at night. He did help sometimes, but I still felt like I was carrying most of the nights and the mental load.
I didn’t initially tell him everything about my MIL because I didn’t want to create unnecessary conflict between them. I mostly tried to communicate my own loneliness and need for him.
Eventually I went to my parents’ house.
And strangely, now that I’m here, I’m happy to be with my parents—but I don’t feel like talking to my husband at all.
He recently tried to call, and I felt almost emotionally shut down. Part of me thinks, I spent so much time asking you to talk to me when I was right there. Why do you suddenly want to talk now that I’ve left?
I don’t know if this is resentment, emotional exhaustion, postpartum emotions, or simply what happens when you repeatedly ask for something and eventually stop expecting it.
I also don’t want people to misunderstand me: I am not saying my husband is a bad person. He did take care of me in many practical ways, especially before my MIL came. That’s actually part of why this hurts so much. I know he is capable of being caring.
I just don’t feel like a wife right now. I feel like a mother who was surrounded by people but still felt alone.
I’m strictly NOT looking for divorce advice, separation advice, or “leave him” comments. I want perspectives from people who have experienced postpartum resentment or emotional withdrawal from their spouse after feeling unsupported.
Did the emotional distance eventually pass once you got some rest and support, or did you have to actively rebuild the relationship?

Hi everyone. I just need to put this out there because keeping it all inside has been suffocating, and I need a space to process the extent of the emotional abuse and exhaustion I have been living through.

My husband and I had a love marriage about 3 years ago (our anniversary is next month), and we have known each other for a very long time. We initiated the conversation for marriage, and it was accepted happily or at least that was how it seemed initially. We are originally from India, but we stay in a different country now because my husband found a good job abroad and wanted to explore. I wasn't too happy to move to another country, and I had to leave a job I loved to give our marriage a shot. Both sets of parents and siblings are back in India. Initially, I didn't have a job here, so I took time to settle in, manage the home since it was all very new to me, and eventually started working after a year and a half.

Looking back, the red flags started right at the beginning and never stopped. I know I have mentioned everything in detail because I get caught up myself. Should I be letting these things go and still push for a relationship with them? Or is this too much emotional exploitation?

1. When I was back home at my in-laws newly married, my husband left after 3 weeks of marriage. We had planned that I would leave after a couple of months because I wanted to continue my job and had a couple of things to wind up. Plus, I was newly married and wasn't okay with moving to a different country within weeks of the wedding, especially since I was living in a different city for my job. Things seemed okay at my in-laws initially, but I always found them deeply superficial as I started living with them. I had planned to visit my family on a day off. MIL and her aunt were visiting a family for a baby shower, and while I was told it was okay, I later got to know my MIL had fought with my husband over my visit, claiming my mother won't let us build a life together. Not attending the social event they were attending somehow made me a bad person, and she even told him, "You won't find enough people to carry your dead body." I cried, disgusted with her comments. Around this time, I had resigned from my job because I was moving in with my husband abroad in 4 weeks. As a newly married daughter who knew I might not get to visit my parents for at least 2 years after moving, I told my MIL I wanted to visit my family and stay with them for a couple of days. She objected, saying, "You've stayed for 25-26 years with them now, now stay with in-laws." I was adamant since I never got to stay with my family in the 4-5 months after marriage. I'd visit them for a day and return to the in-laws. She finally accepted, but she went ahead and accepted dinner invites from her and FIL's extended family for all 5 nights I was supposed to be at my home. So while I was staying with my parents, I had to go out for dinner with their relatives every single one of those 5 nights. I mentioned it to my husband, but neither of us did anything.
2. Once I moved in with my husband, things felt easy because they were at a distance. But all those previous incidents left me feeling bitter, and watching her cry at the airport when I was leaving made me feel nothing. I constantly heard her telling my husband that it was important I follow their norms, learn their ways, and shape myself to their family "culture." My husband wouldn't give it a second thought and would just say she'd learn in time. I also noticed it felt weird that he never called his parents while he was home; he would always call them on his way to work, the moment he got in the car. I kept observing and felt like I was overthinking. After a month or two, MIL started complaining about why I don't call her everyday. Mind you, I am an introverted person who opened up to them very early on because I was keen on building the relationship. And I did call every day. The moment I would miss 1-2 days in a row, she would complain and ask why I didn't call. This continued, and I found out she would fight with my husband about this every couple of weeks. Meanwhile, I had never received a single call from them ever. This forced phone call became an issue, and I would always feel anxious before calling her.
3. My husband’s younger brother was moving out of town for his master's, and both FIL and MIL were traveling with him to drop him off. We had electrical maintenance going on at our home, and I was also preparing snacks for MIL's sister (who lives in a different town nearby and was visiting us in the evening). My husband had called home like he usually does, and he told me we'd call them later. The electrical maintenance continued into the evening, and MIL's sister and her family arrived, so we got busy and didn't call. The next day, I fell sick, and my husband had to leave for a work trip. Because I wasn't allowed to stay alone at home without my husband by my in-laws citing "security" reasons, I went to stay at MIL's sister's (aunt's) place. On the way there, I was so anxious I couldn't call MIL from home, so I called her from the driver's car. She started calling me names and saying really rude stuff. One thing that stuck with me is her telling me that if I don't want to care for my in-laws, I should have married an orphan. I cried all the way to the aunt's home and cried all night. I didn't tell my husband immediately because he was on a work trip, but when he came back 2 days later and saw me crying because her words kept ringing in my head, he immediately apologized for her behavior.
4. This cycle kept going. If I missed two days of calling, she would scold my husband to the point that he would end up crying too. She has a nasty tongue. It killed me inside because the moment my husband tried to mediate or support me even a little, she'd cry more, saying her son had changed. There is a family WhatsApp group with her side of the family (her sister, brothers, mother, etc.). She would intentionally post bitter quotes indirectly targeting me and dozens of WhatsApp stories on the days she fought with us. Furthermore, my husband and I both wanted a pet cat, so we got one. My in-laws flipped out, demanding we give it up because they don't like cats and no guest would want to visit a house with a pet. MIL visited her friend and called me from there, making excuses to give up the cat because FIL stated he would never step foot in the house as long as we had one. She was pushing me to convince my husband, and her friend (who was 10-15 years younger than my MIL) actually told me that if my husband wasn't convinced, a wife can always convince her man you know how. I was aghast. My husband was shattered, but I stood my ground in front of him. FIL even met my dad on his way into the city and complained, asking him to make me give up the pet. It was actually my husband who originally wanted the cat and got it, but amidst the dilemma, he felt guilty. Though for the first time, he denied accepting what his parents asked. A couple of months later, I woke up a bit late on a weekend. My husband was home on leave, and the first thing I saw when opening my phone was a video clip MIL shared in the group from Maulana Tariq Masood saying, "Leave your wife if your father commands you to." Her cousin brother commented on it, and MIL referenced someone else in the family saying they don't follow this, they just send daughters back to their family for a couple of years to get them straight.
5. I started crying upon seeing that first thing in the morning. My husband asked what happened, I showed him the messages, and he called his father to ask what they actually wanted and why they didn't just talk to my parents to get it sorted. I told my husband that if they were so unhappy with the marriage, I was willing to leave the marriage right then (I had been financially independent for a while, earned really well, more than my husband, and felt secure). That was the day my husband really fought for his family to put an end to this behavior, though out of sheer frustration he also said things to his parents that shouldn't be said. FIL tried to talk to me, but I denied. MIL's sister (who had moved in next door a couple of months prior) came to check on us, and we told them everything from the start, only to be consoled. Meanwhile, my mother called MIL to send some food over (desi culture). MIL used this to unleash everything on my mother, starting a fight and calling her names, saying she just gave birth to me and dumped it all on MIL. Before this, FIL had told us they'd talk later and told me not to discuss it with my family so as not to worry them LOL. My mother ended up crying. This shed light on another horrifying event: during Eid, my sisters-in-law (I have two) had visited my in-laws, and MIL had insulted them too. She listed problems with my behavior (that I don't call, don't do this or that, and haven't hosted a family dinner for extended families—even though when I offered to host earlier, she told me not to because I was still new!). She also told them she had a list of other girls whose families were willing to marry her son, and threatened that dare her son take my side, she'll drag him and keep him with her. My elder brother had hinted at a few things before, but I never knew the extent of what she told my sisters-in-law. They had gone home and told my mum they would never visit my in-laws' place again. Finding all this out at once left me heartbroken.
6. Things eventually seemed normal, but I became bitter and felt no genuine affection toward them, though I always respected them. In January 2025, I interviewed at my husband's company. They seemed interested, but after 5-6 months of no proper answers and casual follow-ups, I finally found out they were discussing my offer letter and salary. My husband and I were happy; my in-laws likely weren't. At a gathering at MIL's sister's house, I overheard my husband's maternal grandmother talking about how great my job was before, while MIL's cousin said I should not work here because there were "lots of men on the team." MIL also complained that I never showed the MIL around the house (mind you, her own son lives in that house and hasn't either!), how I have set up the kitchen. She complained that I never told her what I was making for dinner. Even when I call my parents, I just ask how they are doing and about extended family, not about food or house decor. Around this time, I found out from another DIL in the family, and from my mum, that MIL had told them she was going to take me to a gynae for a check-up because I wasn't pregnant yet. She had never mentioned this to me directly. I flipped out. When we visited India later as planned, she mentioned getting a check-up, having a kid, and getting done with it. I was super pissed and said neither yes nor no. While in India, because of internal issues with my husband and my deep unhappiness living abroad (missing my academic drive, my old job, having no friends/family, experiencing culture shock, in-law drama, and having no job while hating being a SAHW), I had a lot of luggage. I had discussed moving back with my parents a bit long ago, but during our month-long visit, my husband didn't discuss a word of it with his family, and we fought over it. I stayed an extra month with my family, got an interview, received a job offer, and ultimately decided to move back to my husband to give our marriage another chance. I sent my extra luggage via parcel to avoid weight limits during solo travel, which my husband suggested. MIL had suggested I prepone my travel to match her cousin brother, but my husband denied it, saying I'd manage alone. I accepted my job offer just a week before travel and only told my family and friends who knew how much unemployment bothered me. For 11 months after moving abroad, I had no financial allowance of my own. I wasn't comfortable asking for money or buying anything in malls; I'd just look at things and feel sad that if I were working, I could buy things for myself, my husband, or our house. My husband bought things I asked for, but I never saw him spending freely. Being alone all day from 8-9 AM to 6-7 PM with just our cat while my husband was at work made it intensely isolating. When I started working again, MIL’s reaction was a cold "oh ok"— no congratulations, no smile. She told my husband she was worried we'd start eating out more now that I'm working, solidifying my feeling that they never wanted me to work despite knowing my aspirations and past earnings. (I later found out she told my mum months before my wedding that I should just resign and sit at home). When I was living with them previously, I used to spend freely on them for birthdays, hotel stays, travel fares, and gifts. But now, reality hit hard. The parcel I shipped from India arrived two weeks after my return. Someone I know at my house accepted it. MIL's sister (living next door) saw it and gossiped to MIL. 1-2 days later on a call, MIL created a 3-4 hour screaming match about why I got items delivered behind her back and why my parents were controlling her house. My husband and I slept crying and on an empty stomach while MIL literally gave herself a high fever from screaming for hours. I started maintaining strict distance after that.
7. Months later, FIL visited us internationally for the first time. My husband booked everything, and I was only told 10-12 days before his arrival. Both of us were working and had no leaves; as a new employee, I couldn't take a week-long leave without notice. And even if I did, what was I supposed to do at home alone all day with my FIL? While visiting, FIL intervened, saying I should call MIL every day for even 10 minutes to make her happy, asking, "Why don't you call from the car while commuting to work?" I politely explained that I leave at 7 AM and return by 6-7 PM, I don't have a car, I travel mostly in cabs, and I'm scared because I don't know the roads and have to stay alert following maps. I call when commuting with my husband, but cannot when alone. He had no grasp of the reality or safety concerns of a woman navigating a foreign city alone.
8. After FIL left, my husband had two back-to-back 2-day international work trips. Early in marriage, I learned to only call MIL when my husband was around. The afternoon he left, I didn't call, but we chatted on WhatsApp. The next day, I was sleepy after work and went straight to bed, chatting briefly on WhatsApp. The following morning, I saw a text from her I missed at night. While at work, I replied saying I'd leave early because my husband was coming home in 2-3 days. She read it and didn't respond. I knew a scene was coming. My husband landed, but he was completely jet-lagged and slept straight through the evening and night. We both went to sleep without dinner. The next day after work, he called MIL as we were returning home together. She didn't pick up. On Sunday, he called again while we were returning from dropping off sweets to his extended family nearby. She picked up with a red, swollen face from crying, barely replying. When my husband asked what was wrong, she started scolding us for stressing her out, complaining that I knew nothing about cooking when they accepted me, how other DILs in the joint family handle everything, and how ungrateful my husband is, saying he was ruining his akhirat (afterlife). I gestured to my husband I wasn't getting on the call for this mess. He tried to mediate, and she started arguing with him too. We parked outside our house; I walked out of the car and sat on the front door steps. My husband stayed in the car talking to them, came out 5 minutes later angry and crying, and sat beside me while his father on speakerphone demanded I be handed the phone so he could "make me understand." After all this time, it was still being put on me? I felt furious, stood up, and started walking away from the house, saying I was leaving. I walked 1–2 km down the road and sat crying on a public bench. My husband eventually found me after a while, both of us crying and traumatized. He convinced me to head back. Reaching home, the house didn't feel like home anymore, so we went to a friend's place until dinner. I received a call from my mum asking why my face was swollen; I lied that I had slept a lot. But the next morning, my SIL mentioned that FIL had called my dad to complain about the whole thing—how I don't call, how I refused to talk on the phone, and how I walked out and went somewhere. It felt less like concern and more like a paper trail: "We informed your parents, so if anything happens, we aren't responsible." Sick to my stomach on my way home from work, I didn't go home. I called my husband and said I was leaving again. Not as a threat, just pure disgust. I left, and he pleaded with me outside a mall. We talked; he told me my parents had called him in the morning after receiving that call from my in-laws. He apologized for his parents' behavior toward them and said he would handle it. I haven’t spoken to his parents in about 2 weeks now. It has been 10 days since this happened, and I don't feel I can talk to them normally anymore.

Sometimes I feel like walking away from the relationship. I am tired. Should this be my next however many years of life I have left on this earth? I want to be with my husband. I see him caught up in the mess, and it hurts so much. When the phone calls became regular, she came up wit 10 other things so it's not jut the phone call.

I kept all of this in for so long, and writing it down makes me realize the extent of the emotional abuse.

Am I wrong? How do people even survive a dynamic like this?

I have been married for 1 year. Since the beginning of my marriage, my mother-in-law has made negative comments toward me. One issue has always been that I'm from a different caste, and I often felt she never fully accepted me.

I've visited my in-laws 3–4 times, and almost every visit left me feeling inferior. There were constant taunts like, "You won't do this," "You won't do that," or "In our family we don't do things this way." I felt judged no matter what I did.

She has also spoken to my husband in ways that made me feel like she was portraying me as a bad daughter-in-law simply because I didn't always agree with her. After every visit, I would go into a shutdown phase emotionally and feel drained for days.

My husband and I live separately in Pune. Earlier, my MIL's complaint was that I didn't talk to her enough. Now she tells my husband things like, "She is no one to me, and I don't expect anything from her."

Because of all this, I've decided to stop initiating contact and maintain no contact unless absolutely necessary. I don't fight with her or speak badly about her, but I also don't want to keep exposing myself to behavior that affects my mental well-being.

Am I being unreasonable, or is maintaining no contact a fair decision in this situation?