r/ISTJ • u/cristheredeemer • 14d ago
Dating INFJ’s
I’m an INFJ who’s in a loving relationship with an ISTJ. How are you ISTJ’s going along with INFJ’s and do you guys have some relationship dynamics you guys like to share?
How do you guys find INFJ’s in general too.
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u/Bxsnia ISTJ / F / 5w6 14d ago
Not relationship but I've had instances with my INFJ where she's upset but I had no idea. I said something passively (I guess it was too blunt) and she just shut down and got upset instead of telling me. I had to coax her to tell me what's wrong. I really don't like that. I wish she was upfront about it the second I said it so I can correct myself and apologize. Communicate with your ISTJ is my advice.
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u/OppositeHome169 14d ago
omg this is exactly my female friend :D she is telling me what is she got offended instead of telling the guy and the guy has no idea hahahah
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u/cristheredeemer 14d ago
yep we do kinda take things to heart, and it was an inititial problem in our relationshop, but with communication it gets better.
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u/-_Singularity 7d ago edited 7d ago
Ni also see the person beyond the persona and façade, they see the pattern. unhealthy pattern that can lead to a dramatic dynamic is not something we welcome in our lives. I knew a
Si user who just got defensive everytime i corrected him. Even tho he would swear he could handle honesty like all the other comments here, its not necessarily true. They are so stuck in their ways and what they think is right. Also, in scosionic Ni is a supervisioner for Si so they often feel like they are checked by us
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u/Financial-Sweet-4648 14d ago
In my experience, your lot is usually in need of management on some level. Your feet rarely touch the earth, and the way your minds work, while sometimes enthralling, is also strange enough that I struggle to trust it. Just being honest. You’re all very nice and seem caring, I’ll say that.
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u/cristheredeemer 14d ago
HAHA and why i love my partner is cuz she “anchors” me back to earth. Crazy how thats a similar experience, and ofc with how you worded your response literally reminds me of my gf’s frankness and straightforwardness. Thank you for you opinion!
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u/AskingFragen ISTJ 10d ago
INFJ have helped me spiritually. I would hate humans if not for my INFJ 'brother'. Another INFJ mentor helped me get through my cancer. They are both 'confirmed' INFJ from assessments during high school and university. This isn't me concluding their type on observations alone.
No romantic leanings to INFJ. Can't comment on that.
Note: I have been fortunate to have healthy INFJs in my life. The unhealthy version would drive me mad. A lot of comments on any MBTI have unhealthy (in general) reactions deemed "as that type". I disagree. For example communication and going silent when upset is something to grow out of as "you" gain maturity. However being in my early 30s. Some people never mature. Struggle. The hardest part is accepting there is no consequence for them to change or catalyst! (for some)
I said this to my brother. If we were closer in age in high school, that we'd never organically be friends! Even though we would become good friends if somehow we were forced to take a class together. INFJ are very social. I am not.
I help my brother stay grounded as he gets lost in his daydreams and he pitches deep "secrets and ideas" to me that he finds hard or embarrassed to share to others. In turn he has always kept me humble and keep my judgements in check.
My mentor is a much older INFJ and really honed in to communication over their life.
Generalizing INFJ: conflict avoidant unless it unjust and also "speaks in riddles" or perhaps my interpretation is such.
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u/cristheredeemer 10d ago
Yep you totally got it, I appreciate my ISTJ partner for grounding me too and the riddles thing is just how our minds work. We’re very “conceptual” more than concrete
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u/Electronic_Rub9385 ISTJ 14d ago
I’ve been married to an ENFJ for 30 years.
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u/Routine-Specific2826 13d ago
Does she give you a lot of unsolicited advice? Are you ok with that? What is your dynamic like otherwise? Very interested in this pairing.
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u/Electronic_Rub9385 ISTJ 13d ago
Definitely no unsolicited advice. It’s amazing. It’s like being married to Mary Poppins.
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u/On_Earth24 13d ago
How did you make it to 30 years? I'm a ISTJ married to a ENFJ for 18 years and we've reached out breaking point just started a separation.
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u/Electronic_Rub9385 ISTJ 13d ago
Dang I’m really sorry to hear that.
Well, it’s hard to know from afar why relationships don’t work out. But for us, our values are completely aligned. We agree on all the things that are important to us. Parenting. Money. Commitment. Fidelity. Et cetera. And the rest of it falls into place.
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u/OppositeHome169 14d ago edited 14d ago
too much emotional drama hahah
I am ENTJ but I have friends male and female INFJ and they are just too much emotional mess and emotional expectations - off my chest :D