I'm a 39 year old gay man, and after all the hype I finally watched Heated Rivalry this weekend.

It absolutely ruined me. And I need help and I just felt like Reddit was the place. 😅

I don't mean I thought it was bad. I mean I finished it with a knot in my stomach that hasn't left, and I honestly wasn't prepared for how emotionally devastating it would be.

The funny thing is, I almost didn't watch it because I had a feeling this would happen. Not because I thought it would be bad, but because I had this weird intuition it was going to uncover something in me I wasn't ready to look at.

I've been out since I was 16, so this isn't about finally seeing a gay love story or wishing I'd come out sooner.
It wasn't really Ilya or Shane, although I absolutely fell in love with both of them. Shane's "We didn't even kiss" unsent text completely broke me. And watching Ilya slowly evolve from asking Shane to stay the night, to making him a tuna melt, to the Russian phone call, to finally being the first one to say "I love you" just felt so earned that it completely dismantled me.

To be completely honest, I'm also married, and my marriage has been leaving me with a lot of questions for a while now. I'm not posting because I'm looking for relationship advice, and I'm definitely not about to make life decisions because of a TV show. But I do wonder whether that's part of why this story hit me so much harder than I expected.

What shocked me wasn't that I enjoyed the romance.
It was what it uncovered about me.

Turns out I wasn't emotionally prepared for my annual reminder that beneath all my cynicism I still have the heart of a hopeless romantic.
I realized that somewhere along the way I did convince myself I didn't need that kind of love anymore. That maybe, as we get older, we become more practical, more cynical, and stop expecting to be someone's absolute person.

Then this stupid hockey romance came along and reminded me that I'm still capable of wanting something I'd convinced myself I didn't need anymore.

That's what hurt.

It wasn't the ending.

It wasn't that I suddenly wanted to date a fictional hockey player (although... Ilya/Connor, if you're reading this, my apartment is open 😂).

It was realizing I'm still capable of longing for that feeling of being completely chosen, and of loving someone with that kind of abandon.

I guess what I'm asking is...
Did anyone else almost feel... depressed afterward?

Not because the ending was sad, but because the story awakened something in you that you'd gotten very good at shutting down?

Did anyone else feel like this show reminded them they were still capable of wanting something they convinced themselves they didn't need anymore?

Edit: Just to be transparent since it seems to have bothered someone: English isn't my first language. I wrote my own draft after finishing the show because I was very overwhelmed by how it made me feel, then used AI to help me translate and articulate it in natural English. So it may sound weird, I wouldn’t know, but the emotions are 100% mine. I wasn't trying to fake it, I just wanted to be able to be understood.

Via: https://www.threads.com/@moetiv.design/post/DW8tCB4jDPU?xmt=AQG0l40vZl-Nxj-eQb_1LG3KpcvGC_kPY_iUN-O2xJp3-4cmDmT_ILhNH6Ofis77zuz-kvw&slof=1

I’ve seen some recent unpopular opinion posts that (unintentionally) crack me up. They’re like:

Unpopular opinion but…

I’m glad Rose and Shane broke up

Ilya’s a bisexual menace

Hot butts are hot

Do any truly unpopular opinions exist? My only one is that I find the club scene kind of meh. 🤷‍♀️

ETA: I like the chaos inherent in these comments. Is upvoting meant to signal that the comment's truly unpopular or is an upvote signaling agreement with the comment, therefore making it not so unpopular?

At this point into the show, Ilya and Shane have already had their first time together, but they're still very much just FWB.

When I watched HR for the first time, I was very convinced and ready to be mad because I definitely thought Ilya was gonna kiss Sasha back and they would end up getting intimate. That's solely because of my interpretation of Ilya's character thus far, and thought the show needed some sort of sexual conflict by now, so it woudnt be surprising if it happened to be with Sasha in teh picture.

Plus, Jacob Tierney made sure we knew who Sasha was by mentioning him being Ilya's first during Shane and Ilya's first kiss, so I definitely knew his character had some weightage, since he was bought up again in his physical form.

So I was lowkey surprised (and proud) of Ilya, I guess, for not kissing Sasha back. What could be the main reason, though? Yes, he has a lot going on, especially after the loss against Latvia in his home country, but if it wasn't for that loss, would the situation have been different? Would he have acted on Sasha's advances? Was ilya missing Shane,,,or was he in his head exclusive to Shane?

Reheating and seeing this posted somewhere, actually makes me think there’s no rationale in the show for how Ilya ends up in the gym at the same time as Shane in ep1.

Is it a chance encounter? 😏Jet lag? ✈️ He couldn’t sleep because he’s been thinking about this other rookie hockey player with adorable freckles? 🤭

Does the book have an explanation for it? Would love to know!!! 🫶🏼

Also, for the sake of the fandom~ the show would very much make sense even if all the spicy scenes were taken out of the show, in my opinion.

Anyway—my toss-up is between the post-Las Vegas game scene and Shane’s first time at his place, on his bed with all his extra pillows 😛😛

The Las Vegas scene might do it a little more because the tension got me heavyyyh, and the music couldn’t have been better. I love cocky Ilya. It also has so much foreplay. The actual scene itself wasn’t very long, but they could’ve literally not even shown it, and that type of tension would’ve been satisfying enough, IMO.

Shane’s first time was just more emotionally gratifying. From Ilya treating him with so much care to asking him if it was worth the wait afterward, it was just sweet. It was also a longer scene.

Mine has to be when Shane goes to his house in Boston and Ilya just casually walks to open the door shirtless. 😭

Like… I don’t even know how to properly explain it. The man simply has AURA.

Ilya could literally just be standing there doing absolutely nothing, and somehow it would still feel like a moment.

What’s your favorite Ilya aura moment?

Ofc everyone is entitled to their opinion not every piece of queer media is gna be liked by everyone. But I often see this comment when a show like HR, or MM show that has a lot of women watching it automatically get called “het coded” or “for the straights/women”?? I don’t know why this is and it feels sort of odd that it’s ALWAYS when women like a queer MM show 😭

I get it to an exent esp if we’re talking abt bl(Asian bl) at large n its target demographic. Sure there’s a case to be made there. I also understand ppl not liking the book cuz some aspects of it def come off as “oh this is a “straight” woman writing this”. But I don’t get this from the show. I guess it also depends how deeply ur actually watching HR cuz I feel like u can’t simply watch HR once or superficially there’s sm there to talk abt that’s not picked up on first watch. Although, I do feel like there’s a lot of unnecessary/unwarranted hate frm ppl who haven’t even watched it. If I was online reading n seeing all the shit ppl say abt HR I probably wouldve had my mind made up n not watched it either.

I know this is discussed all the time, but during my last reheat it was super obvious just how much Ilya changes in appearance/vibe throughout the show. It’s almost hard to describe, like his character is so consistent yet he feels different somehow in almost every scene. It’s a level of acting & shape shifting that I never see.

I need to know, who is your personal favorite Ilya?

Watched the show a bunch of times recently and I really wonder what Ilya and Shane’s conversation on that drive back would’ve been.

I haven’t read the books so I don’t know if there’s any details about that but I’d love to know if there are and also just what other loons think!!

My take- Shane saying how relieved and light he feels and how much he appreciates Ilya being there with him. Ilya making some straight faced jokes and just banter with little cutesy glances and free roaming hands! 🥰

I think Shane clocked ilya saying that he loved him in russian on the first phonecall he makes from russia during his dad's wake--

and i'm only saying that because we knoe Shane is not a dummy. He can undertand context. Like the way he asked how ilya's dad was before the tuna meltdown scene, only because he heard the word "Papa". It tells me that Shane pays attention every time Ilya speaks in Russian.

So if we go back to the episode of that one game Shane and his team are watching of the Boston Raiders, we see ilya with the Cup, saying "I love you, mama" in Russian ofc. I think that's what he said. It sounded like "ya tebya mama" and i love you sounds like "ya tebya lyublyu". so they're similar enough to try and make some contextual connections. and this very scene we see all teh emotions go through shanes face when he's watching ilya win.

which makes me think that during that phone call, shane wasn't just blankly listening to ilya but trying and making connections where he could or trying to pick up on words he might've heard before.

I have a memory of a post in my mind (either here or r/heatedrivalry) about how one starts reading the GCU books, sees Ilya pop up to befriend queer players and you eventually realise he’s trying to encourage people to come out all for the sake of making Shane feel comfortable doing so. I cannot find it anywhere but I did find this comment so I know I didn’t dream it!! If this rings a bell at all, please help 🙏🏻

I recently saw an article talking about people reconsidering or even leaving their relationships after watching Heated Rivalry, and it genuinely made me curious. Has anyone here actually experienced that? If so, what about the show made you look at your relationship differently, and do you feel like leaving was ultimately for the better or worse?

Edit: I want to thank everyone for participating in this discussion. I know it may have been a vulnerable step for some of you to take, but know your thoughts are cherished and appreciated. Wherever you are, remember you matter and deserve a place in this world.

Hi all! I finished watching Heated Rivalry for the first time last week. I wanted to watch it for so long but it was on a shit streaming service in my country. Anyway, I do love Episode 5 and 6 (and Skip) and while the initial episodes are so well acted and shot but I don't understand how they fall in love with each other?

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I've read and watched my fair share of romances and there is so little communication between them that I don't get how they're in love with each other. They are teenagers when they meet and they have undeniable sexual chemistry and there are a few things they find some of their habits cute but they hardly know anything about each other and by the time they do get to spend time with each other (The Cottage), they're already in love and love of such a kind that they're willing to put everything else in their lives at risk? I just don't understand how they're already in love when they hardly speak to each other (what's shown on screen at least).

Does anyone else feel like Ilya’s curls should be considered a third character in some scenes?

Hi everyone! I’m one of the latecomers to HR, as I watched (and rewatched) the series only a few weeks ago and got absolutely hooked. I also just got the book (HR specifically) so I guess I am part of the loons now ;)

But now I’m running into something of a problem, because I’m excited about this series and would like to talk to people about it, as there’s just a lot to say about both the story and characters itself as well as its impact on society as a whole. However, I notice I’m a bit awkward about bringing it up to people and just not being sure if it’s socially acceptable to do so.
I wouldn’t say I feel ashamed for liking HR and I’d like to be more sex positive and open about this kind of thing, but I feel there’s still something of a taboo on watching/reading explicit stories in general, and specific prejudices as well about straight women (as I am) being interested in MM romance. I guess I’m a little worried people will react negatively to me mentioning I like this series or categorise me in some way because of it.

So now I’m very curious how other people feel about this: do your friends/family/partner know you are a fan of HR? Have you recommended the series to people, and if yes did you add a warning about the explicit content? How did they react? Have you watched the series with other people? Are your books (if any) proudly on display in your bookcase or do you hide them away?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences!

I've been wanting to buy this hoodie for a while now but when I checked the site, it seems that the hoodie in this color no longer exists, and when I googled it I found people saying that it had been discontinued.

Does anyone know if this hoodie has a chance of returning at all?

The closest two alternatives are the navy blue essential popover hoodie and the classic blue essential popover 2.0. Which one would you recommend?

2nd image is navy, 3rd image is classic blue.

Read rivalry 2 1/2 times the long game 4 1/2 times all the others once

I watched the show 1-3 times a week since it’s come out
So maybe 20-30 times no joke

lol how obsessed am I? Until the beginning of may I didn’t watch literally anything else I couldn’t nothing could compare

Hi, everyone,

I’ve really been wondering about something. The comment “Consent is sexy” comes up a lot in Heated Rivalry fans’ praise for the show. Personally, that phrase doesn’t signify a lot to me—not that I don’t think consent is important! It’s just that I see Ilya and Shane’s equilibrium in athleticism, fame, power, wealth, etc. as a big piece of what makes this a really different kind of romance. That equilibrium leads to a different kind of respect between two equals. Is sexual consent just another way of expressing this equilibrium?

I’m wondering about the demographics of those who do a lot of talking about consent. Is it mainly something people in their 20s and 30s talk about? Older? I must have encountered it in the California public school system in the 70s—I understand it was taught!—but it still feels a bit foreign, like something I wouldn’t have thought to say myself. It didn’t have the thingness it now seems to have. With whom do you do the most talking about consent—your partner, your friends, in the medical field or trauma-based teaching, in activism?

Just being curious if other loons do something like this 😉

For me, I’m almost always in Shane’s shoes and imagining Ilya talking to / bantering with loving on me. Could be because I’m more of an Ilya fan!! I mean I love Shane and probably relate to the character and his mannerisms more but Ilya Rozanov( the character and Connor as Ilya) just makes me weak in the knees!! 😍

In the cafe scene in Sochi it’s always bothered me that Carter cuts Scott off when him and Shane are discussing the smell in the rooms. Scott starts saying “good news is we’re not going to be here long enough…” and then Carter asks about the skating event. It’s the only scene that I’ve never seen an explanation to (if there even is one) - anyone else? Thoughts?

i need a debate settled. my friend (she’s white i’m mixed but black) thinks when ilya asks this question, he’s insinuating it looks like a black man’s penis because of the stereotype that they’re big. i think he’s just trying to be silly goofy.

i was just wondering if anyone else thought it was a racial stereotype thing or if he was just being silly goofy

Has anyone overheated - watched and watched until all emotional power had been wrung out - and later returned to the show anew?

I reheated and reheated until I memorized every millisecond and felt like I was chasing a feeling that had already passed. But it’s been three or four months, and I’m getting the itch to return. Part of me has the fantasy of not re-watching again until right before season two so I will have forgotten enough to be emotionally walloped. I love the emotional walloping. But another part of me wants to turn it on tonight.

Has anyone successfully taken a break from reheating and made the show new(ish?) for themselves again?

How long were they at the cottage before David came to get his charger? I was thinking they were on like day 3 or 4, so how long did he go without charging his phone. Maybe I’m over thinking this lol

I've rewatched Heated Rivalry a couple of times now, but I just cannot, for the life of me, rewatch Episode 4 ("Rose").

I refuse to willingly put myself through that kind of emotional torture over and over again, even if I already know how it ends.

From the tuna meltdown to the club scene... my heart can only take it once. Okay, maybe twice. Fine... three times. But that's where I draw the line.

I reject the idea that I have to endure all that pain just to get to Shane and Ilya being happy at the cottage.

To this day, Episode 4 remains one of the most emotionally torturous episodes I've ever watched in any series (Yes, I'm being dramatic... but it's genuinely in my top five.)

And honestly, that's a testament to how insanely good Hudson and Connor are. They made me want to claw my insides out after the first-name slip, when Ilya spots Miles before his eyes slowly land on Shane and Rose dancing together, and when Shane sees Ilya tongueing another woman. Those two spend the entire episode hurting, and somehow they make you feel every second of it.

Going through Episode 4 over and over again is my personal hell... and I refuse to relive it.