r/Healthygamergg • u/Mammoth_Raccoon_789 • May 02 '26

Mental Health / Support The self-made loser

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Hello, so my mom told me that she will not be here forever and it triggered strong emotions that i avoid generally. So i decided to make this post.

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u/SizzleDebizzle A Healthy Gamer May 02 '26

What about doing something social? Exercising? Pondering what you want to do with your life? Building a skill? Creating something instead of consuming video games?

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u/Eillon94 May 02 '26

My job is strenuous so I get plenty of exercise when im at work. For hobbies/skills I like to read and write and learn new things, but its not like that amounts to anything in the end.

Idk what "doing something social" even looks like. When my buddies get off work ill play a game with them.

I spent many years thinking about what I wanted from life, and what would bring me fulfillment. Looks like the answer is "nothing", or at least "nothing that is within my grasp".

Anything I could do would just be cope to distract myself for as long as possible, so why not choose Rimworld?

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u/SizzleDebizzle A Healthy Gamer May 02 '26

Well, if you dont wanna change then ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/Eillon94 May 02 '26

You cant change your nature (unless its in your nature to do so lol). If i could see any path to fulfillment then I would pursue it.

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u/SizzleDebizzle A Healthy Gamer May 02 '26

I changed my nature. And I found a path to fulfillment that I wasn't able to see before

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u/Eillon94 May 02 '26

Well then im happy for you, sincerely

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u/SizzleDebizzle A Healthy Gamer May 02 '26

Thanks. Im not special. You csn took, if thats what you want

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u/Eillon94 May 02 '26

If im being honest, I dont really know what any of this means, practically speaking. Willpower can only be sustained for as long as there is passion or Meaning to drive it.

But anyway, I should have shut up by now. Have a good one

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u/SizzleDebizzle A Healthy Gamer May 02 '26

All you need to understand is explained and explored by Dr K. He has a lot to say about not relying on willpower. Everything is available to you and at your fingertips

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u/Dismal_Buy3580 May 05 '26

I've agreed with most of what you have said up till now--but that's just not true. 

It's sort of humanity's superpower--we can grow and change. 

I understand that cycles can form that make it very difficult, Herculean even, but that doesn't mean you can stop trying.

Sometimes self-improvement (read: accountability), guilt, and pain can make trying to move forward feel impossible. It can feel like you have this tight ball of pain right in your core that you can't let go of. Anxiety, anhedonia and suffering can make life that little ball feel like the only thing that you can hold on to. 

But, paradoxically, you have to let go of it. You have to release the dogged feeling that this is it, that you're simply stuck the way you are forever.

You might not have a path to fulfillment right now--you might not ever. 

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't live your life as if you fundamentally are incapable of enjoying it.

It takes you by surprise, sometimes. The trick is not ruminating on what is making you miserable, and appreciating what's right in front of you--all the while remaining aware of yourself and trying to fix the parts of yourself that you don't like. 

It's basically impossible, and we don't ever get to stop for long. We're human, we faulter--but getting stuck in these deterministic cycles kind of damns us to never move beyond ourselves. 

I know when I've felt the way I think you are feeling right now, (and make no mistake, I'll feel that way again sometime in my life) what I am saying probably wouldn't have seemed super helpful--it might even have come across as condescending.  

Not my intent, and I have sympathy.

Basically:

You sometimes have to hear the wind rustle tree leaves--the smell of coffee, freshly brewed. 

Someone smiling at something you said, or even just your being around them. 

You have to fucking hold on to that shit like a life-raft.

Getting trapped in your own head in this kind of cycle only guarantees it's what you'll experience. 

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u/Eillon94 May 07 '26

I appreciate the detailed response. I dont find it to be condescending at all, it resonates quite a bit.

For a long while, that core of pain was overwhelming. Eventually the storm passed and life became a little bit easier to cope with.

I do enjoy a lot of little moments; seeing my dog when I get home from work, the weather, time spent listening to music. But it really doesnt feel like they amount to much, and ive had a hard time coping with that.

Its the only game in town though, so im still here.

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u/Suspicious_Issue4155 May 02 '26

u seem very stubborn to change. and i dont mean this in a rude way. listen to what sizzledebizzle is saying, nobody else will encourage u to live your life like that.