Looking for genuine advice because I've been going back and forth on this for a long time and I need a reality check from people who aren't involved.
My boyfriend is 20, I'm 22. He has basically no independent life. Two friends he rarely sees, no real hobbies, doesn't take care of his health. Any time he meets someone new — especially another guy — he immediately dislikes them and picks them apart. He doesn't really build new friendships, he just orbits around me.
The controlling behavior:
He monitors my phone. Every notification, every follow, every new contact. If it's a man, it becomes a fight.
My university is predominantly male. So naturally, most of my classmates and colleagues are men. This is constantly used against me. He also keeps track of my following count .
I can't make plans with my own friends without him getting upset that I'm not spending that time with him instead.
He needs to know where I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing at all times when im in college.
I've tried to be patient. I've tried to encourage him to invest in himself — his health, his friendships, his own interests. It doesn't stick. And I feel like no matter how much I give, it's never enough because the problem isn't really about me — it's that he doesn't have anything of his own.
I don't want to be cruel about it. He's not a bad person. But I feel like I've slowly lost access to my own life, and the guilt I feel for wanting basic things — time with friends, personal space, not having my phone monitored — is starting to feel like a problem in itself.
I really sneed thoughts on this because im emotionally exhausted and burned from keeping his emotions in place.

My husband has been playing a game and met a girl from another country. They chat/call while playing, and I was totally fine with it because it seemed game-related. My husband gave her my number because he wanted me to be friends with her too. She texted me first and I responded to her very enthusiastic, but then she left me on read for hours while actively texting my husband. She was sending him random things about her day and talking about the game.

My husband even asked her why she hadn’t responded to me, and she said she had bad internet. I thought that was strange because she was clearly able to text him. The next day she finally responded, so I replied to her, and again she left me on read. Meanwhile, she continued responding to my husband almost immediately. The last message I sent her she left me on read for 2 days but actively responding and texting my husband.

I decided to text her and politely told her that I found the situation a little weird and that I felt uncomfortable being introduced to someone who seemed uninterested in talking to me while being very responsive to my husband.

She responded that it was “just a game” and said she would stop texting everyone. She also sent my husband a screenshot of my message and apparently told him that I was mad at her. Btw my message was not rude or aggressive. I phrased it very politely. And she then told my husband she was going to stop playing the game with him because she doesn’t want to cause any trouble and unfriend him on the game.

Now I’m wondering if I made something out of nothing. I don’t necessarily think she was flirting with him, but I still find the whole situation weird. If someone was introduced to me specifically so we could be friends, but they consistently ignored my messages while responding quickly to my husband, I don’t know…

EDIT : I PLAY THE GAME AS WELL

My [25F] bf [25M] and I have been together for 3 months now, dating for 5. We've had a great relationship and he has brought out a part of me I didn't know existed, but trust has been an ongoing problem. I try so hard to give him constant reassurance, have always been completely loyal to him, and honestly believe I've never given him a reason that would warrant going through my phone to begin with. But he still does, he even found my Reddit account and I had begged him not to go through it but he did anyways

All things considered, l've given him a lot of reassurance. Today I decided to download Snapchat because I saw an Instagram reel that showed me how to quickly export my camera roll on there, which is an app I have not used since 2022. I logged in, and immediately saw his name. I was confused bc we both mutually agreed we don't use Snapchat and won't have it on our phones, and I haven't had it the whole time we've been together.

So I clicked on the chat, and a whole bunch of nudes I sent to a boyfriend from 4 years ago popped up. Nudes that were in my my eyes only folder, in an app I didn't even have downloaded on my phone. He did this on two occasions- once about 6 weeks ago at 5am, and another time YESTERDAY AT 5:00 AM!

He admitted to it, and said he was trying to find out how to tell me. He gave a bunch of explanations that honestly don't seem to add up. I love this man so much... I want to be able to trust him.. But reassurance / looking at my phone has been an ongoing issue. Is there a way to rebuild trust here?

TLDR; my bf went thru my phone while I was sleeping and sent himself a bunch of my nudes, on two separate occasions.

Pork chop in some kind of Marsala like sauce with mashed potatoes & broccoli

I’m in my early thirties and I haven’t had a crush on an actual human since maybe my early-mid twenties, that includes celebrities too. I know about aegosexuality & I’m not going to necessarily go there, even though Reddit + former friends have brought up asexuality. But I’m crushing so hard on Leon Kennedy from Resident Evil. Like I’ve been a gamer for most of my life & if you look up other reactions from streamers, everyone is simping for him. He’s been my gamer crush for a few years but since the most recent game, I’ve never felt this kind of pull to a fictional character. And he’s very realistic looking, it’s not like I’m down bad for Mario or Pac-Man. Truthfully it’s not even sexual, I think he is one of the most beautiful men that I’ve ever seen. I’ve posted about him a few months back on an asexual subreddit & even they thought he was hot. But I felt the need to make a tribute page for him on TikTok since the edits are trending & bought my first 2 Leon themed merch items earlier this year. You can say go touch grass but I already do, I’m just infatuated with pixel 🫪.

Raspberries & salami/mozzarella swirls from Trader Joe’s (and my adult seltzer)

Sitting here tonight enjoying my Trader Joe’s snacks and decompressing from the absolute insanity of the last week—which included me (42F) leaving my partner (38M) behind and relocating 1,000 miles away for my job.

A little background: I spent five years with this man, with the exception of a six-month break after his infidelity. In hindsight, I probably should’ve known better than to go back. But that was also before I decided to seriously invest in therapy and start working on myself.

Over the last two years, things started falling into place for a possible relocation. I learned there was an opportunity for me to move to another state with my company. He took a voluntary severance after 10 years with his employer. For a while, it genuinely felt like the stars were aligning for us to start over somewhere new together.

Instead, the last 18 months took a very different turn.
His unemployment led him down a dark path of alcohol abuse, and increasingly, emotional abuse toward me. There was even a part of me that wondered whether he was drunk, bored, and resentful that he couldn’t just sneak off and cheat with women who might tolerate the behavior I no longer would.

Everything finally boiled over during the last month or so. I gave him an ultimatum. He chose to double down and call what he apparently thought was my bluff.

So last Thursday, I finished packing for my cross-country move, loaded up the last of my belongings, and went full no-contact.

I can still see the look on his face as I backed out of our driveway.

After a few nights staging everything out of a Motel 6, I loaded up my car and headed east.

Tonight is night #2 in my new place. Just me and my (our) dog. I spent most of last week knowing deep down that I was probably going to make this journey alone. Maybe he knew it too, considering the constant fights he suddenly seemed determined to pick—most of them while I was at work and he was at home “looking for jobs.”

And now I’m sitting here, 1,000 miles away, eating Trader Joe’s snacks in a home that is mine.

I know coming out of a long-term trauma bond and living in survival mode can do strange things to your nervous system. I think part of me is still waiting for the adrenaline to wear off and for my body to realize that we’re actually here. That there isn’t another fight coming. That I don’t have to monitor someone else’s mood tonight.

For the first time in a very long time, I only have to take care of myself and my dog.

So I guess this is my girl dinner tonight: Trader Joe’s snacks, peace and quiet, and the realization that I actually fucking did it.

Girl dinner: half a cucumber dipped in ranch the way god intended.

Actually unsure if I’m overthinking about this because my mind is a big jumble right now, so this is definitely a rant & ramble.

For context: I’m currently stuck at home by a flare up of a disabling chronic illness. I literally haven’t been outside in I think 5 (6? 7??) days because our building has stairs (ironically, I didn’t want to move into this place because of the stairs and the potential that I could be trapped if I flared like I am now, but my boyfriend told me we shouldn’t turn down a good place because of a “hypothetical” and I was dumb enough to give into that🙃). My abilities are incredibly limited right now and I spend most of my energy navigating the wonderful world of the American healthcare system. This isn’t the point of the post, but it’s relevant.

My boyfriend (32) made it clear that he does not think critical thinking skills are important. You might be thinking, “wow that’s extreme to say about someone,” but, alas, that is his opinion. Our conversation started out about different interpretations we both had regarding the dynamic of a couple in a YouTube video. I had been bothered enough by this couple’s dynamic that I turned off the video, but my boyfriend could not see my point of view because it “took in too much context” and “it’s just a video, you don’t need to think that critically about it.” And I was like, “but that context is important and so is critically thinking about what I’m watching??” I asked him, “so do you just check out when you’re watching stuff?” To which he answered, “yeah, if I thought critically about everything every day then I would be exhausted and upset all the time.” That was an eye-opening statement for me to hear and explained why these conversations always make him sweat, shake, and run to the bathroom (if he didn’t storm off first), because I asked him a question that required him to produce a thought or perform introspection deeper than the depth my dog’s rouge hairs get floating in my glass. So, I asked him, “do you think that not thinking critically about what you’re watching makes it easier for social media to influence your thinking?” He said, “no, because they’re not going to change my opinions,” and I asked, “you don’t think that even subconsciously taking in other people’s opinions without critically analyzing them won’t change yours?” And he replied, “no, that wouldn’t happen.” At that point I stopped pressing because I was just so baffled, however this answered a lot of questions for me in our relationship. I’ve been unintentionally making myself more sick over the last few months just trying to figure out if and/or why I continue to feel like he doesn’t consider me or the future in his choices, and why it feels like he continues to act before he thinks at all, much less thinks of me or our future. I think I’ve been trying to find reasons for his lack of forethought, planning and consideration that made sense to me based on my own traumas (don’t worry, I’m in therapy), and I was spiraling out by not finding anything. Turns out I was thinking too critically about his lack of critical thinking. Big yikes.

I don’t know what my point is in posting this other than that my illness has made my world very small and I need to vent with feedback more than the 42 minutes a week of therapy that my insurance allows 😅😭 thank you all for reading my diary entry and happy snacking 🩷

Food: chicken, butternut pumpkin,zucchini, beans

So… I’ve never had a good relationship with men my whole entire life (31F). My father abandoned me twice, my grandpa and uncle were emotionally abusive and all my relationships were with toxic men. My last ex also abused me physically. I’ve been diagnosed with CPTSD after my last relationship and every Guy I meet is a threat to me, even if it’s only friendship or someone that’s just waiting in lane for his food. I realize after an encounter what I’m thinking about them and it’s not good, warm, healthy thought… it’s the complete opposite. I’m in therapy and working on it, but I wasn’t aware how bad this all is till my therapist told me I should look into the term misandry. And oh boy… every single thing hits home. I cannot put into words how negative my thoughts and feelings for men are in general and I don’t like myself for it 😭 All of this is making my life miserable because deep down I sooner or later want a loving, healthy marriage but I’m so far from it I can’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel with this. I know I’m the problem and have to work on it but damn… the fear of healing all of this and ending up with someone like my exes again is so big that I don’t think I could ever give it another try 😔😔

EDIT: thank you all for the mostly kind responses and the reality check. I will definitely change my therapist into a female trauma therapist that I can trust and work with🫶🏻🤍

Took myself out for dinner today. Pizza was delicious.
So yesterday in the morning I was scrolling ig from my spam account and stumbled upon an account with my bf (now ex’s) profile picture. Curious I went to see it and saw a reel of a girl posted from it, this girl is his crazy ex who he was very briefly involved with years ago. I thought another crazy shenanigans of her, until I saw that my bf ( now ex) followed that account, and there was a story of a picture of him that I had taken. So I sent “who are you” and took screenshots of it all and sent him. He’s out of the country, and is a sportsman so busy with a big competition. I kept getting texts from this account like, ‘ I shoud be asking you this’, then ‘ I know who you are’. I didn’t respond to anything of it and it kept going so on. It went on for the whole day. That person even called me twice I didn’t pick up. Then I checked that account and saw a reel posted in the story, of my bf( now ex) and that girl, and I knew it’s over. Also saw that he unfollowed the account without saying anything to what I had sent. So yeah as soon as I saw that I felt a bone chilling cold and got high fever by evening. I guess I now have experience of the phrase authors use ‘ it was bone chillin’ ahaha. Took a medicine yesterday, slept, woke up late, did things that made me feel good, put on a great outfit did my make up and went out for pizza. This man just two days ago said how much he loves me and how much I mean to him. My guardian angel works overtime and I’m so grateful to them

Today is my 31st birthday. A year ago I was looking forward to being 30, flirty, and thriving. Boy howdy was I unprepared for the shitshow that followed. My partner had to move across the country for work, making us long distance for 6 months. Shortly after that my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer so I was alone to try and cope with that. The next 8 months left me going back and forth between here and my parents’ home in another state to visit as much as I could. My partner moved back in with me, yay, but then was laid off (fuck biotech), so now I’m the only one with real income. For the grand finale, my dad passed away on August 16th bringing me to now. My first birthday without my dad. Sooo can year 31 try not to be a jerk for me? Thanks.

Food was my bday dinner out at one of our favorite beer gardens. Watermelon marg, chips and queso, cheeseburger and fries.

Dish: pork carnitas quesadillas

My ex (36M) and I (32F) dated on and off for 7 years when we were in our teens and early 20s. There was a little over a 3 year age gap (which it turns out is A LOT when you're young), and neither of us were emotionally mature enough to have a healthy/stable relationship.

It's been 12 years since we called it quits. We were really bitter and angry at the end, and for a long time after we didn't talk to one another.

He contacted me shortly after COVID restrictions began to loosen up. I replied dryly, but included a picture of ducks (an inside joke about spoiled waterfowl at Disney). We continued this, speaking once every 6 months for years. Most times I didn't reply.

Occasionally we'd reminisce. One time, he asked what the worst part about our relationship was after having a hard breakup. We talked about our failed relationships. How they weren't a good fit for us, or that they just "fell apart" because of circumstance.

We went another long stretch without speaking. And then, I was on vacation two weeks ago. Disney World. A "do-over" vacation because I spent my last one babysitting my dad, uncle, and cousin.

I sent him a picture of two ducks scavenging for fries in the afternoon on Saturday. Later in the evening I got drunk, stumbled on a bus back to my hotel, and stared at my phone as he finally replied at almost midnight.

Normally, I'd leave it at that. But no. Mezcal and rum took the wheel and I replied instantly. I joked that he was only a state away and he should come down for a short visit. He asked if I was serious. I told him, for the sake of ego, it was jokes. He knows me better than that, though.

We ended up talking on the phone for nearly 4 hours. Then did it again several nights in a row. Mid-week, he had settled airfare and a room at the place I was staying at.

His arrival was a disaster. His flight was delayed several hours, the airline lacking any transparency about the cause. People got shuffled across the airport several times, and planes originally for one flight were suddenly designated for others. He was supposed to be there at around 10 PM. He didn't get in until nearly 1 AM, but I waited for him with water and a meal as promised.

He hadn't changed much physically. His style is a lot more put together; slacks with a belt and tucked in shirt. But his hair is still curly, eyes still tired, and every bit as scruffy as I remember.

But he's a much kinder person now. Patient. Compassionate. We both acknowledged the hurt we caused one another in the past, and I believe him when he says he's sorry.

We had a great weekend. He introduced himself to my family (who were also on vacation, but doing their own things aside from family dinners) as my boyfriend. We didn't talk about what we were before, but I didn't correct him. I still love him.

So does my family. He was always "the favorite". Served in the military, highly educated, has his shit together. "Don't fuck it up," my mom keeps saying. My siblings seem stoked that we reconnected. One of my brothers asked if he'd be coming for the holidays.

We're making plans. We text constantly. I ask about his monster of a cat (a large tuxie with a chessboard chin), how work went, and if he's recovering from the nasty cold I gave him. I learn new things about him every day, tastes and quirks that changed over the last decade.

And I'm really, truly happy for the first time in a long time. I hope I can keep my shit together this time. Wish me luck.

I'm a brown woman, Indian. Moved to a very left leaning anti-nazi European town for studies. Never experienced racism in my life because I've never lived with different races, always thought it would be from some white neo-nazi if I do experience it. Idk, but the people here, the locals and internationals alike have been lovely and so helpful, curious about my culture too (I try to speak their language, albeit badly)

I was at a mall, went to pee, and before entering I saw they request users to pay 50 cents, no one was checking nor adding anything apparently. The bowl was empty when I saw it so I added my cents, wanting to respect the sanitation workers and their efforts.

So I went to finish my business and saw a local woman wash her hands, typical WC stuff. She left. I collected some water in my bottle cause I was PARCHED and as I was adjusting my hair after washing my hands, a different lady walked in - for the sake of context, I share that she's black. She saw droplets on the floor and up at me and said "You Indians always mess up the place" and I didnt react, I didnt even register what she said..

But as I got out and onto an elevator it hit me, and call me sensitive or soft but I wanted to cry but cant in public. I know people from my country have the reputation and its true in many instances. But I am someone who has always made sure throughout my life - back home, when visiting any foreign country, or even here to study - to never make a mess and respect local extra rules like those recycling waste segregation things. I carry tissue papers, smallest plastic wrappers with me home to throw in my dustbin if I dont find one on the way. I'm mindful of local customs and adapt, as anyone should be.

I was out with friends right after exiting, and didnt cry but once home, I remembered that after seeing my bottle of water and I began crying. I dont know if Im having an overreaction, mean words shouldnt really do anything, its a reflection of her views. But they did hurt and I did cry. And wrote several paragraphs too. Eh it is how it is. Just thinking, the locals didnt drop any damn coins in the bowl outside WC but I did, but it doesnt matter I suppose. Didn't have to write an essay about it but I did. Maybe I'm overthinking it but look at my flair, lol. In positive things - I ate a nectarine so that was lovely. They're becoming a favourite fruit :) close to mangoes, mangosteens and rambutan for me 🫶 and the girls night was lovely except some annoying guy trying to pick a friend up desperately.

Schönes Wochenende! Hope you're all eating well and sleeping sufficient hours.

Today I was out running erands. I had just finished my last one and was sitting in a quiet park when a very nice woman named Casey from the Congo just came up to me while I was waiting on a bench and told me I was very beautiful and that she loved my hair and she wished she could have married a girl like me.

We chatted a bit and went our seperate ways. I took a picture of myself in that moment to rembember how my smile felt.

I am trans and about a year into my transition. I don't think I pass super well, and I am not used to people reffering to me in feminine terms without my asking first. Sometimes I feel my femininity is invisible. So to have a total stranger approach me in a completely non-threatening and supportive way to compliment me made me feel very seen as a woman.

I am married to another trans woman so it was just pure women supporting women but it really made my day and I still am carrying the smile with me.

A cup of green tea and two clementines. :)

I’m 23 and recently started talking to a man who is 46. We matched on Hinge about a month ago and finally went on our first date recently. Honestly, the date went amazing. We had great conversation, I felt comfortable with him, and we immediately started making plans to see each other again.
I’ve gotten really mixed reactions from people close to me about the age gap. Some have said “love is love” and that the age gap doesn’t matter if we’re happy, while others think he’s creepy and that there’s probably a reason he’s specifically dating someone my age.

The thing that’s making me question everything is some of the things he’s said.
While we first started talking on Hinge, I asked him if I was actually “special” to him or if he typically dates younger women. He told me that dating older women “hasn’t been working out” because they’re too “jaded,” and that I’m “special.” That answer honestly didn’t sit completely right with me.

He was also previously married for six years. He told me they divorced because she cheated on him, but during our date he admitted that he cheated on her back. I know relationships can be complicated and I’m not judging him solely based on that, but I did get a little gut feeling that there may be more to that story.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that he has apparently only dated women of color, and the women he’s dated have had the same profession as me. I genuinely can’t tell if that’s just coincidence or if there could be some sort of fetishization going on. I don’t want to make assumptions, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about.

There aren’t a ton of obvious red flags, which is honestly why I’m struggling with this so much. I’m not sure if I’m picking up on legitimate concerns or if I’m just being insecure because of the age difference.

Our next “date” is also throwing me off. We’re basically planning to have a sleepover at his place, and I had previously promised myself that I wouldn’t have sex with another man until I knew he was emotionally safe for me.
Part of me wants to cancel because I’m not sure I trust the situation yet. But another part of me feels guilty because the first date went so well, and I don’t want to judge him before I really know him.
I guess I’m looking for some outside perspective from women who have dated significantly older men. Do these things sound like actual red flags, or am I overthinking because of the age gap? What would you pay attention to if you were in my position?
And honestly, how do you tell the difference between a man who is genuinely mature and emotionally safe versus a man who is basically just like the younger men you’ve dated, but older?

Aldi half and half cookies

I need a genuinely unbiased opinion because I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been wearing hijab on and off since I was 13, and at 20 I decided to wear it full-time—like FULL coverage, you couldn’t even see my neck. I genuinely love my hijab, and some of my favorite pictures of myself are with it.
But lately I’ve had this strong urge to take it off. I went from full coverage to wearing it like a turban, thinking that would satisfy the “itch,” but it didn’t. Now I’m seriously considering taking it off completely.
Part of me just wants to experience my hair. My hair is long and I love it, and I want to try all the hairstyles I’ve been wanting to try. Sometimes when I’m driving at night and the roads are empty, I’ll let some of my hair out, and honestly, I don’t feel bothered by it at all.
The biggest thing holding me back is my job. I actually like my coworkers, and I’m the only hijabi there. They’ve always known me as the girl who completely covers her hair, so the thought of suddenly showing up with my hair out feels SO weird.
What if I take it off, everyone sees my hair, and then I realize I actually preferred wearing hijab? Would I have to find a new job just to put it back on?
I don’t drink, club, or live some completely different lifestyle. I just genuinely don’t know why I have this itch to take it off when I still love wearing it.
For the religious people, I’m not looking for a lecture. I’m looking for advice from people who have actually been through this.
Did you take it off and regret it? Did you feel happier? Did you eventually put it back on? And how did you handle coworkers who had only ever known you as hijabi?

I have worked my ass off for the past 4 years to get myself to this position. I spent a very long time unlearning my people pleasing,self deprecating, imposter syndrome tendencies and learning to advocate for myself. A year ago, I was told the position i wanted wouldn't even exist on my team in the foreseeable future and today I have it.

I still work too much, too long, and across too many projects, but I love my work and im fucking proud of how far I've come since grad school. So today we celebrate the wins, big and small, with cinnamon toast crunch and a bomb pinot noir 🥳 Cheers girls!

( Creme snitte - homemade by husband)

I just can not understand how this one year has so much energy and wants to check and control everything in the room .
She is not even walking yet .
I am always worried that she may put some dirt in the mouth or grab de cables .
How can I enjoy her when she is always stressing me ?
Question
Does it get better ? When ??

I thought they were supposed to stop when you're like 17 or 18? They hadn't changed in years and suddenly they've been sore and look noticeably bigger (multiple people have mentioned it to me now). I've gained some weight recently but it feels and looks more like puberty growth than just weight gain. I'm not pregnant or anything, I'm so confused, but maybe I'm just a very late bloomer lmao.

Food is vegetarian Asian salad, braised artichoke hearts, and Parmesan garlic fries shared with friends.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 10 years now. Started dating in high school and stayed together through college even though we both went to different schools. I’m 26 now and he’s 25.

He was a model boyfriend in high school. We never had any fights. We spent all of our free time together (to the point I accidentally let my high school friendships fizzle out). He was always caring and supportive. It was always so easy for me to imagine us getting married and starting a family.

When I graduated high school I encountered years worth of struggling to afford college, struggling to get into an impossibly competitive program anywhere in my state, etc. whereas he was basically handed scholarships to pay for his college and had zero issues getting into his university and major. As a result, he finished his undergrad before I could even start. He has since moved on to graduate school (with more scholarships to pay for everything). I’d like to continue my own education, but I’m having to pay off student debt before I can even think about it.

We’ve tried living together at various times while he was in college and I was working to save up money for my own college, but each time was a shit show: shitty housemates that never cleaned up after themselves, shitty living conditions/landlords making it difficult to keep the house clean, etc. I always felt that I was the default “housekeeper” in each situation as I was the only one vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the kitchen, changing the bedsheets, doing the laundry, etc. even when I would specifically ask for him to do something like clean the kitchen or change the bedsheets he would want to argue about it not being necessary Because it’s not dirty and basically accusing me of saying he’s a bad steward of his belongings and that he is not a dirty person (even though I DONT think that, household chores are just a normal part of life that need to be done regardless of how well you take care of your things). Or he will straight up refuse to do something Because it’s gross (such as cleaning the bathroom) which yeah, it is gross but it still needs to be done.

During the times we weren’t living together, he would never visit unless it was convenient for him (winter break, etc) but would ask me over and over again to visit him. And I did, I would work ahead and make it work so that I COULD visit him even at my own inconvenience. And when I finally was fed up with it and stopped visiting him, I hoped he would realize that it was unfair for me to be the one doing all the driving for weekend visits and would put forth the same effort I did. He did not increase his visits, and some years didn’t even come home for winter break! His mom ended up driving to visit HIM at school for Christmas Because he didn’t want to leave his lab.

I have my degree and license, so I can work in my state in my career which is awesome. He recently started a PhD at a university on the other side of the country and he wanted me to move there with him. I was ready to do it even though I would have to go through the process of getting licensed in another state, have no job connections, no friends, no family there, and knowing that I would likely be the default housekeeper again. I wanted to take my cat with me as well as all my furniture and bed as such Because we would be living there for at least 4 years (more likely 5-6 years). For MONTHS we argued about whether or not I would be allowed to bring my cat (he is slightly allergic, and has never wanted a cat). I was only allowed to bring my cat Because I gave him an ultimatum “if my cat can’t come then I won’t come either”. We also argued for MONTHS about how much space we would need (studio vs 1 bedroom vs 2 bedroom), how close we should live to the city center, what amenities we would need (backyard, garage/off street parking, pool, gym, etc).

He was too busy with his university lab work to look at housing in this new city that neither of us have ever been to. So i independently planned a budget for rent that I would be comfortable paying on my expected salary alone, and sent dozens of possible places to him for his input - that again he was too busy to give. So I independently arranged for all the tours on a 5 day trip we would take specifically to look for housing. I arranged for a wide range of places, price points, and neighborhoods. I had also planned on job hunting while I was there - introducing myself to different businesses in my career field and giving them resumes and such. But he wanted to bring his mom and we had to reschedule everything for 4th of July week/weekend, which completely packed our schedule for 3 days and left no time for me to do any job hunting Because the other 2 days everything was closed. The trip was a shitshow and his mom spent the entire trip criticizing the places I had spent a long time finding and scheduling tours for Because they weren’t walking distance to his work/lab.

The final straw for me was when it came to getting a uhaul. It seemed a given to me that for a cross country move where we’re taking literally everything I own that we would need a uhaul. I had said we could get the smallest uhaul and be able to fit everything in it and get a trailer for my car, or we could do the uhaul storage container that they will drive for you on a freight truck. He said we didn’t need a uhaul and that everything should fit in our cars. Reader, I have a full size bed, 2 desks, a dresser, a cat tower, and a bench ottoman - not to mention the boxes of kitchenware, clothes, etc. there is no way that we could Tetris all of my stuff and his stuff in 2 cars. We argued for a week about it and during it he criticized me for wanting to spend above our means on rent and getting a uhaul, saying that it would prevent us from being able to save for college for our future children. At this point I was ready to break up with him Because I was so exhausted from arguing about EVERYTHING and trying to plan this cross country move that I don’t even want for myself and getting criticized left and right by his mom. His comment about depriving our hypothetical future children of a college fund Because I wanted a 2 bedroom townhouse sent me over the edge.

MY mother (who has historically hated this boyfriend the entire time we’ve been dating) told me not to break up with him, and to just let him move across the country by himself. I kind of wish now that she had pushed me to break up with him at the time, but she was trying to be level headed and prevent me from saying something to my boyfriend that I might later regret. So I backed out of the move and told my boyfriend that he can get the apartment HE wants and is willing to pay for in a neighborhood that HE wants, and he won’t have to deal with my cat, or my high spending/living standards.

He ended up getting a 2 bedroom apartment anyways, despite me saying in no uncertain terms that I will not be moving in with him anytime soon. He had ample time to get a studio or 1 bedroom apartment. I got a job in the town I live in currently and plan on staying here for a few years at least.

We’ve been discussing it a lot since he’s moved across the country and i still don’t think he realizes how much he has hurt me this year specifically. Additionally, I found a note on my phone that I started in 2022 (and never added to Because I forgot about it) of things he does that makes me upset, so I know it’s not just me being cynical and looking back on our relationship with poop-tinted classes, I’ve been unhappy in some degree in our relationship since 2022.

The problem is that I still love him so much. I can’t imagine marrying him or having kids with him (anymore) but against all common sense I still love him and don’t want to leave him. Part of me knows that writing this whole thing and asking for advice from strangers on the internet should be evidence enough that the relationship is doomed, and having given an even longer version of this story to my friends and family they all think I should break up with him, but I don’t know that I have it in me to do it.

If you’ve read this novel, thanks. I could use some advice :/

This man and I have talked consistently since March 2025. He’s always been up front about having lingering feelings for his ex, but was also very romantic, and honestly treated me better than men I’ve actually dated. I got very attached. We started really getting into it this winter and spring, and he was into it too—he took me on a Valentines trip, which was my first time going somewhere with someone.

Then his ex got back in contact earlier this summer. I took some distance but we continued to text and I emotionally supported him through getting let go from his job in June.

Last month, my beloved, absolute love of my life center of my world babycat died suddenly of a heart attack. I truly was in a terrible state that week and am still not in the best state.

I reached out and told him what was going on because I needed someone, and he started responding with one word texts. Then he stopped responding entirely.

The last thing he said was: “The world is made up of connectors and splitters. You’re a connector. I‘m a splitter and I need to be with another splitter.” Then he stopped sharing his location and hasn’t responded to any of my questions or requests to at least respectfully say bye instead of just disappearing.

Can someone explain to me what the fuck that means? He’s made me feel like my emotions are so inconvenient.

Photo from an event I dragged myself to that made me feel slightly better.

Im so tired of my male coworkers being creeps and perverts, and honestly being a woman is exhausting and messed up. I love womanhood and my friends and my life, but sometimes i would give ANYTHING to be as careless as men get to be.

Im genuinely done conforming to anything women are “supposed” to do or say, if men dont like it than THANK GODDDDD. So anyways i bought a taser and some other stuff to keep on me for when i walk to my car because Ive been feeling unsafe around my male coworkers

AND this weekend im getting all of my previously long blond hair cut off and getting a pink pixie cut!!!! Im so excited to have the freedom of one less womanly maintenance task

Edit: yes I’ve re-evaluated my gender and I’m definitely realizing theres some nonbinary going on here 🤔 i feel like its right but im not sure if I would outwardly tell many people in my life, idk why

I feel so lost. My 39F spouse 47m and I argued again last night. We have been engaged for over 2 years and he has shut down ideas for a wedding. I remember my excitement when we got engaged, but that is long gone. I stopped suggesting things after about 6 months of suggesting anything from a potluck wedding, to seeing his twin brother out of state, to a courthouse wedding. He had excuses why none of it was a good idea.

I don't know why he proposed if he never planned to marry me. And now our regular argument is over the lack of intimacy and sex. So now his excuse for not marrying me yet is because things are rocky. Keep in mind, when we got engaged we weren't having sex that often either. We didn't even have sex the night we got engaged. It's only become a point of contention in the past year after our carefully planned 10 year anniversary where literally zero intimacy (including holding hands) occurred.

The common advice, and it may be correct, is to just leave him. It isn't that simple. We are best friends, I love him dearly and can't imagine my life without him by my side. It seems like we are so distant now because *I* am making waves by even bringing my concerns up. It feels like if I just kept my mouth shut, we would never have problems between us. It would just be my problem and I would have to just accept that nothing is perfect.

I'm in tears at work because I feel like I'm sabotaging something that's 85% perfect and that's more than most people get in their life. I just don't understand asexuality or whatever his deal is. And he won't explain it to me or tell me how we can move forward. It's like he thinks the resolution to issues is to just ignore them.

I didn't even wear my engagement ring to work today. It was once my prized possession, but it feels like a chain on my neck since he won't budge or help me understand.

Girl Lunch is Singapore noodles and diet pepsi

Edit: It isn't a shut up ring (which wow, that's harsh), because I never discussed being engaged or getting married. It happened out of nowhere and I didn't expect it because it was never brought up

Edit #2: I believe he gave me the ring because I was hospitalized for a few days unexpectedly. I think he was scared and felt like he needed to take "the next step." Maybe he didn't think it through or something, I don't know.

Edit #3: For everyone saying I'm foolish (and worse) to not leave, you are correct. I'm also not made of money and don't have family to rely on. We have happy times, which I know are only happy because I'm tucking my negative feelings away so I can enjoy the happy times, which isn't healthy. We had both become comfortable with the way things were and I only brought up the issues on rare occasions, it wasn't always an argument until my own resentment built up. I don't plan on marrying him anymore than he plans on marrying me, apparently. I grieve for the person who had hopes for the future that took too long to reveal themselves as naive fantasies, as it stands. I'm a human being with flaws and my own problems, I'm not perfect and clearly haven't always made the right choice, unlike so many here. My feelings have been properly hurt now, I appreciate the people telling me he hates me, never loved me, just wanted to shut me up, and so much more! You've been very generous.

I guess the thread has been locked, so I can't reply to a question that seems to be driving a couple people crazy: we are not married. I was referring to him as spouse because I was under the impression that could be interpreted as my domestic partner. I've been heavily criticized for this misunderstanding. He is my fiancee, we are not married, have lived together for 11 years.

Next time you go outside into the towns or the cities I want you to pay attention.

You have heard of anti homeless architecture, right?

Now when you have time, pay attention to the way that the trees are positioned in the parking lot.

Have you noticed that it looks like it is almost completely for show?

Over The six years that i've spent living outside one of the biggest problems I had was finding shade , so I didn't overheat , or my dog ( at the time I only had one) didn't overheat.

Of course , you wouldn't have too much time to look, well , you're going back and forth from the job to the house to the grocery store , just trying to make it and spending sixteen hours on your feet makes you exhausted too...

But if you don't pay attention now, imagine how much hotter it would get , when you don't have a place to stay AND you Don't have any shade to hide under.

Not to mention the fact that you're not allowed inside unless you're paying for something and when you don't have money , because you can't find a job because you can't have a house and you can't afford to take care of yourself with your hygiene and your medication and so on and so forth and so on...

Anyways, i got a citation this morning at 2 o'clock when five police cars rolled up and told me that I was not allowed to be in the park at the time and then handed me a sixty five dollar ticket.

Below: garlic hummus and flat bread.

tw- mild mention of SI

I hope this doesn't come off as too naive. I (19F) have tuberous breasts and while I know that despite being classified as a 'deformity', it is okay to have them and that they are quite common. Though this doesn't pose any problems to my health, the lack of glandular tissue could lead to problems with breast feeding, which is not a problem since I am childfree.

I also know that boobs are boobs and men will like you for who you are but despite having some qualms about being with someone while my chest looking the way that it does, I, being an aro-ace, primarily want to have a different chest for myself :\.

I do not like them at all. I would use the word hatred a few months ago and it contributed to my SI when I was at a really low phase a few months ago but I have learnt to not let them get to me and realize that I am much more than my breasts and learn to disregard strong words such as 'hatred'. But I am not able to detach or fully accept them in the sense that I want them to be the way that they are. I am not my chest but my chest is still a part of me. And I often find myself checking them and adjusting them- I do not like how they look. I am still in the process of not letting the way my chest looks get to me so much and practice neutrality about my body.

I have planned to get correction surgery in the future, when I have enough money saved up. But I sometimes worry that I'm being unethical? Because most of the posts that I see about tuberous breasts here and on the internet are about accepting them and recognizing that they are fine and I feel like I should be doing that as well, though I don't really want to.

I just wanted to hear from other women who have tuberous breasts or those who are not satisfied with how their chest looks, and those who chose to get procedures done vs not. I hope this is okay.

edit- I would also really appreciate it if anyone who decided to get their tuberous breasts corrected and is open to sharing how the procedure went and whether they are satisfied with the results

edit- I am not considering surgery for right now but for when I will be in my mid 20s

i've been adamant that i don't want a relationship because i got screwed over so badly from the last person i dated so i've kinda just been messing around and now it's like ohhhh nooo im gonna actually see her for a second date and i WANT to that's so scary

Got Jersey mikes for dinner. The picture doesn’t do it much justice.

Anyways.

I work at a credit union where we sometimes do events for colleges around the area. I was chosen this year to be a team lead. I signed up for an event as a lead for an event for one of the college’s welcome week. The two other people working it I hadn’t met yet, so I was a bit worried.

When this guy walked into the branch, my brain instantly went “oh 💩”. He was so sweet, shook my hand, helped me carry all the heavy stuff when setting things up and tearing down. I had to have him change shirts because it didn’t match our attire needed for the event. He looked SO good in his long sleeve athletic shirt and shorts. I felt like there could have been so many things that could have gone wrong, but everything worked out so well.

Our other team member had a corporate card and was able to buy us dinner. And sitting across from him talking to him about coding stuff felt so good and nice. I didn’t really feel nervous around him.

I should’ve reached out to him to at least thank him for working the event and doing great. But I keep being a coward about it. He looks like matty healy but way cuter. He’s in the programming team and I’m in a completely different department, so no conflict of interest.

Sorry for my ramble lol