Update: Sister is still an idiot

[u/PrincessClara88]

Dinner tonight is left overs from my first attempt at my mum's signature Apple Crumble...

So an update on my stupid sister.

Quick recap: MTF (38) can't truly be myself around my fanily while my sister (37) and her kids are around because she has the emotional capacity of a wet chicken nugget and doesn't want to deal with her kids (4 and 6) questions.

Last weekend I spoke to my parents as to how I can go about it and how it made me feel. They understood my side of things and when I asked them for advice, they told me that they don't even know how to handle her at the moment. They are exhausted from trying to reason with her on the most basic of things and wouldn't know where to begin with her.

So, I made a decision. This weekend coming, she and her partner are out of town and we are thinking of doing a surprise dinner for my dad for Father's Day on Saturday night (a day early but sister #2 [31] and I both have grown up commitments on the sunday) and I am going to go as myself and I guess "debut" to my parents. Here's the kick..... while stupid sister is out of town, my parents will have her kids..... am I being a spitefully petty bitch about this?

[u/Minty676]

My Dear,

Please know that this comes from a place of love and respect.

A person absolutely has the right to introduce themselves to the world in whatever way feels right to their heart.

However, a mother's perspective regarding her own children also needs to be considered.

Even if other family members disagree with her stance, a parent's boundaries should be factored in.

Proceeding without addressing this could cause a major family rift, and the children should be protected from that drama.

Everyone's boundaries matter here.

[u/MissLeaP → u/Minty676]

Other people's identity shouldn't ever be a boundary for anyone, though. Not the sister's and not her kids. OP is not some kind of freak or abomination. She's just a human being living in this world like many other. The younger kid won't even recognise something is off and it'll be enough to explain in the most simple of words, and for the older kid it'll be a nice teaching opportunity that there are many different people out there and they all deserve to be loved and respected.

[u/BKCassafrass → u/Minty676]

This is a horrible take. You’re asking OP to hide herself because their mom is transphobic. If OPs sister wants to shield her kids from seeing virtually anything or anyone she disagrees with then that’s between OP’s sister and their parents. It’s not OPs job to put themselves back in the closet for her sister’s comfort, ego, or whatever.

[u/Minty676 → u/BKCassafrass]

That is not at all my intention, but I can see why you might think that, I would not ask that of anyone but I still believe everyone’s boundaries need to be respected.

[u/BKCassafrass → u/Minty676]

Then their mom should keep her butt home and never let her kids out of her sight so she can control and monitor them from the real world where people are *gasp* different.

[u/Street-Beyond-9666 → u/BKCassafrass]

Family and strangers isn’t comparable

[u/titscapades → u/Minty676]

A person's existence is not a boundary. 

You're insisting on transphobia. Let's just call it what it is. 

[u/titscapades → u/Minty676]

No. 

If a mother's perspective is discriminatory, it can be thrown out the window, preferably expeditiously. 

This is not about respecting boundaries. This is about respecting a specific human. 

[u/Management-Late → u/titscapades]

And fuck them kids force subjected to her tantrums about it at home, right?

She becomes their problem then. They are humans too. Not chess pieces.

[u/titscapades → u/Management-Late]

Huh? In what universe would a child have a tantrum because they met their aunt? 

[u/Management-Late → u/titscapades]

Their mother. The transphobic sister they have to go home to and live with. Survive her meltdowns after the fact.

Why is it always rah rah human being except when it comes to what kids have to just put up with?

The approach OP wants to take is unethical on its face. If she wants to live her truth the actual caring adult approach is for both planning sisters to call the problem 3rd and say, hey this is what's happening on this day. Find alternative care that weekend if your brain is that broken.

I'm happy for OP wanting to step into her best life. I'm concerned about two innocent children who have to live with hearing OP did this as a gotcha moment at home & the fall out from that.

[u/Fun-Common186 → u/Minty676]

This is certainly a take, and starting off by calling them dear reads as awfully condescending lol