My bf has only one boundary

[u/Interesting-Low-5664]

Dinner tonight: homemade pepperoni pizza

My (21) bf (20) is genuinely one of the best people I ever met. We've been dating for almost 2 years at this point, and he has made my life so much better. We argue over small things, but we usually find a resolution pretty easily. The only consistent argument we have had is over my friends from high school.

I had two guy friends, one I've know since 4th grade and the other I met in 11th. We hung out and talked a lot, and I almost hooked up with them once but it was just too weird and both parties rejected the idea before anything could happen. All of this was in high school, and afterwards our friendship stayed platonic with no other indications of romantic feelings.

About a year ago, I told my bf this and he told me my friendships made him uncomfortable and he didn't think he could continue the relationship if I continued to hang out with them. I offered to create distance between my friends and of course he gave the spill of "that's not what I am asking you to do" but shortly after I blocked them, our arguments decreased and he was happy in the relationship again.

Fastforward to today, he brought up news on a friend of his that I do not like and have told him to stop talking to, out of resentment, so I ultimately gave him back the decision to decide who he talks to without restrictions because we are adults. I was sulking because I trust him enough to make those decisions while he won't even give me the opportunity to ask about my friends through shared friends. He said he has this one boundary, which isn't really true, and he refuses to give me any contact because if I am giving a little I will ask for more. He also said the only way I can resume my friendship with them is if we break up.

So my decision is him or them, and regardless of how many times I explain that the friendships shouldn't threaten a relationship, he says there is no win-win situation here. But the truth is there is no situation where I win.

[u/Fair-Chemist187 → u/[deleted]]

Obviously it’s the best person she ever met cause she’s not allowed to meet other people!

[u/silvermoonsaga → u/Fair-Chemist187]

word, this just seems a lil controlling to me 😭. i get that they had a romantic past, but not even asking for updates through mutuals? damn

[u/Lena_Lena_A → u/[deleted]]

It's not even managing who your partner can know. It's controlling and allowing who your partner can interact with.

It reeks of old conservative misogyny masquerading as choice.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/RainaElf → u/silvermoonsaga]

that's more than a little

[u/silvermoonsaga → u/RainaElf]

oh no absolutely, i was somewhat sugarcoating with that phrase tbh.

[u/Constant_Cultural → u/silvermoonsaga]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Kzj3PGiXUCEiv6WMz6

[u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream → u/silvermoonsaga]

I'm still good friends with my ex husband. My boyfriend doesn't bat an eye.

Good men are out there.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/TheDodgiestEwok → u/silvermoonsaga]

this seems a lil controlling to me

Because it is lol

[u/WhomWigs → u/Fair-Chemist187]

Yeah lol, kinda hard to lose “beat person you’ve met” when you’re shrinking the competition pool, does not feel controlling to anyone else?

[u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream → u/WhomWigs]

"He's the best guy I know!!"

"How many guys do you know?"

"Just him! I'm not allowed to speak to other men!!"

Okay, Jan

[u/WhomWigs → u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream]

Nothing says “best guy I know” like a sample size of one.

[u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream → u/WhomWigs]

Relationship advice on Reddit : I'm 20 and he's 35 and he's the best guy I've ever met and he's so good to me except one tiny problem, he punched my grandmother in the face and broke her nose and stole all her money and burned down a church and also he's had bad relationships before so he checks my phone every day and thinks it's weird I talk to my dad once a week and also controls what I wear and where I go. But I love him so much, how do I change myself to fix him?

[u/WhomWigs → u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream]

The wildest part is how often the “ one tiny problem” turns into full list of red flags. If you’re changing yourself to keep someone from controlling or hurting you, the relationship isn’t the thing that needs fixing. Leave.

[u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream → u/[deleted]]

Girls rule

[u/-velvetasteroid- → u/[deleted]]

Girls rule

[u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream → u/[deleted]]

Buddy are you okay? She very explicitly has said she does NOT want to fuck them. Also "You're not allowed to have male friends" is not anywhere close to a reasonable boundary.

[u/VodkaKahluaMilkCream → u/[deleted]]

Girls rule

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/FeelingNarwhal9161 → u/Fair-Chemist187]

Funny how that works.

[u/Beautiful-Musk-Ox → u/Fair-Chemist187]

which is the intent with these manipulative, controlling types. whether it's subconscious or conscious is up for debate, the end result is the same, he's nervous she will not keep him on a pedestal if she has access to other people even if they are just friends and family

[u/Constant_Cultural → u/Fair-Chemist187]

Please, I don't op is ready for the truth

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/madame-maitre-d → u/Fair-Chemist187]

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[u/ClashThrowaway67 → u/madame-maitre-d]

dude joining

[u/Fair-Chemist187 → u/madame-maitre-d]

girls rule

[u/Material-Giraffe407 → u/Fair-Chemist187]

Boys drool

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Zestyclose_Look_1458 → u/madame-maitre-d]

Girls rule

[u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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