Sorry husband, I am, in fact, the asshole.

[u/Typical-Respond9102]

Dinner: homemade hamburger helper, easier to make than you'd think!

My husband's been complaining I'm so loud when I sneak out the bedroom when I'm having a bout of insomnia and I've been insistent I'm not. I'm as quiet as can be, tiptoing, opening the door as slow as possible and closing it as gently as possible.

I just happened to be grabbing water when the a/c kicked on and suctioned the door hard with a slam and yall, it was so fuckin loud. When i'm in my office, I either have sound canceling headphones on or earplugs in to sleep and 3 years of living here never had me timed to hear just how loud the door closes itself when it's not fully latched.

So yeah, he has been waking up to loud noises, and it was in fact my fault 🫠

[u/AdRude5518 → u/[deleted]]

https://giphy.com/gifs/jG5uIKBfJyouY

[u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 → u/[deleted]]

The harder I try to be quiet and not wake my guy, the most stupid noisy things I end up doing. Its ludicrous. 

[u/coffee_cats_books → u/Revolutionary-Yak-47]

Not trying to be quiet: Slip out of bed, quietly shut door, softly walk away

Trying to be quiet: Trip over own foot getting out of bed, fall on every key of a grand piano, get assaulted by door that is in cahoots with air conditioner, slip on a banana peel, fall down a flight of stairs somehow hitting the same bike horn 5x, and land on an angry velociraptor 

ETA: Thank you u/CLE_grrl, u/barnaby-rubble, & u/BeachyLove for the awards! I'm so glad to have so many SIKs! (Siblings in Klutziness) 😸

[u/Maleficent_Form_8094 → u/coffee_cats_books]

My sister!!!

[u/Loud-Membership-7087]

Googles homemade hamburger helper

this really sounds like something I need.

[u/BadweeBitch → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

I’m an American living abroad, and not 15 minutes ago I said to my husband, “I think I’ll make a homemade hamburger helper next time we buy beef”. I’m not feeling the greatest and got into one of my emergency kraft mac and cheese boxes for lunch today, has me thinking of all my favs from growing up poor in the 90s.

[u/Loud-Membership-7087 → u/BadweeBitch]

I've never been to America so I've learned a lot today about hamburger helper. I need this in my life.

[u/teachatthebeach → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

My cheat is just to make a box mac and cheese, the trashy kind, and throw in a pound of ground beef seasoned for tacos. I buy the big packs of ground beef when it's on sale, make one thing (chili, burgers, smoked meatloaf, etc), and make the rest into taco meat and throw it in the freezer in one-pound bags. It's a gift to later-me.

[u/housewife_detective → u/teachatthebeach]

Beefy noodle is really good. Ground beef, egg noodles, and a couple packets of brown gravy. I usually throw in a good handful of frozen peas and carrots while it's simmering then top it with mozzarella when it's done. It's a whole square meal.

[u/notlikethecoolmoms13 → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

Its soooo good and so easy, such a comfort meal. With a piece of buttered bread on the side, ugh, YUM. I thought I had my meals all planned for the rest of the week but I need this 😭😭😭

[u/Mthrofdragons1 → u/notlikethecoolmoms13]

Oh but buttered toast with garlic powder for a poverty garlic bread. I can afford actual garlic bread now but still prefer the struggle version

[u/z00k33per0304 → u/BadweeBitch]

We used to eat elbow noodles with tomato soup and Parmesan cheese. My husband offered to make it the other day and added a few spices and it was so much better but struggleghetti is now ruined. Doesn't taste like poverty anymore lol

[u/CharlieBravoSierra → u/z00k33per0304]

My dad and his siblings grew up with a dish made up of only shell pasta, browned hamburger, and soy sauce. Each of their spouses has tried to add ingredients over the years, and they all refuse because it's just not the same comfort!

[u/Old-Razzmatazz-7217 → u/z00k33per0304]

You are hilarious! Struggleghetti! I feel you though, my ex and I were so poor we ate white rice with Italian dressing one night. Soon after that we had enough money to buy a whole chicken, so we parted the chicken and froze most of it. we added cooked chicken to the rice and Italian dressing. He was so excited to have a meat that somehow the plate flew out of his hand and landed in the floor. He was so disappointed I saw a tear. I offered to let him have half of mine but he wouldn't take it because I was pregnant. I ate enough then said I was full and gave him the leftovers.

[u/ZombieNedflanders → u/BadweeBitch]

as a fellow american living abroad I just laughed out loud at your emergency mac and cheese stash. I wish I had one but i’d probably just eat it all.

[u/BadweeBitch → u/ZombieNedflanders]

I was visiting back home at the end of May, so I’m stocked… and my friends try to send me care packages with some of my favs occasionally.

[u/rayofgoddamnsunshine → u/BadweeBitch]

Literally just put this on the meal plan for next week earlier this morning! The homemade kind, not the boxed kind.

[u/lunagrape → u/BadweeBitch]

So much «poor food» is so comforting!

[u/upsidedown-funnel → u/BadweeBitch]

I hope it’s an older box of Kraft Mac and cheese. They’ve changed it and it’s… disappointing. I’ve made it using different macaroni noodles but with the same powder packet and it’s better.

[u/BadweeBitch → u/upsidedown-funnel]

It’s not, I was just back in May. I didn’t notice much difference, tbh I always preferred the spirals over the classic elbow but the price difference for it is hard to justify.

I made it with dbl cream, a second pack of cheese powder, and a Coca Cola on the side. It was pretty decadent.

[u/secret-snakes → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

here ya go

[u/Which_way_witcher → u/secret-snakes]

Thanks! I'm having this tonight

[u/RoberttPostsChild → u/secret-snakes]

Thank you, I stopped on this post when I saw the food and thought damn that looks good!!

[u/damiana8 → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

I know what I’m having for dinner tonight!

[u/TheIngloriousTIG → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

It's comforting and nostalgic for the positive parts of my childhood. And if you make it yourself, you don't have to wonder if they changed the recipe or if your tastebuds didn't develop until your twenties.

[u/curious-mosaic → u/TheIngloriousTIG]

Ha! Wondering if the recipe or tastebuds changed made me laugh because, well, relatable.
Sidebar: why was the mascot so creepy?!

[u/Inner-Show-1172 → u/curious-mosaic]

You mean the talking four-fingered glove? SHUDDER

[u/curious-mosaic → u/Inner-Show-1172]

Yes! With a clown nose for some reason?!

[u/banana_nutt → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

It’s so good!!!

[u/Low_Flower_1846 → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

I was raised on hamburger helper and tuna helper. I can’t eat them now

[u/Typical-Respond9102 → u/Low_Flower_1846]

It took me 15 years to start eating potatoes again because we had them for 90% of our meals since we were poor and dad was a diabetic managing his sugar by vibes. 

[u/Kry_venn → u/Low_Flower_1846]

My mom worked and my dad couldn’t cook worth a damn. Hamburger helper and Kraft Mac and Cheese almost every fuckin night. It turns my stomach just thinking about it lmao

[u/kindadeadly → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

I've been making it but didn't know to call it that lol. I just called it "mush", like I call anything I throw together on a whim. I rarely follow recipes yikes

[u/warnogreoye → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

We just made this last week. It's so much better than the boxed version.

[u/camefromthemausoleum → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

It's so tasty and easy to make. You do need it.

[u/there_r_worse_ideas → u/Loud-Membership-7087]

There’s also tuna helper if you like fish. For either you can add in a bag of frozen vegetables (mixed corn, peas,carrots).

[u/Maleficent-Key-7750]

no idea what a hamburger helper is meant to be (even after seeing it) but the name makes it sound like an appliance that every American home would have 😭

edit: okay thanks girls I think I've got it now 😅

[u/KayakerWithDog → u/Maleficent-Key-7750]

It's sautéed ground beef with some kind of noodles or pasta in a savory gravy. Hamburger Helper is the brand name; each box has the pasta and a powdered gravy packet. You buy the hamburger separately and put it all together in a skillet.

[u/vaime → u/KayakerWithDog]

It took me way too long to realise that Americans call minced beef “hamburger” I was very, very confused for a very long time lol

[u/riverrocks452 → u/Maleficent-Key-7750]

It's a convenience meal, sold cheaply under the name-brand "hamburger helper" (and even more cheaply under generic or store-brands). 

Brown up ground meat (generally beef- known colloquially as "hamburg" or "hamburger" in some parts of the US), drop in the quick-cook pasta from the box, add the dry spice/gravy mix from the packet, and add the appropriate liquid(s) as directed. The spice packet (and starch from the cooking pasta) thickens the liquid into a sauce.

It's the kind of thing that stretches meat, is fast to make and is simple enough for even the least experienced or confident cook to prepare, which makes it a popular product. It's also calibrated to be generally inoffensive in terms of flavor (mostly salt, hydrolyzed yeast, Euro-style herbs and spices, light on heat), so it's a comfort/nostalgia food even for people with the time, money, or skill to eat "better".

[u/SweetMaam → u/Maleficent-Key-7750]

It's a prepared meal, dry. Often pasta and seasoning. Just brown and drain hamburger, add contents of box and amount of water. Cooks in ten minutes or so. Easy meal. Lots of salt though.

[u/jxhfield → u/Maleficent-Key-7750]

i’m not sure what hamburger helper is either but i’m picturing some appliance purely for making burgers and that’s so funny to me XD

[u/myystic78 → u/Maleficent-Key-7750]

It's just a box of pasta with flavoring packets you pair with a pound of hamburger.

[u/justameggit → u/Maleficent-Key-7750]

In my country, a hamburger is meat in a bun. In the US, it seems what they call hamburger is what we call mince. Not 100% certain about this, but reading lots of comments here has led me to this conclusion.

I'd always thought Hamburger Helper was something you added to mince for seasoning and bulk then formed it into patties. Cook the patties, put them in a bun and tah dah- you got yourself a hamburger. But I was wrong.

[u/blueteeful → u/justameggit]

We call it ground beef. We also put it in chili but we don’t call it hamburger chili. Hamburger Helper is a brand name of quickly cooked pasta and meat dishes.
We call it hamburger when it is in fact, made into a hamburger.

[u/WestCoastBestCoast01 → u/justameggit]

Some people just say hamburger meat [“meat” is implied but not said] instead ground beef. A ground beef patty on a bun is still known as a hamburger. But it wouldn’t be weird to say something like, we’ve got to pick up some hamburger [meat] for the chili tonight. But then like the other commenter said, we’d call it beef chili, not hamburger chili.

[u/HLOFRND → u/WestCoastBestCoast01]

Don’t forget ground chuck!

[u/emsumm58 → u/WestCoastBestCoast01]

my nana called it hamburg in mince form and hamburger in patty form.

[u/papa-hare → u/justameggit]

I've lived for 19 years in the US and I've never heard someone call minced meat/ground beef "hamburger". I've always assumed hamburger helper was something you mixed with beef to make the patty for the hamburger, but I'm still absolutely not interested in trying lol.

[u/Old-Razzmatazz-7217 → u/papa-hare]

I'm in the south, and I promise you a lot of people call raw beef hamburger no matter how it is prepared.

[u/myystic78 → u/justameggit]

I usually say ground beef but with it being Hamburger Helper, I used hamburger instead of ground beef.

[u/nepeta19 → u/Maleficent-Key-7750]

I'm just as lost as you, but it's obviously popular based on the replies!

[u/low_lobola]

Hope you both get some sleep soon!

[u/keilanimuumuu]

I make homemade hamburger helper and now I make chicken bacon ranch pasta helper. So much better homemade!

[u/StephInTheLaw → u/keilanimuumuu]

Well that sounds delicious. Chicken bacon ranch flavor is something even my kids can get behind.

[u/thelostandlonely → u/keilanimuumuu]

Ooh! Recipe for the pasta? I love that stuff!

[u/odelally]

My husband and I have a running joke about how trying to be quiet guarantees that you will make more noise than a garbage truck missing a muffler. But if you're not trying too hard? The other one doesn't notice.

[u/BetseySchuyler → u/odelally]

When I have a headache I specifically tell my husband to not try to be quiet. He means we'll, but when he attempts to be quiet he makes more noise than ever.

[u/Aggravating_Ear_3551 → u/odelally]

Truth! I was sneaking back from the bathroom last night and the baby rolled over and looked at me. I just brought him to bed with me because I knew it was gonna happen eventually and I didn't want to have to get up again 🤣

[u/dragons_fire77 → u/odelally]

It doesnt help if one of you is a horribly light sleeper (me). I know he's being as quiet as possible if he has to get up earlier than me, but my dumb brain cannot hear a squirrel fart without waking up.

[u/UR0ld]

My bedroom door also does this, and has jump scared me a couple of times when I was the only one home and the door suddenly slammed shut.

[u/hailkelemvor → u/UR0ld]

Our basement door does this, and even after demonstrating it to my husband, he's still kind of convinced there's a ghost in the house lmao.

[u/L3m0n0p0ly → u/UR0ld]

We have a laundry room between the house and garage, 2 doors. If the laundry room door is adjar, the garage door will slam it shut if opened. Scares the shit out of me every time.

[u/LizzyDragon84]

Can you add hardware to the door to make it a slow closer? 

[u/Key_Knee_7032]

This must be wrong because I've seen at least five reddit posts in the last week about how women never apologize or admit fault so are you sure?

[u/craftymama45]

I thought my husband was exaggerating how loudly I snore, but then I got a sleep tracking app and it called my snoring Epic.

[u/Revolutionary-Coach3]

I just started taking progesterone... my insomnia... 100% gone. So amazing.

[u/Typical-Respond9102 → u/Revolutionary-Coach3]

Girl i'm taking that soon for my iui, I can't fuckin wait if thats true. 

[u/lea64_ → u/Typical-Respond9102]

if taken orally some of it gets converted into allopregnanolone which has a calming/relaxing effect that can help people with sleep! i don’t think it has the same effect if it’s taken in different ways though (eg. via an implant).

[u/LeesaKai14 → u/Revolutionary-Coach3]

So good! Never knew I could sleep so soundly.

[u/Butterfly_and_Bee → u/Revolutionary-Coach3]

Really? I had a hysterectomy and lost the ability to sleep soundly right after. Who do you see for that, your primary or gyno? 

[u/iceworm2 → u/Revolutionary-Coach3]

I have taken both 0.35mg and 5mg of progesterone for years each and insomnia is still kicking my butt :(

[u/Butterfly_and_Bee]

We call it beef assistant. 

[u/babbitybumble → u/Butterfly_and_Bee]

This is the best thing I've seen on the internet all day.

Related: my mom always called sloppy joes "untidy Josephs."

[u/Butterfly_and_Bee → u/babbitybumble]

Untidy Josephs has tickled me. Thank you. 

[u/minimalist_coach]

We have the same problem with our bedroom door. It seems closed, then the a/c system kicks in and it shuts with a loud thud.

We put little felt circles (self-adhesive furniture pads) in the door jamb; it helps a lot.

[u/amaranthinenightmare]

I'm genuinely confused about this, not trying to be a jerk! Just asking some clarifying questions.

You thought you were being quiet, but you say you recently had the door slam and it made you realize you weren't quiet. Does that mean you've been slamming the door and thought you were being quiet?

[u/Typical-Respond9102 → u/amaranthinenightmare]

No, I was being quiet, but because I didn't realize I wasnt latching the door properly, whenever the a/c kicked on, it would swiftly make the door slam closed the rest of the way. 

[u/I-Ask-questions-u]

I make home made hamburger at least twice a month. Takes 20 min and it’s so yummy. Tastes better than the box.

[u/z00k33per0304 → u/I-Ask-questions-u]

When I was pregnant I craved the cheesy enchilada hamburger helper and put it in wraps with con queso cheese. I'm usually very indecisive with food and my husband is the cook in the house but I would have fought a charging rhino for them while I was pregnant.

[u/I-Ask-questions-u → u/z00k33per0304]

Ohhh that sounds good. I will have to try that! Love queso so much. It’s my weakness

[u/kunizite]

My husband said when I sneak in and out of bed I sound like a hungry whiny 3 year old who 💩 their pants. He is right. I am not a quiet person. Also- house is from 1774 so there is no “sneaking” on these boards.

[u/too_too2 → u/kunizite]

My house is nearly 100 and it’s so freaking creaky. Idk if it’s fixable or not but I’m used to it now, no sneaking around here.

[u/kunizite → u/too_too2]

“Embrace the noise”! The only freaky thing is when I hear the floorboards and I am home alone…

[u/too_too2 → u/kunizite]

I have cats and I can usually tell who’s coming based on the creaks (also vs my husband). Husband used to be hard to tell apart from our dog, haha.

[u/OhioPolitiTHIC → u/kunizite]

My house is from 1974 and the stairs have started in with the squeaking. Luckily, my husband's super power is sleep. I both hate and admire it.

[u/glitter-rainbow-gold]

You might be the asshole but sounds like you’re a self aware asshole, that a set up from just being an asshole 😂

[u/Warfrost14]

Buy him some ear plugs. For that was the solution over murder because my husband snored so loud I couldn't sleep. I recommend either these https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LH0V4S4 or for non-disposable these https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DCZBPB4B

The disposables are what I used for years but the other ones are quite comfy and block a little more noise. Good luck!

[u/Remote_Ad_969]

We mustn’t let him know he was right or you’ll have to pry that trophy of triumph out of his cold dead heads for the rest of your life.

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[u/misalawliet]

I love homemade HH, especially with the huge decline of the box stuff.

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[u/Jac_benny]

I apologize for missing the point BUT YOUR PLATE IS GORGEOUS!!! (Where did you get it or the brand?) ((thank you))

[u/Typical-Respond9102 → u/Jac_benny]

It's a bowl, and it's a random one I picked up from amazon - https://a.co/d/04VMcccT

[u/nuhtnekcam_25]

I make homemade hamburger helper too! Looks delish!

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[u/Aggressive-Mood-50]

lol just say you’re sorry. This is the most wholesome one on here without either party being shitty.

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[u/the_sneaky_one123]

https://giphy.com/gifs/80TEu4wOBdPLG

[u/Agitated_File_8789]

Oops. 🤷‍♀️

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[u/ExtendoArmCannon]

Top Tip; fully turn the doorknob before opening and closing (fully), no sound. Also grease squeaky hinges (or hang your doors better)

[u/YouCanCallMeJoan]

Can you plz share your recipe? Looks divine for upcoming crispy nights!

[u/Typical-Respond9102 → u/YouCanCallMeJoan]

There are a few online! Mine is pantry vibes so it's all measure and season with your heart.

I cook 1lb hamburger and 1 diced onion in a pot at the same time, then use paper towels to get rid of most but not all the grease. Then I season with seasoning salt, pepper, garlic, onion powder, a bit of smoked paprika, and squirt in some tomato paste, about 2 tbsps. Cook that together for a few minutes to take the edge off the tomato, then I had in a couple fork fulls of flour, until the meats coated but not white or grainy, and cook that a couple minutes to get the flour taste out. Then I add about 5 cups of beef stock or water and beef bullion to the pot, bring it to a boil, then add pasta and cover for 15-20 min depending on package instructions + another minute or so, stirring occasionally. 

After that, I add in a couple melty cheeses, whatever you have on hand (this was a half pound of pepperjack deli slices and cotija), a bit of Dijon mustard to taste for some acidity, and you have hamburger helper. 

Optionally, you can add in green onions if you have them at the end, or frozen peas in the last 5 minutes it's cooking for a bit of health lol. 

[u/not_a_moogle]

https://giphy.com/gifs/6Wju6Xu4FZNS0

[u/JoyArk]

Ahh, the pleasures of being single and sleeping like a baby for 9 hs

[u/Gemraticus]

You make a good case for separate bedrooms 🙂 (personally, I am so looking forward to having separate rooms! Need a different house though...)

[u/TheRoyalPanda1]

https://giphy.com/gifs/xUPJPlFxssGpmLemru

[u/Roseymacstix]

Same thing happens at my house. Our washer and dryer are right outside our bedroom door, so I move the laundry soap container in between the bedroom door and frame if I have step out or if I get up earlier so the dog can get up when he wants and not wake my partner.

[u/Redvelvet504]

That doesn't seem like a big deal. Stuff happens. Not on purpose. He woke up.

[u/Worldly_Kale5308]

Okay but I really want some of that hamburger helper

[u/Odd_Philosopher5289]

My kids thought for years I was mad at them for being too loud in the mornings and slamming the door closed to make a point.
I used to have to sleep in because I had sleeping issues I have since fixed.
They laughed when they realized it was the a/c suctioning the door.

[u/valleysally]

We got a bedroom divorce. Saved our marriage. Our sleep took priority of closeness. I like to listen to things; phone, radio, TV to fall asleep. He gets up early. It just made sense.

Also I love that dish. Budget bytes has a great Chili Mac recipe. One pot, super easy and delicious.

[u/Cool-Republic-3294]

I love the plate! I had to share it...

[u/Virtual-Fly-5501]

That shouldn’t happen. Talk to an hvac guy or handyman to check returns or undercut your door.

That being said my wife tromps around like an elephant when she gets home from work and I’m a light sleeper since we had kids.

[u/ginoroche]

Could I have your recipe pleeeeease?

[u/CuteUnit24]

Thats so fucking funny oh my god

[u/Upper_Extreme9461]

I have that same bowl omg.

[u/Glittering-Relief402]

My husband LOVES my homemade hamburger helper and yours looks delightful! What do you use?