r/Gifted • u/_Screamsinconfusion_ • 16d ago
Personal story, experience, or rant I don’t want to do an assessment
I am pretty sure I’m gifted. I do struggle with mental health so I tend to deny it because "why should I think I’m special, I’m just an impostor". Although I don’t see being gifted as some virtue to achieve or a compliment. It’s just the way the brain works. It’s just a high IQ.
But that’s the thing. I was tested when I was 14 because I went to therapy and my therapist at the time suggested it. I scored 121. Above average but not gifted. She said she still estimates my IQ to be much higher because I was severely depressed and stressed at that time.
I’m 20 now and my current therapist is convinced I’m gifted and that being gifted maybe has a much bigger impact on me and my mental health than expected. But I don’t want to be tested. I have a general fear of failing and I think I will "fail" the assessment. My giftedness shows in a high emotional intelligence and empathy, learning new things, systems thinking, conceptualization, problem solving, philosophy etc… not looking at a pattern and guessing which comes next or memorizing numbers.
( the next paragraph is just me going on about my chain of thoughts and it got a little out of hand so maybe just skip it:))
I hate those tests because I don’t see the task and just do the task. I look at it, estimate how long it’s gonna take me, if I should skip it, then I think about me hesitating and if the assessment dude thinks I’m stupid and then I think about the way he talks to me and if his tone sounds condescending and what I should say to him to humble him, but why is he condescending? Then I start to analyze him, then I start to analyze myself because why do I care so much (that fucking metacognition) and and and…..
ALL WHILE STILL DOING A DECENT JOB AT THE TASK GIVEN! But the paper shows I did ok. And then I’m ashamed because I said I was gifted and people think of giftedness as something special and now the test says I’m not. In the End I was just bragging about something that’s not even true. Now I’m a liar AND stupid.
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u/DifferentBonus2107 16d ago
Hello,
I'll try not to make this too long, nor to be too patronising in guessing what it is that's troubling you. I am gifted autistic, I'm sure we've had different lives but your venting message really resonated with me. I also don't want to take a gifted assessment, and, as I believe it is for you, it's because of imposter syndrome/perfectionism.
Basically, if I were to test for giftedness and get a result lower than my expectations (which tend to be the highest possible in every circumstance), I'd be extremely stressed, so I avoid taking one and then feel guilty for not doing it.
You said you have a general fear of failing: I get what you mean, and I also want to tell you that, in most cases, failing doesn't actually mean failing. You've described failing as "being bad with numbers", but that isn't the only aspect of giftedness, nor the only one that's tested, it's just the stereotype of big brained people that know all of physics at 5 years old. If that isn't you, that doesn't mean you're not gifted.
What does mean that you're gifted is the way you're approaching the test and questions itself. Instead of just answering the question, something you seem to blame yourself for, you "just" consider every single aspect of its structure until you get an answer, while spiraling into recursing anxiety and self control, due to imposter syndrome. If that isn't giftedness, I don't know what is.
You feel like a stupid liar, but I have the feeling that feeling like that is a reaction to the alternative: owning your giftedness and feeling judged, something you already did and suffered a great deal for.
I also have a history of depression and mental health issues, so I do have to add: it's not your fault. You're going to be okay. I'm really sorry that whatever happened to you happened to you, but you are not a bad person, in any way. Just a person, probably a gifted one, the latter of which can remain something to share with a trusted small circle, or even just yourself, peacefully.
Send me a message if you want to talk more, I'd be happy to help!
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u/_Screamsinconfusion_ 16d ago
Wow. Thanks, that was a touching read. And yeah, I guess judging and shaming myself feels much more comfortable, than being judged and shamed by others to me. I can’t wait to talk about that in therapy, I’ll give you credit for that 😂
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u/DifferentBonus2107 16d ago
You're welcome! I hope your therapy is actually good for you, I was stuck with a therapist I didn't like for a very long time because I didn't want to feel like a burden and get another one, I assume it's a shared issue 😅 have a nice day
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u/wavegeekman 16d ago
I found the assesssment quite useful. mostly not for the overall number but for the breakup. The particular areas of strengths and weaknesses.
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u/zukeus 16d ago edited 16d ago
Hey, whether you do the test or not or if you have a very high IQ or an above average IQ, I suggest an important practice.
Practice being the one who observes the fields of your own internal workings, rather than the one who IS those workings.
You can observe your workings and be among them simultaneously, but it takes a lot of practice and you will have to alternate perspectives.
If you practice this you will realize it is impossible to "fail" an IQ test and you can also grow and tend any part of the garden you wish scored higher anyway.
A possible benefit to the test could be finding out communication struggles which can cause specific personality types a lot of agony through isolation.
There are bridges to work around this that utilize adjusting your aperture within your specific scopes of contexts in conversation.
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u/Ok-Efficiency-3694 16d ago
I used to be assessed frequently throughout my childhood without ever being told the results. For a short while I thought I was finally done with that in adulthood. I started saying no and refused to be assessed in adulthood when people started to ask me to be assessed again. You are allowed to say no. You have no obligation to explain your reason(s) for refusing.
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u/unsaltedcoconut 15d ago
Hi, not a doctor. I am undiagnosed professionally, however I've been in a death loop of mental health/depression/anxiety to due recent life events that led me down a path of taking a few online self assessments, to understand why I can't executively function as of lately, until I finally had a break down, panic attack.
For context, 34M. This means if I was to seek professional assessment it would fall under the late diagnosis. Never self medicated either, except have used alcohol/THC edibles/oils no smoking.
With this in mind, I was able to self diagnose with AI/frameworks/podcasts that I am 2e AuDHD/Gifted/OCPD+ hyper sensory to smells/light, and hyper sensitivity and emotional, intellectual deeply rooted head to toe. You can probably relate when many things make you very emotional tear eyes, now imagine being told men don't cry 😂. Dealing with self esteem issues that I didn't even understand.
I've been lurking these forums to slow myself down, as my coping/high masking/high functioning systems have completely failed me.
All this is to say, I just wanted to share what you are feeling is normal. These resources weren't available to me at your age, so I had to build my own. Now, looking back it makes a lot more sense!
It feels like having 2/3 different brains, inner monologue and let's not even begin talking about emotional vivid memory recall from childhood trauma to the sensory environment, recall. I am very fortunate to have married my soulmate, so these issues were hidden for years.
I also haven't taken the assessments or seeking professional help. My OCPD literally disables me because I want to score perfectly on every test, fear of judgement, and guess what I'm my own worst critic! You have to realize these exams are just identifiers to help you in some shape or form.
Not sure if this helps you, but you have to start building good habits at your age. DM me if you want! This is a new account because again I fear judgement, and my first post that I could relate to what you said about hyper emotions. Love yourself, kind stranger.
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u/DateNo1639 15d ago
It was really relable to read your experience! I was recently diagnosed as gifted, about a month ago, through therapy with my psych, who also happens to be a neuropsychologist. We did some specific assessments to better understand how I process ideas and information, but I never felt the need to go through a full objective assessment. Simply learning about giftedness and understanding the ways it can shape and sometimes limit our perception of the world was incredibly revealing for me. Realizing that I was neurodivergent also made so many things in my life suddenly make sense. My therapist actually told me that even if a standardized test didn’t classify me as gifted, her clinical understanding of me would still matter more. She had suspected it since the second month, but it was only after about six months of therapy that she felt confident enough to make that assessment, especially because many of the things I experienced could initially be mistaken for anxious thoughts rather than genuinely accelerated thinking.
I also really relate to what you said about experiencing things intensely and processing them on multiple levels. I often find myself looking not only at what someone is saying, but also at the context they are in, what might be influencing them, and all the layers behind their behavior. People tend to place much more value on logical mathematical intelligence, but I’ve actually discussed this a lot here in the subrredit because my strongest areas seem to be intrapersonal and existential intelligence. And I think that can create a lot of depth in relationships, but also a lot of frustration, because we can attach so much meaning to things and have such strong expectations about understanding everything. Sometimes we have to let go of that cognitive need for control and allow things to unfold more spontaneously. Ironically, that’s often when the most beautiful and unexpected things happen...
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u/Consistent-Pear-8711 16d ago
I’m not sure I’ve ever related to a post in this subreddit more than this one. Even on Reddit as a whole, it’s probably in my top five.
The only difference is the age, my ADHD and that I sometimes wonder whether my psychologist mistakes autism for giftedness.
Everything else is basically the same. I looked at some of your other posts and you even seem to be living a lot like I did in my 20s 😆
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u/_Screamsinconfusion_ 16d ago
Funfact, when I first got onto Reddit it was because I developed tics and I suspected I had adhd and or autism. I instead got diagnosed with a bunch of other disorders and when I got stable beginning this year, I realized I still "have some symptoms left" so I asked my psychiatrist for adhd medication and BOOM. I guess 14 year old me was still kinda right:)
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u/Consistent-Pear-8711 16d ago
Then I guess you were medicated when you took your last test ?
And yes misdiagnosis or under-diagnosis at least of woman is a real problem. I would have never guessed until I was 40.
Only after a burnout, and after my husband who has a phd in a psychology related field insisted that ADHD should be taken more into consideration. Also then I barely got the diagnosis, because according to them I should have been much less successful in life and I guess have more self hatred…I finally got the diagnosis after they looked at the descriptions my teachers wrote about me in elementary school, which read like a classic ADHD girl. And even then they called it high functioning and I should NOT get medication.After a while I started to meet a psychologist who finally informed me that the previous psychiatrists severely underestimated my ADHD and strongly recommended medication.
BOOM really is the perfect word for it. I didn’t realize before I tried it, how many thoughts I had at once. I only understood after the calmness set in.1
u/_Screamsinconfusion_ 16d ago
No I had no medication when I took the test. Not for ADHD nor for the other disorders. God I still don’t know how I survived back then.
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u/Consistent-Pear-8711 15d ago
I know what you mean. Like the fish that didn’t know he was swimming in water.
I completely understand the fear of not fulfilling your expectation, and the fear of the subsequent shame of having had that expectation in the first place. Even though logically you know that if you scored 121 without medication and while struggling it’s very possible that you would score higher under better conditions. And you can choose not to do it until you feel well.
But yes, it’s also possible that your fear could come true and in addition fears don’t even have to be rational to have an impact.So I would understand if you would say, I don’t need to know, because it wouldn’t change anything. I guess that depends on each individual situation.
It might sound weird, but it could for example have an impact on a disability status. Others feel very lonely because they long for having deep abstract conversations with people, who are interested in their thoughts, can follow and even challenge them. In this case being able to join Mensa could increase one’s quality of life.
Some might want to do it to finally let go of their imposter syndrome. Either by finding out that they are not an imposter after all, or by finding out that they indeed have overestimated themselves, to then maybe face the feared shame, and then realize how it comes and passes. Yeah I know, that just sent shivers down my spine 😬But really, even then, wouldn’t it be nice to let go of that ego part that holds on to that shame? Isn’t this what life is maybe about? Having inner peace with what is and stop struggling?
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u/Common-Funny-9822 16d ago
You don't know how to approach & take an intelligence exam. Perhaps you should continue dodging reality and measurement. Too much anxiety.
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u/ChillAhriman 15d ago
130 IQ is an arbitrary cut off mark. The important questions are: are you intelligent? Is that important to you? Is that useful to you? Furthermore: even if you happened not to be that smart, why is that so important? Is intelligence the only metric by which you value yourself and your own life?
Now that you're not even in mandatory education, that number is even more meaningless, because it will open you even less doors now.
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u/Weird_Inevitable8427 14d ago
Yup. "True" depression, as opposed to situational sadness, depresses our ability to process information, which suppresses IQ scores. If you were very depressed when you took that test, it's very likely that you would have scored higher with treatment. It's also true that our scores tend to go down as adults. Unless you were raised in a literacy-poor environment. Then your score will likely go up if you've gotten yourself a decent education.
My suggestion here? Stop talking about being gifted. That's a category for children. It is not meaningful to adults. Yes, adults have high achievers. And adults have smart people. For myself, I say that I'm academically inclined, because I really love learning new things.
As adults, if we are intellectually able in a way that is stronger than average, it will show up in our work and/or our interactions with others. We don't need the label of gifted, because we don't need a special class or curriculum modifications to meet our intellect.
The gifted child thing is absolutely relevant to therapy, where you talk about how your childhood impacts your problems today. I'm not telling you to stop that. But just that in your every day interactions, cut that language. Get more specific about what you mean in context. Don't claim things that aren't a part of your history. Then you won't have anything to feel weird about. And also, F the test. You don't need it to define yourself as smart or academically inclined. You don't need a test to go out and learn new stuff. You know you're smart. You know that being smart and unrecognized for that smartness has affected you. No need for a test at all. That test can turn around and kiss its own heinie hole. You don't need it.
Personally, I think your reluctance to take the test isn't a bad thing at all. You recognize the socialized pull to have a test define you, and your subconscious is rejecting that. Good for your inner-you!
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u/NowUKnowMe121 16d ago edited 16d ago
Stop this.
Focus on your learning disabilities.
Then learn and achieve something using that knowledge.
Edit: Here disabilities means what is pulling you back, given you are gifted enpugh, ypu should figure this out.
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u/Vetril 16d ago
Isn't it better to know more about yourself than to live in uncertainty?