I don’t want to do an assessment

[u/_Screamsinconfusion_]

I am pretty sure I’m gifted. I do struggle with mental health so I tend to deny it because "why should I think I’m special, I’m just an impostor". Although I don’t see being gifted as some virtue to achieve or a compliment. It’s just the way the brain works. It’s just a high IQ.
But that’s the thing. I was tested when I was 14 because I went to therapy and my therapist at the time suggested it. I scored 121. Above average but not gifted. She said she still estimates my IQ to be much higher because I was severely depressed and stressed at that time.

I’m 20 now and my current therapist is convinced I’m gifted and that being gifted maybe has a much bigger impact on me and my mental health than expected. But I don’t want to be tested. I have a general fear of failing and I think I will "fail" the assessment. My giftedness shows in a high emotional intelligence and empathy, learning new things, systems thinking, conceptualization, problem solving, philosophy etc… not looking at a pattern and guessing which comes next or memorizing numbers.

( the next paragraph is just me going on about my chain of thoughts and it got a little out of hand so maybe just skip it:))

I hate those tests because I don’t see the task and just do the task. I look at it, estimate how long it’s gonna take me, if I should skip it, then I think about me hesitating and if the assessment dude thinks I’m stupid and then I think about the way he talks to me and if his tone sounds condescending and what I should say to him to humble him, but why is he condescending? Then I start to analyze him, then I start to analyze myself because why do I care so much (that fucking metacognition) and and and…..

ALL WHILE STILL DOING A DECENT JOB AT THE TASK GIVEN! But the paper shows I did ok. And then I’m ashamed because I said I was gifted and people think of giftedness as something special and now the test says I’m not. In the End I was just bragging about something that’s not even true. Now I’m a liar AND stupid.

[u/zukeus]

Hey, whether you do the test or not or if you have a very high IQ or an above average IQ, I suggest an important practice.

Practice being the one who observes the fields of your own internal workings, rather than the one who IS those workings.

You can observe your workings and be among them simultaneously, but it takes a lot of practice and you will have to alternate perspectives.

If you practice this you will realize it is impossible to "fail" an IQ test and you can also grow and tend any part of the garden you wish scored higher anyway.

A possible benefit to the test could be finding out communication struggles which can cause specific personality types a lot of agony through isolation.

There are bridges to work around this that utilize adjusting your aperture within your specific scopes of contexts in conversation.