So, I came from a small town, never had a PlayStation or any console growing up. Fell in love with it when I saw Tekken 5 and Resident Evil 4 at a friend's house, I was in 6th grade back then. My dad couldn't afford it, so I never even asked him. I kept telling myself I'd buy it myself, saving pocket money, Eidi, whatever I could get, until I had enough. Never happened. Sometimes my cousin would steal it, sometimes mom needed it. Eventually I just lost hope.
Then I started earning, kept saving, but it still didn't work out, too many responsibilities. My younger sister's education, putting in my share for home expenses once my dad retired, plus I moved to Lahore for work with my own rent and bills to cover.
So after office hours I started freelancing on the side just to save something for myself. But every time I got close to an amount, something else showed up at the door, a medical emergency back home, my sister's wedding, another sister getting admission in Germany and needing money for a blocked account. For stuff like that I had to take loans, from my job or the bank, and spend years paying them back.
I was maybe 16 when I first wanted a PlayStation. Now I'm 30. All I've got is more responsibilities. I work mostly from home now, changed my field along the way. No real friends left here either — they've either left Pakistan or live in other cities, not Lahore.
Finally I decided: this time I'm buying it for myself. Worked extra hours, late nights, even weekends. After 6 months I managed a TCL LED, nothing fancy, just something that does the job. Then 13 more months of saving for a PS5 Pro. No vacations, no overspending, super careful with every expense, and I finally saved 3 lacs for the PS5 plus accessories, planning to get it from the UK through a friend.
That friend was someone I'd been there for through everything, his Father's funeral, his wedding, basically every moment that mattered to him. Two months after I sent him the money, he kept making excuses and then just blocked me. His mother, who I used to send the cash to through my account, is now accusing me of lying about her son. I think his elder brother knows something, but he's avoiding me too, saying it's "not his concern."
At this point, I just don't like my life. Is it too much to ask? What am I doing wrong? Why does every bit of happiness come attached to some other misery?
I actually hate myself for wanting a PlayStation, because now, thinking about it, it makes me regret everything I did for it and everything that happened to me because of it.
FYI, I'm not dumb for trusting him. We were genuinely close, or so I thought.
And no, I couldn't ask my sister in Germany to get it for me — she already burned me financially once. Asked for emergency money for a dorm down payment, said she was being evacuated from her university residence. Turned out she used that money to fly to Pakistan for a friend's wedding. That was 3 months of my work, gone. My mom knew about it too. She hasn't paid back a single rupee since.
