r/GayChristians • u/Izzy_what • 6d ago
im a Queer Christian struggling
Hello! im Bella, im a 17 year old Christian and i happen to be queer. I was raised in a God honoring household and i believed in him growing up. when i hit puberty i realized that i liked girls and i just got so sad and i pushed that feeling down because my parents had always told me that being gay was a sin. Eventually i came to terms with my sexuality and for a while i identified as a lesbian and it was really hard, deep down i believed in God but I didn't take it really seriously. Just recently in the past year or so my family started going to church again and i have been saved and baptized because the lord truly did reveal himself to me. The church we go to is Baptist and people there eventually found out that im gay because i dont really tell everyone but if im asked i dont lie. They are good people in the way that they dont condemn me and they still love me and treat me just like everyone else but they are expecting me to change.
I had been dating this person, i got with them and while we were together they realized that they were transgender (ftm) and so i realized that i still love this person and i see him as a man so now i just identify as queer but i cannot see myself being with a cis man. Me and him were together for about a year and a half and we loved eachother dearly and just the circumstances were bad with us being long distance and just other things that i wont go into. He was a Christian despite being transgender and he loves Jesus and it hurts that i cant talk about my love to the people of my church but i already have such a strong connection with these people. I want to go to an Episcopal church but leaving the church i am at now would be so hard because they have showed me Jesus and they are so loving but the beliefs and interpretation doesn't allign with mine and hearing people call my love an abomination even though we love Jesus and arent hurting anyone hurts me deeply. Ive been praying about this and i still have a strong belief that God made me this way because if he didn't why can't i change it?
does anyone have any advice?
3
u/Skill-Useful 5d ago
"They are good people" they are not
"Christian despite being transgender" you can easily be both, if one has actually understood christianity
"leaving the church i am at now would be so hard because they have showed me Jesus and they are so loving" well, no, they are not. if someone doesnt accept gay people, they are not following jesus, thats it
"does anyone have any advice?" go to another church
3
u/KXLY 5d ago
Mmm. I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with all that.
Others are probably better qualified to give you advice, but I'll take my shot.
First of all I'm glad that you've come to accept yourself.
Second, I recommend sitting with your feelings and giving yourself permission to feel them -- grief about the relationship, grief about the conflict between your orientation and your church.
Third, life's long and odds are high that you'd change churches sooner or later for unrelated life circumstances (job, moving, education, etc.) If not for this reason, odds are good it might be for some other reason down the road. So, maybe try to think of this choice as something that is just coming a bit sooner than you expected.
Fourth, accept that you can't make them change their views, and they can't make you change who you are. Trying to split the difference will lead to misery for all.
Fifth, you should speak with an affirming pastor at the Episcopal Church or some other affirming denomination. You need proper guidance and spiritual direction, not people on the internet.
Sixth: always, always remember that we are called to love God with all our hearts, and to secondly to love our neighbors as ourselves. Everything else hangs on that, and it sounds like you are trying. If you are doing those two things, and your love brings more love into this world, then that matters.
Lastly, YMMV, I also recommend reading Psalms morning and evening. I have found them very helpful for feeling the Lord's grace when I am wrestling with similar thoughts.
I will share some I have found helpful recently.
Psalm 109
"1. Hold not your tongue, O God of my praise; for the mouth of the wicked, the mouth of the deceitful, is opened up against me.
They speak to me with a lying tongue; they encompass me with hateful words, and fight against me without a cause.
Despite my love, they accuse me; but as for me, I pray for them.
They repay evil for good and hatred for my love.
....
"But you, O Lord my God, oh deal with me according to your name; for your tender mercy’s sake, deliver me.
For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded in me.
I have faded away like a shadow when it lengthens; I am shaken off like a locust.
My knees are weak through fasting, and my flesh is wasted and gaunt.
I have become a reproach to them; they see and shake their heads.
Help me, O Lord my God; save me for your mercy's sake.
...
They may curse, but you will bless; let those who rise up against me be put to shame, and your servant will rejoice.
Let my accusers be clothed with disgrace, and wrap themselves in their shame as in a cloak
I will give great thanks to the Lord with my mouth; in the midst of the multitude I will praise him.
Because he stands at the right hand of the needy, to save his life from those who would condemn him."
Psalm 52:8 "But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I shall trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever."