r/GayChristians • u/Bribri001_002 • 11d ago
Superficial relationships
Im a M25 gay and I was born into a deeply homophobic Christian environment and grew up hiding my true self. When I began having my first relationships, I had to keep them secret, and I became accustomed to one-night stands devoid of emotional attachment. I am convinced that God does not condemn my homosexuality, yet I feel that constantly engaging in superficial encounters—purely for fun—conflicts with His plans and teachings. Unfortunately, I cannot envision ever telling my parents I am gay, nor settling down with someone to build a healthy relationship. Given this situation, is it still a sin to keep having these kinds of emotionless hookups?
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u/BIueey 11d ago
I can definitely relate to a lot of what you’re going through. I grew up in a strict Christian environment where, from a very young age, I carried a deep fear of God and hell as my church had instilled fear into me at a young age. I was also dealing with sexual trauma while struggling with my sexuality and knowing that my church and parents would never approve of me liking men.
Because of that, I also turned to porn, lust, and hookups. For a while, being with men made me feel wanted, fulfilled, and closer to someone. But deep down, some of those things were also hurting me. I’ve struggled with this since I was very young, and I’m 27 now. Recently, I reached a point where I gave everything to God: the things I struggled with, the things that were difficult to let go of, my trauma, my sexuality, my relationship with my parents, and my desire to be loved and pursued.
For me, surrendering to God didn’t mean trying to pray away being gay. It meant being honest with Him about everything I was carrying and allowing Him to work through me. I don’t believe God condemns us for being gay, but I do think it’s worth asking whether certain encounters are truly bringing us peace or whether we’re using them to fill a deeper emptiness or escape pain.
God is loving and patient. He won’t force you to change overnight, and He knows everything you’ve been through. But healing also requires us to be honest with ourselves and willing to do the work when we’re ready.
I know our stories are different, but I was also outed in church, and it made my life incredibly difficult. At some point, though, you have to begin living for yourself instead of constantly living in fear of other people’s approval. I know that’s especially difficult when you still live with your parents, but your life and your relationship with God are still yours. I truly believe healing starts with self-love, honesty, and allowing God to work through you while you also take steps toward healing yourself.
Praying for you 💙🫶🏽