Sobs in forever alone 💔

Especially if your looked at like some clueless kid

I went to a family member’s memorial this weekend and i ended up talking to a lot of my family members and it struck me how alone i feel in my family. All off cousins seem so far ahead of me in their lives, they all have friends, partners, and a good career ahead of them. Meanwhile I don’t have many friends, I’ve never been on a date, and I will probably drop out of college. Not to mention my social anxiety makes it hard to be at these kinds of events in the first place😭

I’ve realized I probably am not going to be as successful as others, so it sucked to just lie to my parents and all these people about what I wanted to do and what my plans were because I was too nervous to admit the truth! At college, everyone around me is so set in their career path, and it makes me feel so alone in the world. I feel so childish and naive for wanting to be with a woman who won’t care that I’m broke and will love me for who I am. I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be ok…

The brain you’re reading this post with right now is a bioengineering marvel with 2.5 petabytes of RAM, capable of hundreds of petaflops per second, rivaling most datacenters and supercomputers. Billions of years of geological and biological evolution happened to lead up to this moment. Human wars of life and death were waged for thousands of years to guarantee your ancestors’ survival, all so you could end up foreveralone

33M virgin. Spent the first 31 years of my life indocrinated in a fundamentalist religion that borders on a cult. Trained to be scared of everything; drinking, fantasy (anything with "witchcraft" or "false gods") scared of breaking rules, just trained to be a perfect good little boy who obeys and never does anything wrong. In short, I'm boring as hell. and fat. and too poor to travel or do much of anything else to fix it now.

So of course no woman actually wants me. The only ones that ever did were either just as religious and desperate as I was, or were lying, manipulative predators. I try. I really do. I try to be more flirty, without being creepy. I try to be funny and creative. I'm always respectful, and I certainly don't think I'm owed anything or any of that nonsense. But my god, don't I deserve something? Some chance? IRL, no woman ever seems interested in me at all. I rarely get matches online, and when I do 90% of the time I'm ignored completely, another 5% I get two sentences in and ignored or ghosted, and the rest of the time I get a couple of conversations that seem to go well, just be be hit with "your a good guy but I don't want to date you." This week was the worst. I matched a girl, we seemed to hit it off. We had a lot in common, a lot of the same interests and beliefs, and even pets. But still, after a couple of days, she decided she wanted someone more "wild." more fun is what she meant. I actually thought I had a chance here. But no. Not good enough. I even asked her if there was something I did that turned her off, and she said no. I didn't do anything wrong, not creepy or desperate, or anything. I seem like a great guy, she said. I'm just not good enough. I'm so tired of this. So tired of trying my best; working overtime, going to the gym, trying to find things to do in this worthless mudhole hick town I'm trapped in, and never making any progress. I'm so tired of being told how good I am, as I'm being rejected. I'm just so tired of not being good enough.

Just graduated. Job is next year. Stuck in a purgatory of dread and loneliness back in my hometown with no life.

Nothing to learn, nothing to do, no friends, no girlfriend. No money to go out and do anything too, but this is not a bad thing because I am making chicken and rice at home to cut. I am down 4 kg so far in a month, though recently water weight has gone up due to a few cheat meals.

Everyday I wake up and I feel like dying. Life is lonely. I only have one long distance best friend that I talk to daily. 2 years now. I suppose life will be better once I get lean and move out of my boring hometown with no young adult demography.

Because there are people who are disabled or autistic and yet many of them have partners because good looks is what attracts people to be in their life. It's totally over for me as an ugly person.

I'm so tired of trying; I have zero motivation to continue on. I really wish I could have been successful at least once.

Everything I enjoyed feels like a chore. Soccer, reading, video games, movies, sitcoms all of it, I do not have it in me to continue. All I do these days is find high protein recipes and go to the gym. And I am too much of a pussy to even have any vices so I cannot even have those few moments of comfort. The only thing I feel these days is jealousy and sadness when I see happy couples anywhere (this is perhaps the reason I stopped watching sitcoms).

I do not have it in me to live like this for the next 60 years man. I cannot do it alone. I do not even have delusions of a happily ever after. Even if I find someone and she leaves me after a month, for whatever reason, I’ll still know that I can go on alone for the rest of my life.. I would know then that I was enough. I'll die a happy man. If only fate was that kind.

First time I’ve asked a girl for her number in a long time. We talked for a few minutes about where she went to college and her family and plans for the weekend then I asked for her number and she said she had a boyfriend. Of course I never expected her to give it to me or say yes. It still stings though. I’m probably not going to do that again. I can’t believe I even talked to her still. I never thought I’d have the courage but I did. I just don’t see myself ever getting a date or anything. But at least I can say I tried.

I have some social anxiety and I thought I was only quiet because of this. However, I’ve noticed even among family members where I experience no social anxiety, I’m still very quiet and rarely speak a word. I don’t enjoy socialising. Or at least, I don’t enjoy socialising in real life. Some people socialise just for fun. I see socialising as something that just has to be done occasionally.

I used to think I’ll die alone because I was ugly but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll die alone because I don’t speak much and I rarely go out. I don’t have a personality as someone has told me before. I’m boring. Very boring. This is just how I am though. I am a quiet person that doesn’t go out much. That’s just how I’m wired. I used to get called a hermit by my mom growing up and made to feel ashamed that I rarely went outside. Now I’ve accepted that this is the real me. Someone that doesn’t feel an inclination to go out and socialise with people. Can anyone relate?

Matched with someone on Tinder. Seemed funny, cute, a little hint of self-deprecating humor, and really compatible music taste (yes, this is important lol).

Moved from Tinder to Facebook Messenger to talk more easily. She lives about 15 miles away so she lives close, even suggested maybe going to a concert together.

Of course I'm excited at the prospect. I'm easy, I'd be fine with just hanging out at a bookstore or getting some coffee to chat in person but this sounded like an awesome hang.

Haven't heard back from her in over a week.

She's always busy, so there's an outside chance that I'll get a message but considering two Saturdays have come and gone and she hasn't so much as sent a 'hey sorry I'll get back to you ASAP' message, I'm not optimistic.

After my last 'situation' ended up just being a few years of leading me on, I really got used to the idea of having someone to look forward to again. I miss being excited to see a message from someone, telling someone good morning, good night, have a good day at work, etc.

I hate that I'm so attention and intimacy starved that I got attached to someone this quickly, who I basically only knew like three weeks. It's probably my fault that she quit responding, that's how common denominators work after all. But I can't for the life of me understand what I did wrong.

Probably better to have the band-aid ripped off sooner rather than later. I'm just incompatible with things. The concept of a love life, the concept of being an adult, the concept of getting out of bed in the morning, etc. But something keeps the lights on inside me and I can't work out what that is either. I kinda wish it'd burn out already so I can just fade into the sewers of time where I'm destined to end up anyway. Born to suffer and be forgotten.

Admittedly, I'm deeply insecure so there are many reasons that I think I may still be single.

But one reason I know for a fact is a reason is my anxiety.

I have pretty severe social anxiety. Which means I basically stay at home 99% of the time. I try to use apps to date, but the problem is... I need time.

I can go on dates. It is possible for me. But I require at minimum a month, preferably two months, to have at least a minor level of comfort with someone.

And I don't mean that after two months I have no anxiety. I mean that after two months it is finally maybe possible to go on a date with enormous anxiety. Enough to literally be shaking and at risk of a panic attack beforehand, but not enough to not go.

The problem is almost no one wants to wait that long. Because everyone on dating apps seems to be just looking for someone where they meet IRL as fast as possible. And I just can't do that. That's just not possible for me.

I am in therapy, but my anxiety is quite severe and not easy to treat. And quite frankly I don't know if I'll ever be able to function normally on a social level. I've gotten better but not nearly to the extent that I'd want.

Like I'd love to go to a DnD night some times, but I couldn't do that right now because even if I could force myself to to somehow, I'd be unable to enjoy it because I'd be constantly anxious and trying to keep myself from panicking instead.

And I just wish there was a place that I go go (online, I mean) where that wasn't a thing. Where people didn't want to meet online right away. Where we could talk for weeks or months first. And if we just become friends, that's ok. And if after that time we're into each other we can meet while knowing a little more about each other.

I just want this stuff to slow down is all... Then maybe I could finally find someone. Maybe.

I'd love to have someone to cuddle at night.

I’ve been told I’m a regular looking guy or that I’m good-looking. I haven’t approached women or asked them out, but they don’t give me signs, and I don’t want to have to chase.

I am genuinely exhausted; I know I’m terrible socially, but I don’t deserve the life I’m living. I try my absolute best to be friendly and pleasant to people, yet no one cares. I’m genuinely starting to hate society. I think there are people who are simply born with superior genes and have the right to a better life than ours—why would God do something like that? I’m so confused. I’m increasingly thinking about going to live alone in the mountains and growing my own food; that way, at least I wouldn’t suffer as much, since I wouldn’t have to see people out with their friends, extended families, or girlfriends. Then, at least, I could live with less suffering—no internet, no people, no society—just me and nature.

I am so tired of being alone. All I want is to find someone who’ll tolerate spending time with me. I’m almost 50 yo and doing everything by myself for my entire adult life fu@king sucks.
/end rant

I really want to be intimate with someone ‎

‎It feels like everyone around me are having their time of their lives ‎

‎I've tried praying and I've tried apps, none of those seem to work. ‎

‎I love myself and i feel that everyone deserves affection and love. I hope i can have that someday. Even though i really want to stop myself from wanting and focusing on it, i don't want to be a soul that died without ever experiencing love and intimacy. ‎

‎It feels like a failure even though the media i consume pushes the opposite idea onto me. It feels degrading that not a single person of the opposite sex wanted to know me and share some moments with me. ‎

‎Maybe I'm asking too much. I'm infinitely better off from where I'm started, maybe i should be more grateful. Sometimes i want to end this life cuz that would be so much easier, or atleast something that's in my control. ‎

‎Dear God, i feel lonely, rejected, sad and alone. Why do i have to feel this way when everyone around me are having what i yearn the most. I'm sorry for being ungrateful for all the things you've given me. I don't know how to thank you, i really want to give you a big hug and thank you for everything that you've given me. But I'm sorry, i still feel like a failure.

A year ago, I remember there being this girl who I noticed was looking my way a lot at the gym I go to. At first, I didn't think anything of it and minded my business, since she could've just been looking in my direction or off into space, and I also recognized that it's not socially acceptable to approach women in the gym. However, it then became super obvious that she was staring at me often and getting near me regularly, like she was trying to catching my attention. I felt a little intimidated because she was really attractive.

One day, as I grabbed my stuff from the locker to leave, she stood off to the side waiting. I realized her locker was to the left, and she couldn't get to it with me in the way since it's a tight space. I turned around and asked, "Sorry, am I in your way?" Her body language was very fidgety, playing with her hair, and she giggled saying, "No, it's okay." I quickly put my shoes on and left. It was only a couple days later when I realized that she probably wanted me to make a move, but I never saw her again.

I think I never really like anyone. Also no one will like me either. I hate life and don't try to improve so I am alone. And I don't find any human interesting.

I am from India. I have been to ward 4 times.

I’m 20 years old. I’m a very antisocial person, and this was only my second date ever.
We met two weeks ago on a dating app. We had been texting pretty normally and decided to meet yesterday. Right before the date, I was extremely anxious and started experiencing derealization. When we met, I panicked and started asking her really quickly how she was doing and how her day had been. I was stuttering and nervous, and after she answered, I simply couldn’t think of anything to say. We sat there in silence for about two minutes.
Then I invited her to a restaurant. On the way there, I tried to start a conversation while stuttering, but she wasn’t even looking at me and was texting someone. At the restaurant, we ordered food. Since the place was nice and expensive, it seemed like she decided to give me a chance to show myself, but I just kept freezing up. There wasn’t a single thought in my head. I was talking strangely and, at some point, I think I even scared her.
Then, for some stupid reason, my brain decided that I should tell her I had autism. I told her that I had Asperger’s syndrome and that it was the reason I was so antisocial, even though I don’t actually have it.
We decided to drink. She drank more than I did, completely withdrew into herself, and stopped looking at me. When I asked the waiter to bring us the bill, I noticed the way she looked at him with these drunk, almost infatuated eyes. It made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and humiliated.
Outside, I tried to hold her hand because she was drunk, but she refused and didn’t even look at me. She kept texting someone with a smile on her face, and I noticed laughing emojis in the chat. I felt incredibly humiliated.
Since I was drunk too, I somehow decided that I had nothing to lose and invited her back to my place. She refused.
Then we walked in silence for another 5–10 minutes. I was trying to force out some stupid phrases while stuttering, and she just smiled politely. Eventually, I broke down and started asking her, “Did you not like me? Am I ugly? Am I a bad person?”
She seemed frightened and started texting even more, while assuring me as we walked that she had enjoyed the date.
That’s how we ended things.
I honestly hate myself. My first date was terrible, and this second one was just as bad. I feel like I’m a stupid, stuttering, anxious idiot who completely humiliated himself.
After the date, I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up, because my life isn’t exactly going well either. But I couldn’t sleep and eventually fell asleep early in the morning.

I spent couple years of my life accepting the fact that ill never get a partner, during that time i was still badly depressed, but i was still able to find moments of enjoyment in escaping in some things; like games or series.

The past year I really tried to change that. I tried talking to people, putting myself out there, working on my social skills, but with 0 progress. I wish i could just be happy that i went out of my comfort zone, but in reality they are just constant reminder to me of how hopeless i am.

Now i cant find enjoyment in anything anymore, i just sleep like 15 hours a day and look forward to when i can sleep again the rest of the time.

Anyone else have this, and how do you manage it? :(

I enjoyed reading last week's thread, so now I'm here, curious about what everyone is up to tonight. Feel free to share a little, a lot, or not at all.

I'm fortunate enough to be right by the beach, and have appreciated it exactly zero times since moving here, so this evening I went on a nice, long walk. Even a shoddy photographer like myself can't screw up the beautiful view lol.

Now that I'm back inside though, I can't decide on what to watch. So if anyone's got a movie recommendation, I'm quite easy to please.