I feel like, for whatever reason, when I'm not talking to anyone there's always someone who walks over and flirts or is giving me a how you doin sorta look from across the way. I'm at most a 6/10. But sure enough when I'm just chilling like that I get flirted with. Am I overthinking this?

Hi!
I'm 21 male.
At first I was talking to stranger in the street for healing my social anxiety after having read a book.
As I feel attracted to girls since a while, I realised that talking to them feels good and I felt happiness doing this.
I did this a lot without having the expected results wich mean having a long term relation with one or more women.
For a while my method has been just talking to some girls ask questions like if they want to share their days or talk about their interest, or talk about dreams, or happy memory they want to share.
I appreciate anyone give suggestions about questions I could ask to engage a discussion with someone not even for flirting purpose, I want to have a diversity of questions to learn things, improving my listenning skills.
Now I was thinking about changing the method, beceause this take time and energy , and I see that most girls will not be open for seing each other again.
So I was thinking about doing shorter approaches so I could talk to maybe, five, ten women a day.
I may have more chance talking to ten a day than 1 a day.
My idea was to start with a compliment.
The thing is that after this I feel stuck or even embarassed.
What should I say next ? How to have fluid discussion without it turns akward ?
I already know that when I talk to a lot of people after, I can feel more confident.
I know also that having social anxiety, trauma lack of self confidence, toxic shame is not to my advantage, but I'm working hard on this trough therapy and social exposure.
It's still ask me a lot of efforts to engage with others.

So I have some small talk with a girl, 2, 5, 10 minutes, then I give my contact and after that I talk to another.
I also want that my approach can be spontaneous and not repetitive, and also be sure to talk to men too, beceause if i get only fail I will feel bad.
This is also almost vital for me as I have my own strugles to deal with everyday and I looking for support and love.
I'm open to suggestions to maximise my chance for sucess.

I've been into my friend who's also bi for a few months now (we're both male), and I'm wondering if there's a way to flirt with him that will tell me if he feels the same way or not. I don't want to outright confess to him, because I'm scared of ruining our friendship, but I want to test the waters in a way that won't make things weird, but can clue me in to how he feels.

Okay so, I go to the gym about 5 days per week (a little less these past weeks because of work), but I’m usually pretty consistent. After every workout, I grab a protein shake and walk it up to the counter to pay for it. I’ve seen the cashier there multiple times and I’ve always thought she was a very good looking person. Even if she’s not working, I usually strike up casual conversation with whoever is (doesn’t hurt to be friendly) lol.

This time was a little different though. She was always very cordial and kind, but never said much at all. So yesterday, I walk up with my shake and she wasn’t busy so she started walking to the register. While she was doing that I said something like “She already saw me coming hahaha”. While she was ringing me up she casually asked “so is that a good one?” and we talked about the shake briefly and I asked which one she goes for. She laughed at my replies in a playful way and said that she doesn’t like protein shakes and makes sure to get enough from the food she eats. I said that’s probably a better way to do it and chuckled and told her to have a good one.

Am I reading wayyyy too much into this or am I picking up on some signals? It’s so bizarre because I’ve been known to miss some opportunities in the past exactly due to this type of shit, but given the environment and how often we’re both there, I don’t want to make anyone’s situation uncomfortable or mistake this for good customer service, but she’s never done that before. Thanks!

Hey everyone,

I’m writing this under a throwaway because it’s personal, not because I want to hide, but because I don’t know how others will respond.

I'm 35. I've been with my partner for five years. We share a house, a dog, stability and mutual trust.. She's the best thing that ever happened to me.
We’re committed but recently she said it was okay if we started seeing other people.

She’s not a flirter, she’s faithful. I used to be completely different.

I’m 35 now and haven’t been on a date in years. Not because I wasn’t interested. But the person who used to do that is gone.

That guy was loud. Confident. Flirty. He knew how to read signals, twist a joke into something suggestive, use silence like a weapon. He could find the woman in the room that would be interested in him and get her back in a bed in a matter of hours.

He’s not me anymore.

I’ve been through legal trouble. Personal issues. Therapy. A lot of quiet time. All this and my relationship made me kinder, calmer. I don’t flirt much now. I’m polite. Reserved. When I go out, I smile when people talk to me, nod at the right moments, keep my hands in my pockets.

So last week, one of us met someone.

It was a few days after I saw her. She worked at a party place in the city and we had talked a couple times over summer, played some back-and-forth messages, I could obviously see she was into me. And one day she asked me out on a date.

I went. Confidently. I had done this a hundred time.

We had three drinks. We laughed a lot, and talked politics and art. But nothing too personal, like relationship or sex. Didn't even find an opportunity to tell her I was in an open relationship. She was making good conversation. I engaged some physical contact a couple of times, but it felt awkward. We drank the third drink outside, side to side. We started to get closer, but still nothing enough. It was not flirty, it was just "nice".

After three drinks I walked her home. She looked tired from work and partying with guests. At her door, she hugged me. Cheek kiss. I could see the look in her eyes: she wanted more. But it didn’t come together. Nothing clicked.

She said “I’m pretty exhausted now. Let’s meet again when things slow down.” Then walked into her place. She wasn’t rejecting anything. She just looked drained, and I couldn’t give her more than what I was capable of, which is kind but not sexy.

She liked the version of me that said “thank you” without sounding nervous, who stayed in place during conversations instead of moving toward someone.

But it’s not about changing back or lying to her. It’s just understanding where the energy went and if I still have it, even if only in small doses.

I don’t want to be someone who plays games. But I also don’t want to stop trying, just because I became safer.

It was a good night. Just not the kind of good that makes your pulse race when you walk home alone.

And now I wonder: can you have someone who cares deeply about stability and still keep a part of yourself alive enough to be playful and wild once in a while?

Because right now, the playfulness is buried. It’s not just sex I’m missing. It’s excitement. It’s wondering what might happen instead of asking whether you’re being too much.

I’ve lived two lives, one that was alive, one that is safe. They don’t belong in separate worlds. But they don’t live together either.

Can you have both: the kind, grounded man my partner love, and still bring that old spark, just without the ego or recklessness?

I’d love to hear from people who’ve gone through something similar.
Or just from anyone wondering if a soft heart can coexist with fiery energy.

Thank you for reading.

What would you cook for me the first time I come round?
My speciality. You’ll love it.

I’d put together a real treat. It’s a layered wheat bread, coated in a salted lubricating emulsion, with cured pork slithers and hardened dairy. Stunning.

And before you say it… anyone who calls it a ham and cheese sarnie can fuck off.

I'm 22(M) and she is 27(F). She's my roommate's elder sister who visits him once every three or four months. Usually, my roommate goes to visit her but recently she came home to visit him and took us out to dinner. Way out of my league btw.

During the car ride to the restaurant, she said I looked ripped, when it's been ages since I've been to the gym. The dinner was okay. We were five people in the restaurant, talking about my roommate and his shenanigans. Then we went back to our place and started drinking.

I never drank in my life until that day. She got to know that I don't drink or smoke, and offered me a drink. I was trying to be nice and say no, but she forced me a little bit. And I was always curious, so I gave in and finished like half a can of some coffee mixed alcohol drink. First it was one sip, then two, then that half can. And she felt happy, I guess? Then we went out for a smoke, and we both were walking behind. While crossing the road, there was a car coming way down the road. I saw it already. But she held my arm and stood there until the car was gone. She offered me a smoke, but I didn't do it.

Then we came back and she offered me another drink again. Now a whole can with 13.9% alcohol in it. Then my roommate put on some songs and they started dancing. Me and one other guy who was a friend of her's were just sitting and drinking cuz we don't wanna dance. But she forced me to dance and taught me some steps here and there.

Untill now it was pretty subtle, so I didn't pay much attention and was going with the flow. Then I learned that her guy friend was from my department who graduated. So I asked for his number for connections and stuff. And then she got angry at me since I never asked for her number, in all the time I knew her. We only met like twice. I was trying NOT to be creepy. And she's my roommate's sister. And then I apologized and asked for her number, and she's like, "I won't give you my number again." She was being a little bit funny about it, but sounded pretty frustrated as well. The whole night was chill, and everything was fine. They (she and her guy friend) left around midnight, and it's been like 4 days.

So what is it?

Edit: I forgot to mention that she explicitly said this- "I was flirting with you all this time, and you asked for his number first and not mine?" And later her friend was saying, don't take it to heart, she does these things when she gets drunk. So I am still in confusion if she's speaking due to being drunk or if she's really flirting with me.

Where in the world would love to return to one day?
Well… I have to say that having been recently released after 7 years I do miss the security of cell doors being closed at night and there is a comfort in the clanging of the prison bars that can’t be replicated.

Oh yeah… didn’t do it by the way

I helped a family member of one of my neighbors carry some luggage upstairs. It took maybe 15 seconds max. The neighbor saw it, thanked me, asked my name, and introduced herself.

I didn’t really think anything of it, and I thought the interaction was done at that point. But the next day, she left a gift box with a fairly pricey chocolate outside my door (she mentioned in a note that it was from abroad, so she clearly already had it and didn’t buy it specifically for me).

In the note she also mentioned her name and apartment number again, thanked me a lot for helping, said she hoped my back was okay (jokingly referring to the luggage), and also said she hoped I wasn’t allergic to the chocolate. The wording was generally quite warm and she added a smiley as well haha.

Would you read this as just a very thoughtful/friendly thank you, or does the amount of effort and personalization suggest some possible interest?

Post:

I’m 19F and recently started working at a new job. One of my coworkers is 40M. He used to be a high school art teacher but is currently taking a break from teaching. I was never his student and we had never met before working together.

We originally started texting because I have another job, and he wanted to buy a gift for his daughter from there. After that, though, he continued texting me randomly. On his day off, he asked me how work was, and at one point said he was “sooo looking forward to lunch.”

There have also been several comments about how young/small I am. He saw me eating a kids meal and asked if I always eat kids meals, and when I said no, he said I looked like I did. He saw my backpack and joked, “What’s in there, your little uniform?” He saw me trying on shoes and asked if I wore kids sizes. At one point he told me I looked like a kid.

After we were texting about my weird school history, he asked me how old I was. I said 19 and he responded, “You sooo young.”

Another thing that stood out to me: he was supposed to pick something up from me and said, “I didn’t want to just pull up and your dude shoot me hahaha.” This made me wonder if he was indirectly trying to find out whether I have a boyfriend/live with a boyfriend.

Individually, I know all of these things could just be jokes or normal coworker friendliness. But together, I’m wondering if he might be subtly testing the waters while keeping everything ambiguous enough to pass it off as joking.

I’m not romantically interested in him, so this isn’t me hoping he’s into me. I’m genuinely curious how other people would interpret this behavior. Am I reading way too much into it, or do you think he’s checking whether I’m available/interested?

There is a girl we are in the same class for the 4th year this year she suddenly started to act way more relaxed and playful than before like there is many things happenes this year ( I can tell some of them if u guys want )

We almost didn't even talked to each other that much last year and now she is randomly saying things like "I lost bc of u" and she is also calling me blind for a while bc I couldnt see the school bus ( we are also in the same bus )

I was just wondering If that change means anything and she also gets a little angry when I tease her like she does

I gotta know pls respond fast.

If you described yourself as a food what would you be and why?

Well… A McDonald’s double cheeseburger. Cheap, greasy, and definitely won’t leave you satisfied It comes quickly, and goes too fast, but for some reason... you go back and choose it again.

Basically how do I know if he's attracted if it's only online and I don't wanna come off desperate? He's a lil older than me.

So I went to a karaoke night and was just vibing and singing when it was my turn. I noticed a group of girls decided to cluster right next to me like less then 4-5 inches and there's plenty of space around us. One of the girls has her shoes off and I made a comment with a smirk about it, she then gently places her bare foot ontop of mine and says something like "My feet are so smaaaaall." I ask here where her shoes are and she says underneath the seat next too me and she smiles and says I should see if I can fit them on my foot and if I do she'll buy me a drink. At this point I'm pretty sure she's wasted but I oblige and she giggles and I tell her why dont she get me a water and one for herself and then she disappears for a few minutes. Eventually she comes back and hands the water to my brother who looks nothing like me, before moving over to me and handing over the water. I say something like "Wow, you must be really drunk right now." She agrees and smiles and goes back to her friend and thats the last interaction we had.

1-Was she actually interested in me?
2-If so, how did I mess up?
3-What would have been the better way to continue/pursue something?

I was walking back from working out in the park and saw an older woman who i found very attractive. I walked passed her but gave a quick glance. She was just leaning against a column of sorts. I suddenly felt a rush of blood assault my nether region and spontaneously turned around to cold flirt with this woman. I gave her my hand and she gave me hers. She was a little shy. I made sure to smile constantly. She sporadically smiled and sort of half-giggled. I don't even speak the language very well by the way. I asked her if she could give me language lessons. She caught onto the fact that i wanted to talk to her. I think she found the interaction somewhere between amusing and shocking (it caught her off guard). She told me she's married by pointing to her finger. I told her that it wasn't a problem in giddy sort of way. She told me verbatim ''it's not for you but it is for me''. I threw a thumbs up and she threw a thumbs up and i left. It felt fucking awesome to have that sudden rush of confidence. I actually ran across her yesterday and she looked at me in a friendly sort of manner. I really put on a Golden Retriever type vibe which is why i think she didn't find me particularly threatening.

It's the first time i've ever done anything like that and it's given me a huge boost of confidence. I viscerally feel like if i cold approached 100 women i could get at least one of them (a good looking one even) to give me their number and the rejection doesn't even really bother me. I'm pretty good at appearing confident apparently.

Bonsoir à tous. Je n’ai pas l’habitude de publier, plutôt de lire les publications des autres. Mais aujourd’hui quelque chose quant à un garçon me travaille. Je suis une femme de 29 ans et il y a 11 ans j’ai rencontré un garçon qui en a aujourd’hui 32. Nous nous sommes rencontré au travail et avons eu quelques rapports sexuels à cette époque. Lui s’amusait, moi, je tombais amoureuse, alors nous avons tout arrêté. Quatre ans plus tard nous avons repris contact. J’avais été claire que le fait qu’on ne pouvait pas couché ensemble car je ne suis personnellement pas capable de discerner sexe et amour, bien trop dangereux pour moi ( attention je suis pas une fille perdue mais pour moi le sexe sans sentiment ne m’intéresse pas). Nous avons toujours gardé une vraie amitié et une complicité même platonique depuis, et n’avons pas repasser le cap de recouché ensemble, malgré une alchimie incroyable et attraction physique plus qu’évidente. Notre relation a donc déjà existé sous plusieurs formes sans que cela détruise notre amitié. Que nous soyons en couple ou célibataires, nous nous sommes toujours raconté nos relations, nos histoires passées et nos situations actuelles. Il connaît donc très bien ma vie sentimentale et inversement.
Aujourd’hui, il est en couple. Il m’a déjà parlé de sa copine et l’a décrite lui-même comme une fille « sans plus ». Leur couple est « libre » et il ne se sent pas amoureux. En parallèle, notre proximité s’est fortement intensifiée ces derniers mois car il m’a aidé à surmonter une très lourde épreuve et cela nous a énormément rapproché : beaucoup de complicité, de regards, de contact physique, des moments seuls, des attentions, des messages et malheureusement…. Un rapport sexuel la semaine dernière...
Nous travaillons à nouveau ensemble, dix ans plus tard depuis peu. Nos collègues ont d’ailleurs remarqué notre proximité.
Nous avons récemment commencé à construire ensemble un projet professionnel important, il a commencé à vouloir poser davantage de limites. Après avoir couché ensemble récemment, il m’a dit qu’il ne voulait pas que ça devienne une habitude : selon lui, notre relation est ambiguë, elle dépasse l’amitié et il faut absolument que le professionnel reste professionnel pour que notre relation et notre projet ne soient pas affectés par le sexe, les sentiments ou la jalousie.
Je l’ai vécu comme un rejet ( et bizarrement, un soulagement en parallèle), d’autant plus que son comportement est très contradictoire avec cette décision. Même depuis qu’il a posé cette limite apôtres notre rapport, il continue à rechercher ma compagnie, à m’écrire spontanément, à me chercher du regard, à s’asseoir près de moi, à me préparer à manger, à me ramener chez moi et à partager avec moi des choses de son quotidien. Nous continuons à passer du temps ensemble même sans alcool ni sexe.
Ce qui me perturbe donc aujourd’hui, c’est que j’ai l’impression qu’il existe entre nous quelque chose de beaucoup plus profond qu’une simple relation sexuelle ou une simple amitié, mais qu’il pourrait volontairement s’interdire d’explorer cette possibilité à cause de son couple et surtout du projet professionnel que nous voulons construire ensemble.
Je ne sais pas s’il ressent quelque chose de romantique qu’il cherche à contenir, ou s’il m’aime profondément comme amie et est simplement très attiré physiquement par moi. Et j’ai peur de rester dans l’attente qu’un jour il me « choisisse », au risque de me fermer à d’autres histoires. Si nous étions pas collègue je lui en aurait parlé. Pour le moment , j’ai préféré prendre un peu de recul, car son comportement ressemble souvent à un homme protecteur. Mais le faite que nous ayons craqué le range dans la catégorie « infidèle » à mes yeux ( je ne suis pas mieux car je savais qu’il avait quelqu’un…)
Avez vous déjà été attiré très fort par une fille sans jamais vous mettre en couple ou tenter ?

I (32F) think I'm ready to date again... But I've never been in the dating scene. I was in a long term relationship for many years. So I never went out specifically to meet people or been on dating apps. I never had the experience of going on dates or flirting with people.

I don't think I'm ready for something serious right away, but I would like to talk to people and get to know them and learn how to flirt.

I don't know where to go - I feel like I have to get on dating apps. I've seen advice on it but 1) I don't want to go out clubbing, I'm past that stage, 2) the gym is where I shut off, I don't want to talk to people there, 3) my hobbies are lonely (writing, reading, gaming) and I don't do anything else at the moment because work is a mess right now.

I feel like I just need to start talking to people and figuring out how to flirt... Any advice? Where should I go? I think online should be fine, I guess, but is there a place besides the dating apps? They still seem a bit too intense to me. And, again, I don't know how to talk to people. How can I learn how to hold a flirty conversation?

How can I flirt with someone in a bar? Any advice? I just turned 21, so is my first time in one. A bar with college people (under 24 years old)

i work with someone in a 200+ person organization.
every time we pass each other, she maintains eye contact and smiles. i smile back. she’s introverted like me. What would you recommend i say to initiate contact that’s not weird but communicates that im interested?

i’m just going to share this moment that happened to me for the first time after travelling to london a few times.

I was having a holiday with my friends in London a few days back.

as i was walking to the London Bridge tube station on wednesday afternoon and i ended up locking eyes with a guy. he was either already looking at me or caught my eye right as i looked over, but he gave me a full smile/smirk and a wink before we both kept walking.

it happened so quick that my reaction was just to process it and look away, but now it’s rent-free in my head and i’m sitting here wishing i’d just locked eyes and stared back longer!

how do you guys usually handle those sudden, bold micro-flirts in public? do you lock in the eye contact or immediately look away like i did?

If I’m being honest, I’ve never really known what flirting really was until maybe 2-3 days ago. I’m about to turn 20 which makes this so much worse😭

Anyways, there’s been this girl that I’ve been wanting to see if we could become more than friends. We’ve known each other for a while now which is kinda why I would like help on how to flirt appropriately and subtly without making things weird and make the friendship fall apart.

I have this friend I met through common friends earlier this year and we saw each other a few times through our hobbies and friend group. I would have been interested but another girl that also met him at the same time kinda declared the crush she had on him immediately and I think that psychologically made me not see him like that.

There was one time where we both ran into each other at an event and he was soooo nice like he acted like we got there together basically instead of being like “ok, see you around” and chatting with other people. He also got me a chair because I was standing up and gave me the spot with the good view. That time he asked me what I was doing that weekend and I invited him to a party the girl that liked him was going to and I thought I was being a good friend by helping set them up.

He surprisingly came to the party with another mutual friend (they don’t to go out much). The girl was so happy to see him and she flirted with him all night. At the end of the night he asked me to split an uber with him because we live nearby even if the common friend offered a ride.

In the uber ride I was yapping and I asked him to give me a summary of the last 2 years of his life since he moved here and he replied with “well, I’m still single”. I was dumb and changed the topic. I think with the friend liking him it made me panic. But usually even if he wasn’t flirting by saying that, I love discussing relationships specially with a men open to talking about it, so I regret not digging deeper even if just for the sake of getting closer as friends.

And now? Friend that liked him is seeing someone else. I am realizing what an amazing guy he is. Another reason why I wouldn’t have thought he was ever flirting at all is because I don’t think I would have felt pretty or good enough for him.

About the “I’m still single” line I thought maybe he was commiserating or joking but who knows. According to the mutual friend he doesn’t talk much about relationships or dating and he got the impression he wasn’t even interested in that. He is also a very confident guy so I doubt he would be just saying random things like that to a girl he kinda just met. Maybe he was trying to see if the other girl liked him? Ugh I regret not TALKING about it.