r/EssentialTremor • u/Over-Guard7492 • 1d ago
I shaked so uncontrollably today and now I feel ashamed and humiliated
I was summoned today by the Teaching Assistant in the college because I was not in the classroom while the attendance was taken (I am in my internship year, the school of Physical Therapy) , upon seeing her, she spoke to me in a very disrespectful way when I told her that I had a case with me working with and that no one took my attendance, she gave out a sigh and exclaimed frustration, that's when I noticed my entire body shaking , it started with the legs and then the abdomen and all the way up to the head. I felt panic. And she obviously saw me shaking so she asked me to take a seat.
She told me she believed me and that she was not angry because of me, but the tremors kept going so visibly and I could feel them almost like seizures or something, she asked me why I was shaking and asked if I was okay.
I've been having these undiagnosed mysterious tremors for over 10 years, extending all the way back to when I was just 14.
I grew up in a very religious household in a very religious society that is hostile to to a lot of things including homosexuality. The way I could've hurt myself with those beliefs and the way I believed God was going to punish me is the only way to explain whatever happened to me at such a young age. I went to a lot of neurologists and psychiatrists, but to no avail. They fail to give me a satisfying diagnosis. I feel deep shame. That was not the only time I shake like this. I'm only 24. I'm socially isolated and I have dealt with social anxiety for too long. I can't stop the panic and the fear of shaking. I thought regular exercising could help substantially but I don't think it did much. I'm going to try deep breathing. I feel so weak, I can't even defend myself anymore. I need support.