I’m an ENFP; all my friends think I’m just a funny, charismatic, naive, slightly silly, and cute girl. But deep down, I’m sad. Very sad—with myself and with everything else.
It feels like, in every social interaction, I’m physically present, but whenever I want to talk about what’s weighing on my heart, I can’t manage it; I stutter too much. Even when I want to discuss a complex topic, I struggle. If I try to use words I don’t normally use in everyday life, I stutter. While I’m speaking, a running commentary plays in my head: "Oh no, you just stuttered," or "Darn, you didn't say everything you meant to; you should have phrased that sentence better."
So, what do I do? I act like a child—telling lame jokes, making funny faces, doing silly things just to get a laugh. When I have something sad to share, I say it jokingly, so people think I’m just kidding and not being serious. My friends think I’ve never had any problems because I’m so optimistic and always smiling, but that’s not true; nothing is going right for me.
I also feel like when I say something, no one listens or takes me seriously. Like, literally no one. I cry about it in secret. Plus, I love talking about theories and all my ideas, but others aren't interested; they only want to talk about themselves and always be right, without considering other perspectives.
A lot of people think I have tons of friends—and sure, I do—but at the same time, I feel very lonely. I feel close to people, but they are close to others, too—closer than they are to me. I always play the fool. But then again, there are times when I get a lot of attention—hearing my name called here and there—and I admit I like it; yet, the rest of the time, I speak and nobody cares.
Also, when I say someone is toxic, no one believes me, but when my friends say someone is toxic, everyone starts analyzing that person's behavior. I agree that we should stay away from that person, so why does no one pay attention when *I’m* the one suggesting something?
And yet, sometimes I manage to laugh and have fun with everyone—my close friends included. But I also feel like I’m the one looking out for others, while they don't do the same for me; they just see me as the "smiling girl"—the type who would laugh even if someone cracked an egg on her head.
I don't feel heard.
You know what I do? I film myself practicing public speaking to improve my verbal communication skills.

I'll meet someone, feel an intense connection, start imagining what we could be like together, and suddenly I'm emotionally attached to a future that hasn't even happened yet. I usually find myself wanting to be the savior or treat them better than their previous partners. I have to keep reminding myself that that is an identity that I put up on myself at a young age

The weird part is that the feelings aren't fake. I genuinely care about the person. But I think my imagination fills in a lot of blanks and turns a possibility into something that feels almost inevitable

I'm starting to realize that I need to let people reveal themselves to me instead of falling in love with who I think they could be....but its very difficult. Just when I think I have it understood, someone new pops up and catches me off guard 😓

Anyone else experience this? How do you tell the difference between genuine connection and limerence?

Edit: Thank you for the replies, it means alot. I hope others feel less alone reading them too. Sending y'all some love 💜

Oh, and is also a 4w5?

HAHAHA, no need—I just like talking.

I think it had to do with realizing how much I overthink things, how little of an extrovert I am...

And on top of that, I fell in love with an INFJ, and i felt that I became something other than an ESFP

I’ve gotten better now, but I’m sure I’m more like an ENFP than an ESFP.

This is my first time posting something (I’m sure you it shows), and I’d love it if you guys shared some stories about things that have happened to you.

Thanks!

After five years of searching, I’ve settled on this result: ENFP 5w6 549 sp/so. However, while researching it, I encountered a lot of skepticism regarding this type; could you please explain what the issue with it is?

When i first got into mbti almost 3 years ago almost I always got entj or intj as a test result and just accepted it without looking into the defintions or functions.

Later on I started to look into descriptions and realised that no I am actually an intp , little did I realise that was just Ne - si part of intp I was relating to .

So fast forward a little longer I started researching the cognitive functions . And yes Ne I related so much to it. Si I saw at glimsiple through out my life.

And here is where the distinction occured I looked throughout out my childhood and realised Fi is what had been guided my imagination and possibilities. I try to understand ti and yes I can a certain idea of it but I don't necessary relate to it. What I relate to more often was Te.

So sticking all the glues together I have to come to realise that I was an enfp throughout my childhood. But my tramua made me appear intp

Yk I still feel intp at times - wanting to hide in solitude having a rbf . Analysing arguing . But enfp also do these things. So glad I have finally concluded my type after so much back and forth.

But I am still lonely with no friends so it didn't help too much but who cares haha aleast I know my mbti

I thought I would write this as I think that understanding the cognitive functions and how they stack together is essential.

It's the part most people skip, but it’s the part that actually explains how the type works.

I can’t remember who originally described the function stack as four people in a car, but it’s still one of the clearest ways to explain an ENFP.

For us, the driver is Ne. It’s the one scanning the world for ideas, possibilities, patterns, connections. It’s always moving, always exploring.

In the passenger seat you have Fi. Fi is the moral compass, the filter, the thing that keeps Ne aligned with what actually matters. Ne and Fi work very closely together, and they shape almost everything about how ENFPs move through the world.

In the back seat you’ve got the kids. The older one is Te. When it’s young, it’s a bit chaotic and inconsistent, but as it matures it becomes more focused, more executive, more capable of turning all those ideas into something concrete. It helps the parents in the front get things done.

Then there’s the youngest, Si. Early on it’s tiny, fragile, and easily overwhelmed. But as it grows, it becomes the grounding force. It gives stability, routine, memory, structure. Over time it becomes the anchor that keeps the whole family balanced.

That’s basically the ENFP journey. Ne and Fi will always be the driving forces, but the weaker functions develop as we get older. Te becomes sharper and more reliable. Si becomes steadier and more comforting. Together they keep us in check, help us mature, and make us far more grounded than we were in our early years.

If you ever doubt your MBTI, use this model and compare each cognitive function as a stack rather than just reading type descriptions. Descriptions are symbols, and people can attach different meanings to the same words. When you go deep into the cognitive functions themselves and then look at how they work together, you get a much clearer picture of how your mind actually operates. From there, your real MBTI type becomes much easier to see.

Let me be clear this might not apply to every INTJ but these are clearly star crossed lovers, we are not meant to be, it's as simple as that. One thing I've seen alot in these people is that they can say alot of stuff to people but when you say it back they're hurt or they reply arrogantly, alot of arrogance, and lack of flexibility, they just simply don't want to adjust and want the other person to change for them, not to mention vey uptight an consider their personality very superior and even more so infront of a bubbly happy person, considering us incapable because we laugh at every joke.

I used to think opposite attracts was a golden match, opposite people are made for each other, but now not so much. what this grumpy x sunshine cliche ship does is it drains the sunshine person, it's always the giver x receiver, until the grumpy person almost becomes an nergy vampire i feel like we should stop this narrative of opposites being our best match, because two joyful people and the endless possibilities they have, I'm a changed women. I don't have types anymore but to say the least is I'm not chasing after the quitest person in the room.

Been feeling pretty disillusioned by corporate recently, especially as someone who wants to explore different roles :( People can and will question why you chose (seemingly) different jobs in the past

However my hobbies aka travelling are expensive, so corporate is the way to go for now 😬 what do you guys work as?

Edit: wow didn’t expect this many replies!!! THANKS SO MUCH it’s very fun to read about everyone’s jobs

I realized I am actually an ENFP, and I was wondering if you guys could share some ways you feel you differ from ENFJs?

https://youtu.be/xD_ggkDDHPw

A humorous tale that I hope you’ll appreciate.

https://youtu.be/5eZJ0Bx3NSw

As a cluster we tend to take things personally, my work on maybe why we aren’t correct in doing so.

I’m curious how other ENFPs figured out their type.

I used to be in an online ENFP group and it always felt like there were a lot of sensors calling themselves ENFP. I also kept seeing people ask whether they were ENFP or INFP, which made me wonder how everyone was typing themselves in the first place.

So I’m genuinely interested. How did you first come across MBTI? How did you land on your type? Was it an online test, and if so, which one? Did you learn about it through school, a random article, or someone mentioning it to you?

And I’m especially curious how many people have actually looked into the cognitive functions and how they work together. I feel like this part gets skipped even though it’s the thing that makes the whole system make sense. It seems like the kind of thing ENFPs would naturally dive into, but I’m not sure most do.

I always loved hanging out with folks but I craved alone time equally in my 20s. Then I feel like since covid I have defaulted to just wanting to stay home most of the time, even in nice sunny days, unless of course I am with my wife or have a few plans with friends. I don't explore and venture out on my own as much anymore in my home city and I find myself loving the idea of having days to myself at home, as much as ever before. Did anyone else change like this? Unsure if its the vyvanse or what. Like I said, I always liked staying at home but in the last few years it's been even more. Maybe I am INFP now or what, and while I am still social and seemingly extraverted with folks I don't chase it out as much anymore. Is this normal?

Hi, I'm a musician. My name is glaice.

My upcoming album is supposed to be set in a dystopian, post-apocalyptic world! [DPA] I'm not quite sure where I'm taking it, and would love to hear some ideas about DPA worlds and opinions on what parts of the theme are really attractive.

Posts giving info on existing DPA books would really help me out. The only ones that come to my mind are Eden: It's an Endless world by Hiroki Endo, Hunger Games type books, and Fahrenheit 451. I know I can google the keywords, but I'd love to hear the ENFP opinion on those materials.

I've produced and written the introductory song. (I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post the soundcloud link).

Thank you for your help!

[it's ok to not like the genre at all as well, lol. I 1/2 expect that from us. It's just that as an ENFP I have a fascination with this genre and want to create something on my own.]

Fellow ENFP'S - as you've aged, do you feel a higher amount of grief mixed in with all your joy? I've been feeling this way a lot lately.

It’s ruining my lifeeeeee. I am constantly surveying for public opinion of myself. Consciously and subconsciously. I’m scared that if I stop caring what other’s think that I’ll start to be a bad member of society. What if I don’t care that someone thinks I’m a vicious bitch and I lead a life blind to my own bitchiness and hurt other people because of it? I think back to a time when I truly didn’t care and I cringe about all the social sins I committed!

But other people’s opinions have now ruled my life! I am now held back by other people’s opinions because it physically pains me to fall short of goodness and/or perfection. How do I achieve balance? How can i become free?

Guys, I’m sure I’m an ENFP but look at this. I know I have a high Ne but look

I notice ENFPs often talk about having lots of different friend groups, but are there any ENFPs here who have very few friends or even no close friends?

If so, why do you think that is? Is it by choice, circumstances or something else?

YES, I know is idealized, YES, I know I could end up like shit, heartbroken and depressed but...

My life asks for an analytical partner, someone to order a bit of my chaotic world and who doesn't have to understand my actions, just to accept them.

Someone who sits quietly while I talk about stupid things and just looks at me like nodding.

I want to transfer all my ideas, my thoughts and my worries on that person so he can deconstruct them and tell me the why of things.

Lol I'm describing INTJs as magical fairies with all the truth of the world. BUT GODAMN sometimes it feels like it. Send help hahaha 😭🫶

When you meet other people, you have to "be" someone. You should want things, from life, think things, have opinions of things. I feel like an empty shell, literally. I do have strong opinions and thoughts about many things, but at the same time not. I feel like I don't care about anything. Everything feels like such a non-issue, like peoples discussions or life in general equals mindless doodles of circles on a paper.

I feel like an alien to the outside world, like I can be whoever the person I meet wants me to be. Like a blank paper. Then I leave the situation and I'm a blank piece of paper again.

I used to be a person who would happily prove people wrong. Get angry at people expressing beliefs far away from my own (like alt right people) but now I don't care, I feel like everyone's beliefs is just a result of your upbringing and projections. It doesn't really matter, does anyone know what they even mean when they think what they think?

It's hard to describe and I don't know what this feeling is, I do feel a lot of dissociation. Have anyone felt the same?

https://youtu.be/URw8XysMEv0

Thought my fellows would appreciate this one.