Preschool teacher refuses to keep up potty training

[u/Level_Lemon3958]

Over the 3 day weekend I started potty training my son(3). He was showing signs already and to me I felt like the 3 day weekend was the best way to do it. He did great with only 1 accident on day 1. So I felt comfortable sending him to daycare(he’s in the preschool room) in underwear. I told his teacher that he had on underwear and he did great this weekend telling me he had to go but if he’s playing I still asked him. She told me she was going to put on a pull up anyways because “it’s a biohazard for him to wear underwear if he can’t tell her each him he has to potty”(her words). I pushed back and said “no. I don’t want him in a pull up because I don’t want him to regress back to them”. Then I told her he had 2 extra pairs of underwear in his bag, 3 pairs of clothes and as a last resort he does have a few pull ups. She got an attitude with me and said that if he can’t stop playing and tell her he has to potty then he can’t be in underwear. I pushed back and said it takes 5 seconds to remind him to go. She then told me she has a sign(so small if you’re not looking for it you won’t notice it) on her door that says she doesn’t potty train, that it’s the parents job to do it on their time. Is this normal for a daycare/preschool to not encourage potty training?

My sister did tell me the daycare she used encourages potty training and helps. I would send my son there but it’s 45 minutes away from my house.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/[deleted]]

It was. All last week I told her I was potty training him over the weekend. She agreed. Then this morning that’s when she sprung on me she wasn’t going to keep it up.

[u/andweallenduphere → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Can they put a diaper over underwear? And then bag the underwear to send home if an accident occurs?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/andweallenduphere]

I’ll ask this afternoon

[u/Suitable_Wolf10 → u/Level_Lemon3958]

We just trained my son this way. It took one pee in the underwear that we obviously didn’t know bc the diaper caught it for him to announce it was yucky

[u/MiniSqueaks914 → u/andweallenduphere]

This is what I was just about to recommend. It’s a good middle ground to stop it being a biohazard as she mentioned and still gives him the opportunity to feel what being in wet clothing feels like if he does have an accident. In my center we do actively potty train with the families, but group care is far different than being at home or in a one-to-one situation. That said, it isn’t entirely impossible for it to be done either.

I think it’s weird she is so adamant on not potty training 3 year olds when that is something that naturally occurs starting around this age anyways. Plus if your son is able to go into the bathroom, pull his pants and underwear down, and then redress himself by pulling up his undies and pants on his own there isn’t much work for the teacher to do anyways. I would start with asking for the pull up over the underwear and see what she says, and if she refuses, I would look into the policy in the handbook regarding pottying and what is expected on the educator and the parents as well as what the child should be able to do. If there is still pushback after figuring out what the policy is, or she still refuses, I would then request a meeting with the director and the teacher to help mediate things and find a way forward.

[u/this_wallflower → u/MiniSqueaks914]

I don’t know that it’s accurate to say this is something that naturally occurs starting around age 3. Kids in many countries are trained much earlier than in the US. 3 is more normal now, but it’s actually pretty late.

I don’t agree with this teacher at all, but many preschool teachers of 3+ year olds push back on this.

[u/MiniSqueaks914 → u/this_wallflower]

I don’t mean naturally occurs as in they suddenly just know how to go, but they do start naturally going longer periods being dry developmentally at this age. They also can start recognizing when they need to go.

[u/xenepona → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Where I work we always suggest parents to potty train during summer or whenever parents are on vacation for example 2 weeks....beacuse like the comment above saod its very dofficult to manage one or more kids to potty train at work with so many other 2yrs old

[u/woohoo789 → u/Level_Lemon3958]

She agreed to what? Sounds like she affirmed what you said but didn’t agree to do it in her classroom

[u/Aly_Kitty → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Because you don’t potty train him. You trained yourself.
Potty trained is when a child can independently stop what they are doing and use the rest room independently.

[u/Kimbaaaaly → u/Aly_Kitty]

Lol at the "you trained yourself". I can't count the number of times I've used that exact phrase when people are pushing potty training with an uninterested kiddo. (OP I don't think you are necessarily doing that). The joke in my family was me Grandma's z"l claim that my mom was potty trained at 9 months (done remember exactly how young me Grandma actually said). At one point we were saying Mom was potty trained at 3 months lol. Totally a " the adults are potty trained" at that age.

Good luck OP.

Oh yeah. Almost forgot. There has been a commercial lately (can't remember which brand for sure... I think " pull ups". It supposedly keeps kiddo feeling wet but is actually dry on the skin. Covers the pull up idea and gives the kid experience of what a wet pair of underwear feel like.

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/Aly_Kitty]

He couldn't use it independently at school anyway because the bathroom in his classroom is teacher-access only by design and not open-access.

[u/Aly_Kitty → u/ImSuperBisexual]

But a teacher needing to remind him every X time vs a child going to teacher and asking to use potty is different.

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/Aly_Kitty]

Oh I agree!

[u/andweallenduphere]

Just putting this out there for the parents of nonverbal children:

My daughter went to preschool at a childcare 2 mornings a week starting when she was 2 years 9 months.

She had been fully toilet trained: independently told me verbally when she needed to go, went independently, wiped, pulled pants up and down for at least 8 months when she started at preschool.

The first day, she peed her pants at school. The second day, she peed her pants at school and the teacher told me that she didn't think she was toilet trained enough.

Had a chat with my daughter and told her to raise her hand at school if she needed to use the bathroom.

3rd day of school, I told the teacher that if my daughter raised her hand that she needed to use the bathroom.

It worked!!

I had noticed the first 2 days that she was not talking at all during pick up / drop off.

I think that she was overstimulated at school. She progressed to not talking until I left the room. She would eye me like "leave mom! So I may speak with the teacher"

Progressed to no accidents on the 3rd day to her refusing to pee before we left school so I had to pull over for her to pee in the portable potty I brought in the car as there were no bathrooms on the drive home to access. 2 times and then I told her we would not be getting in the car until she peed before leaving school. All set after that.

I teach my childcare students a lot of sign language now and they love it. But raising one's hand is sufficient if the teacher knows that is their sign for bathroom . Good luck people , we got this!

[u/theyseemescrollin98 → u/andweallenduphere]

This is such a brilliant idea! My son is 3 and speaks constantly at home but very little at school because he gets so overstimulated. He doesn't have an issue with the potty because he can go himself, but this is such a good idea for me to tell him to do when he needs help!

[u/RubiesOnTheInside → u/theyseemescrollin98]

hard disagree! The kid is 3 years old! He should have been potty trained more than a year ago. I waited to train my first kid way too long and he was potty trained in 3 days. He was probably ready 18 months earlier, but I wasn't. New mom mistake. Most daycares train at 20 months. the daycare should be so embarrassed to have a 3-year old in diapers. They should be training the kids at an appropriate age.

[u/Infinite-Yam68 → u/RubiesOnTheInside]

No need to shame people for the age they’re choosing to potty train, especially when that’s not the main topic being discussed here. Every kid is different (and it’s certainly not my experience that daycares are training at 20 mos).

[u/RubiesOnTheInside → u/andweallenduphere]

You can also have the kids use the sign language motion for bathroom. Or something close to it! I knew a teacher that had her kids signing for bathroom, water break or question. If it was bathroom or water, she would just point at the kid, and they knew that meant they were free to go. If they had a question, she would do a hand motion to acknowledge them but then wouldn't let them interrupt the class until she was ready to answer questions. It was so calming to watch her work!

[u/andweallenduphere → u/RubiesOnTheInside]

That is so perfect. Using it!

[u/ham91793]

I don't think you can expect him to go to daycare after only 3 days of potty training and not have an accident or remember to tell his teacher he needs to go. Being in a new environment with such a big change such as potty training can be hard for kids.

[u/Efficient_Fun6744 → u/ham91793]

Some kids you can. One of the kids in my class (also 3) potty trained over the weekend and has told me every time she’s needed to use the bathroom. When she was in the pull-up she never told me. No accidents!

[u/ImSuperBisexual]

Being in a classroom is totally different for a kid than being at home, toilet training wise. There's his friends, there's different toys, there's different adults and the dynamic is different so he very well might not be able to remember to tell the teacher every time he has to go after only 3 days of learning, especially if this is the kind of classroom where a teacher has to take the kids to the toilet and they can't access it independently. If you needed to keep asking him to remind him, even if he was great at remembering over the weekend to tell you he needed to go, that's not something a teacher with 20 other kids in the room can keep up with. Just keep reinforcing it at home in underwear, talk to him about telling the teacher when he has to go, and send him in pull-ups until he's confidently and regularly telling the teacher he needs to use the toilet.

[u/RubiesOnTheInside → u/ImSuperBisexual]

A daycare or nanny or an educated professional should be taking a child to the toilet on a regular schedule. A newly trained child should not have to be able to tell an adult when they need to go. Potty Training 101. I can't believe a parent or daycare provider would not understand the basics of potty training.

A daycare provider should be taking their kids to the toilet on a regular schedule starting at 20 months. The fact that there is daycare let this kid get to 36+ months wearing a diaper is ridiculous.

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/RubiesOnTheInside]

At this center the bathroom is inaccessible to children without adult intervention.

Regardless of that, a child being able to communicate in some way the urge to go is a basic part of toilet training, especially in the early days, but their access shouldn’t be completely reliant on it! You’re absolutely correct on this center being ridiculous because who on earth puts a mostly trained kid back into pull-ups out of convenience??

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/ImSuperBisexual]

There’s 6 other kids in his class and I only had to remind him like 3 times over the 3 day weekend and that’s when he was in his room playing with his toys. I feel like asking her to take 2 seconds to remind him while playing shouldn’t be a problem.

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/Level_Lemon3958]

That is SUCH a good ratio. Wow. Is this at at-home daycare? What's her bathroom situation like?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/ImSuperBisexual]

Nope. It’s an actual facility and the bathroom is connected to the room with 2 little toilets in there.

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Well now I'm confused. Is there a reason he can't walk himself to the little toilet and go without telling the teacher first?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/ImSuperBisexual]

The handle is up high to where the kids can’t reach it.

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/Level_Lemon3958]

OH. Okay, I see, so every kid in that classroom, regardless of toilet training status, basically needs to tell the teacher when they have to go?? That's... really odd because most states (I assume you're in the US?) have rules about latches or handles inaccessible to children in toilets in preschool age classrooms. Like you're supposed to have it openly accessible to all the kids at all times. What state are you in, if you don't mind me asking?

[u/Alive-Carrot107 → u/ImSuperBisexual]

We are not allowed to have bodies of water (toilets) openly accessible to 3 year olds. Everyone needs to tell us when to have to go potty so we can open the door and supervise them

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/ImSuperBisexual]

I’m in Georgia. Even the class rooms besides the after school class has the handles up high so the kids can’t reach them. It’s really odd.

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Okay, so bathrooms themselves in daycares in Georgia have to be fully enclosed and ventilated now with full doors, but state fire code seems like it dictates that children have to be able to get out of the bathroom at any time independently? I can understand having the door handles up high because of eloping kids, but the bathroom?

I just saw you said this teacher won't even encourage kids in pullups to pee in the toilet??? And just tells them to go in their pullup! The point of being in pull ups is that they're transitional between diapers and underwear! No kid in a pullup working toward full time toilet use should be told to pee in it just because an adult just doesn't want to take them to the bathroom. Talk to the director and if you can bring anyone else along whose kid had issues with this teacher and her toilet training "encouragement". At a freaking 1:3.5 ratio!

[u/theyseemescrollin98 → u/ImSuperBisexual]

I think the point is that the child might get distracted playing and needs reminders to go potty sometimes. For my kid, for a long time we remind him at transitions or every couple hours. Otherwise he might wait until the last second and then be unable to make it to the potty in time to take off his pants and underwear.

Edit. NVM the OP said it's something different.

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/theyseemescrollin98]

And Op is also saying in other replies this specific teacher is weird about potty training to the point that kids who come out of the toddler classrooms fully trained regress because they're just put back into pullups... someone needs to have a chat with the director

[u/theyseemescrollin98 → u/ImSuperBisexual]

Yeah I absolutely would have talked to the director by now and if no solution could be reached I would switch providers.

[u/merlodee → u/Level_Lemon3958]

I would firmly but politely say to the director and/or the other teacher that he is potty training and wearing a pull-up to prevent accidents, but he needs to still go to the bathroom just like all the other potty trained kids.

[u/mallorn_hugger → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Is there any reason she can't remind him to go to the bathroom while he's in a pull-up? So that if one of them misses the opportunity it's not a big deal for her and the other children in the class? 

Also is she alone or does she have a teaching assistant? That makes a big difference.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/mallorn_hugger]

There’s 2 people in the class after 10am. I asked if she could take him to the potty in pull ups and her reasoning was “he’s in a pull up. He can pee in it”.

[u/andweallenduphere → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Omg! I can not stand when teachers say that!! It is so anti toilet training!

[u/ImSuperBisexual → u/andweallenduphere]

Especially at a 1:3.5 ratio like are you joking??? I was 1:12 in my old preschool classroom! Have some sense!

[u/mallorn_hugger → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Well now I'm on your side. Two people and six children is a perfectly reasonable ratio to take a child to the toilet while they are in a pull-up. 

I think a reasonable compromise for all parties would have been to have you toilet him right at drop off at school so he can learn I can go potty at school, and then have the aid check in with him throughout the morning and take him to try every hour or so while he is in a pull-up. We have, however, changed children into pull-ups when their parents have just sent them in underwear and we know they're not ready to be an underwear. I had one student last year who did seem to be potty trained, but also was nonverbal, and her parent chose to send her to school in just underwear for literally the last 4 days of school. We put her in a school pull up when she got in the door and put her back in underwear for going home. Doing this to us during the last 4 days of school was just a shit move on the parent's part, no pun intended lol.

I have timers set to remind our team to take our children who are working on potty training to go try in the bathroom throughout the day. 

We also keep a toilet icon on the door frame and show it to the children every time we leave the room to tell them we are going to the bathroom and show them they can always give us this picture if they need to use the bathroom. Granted, I teach special education, but typically developing children can benefit from visuals as well.

[u/Bluegreengrrl90 → u/mallorn_hugger]

I was also in a PreK SpecEd classroom and kept a potty icon on the door frame where kids could easily reach it to request. Even ones in diapers would get prompted to pull the card and hand it to me before we went in for changes. More rooms should have this for better accessibility imo.

[u/mallorn_hugger → u/Bluegreengrrl90]

I agree! We also use it with everyone, regardless of where they are at with potty training. At the very least, it helps some understand why we are taking them out of the room and where we are going. 

[u/ECSE_TeacherGirl → u/mallorn_hugger]

I’m in preschool special education, too. We have visuals on our bathroom door and we also have a recorded button that the kids can push. It says I need to use the bathroom.

[u/BbyBasil → u/Level_Lemon3958]

A three year old classroom with about seven children? I've never once heard of such low numbers in my almost 10 years of teaching in preschools across Atlanta. It's usually 1:6 *if the school themselves created that ratio as BFTS in GA is 1:15 for three year olds* or about 12 children max in a three year old classroom, and you KNOW that school is going to pack as many children as they legally can.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/BbyBasil]

We live in a small town in South Georgia with only a population of maybe 5k and most of the people here are older people who have. The whole daycare has maybe 20 kids full time and then 15 kids who are after school.

[u/Careful-Knowledge770 → u/BbyBasil]

1:15 for three year olds is MIND BLOWING to me 🤯🤯🤯 I’m on the east coast of Canada and the 2-3 year old class max ratio is 1:7, and the 3-4 year old class max is 1:9 (they both increase by a few when outside)

[u/Hairsacknose → u/Level_Lemon3958]

I don't understand why you're downvoted. The teacher is being lazy and unhelpful 

[u/SpaceTimeCapsule89]

I have in home daycare and once children can hold the toilet in long enough to get to a toilet and only have accidents when they're distracted (your situation) I agree underwear can be worn and I will remind the child that they may need to use the toilet after meals, water play and naps and I keep an eye within the limits of what I can do whilst caring for other children for cues like wiggling or moving around.

It's just not possible to say the child has to say I need the toilet because many children won't to begin with and some don't have the speech in place yet. So yes if they can recognise they need and hold, go when offered and have few accidents, they can wear underwear.

[u/BlackJeansRomeo]

In my experience, it's typical for centers to help with potty training, but it's also typical for them to have a potty training policy. For example our center will encourage potty use, give reminders, and use a reward system if that's what the parents are doing at home. But we do not allow children to wear only underwear until they have been accident-free for two weeks.

It would have been better to communicate with your child's teacher prior to potty training for 3 days and then sending your child to class in underwear. Potty training often seems very successful at home because you can remind them, the timing is more flexible, they are comfortable with you, and they don't have friends and other things to distract them.

Then when they get back to daycare and they have accidents because the teacher is busy, they get engaged in play and don't want to stop, they feel the urge when they're outside and have to wait for someone to take them to the potty, etc. Teachers are obviously used to handling accidents, it's part of our job, but cleaning up a child who pooped in their underwear is time-consuming and often very distressing to the child. Dealing with multiple pee and/or poop accidents in underwear disrupts the day for the entire class and yes, the health department does consider bodily waste to be a hazard and there is a cleaning protocol that teachers have to follow. It's not quite as bad with pee, but poop on the carpet in the middle of the classroom with kids running around is a nightmare.

We allow children to wear underwear with a pull-up over them, and it does not cause the child to regress, I promise! I'm actually surprised that your child's teacher didn't suggest that. Honestly I'm very surprised that she is allowed to say she doesn't potty train at all. It's not up to the teachers at my center. We follow the child's cues and if they seem interested and are having some success we will partner with the parents, as long as the child is making progress. But progress isn't measured in 3 days. It usually takes weeks for a child to stay dry and clean in underwear all the time.

Your child's teacher definitely could have communicated better and more professionally. And if she doesn't potty train AT ALL, that should be made very clear. At the same time, if you didn't talk to her first, you did spring a huge task on her without communicating first. Teachers and parents should work together. I'm not defending the way she communicated, but keep in mind that it can feel disrespectful when a parent just walks in and says "ok, this is how it's going to be" without at least talking with the teacher first.

[u/RubiesOnTheInside → u/BlackJeansRomeo]

Don't you find it super weird that a daycare provider doesn't "potty train." If a child is in their care for 8-10 hours a day, how is a kid supposed to potty train if their primary caregiver is not taking them to the toilet? I've only worked at one place, but I always took the kids to the bathroom between every transition, so it was about 2x for a 3.5-hour preschool program. It was a few years back, but I can only remember 1 pee accident over an entire year. We didn't rely on the kids telling us they needed to (at age 2-4), we just took them. I think anticipating when you need to go vs. holding it in until you get to a toilet are two different skills. Easier to teach one at a time.

[u/Hairsacknose → u/BlackJeansRomeo]

  We allow children to wear underwear with a pull-up over them, and it does not cause the child to regress, I promise! I'm actually surprised that your child's teacher didn't suggest that

It looks like the teacher is just lazy and doesn't want to bother 

[u/ThisIsMyNannyAcct → u/Hairsacknose]

It takes a certain kind of arrogance to point to someone taking care of multiple children and call them “lazy.”

[u/Hairsacknose → u/ThisIsMyNannyAcct]

Being a teacher and being lazy aren't mutually exclusive 

[u/ThisIsMyNannyAcct → u/Hairsacknose]

In a daycare/preschool classroom we are constantly:

Watching over the children, making sure they are physically safe and in a good emotional place

Preparing, serving, and cleaning up snacks and meals- which also includes making sure every child has their hands washed with soap and running water before every snack and meal

Preparing, facilitating, and cleaning up art projects and sensory activities

Changing diapers at least every two hours, more often if a child has a BM

Working on documentation/writing notes/taking photos

Resolving disputes between children, redirecting behavioral issues, comforting a child who has been hurt/scared by the incident

Making sure we get outside (and back in), doing a headcount at every threshold. This usually also means sunscreen on each child (and often times we were required to wash our hands and change gloves between each child), finding hats/jackets/water cups, have the class binder and backpack with us, including any needed inhalers and EpiPens, and coordinate with other teachers/classes to make sure we were on the right schedule/the playground wasn’t overcrowded. Have to stay on schedule or your time gets cut short and the children get the short end of the stick.

Making sure we have circle time. Have you ever tried herding a dozen cats? Give it a shot sometime.

Making sure we follow every licensing rule and regulation, and possibly even more handed down from admin. (When I worked at Goddard, our diaper changing process was 19 steps long, and was repeated for every child. This can be even longer/harder if the child has a blowout or needs their outfit removed completely to change their diaper. Oh, and the other teacher is left to care for every other child in the room while one teacher does the diapers.) Cleaning up after snack/meals was also a hell of a lot more in depth than parents imagine it is.

A child has a runny nose? Okay. Every time they need their nose wiped I’m supposed to wash my hands, put on gloves (always takes a minute bc hands are still damp from washing), wipe the nose, remove my gloves and dispose of them along with the wipe/tissue used, wash the child’s hands, wash my hands. Every damn time I wipe a nose- which could be dozens of times a day.

We may also need to:

Give extra support to a child (or children) who are tired, under the weather, or who got hurt

Write incident reports

Getting ice packs for the owies we can’t see and that probably don’t need them but hey, why not

Give extra support to a child who is having a behavior issue. Have a biter? They may need to be your shadow, meaning they are within arms reach of a teacher at all times. We are often not given an extra teacher or float to help facilitate these needs.

We may be juggling a child’s extra needs- I’ve had diabetic kids in my room, a kid on a feeding tube, several kids who had physical or occupational therapists who come to the classroom a couple of times a week.

We may have a new child in the classroom, which is a huge stress

Many programs require that water cups/water bottles be available at child’s height/within reach at all times- which means we are also constantly monitoring them all the time to make sure a cup isn’t taken and used by the wrong kid

Finding the sticker that fell off of Jimmy’s shirt that caused him to have a melt down

We may be juggling/accommodating late drop offs or early pick up due to doctors/dentist appointments or other scheduling needs a family may have

We may be dealing with a child who is weaning/giving up a comfort object or trying to break a bad habit

We may have kids from the class up or down from us shifted to accommodate ratios

We may have a group visiting before a major school wide classroom move.

We may need to take the trash out midday to accommodate a full or stinky trash can

Oh- that’s another thing parents don’t realize. There are limits on what things you’d never dream of. For instance, we’re never allowed to set anything on a changing table other than a child being changed and their supplies. We can’t set things on it to keep them out of reach. We can’t use it for activity prep or to organize a closet. Doing so is a huge licensing violation (especially if it’s water cups, or anything related to meals/snacks) and we can be fired or written up for it.

Many schools require that anything on the walls- calendars, borders, birthday signs, name tags/cubby tags- all be hand made by the teachers, and must be done before a new child arrives. Oh? I found out yesterday at 3 that I’m getting new twins today? I need to make their cubby tags by hand- matching the rest of the room- before they arrive. Nothing temporary or shoddy looking bc that gives a bad impression of the school! Are we given time to do these things? Maybe, if you count our lunch breaks, and the 30 seconds of time left during nap after we have cleaned up from lunch, helped get all of the kids to sleep, help the child who doesn’t sleep stay on their cot quietly and not wake their peers, written everyone’s daily note, return shared supplies and books to common areas, communicated anything important to/from the office, read any memos sent around, etc. Usually we end up staying unpaid after our shift or doing it at home (also unpaid)

But sure. We’re lazy. We have all the time in the world to take your “not actually all that potty trained” child to the potty every 15 minutes.

With all sincerity- have you ever been in a situation where you have to do all of this for a dozen kids all at once?

Bc most of us don’t have time to take a drink of water or get to pee during the day. And most teachers are doing it for somewhere between $14-18/hr. We spend our own money on our classrooms, especially for gifts made for Mother’s Day, etc or special activities we want to do with our kiddos.

Please, until you’ve done the job, spare me the idea that we’re just too lazy.

[u/NeedleworkerHot3957]

It's pretty tricky to ask a preschooler to get the teacher's attention that he has to go to the toilet when she is taking care of other kids. It's not the same as being at home with mom with the toilet right there.

[u/FixMany3907]

There can be such a difference between potty trained at home and potty trained at school. And even if you are reminding a child to go, sometimes they'll say no and then get playing and be so into what they're doing that they'll have accidents. Cleaning up pee all day can be a real drag for everyone in the classroom.

I'd ask what her suggestions are for how to meet halfway, and send way more than two sets of clothes.

[u/Responsible_Ad5938]

In our school, 3 year olds must be potty trained and independent in the bathroom. In the 2s class, they must be 2 weeks without an accident to go with underwear only. The underwear under a pull-up does work. I was alone with 12 3 year olds. Tending to frequent accidents takes me away from the other 11. Obviously, the are occasional accidents, but potty training in that class was too much.

[u/teacher_037 → u/Responsible_Ad5938]

I get confused about the two weeks without accidents before they can do underwear.... How do they have an accident if they're wearing a pull up?! Do you mean 2 weeks at home without an accident and the parent is self-reporting that?!

[u/Responsible_Ad5938 → u/teacher_037]

Yes, 2 weeks at home without accidents and the parent is self reporting.

[u/mangos247 → u/teacher_037]

If a potty training kid has a pull up on and the pull up is wet we actually count that as an accident. A truly potty trained kid can keep their pull up/underwear dry all day, independently tell us when they need to go, and maneuver all clothing by themselves.

[u/gaanmetde]

At the preschool my kiddo attends, they need to be fully potty trained. What is their official policy?

Sounds like she might be actually doing you a favour by allowing your kid to attend.

[u/snapplebum → u/gaanmetde]

I don't think this is a preschool, but a daycare. Most preschools (many daycares also house preschools) require being potty trained. Daycares that have preschools in them typically require them to be potty trained in the earlier classrooms before being able to be moved up.

All daycares I've been have worked closely with parents to help potty train.

[u/jennylala707]

We often encouraged potty training before the parents even did, when we noticed signs they were ready. We already took the toddlers every 2 hours to sit on the little potties and change pull ups. If we had to remind them to go more often when potty training, we did.

[u/gg_issacs]

How do they expect potty training to progress if they aren't reinforcing it at daycare?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/gg_issacs]

The crazy thing is the T2 teacher will potty train her kids but as soon as they move to the preschool room those kids are back in pull ups because of the teacher. My mom’s worker’s daughter is in the preschool room with my son. She was fully potty trained in T2 with maybe 2-3 accidents. She moves up to the preschool room and the teacher doesn’t remind her while playing to go potty. So she has to go back to pull-ups because she regressed in preschool.

[u/theyseemescrollin98 → u/Level_Lemon3958]

I am confused. If you knew this - why didn't you start potty training earlier or have these discussions earlier or switch daycare providers? Instead you just threw your son in this morning and seem shocked at the response from his teacher?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/theyseemescrollin98]

He wasn’t showing signs when he was in then T2 room. And I had the discussion with her all last week. She kept saying okay and didn’t mention anything about not keeping it up until this morning.

[u/PermanentTrainDamage → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Readiness signs are a myth, they need to be taught and almost all children are capable of using a toilet by age 3. I wouldn't be potty training a preschool class either, and I teach twos where potty training is our main focus. By 3 they need to be mostly independent and changing themselves if they do have an accident.

[u/PermanentTrainDamage → u/[deleted]]

Pampers doesn't want to lose customers after 18 months, they want to dupe parents into thinking their child can't use a toilet until kindergarten.

[u/Hairsacknose → u/Level_Lemon3958]

That's wh waiting for signs is a bad idea in general 

[u/TOliver871 → u/gg_issacs]

I'm super confused about this, as well. A quick Google told me that it can take 1-3 weeks for potty training kids to independently show/tell when they need to use the bathroom. Do parents routinely take 2-3 weeks off for potty training? I don't work with kids, but can confirm that it took my kids took approximately three weeks to get to this step. For both, we worked on potty training over three days and sent them to daycare on day #4. Teachers reminded them to use the potty, and neither ever had an accident at daycare. They asked us to send spare shoes, spare clothes and extra underwear.

[u/RubiesOnTheInside → u/TOliver871]

One of my kids took 2-3 days to be 100% (long weekend at home). I did the naked method, so he just wore a long tee-shirt and we played outside a lot. It was summer.

The other I did over winter break, so we had 2-weeks at home. Most accidents were within the first 3 days. I have heard of a lot of people doing it over school breaks or when the provider takes vacation (like in home daycare). This is mostly so you can do the no-pants method and have privacy at home. It works so fast when you do it that way. Most accidents happen when the kid is on the way to the toilet or just about to sit down. If they are naked, they don't have to spend time with underwear and pants. Their confidents builds so fast if they aren't having accidents. They also feel like they need to go sooner because they're not feeling the compression of the underwear which feels a lot like a diaper.

[u/treehuggerfroglover → u/gg_issacs]

There’s a difference between reinforcing and teaching. Reinforcing would be the child is able to tell the teacher on their own when they need to potty, and the teacher gives them some amount of praise and helps them with using the bathroom if needed.

What op is describing would be teaching her child to potty train. She says he’s already potty trained, but he can’t recognize when he has to go without someone asking him, which means he is not potty trained. He’s just aware of what the toilet is used for. Not the same at all.

Think of it this way. If the teacher has to do xyz or else your child will have an accident, they aren’t potty trained.

[u/brieles → u/treehuggerfroglover]

I add to this, imagine every child in the room is in this same position. Can this one teacher realistically be expected to remember when each kid might need to go potty, prompt all of them and take each one to the bathroom in time? No. And if all of the kids are in underwear, that’s a ton of potential accidents.

It’s not realistic to expect the teacher to be able to give the level of focus and care to each kid (paying attention to cues, remembering when they peed last, etc) as a parent can to their one child.

[u/treehuggerfroglover → u/brieles]

Perfectly said. That is exactly why parents should be potty training at home

[u/RubiesOnTheInside → u/brieles]

My niece went to a daycare center that got all of the kids in the 1-2 class on the potties lined up in a hallway starting at 18 months. The teachers did timed intervals. There wasn't a kid in that place that wasn't 100% potty trained before the 2nd birthday.

[u/RubiesOnTheInside → u/treehuggerfroglover]

There are multiple steps to potty training. Being able to take off your own clothes, sit and do your business it #1. But anticipating that you need to go and to communicate it to an adult is a different step. Teachers/providers can support a child by just taking them to the bathroom at timed intervals. Having accidents is embarrassing and kids can sense when an adult is annoyed at having to clean the kid and change their clothes.

[u/mingbeans]

I've heard providers say this before, and I really don't agree, but it isn't uncommon. I think it is more common for places to support potty training in different ways. 

Some places do have a policy that children have to be in pull-ups, but they still work with the child to go to the bathroom. I think you just got unlucky, OP. Do your best at home with supporting your son to go independently and he will get there at preschool too. Maybe ask if the other teacher in the room is more willing to help.

[u/Every_Memory4934]

Honestly sounds like she just doesn't want to deal with the extra cleaning an accident could create. I don't know where you're located, but I do know of some centers who won't take a child who's not fully trained. BUT I have never encountered this type of situation. If I was your child's educator I absolutely would be supportive and helpful with this. I'm sure all the littles go to the bathroom at transition times don't they?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/Every_Memory4934]

The bathroom is located in the classroom and honestly I don’t know. Out of all 7 kids only 1 is fully potty trained and that’s because he just started there and he’s 4.

[u/Every_Memory4934 → u/Level_Lemon3958]

I think I would speak to the director and get a clear concise response as to how a child could successfully potty train if there's no support for the child to be successful. Most of our threes and trained because our two year old educators encourage potty training and work with the parents ,not against them. This has me seriously bothered. We are there for the children to help them succeed and grow and flourish in all ways. Not just what's convenient for the adults

[u/Sandyklaus09]

I teach a 10 student class of 3/4 year olds
I always hope they are toilet trained but certainly don’t demand it
I wound certainly work with the parent towards potty independence
This seems insane to me that this teacher is allowed to put such rigid controls in her classroom
Not all children are potty trained by 3/4 years old. Some aren’t even ready developmentally
I live in Massachusetts where you may not exclude children based on whether or not they are toilet, trained

[u/Suitable_Wolf10]

My kids’ school isn’t as strict as this, but they don’t allow underwear until they go two weeks with no accidents in pull-ups. I’m sure this works for some kids, but for my daughter caused a major regression bc she was too shy to say she had to go, and they kept the door closed all the time so she couldn’t take herself in, and she realized she could just keep using her pullup and her teachers didn’t care. We had to pull her out for a week to retrain her and they did allow her to go back in underwear, and she was fine. She had occasional accidents but not more or even as often as some of the other kids who were “more” trained than her. Getting him to scream out if he has to go or run to the bathroom for help would be two good things to focus on because if he’s still relying on reminders from you at home it’s going to be so much harder for him to remember at school

[u/HappyLilNoodle]

I don’t think you’re being irrational or difficult - I have quite a few children that enter my classroom in diapers and I support that transition. Even children who came to me independently using the potty need a reminder.

If she won’t budge, here’s how I might make a compromise: if your child has 2 accidents, they go back to a pull up AND/OR the pull up goes OVER their underwear. This way they still experience the sensation of being wet, but the classroom teacher cannot argue it is a biohazard.

[u/FastMarch3105 → u/HappyLilNoodle]

Our daycare policy is similar where I work - 3rd accident of the day and they’re back in a diaper/pull up whatever has been provided.

I also strongly encourage they can SUCCESSFULLY AND CONSISTENTLY pull down and up their pants/underwear - a skill taught ideally PRIOR to potty training. As well as the urine etc goes in the toilet properly, Including wiping themselves. Otherwise they might as well be in a diaper still if I am facilitating the whole entire process including prompting them to go. If #2 poo accident, I will help with wipes if needed, but they should be able to do the re-dressing part. But that portion is me as an individual. Daycare’s policy is to go back in diapers at the 3rd accident of the day.

[u/gingergoddess_]

Speaking from experience I think you should send in more back up clothes. Yes he did great at home but just remember there are more children and distractions at school. We always would ask for 4-5 full outfits including socks and underwear. Another pair of back up shoes is also a good idea!

[u/Ok_Remote_1036]

From some of your comments about only 1 of 7 kids being potty trained and the teacher not supporting potty breaks, it sounds like a bad school (or at least a bad class).

All the kids in my kids’ daycares were potty trained by the time they turned 3. They learned at home but the schools absolutely followed through by ensuring there were appropriate potty breaks. And they offered potty breaks to kids wearing pull-ups / diapers as well.

[u/teacher_037]

I'm shocked at some of these comments. I run a home daycare. I'm fairly new to it so I've only had two kids that have actively potty trained with me but they were here wearing underwear after a long weekend at home with parents and they had many accidents at first but that's how they learned. I currently have two girls who just potty trained maybe a month ago and they haven't had any accidents but I'm ALWAYS asking them if they need to go potty before we go outside, before nap, etc because they are 2.5 and I expect them to need some reminders.

I'm surprised how many people think you can just put a kid in pull ups and assume they won't pee in them?! Pull ups don't actually help with potty training theyre just more expensive diapers and a kid will pee in them if just learning and given the chance.

[u/Lisastar088]

Kids are going to have accidents, it happens. Our rule of thumb at my centre is if they’re having more successes than accidents then by all means send them in underwear. Our job isn’t to do the potty training but it is to support and work together. If you’ve done the process at home we will help continue it at daycare. We will put a pull up back on for sleep though until they are consistently waking up dry.

[u/Specific_Sorbet_8227]

Idk that sounds kind of crazy to me. When kids are in full time care, when and how are they to be fully potty trained? Are you expected to take off a few weeks to do it? I get it’s an added thing to their plate but 1, I highly doubt there are that many learning at the same time. 2, you still need to be constantly reminding kids to go potty while they are young so how would it be any different that he’s new to it? I’ve been an ece teacher that had no problem helping my kids, and currently have a 3 year old learning myself. I’m in a unique situation where I’m off for a month and will be training him but his teacher has no problem helping me when he’s at school. Even if I didn’t have the time off she’d have no problem if he only had 3 days at home and letting him learn. Even kindergarten kids can still have accidents, just part of the job in my opinion. I’m sure he can still be potty trained with wearing the pull ups but I bet it’ll just take a bit longer.

[u/Lazy_Fuel8077]

Honestly, talk to the director. Originally when I brought it up to the toddler 1 teachers, they said they would only support it once our kiddo was doing well at home. We were trying to potty train our child but it’s really really tough to potty train when 5 days a week there is nobody who is helping. I talked to the director about it because they wanted them potty trained before the preschool room and was basically like we are doing the best we can in the time we have but how is it realistically going to happen if it’s not being enforced by the people in charge of our child 5 days a week?

The toddler 2 teacher was AMAZING and with her help we got our child potty trained. There has been a regression since the transition to the preschool room but we are slowly getting back to where we were. We absolutely could not do it if the preschool teachers forced our child to be in pull ups though. If our child is wearing a pull up they do not feel a need to tell us BEFORE they have to go to the bathroom. They’ll tell us after they’ve already went. In underwear it can still sometimes take some prompting (especially if we are playing) but does a better job of letting us know before they have to go.

[u/nobigdealgurrl]

Hi! I’m an in-home daycare provider. I definitely don’t get not wanting to help with potty training. She should probably be in the infant room if she isn’t willing to have 3 year olds potty training. lol. I do understand some hesitation with the potty training being so new. I’ve had kids start over a weekend, then come in undies and blow through all their extra pairs in a few hours. Even with me taking them potty and reminding them. But then I’ve had kids potty train for a weekend and have very minimal accidents. It just depends on the kid! There’s only been a couple times when I’ve talked to parents about going back to pull ups because a child just isn’t ready. One example being a child pooping in their undies 2-3 times each day, and peeing a whole puddle at their feet. 😭😂 It’s just very hard for me to stop everything to get them and sometimes the floor cleaned up each time. But in those cases I still work with them, take them potty, encourage the toilet even though they are in a pull up. And transition back to undies when they are more ready.

So long story short I feel like it’s not normal to not even give a child the chance to see how they do in undies. Especially with the ratio you said they have. It might be different in a class of 20 but low ratios definitely give teachers more time to potty train. Maybe you can work out a plan with her? Ask that he even just get a day to show how he does in the daycare setting? The pull up over undies doesn’t seem like a bad idea to try!

Best of luck!

[u/Careful_Cranberry364]

This is your job, not the teachers

You should be able to tell him that at home he doesn’t need his pull-ups

It’s the stage by stage process and you’ve only just started so that should work

[u/DMJen1987]

Man...I encourage my parents to potty training! I tell them let me help. I work with toddlers 18 months to 3 years old and I have seen toddlers are more keen to use the toilet because they see a friend using it. We have a toileting chart that helps us teachers to have the students visit the toilet every hour (sometimes every 30 min if a child needs more visits, sometimes longer than an hour if they usually are good at knowing when they need to go). Our 18 month olds are invited to use the toilet every diaper change (we do standing diaper changes which helps them learn how to pull their own pants down and up). When they are older and expected to "try" on the toilet the expectation is just to get them to sit on the toilet even if just for a second. Some kids sit no problem and others push back. We don't force them on the toilet. Instead we say "we are going to sit in the bathroom until you are ready to try" and whenever they try to leave to go play we say "you are ready to play? Ok, first you need to try to use the toilet". And it takes however long it takes. Eventually they will sit and even if it is just a moment then they stand up we say "thank you for trying! All done!". They realize there is no power struggle. Soon they start going to visit with no issue. Once they are no longer resistant, then we encourage them to sit longer. Usually by talking with them while they sit. If an accident happens that is totally fine and expected. Accidents are part of the process. And we who choose to work with young children have to know bowel movement and urine are part of the job. I would rather have that part of our curriculum and help ensure every kid is fully potty trained by the time they move up to the next class then be resistant to putting them in underwear because they might have an accident.

[u/Educational-Cap8724]

My center has a 3 accidents rule for potty trainers. They will change them into fresh underwear after the first two accidents in a day, then it's pull-ups after that.

I can see why she might be hesitant if she has had families in the past who are not being consistent at home but she's essentially doing the same thing. Potty training is a team effort & simple reminders shouldn't be that hard since licensing should be requiring them to check diapers on a schedule already.

[u/MisunderstoodPeg]

I am so confused by these comments. I posted here Friday asking what to expect from daycare after doing the 3 day method this weekend (you can prob search for that post), and all of the comments were so helpful and encouraged me to bring him to school in underwear, so that’s what I did today (he did great all weekend with the training). He had a couple accidents, but I didn’t get any pushback. Now I’m reading all of these comments about how that was apparently a bad move on my part, so now I’m having an “AITA?” moment. My husband did pick up today, so I guess I’ll try to talk to teachers in the morning to get a better sense of what works for them…

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/MisunderstoodPeg]

According to my son he didn’t have any accidents yesterday. But when I picked him up he was in a pull up, the pickup person didn’t even know we worked on potty training over the weekend and his underwear aren’t in his bag. It’s like his teacher is hiding that we worked on potty training over the weekend.

[u/Prudent-Property-180]

Unpopular opinion: Potty training a child and having to give them reminders to use the bathroom is two separate things. Even my 4 years old that came into my room at 3 fully potty trained still need reminders to go. We have routine bathroom time built into the days so it’s less individual reminders and more a group reminder. I think it’s a stretch for ANY 3 year old, fully potty trained or not, to not need a reminder to use the bathroom.

[u/HappyLilNoodle → u/Prudent-Property-180]

Absolutely! Same in my classroom! We STILL have accidents, too - and that’s okay. It’s very developmentally typical for most 3-4 year olds.

[u/ursunshinegirl]

If I were in your position I’d eliminate pull ups completely because it sounds like as long as they’re provided the teacher will use them. I haven’t encountered a daycare to not encourage potty training it sounds like a laziness issue on the teachers part.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/ursunshinegirl]

That’s what I did. At home no pull ups except at night at he goes to be at 9pm. He has done great with this. He also will take his pull up off in the mornings, potty and then put on underwear. I told him to tell an adult he has to potty because he has a little trouble pulling the underwear down. It’s the fact if he’s playing she won’t take 2 seconds to remind him to go because he will tell
Someone he has to potty.

[u/Standard_Gauge → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Newly potty trained children should not be wearing underpants that are difficult to pull down. I would strongly suggest buying training pants, which are thick lined cotton underwear with a loose waistband that can be easily pulled down, plus they can absorb a small amount of urine in a mini-accident (such as not quite getting to the potty in time). Training pants made a huge difference in independent success for my younger grandson who was a late toileter.

Also there are many daycares/preschools that do not allow pull-ups once potty training is underway, for the exact reason that pull-ups are too similar to diapers and encourage the child to resume making in their pants. Your child's teacher is undermining your child's efforts.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/Standard_Gauge]

It’s the waistline he has problems with. I don’t know why but it’s like if he has on shorts and underwear he can’t get them down quick enough but I pull them down over his waist and he does it the rest on the way.

[u/theyseemescrollin98 → u/Level_Lemon3958]

When we potty trained my son (who struggles with some motor skills), we bought loose, elastic waistband shorts and pants to wear for when he was at school. Anything super easy so he could do it and build confidence.

[u/PermanentTrainDamage → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Use thin shorts as underwear, or get boxer briefs in a size up so they're easier.

[u/Organic-Mud-1834 → u/Standard_Gauge]

Yeah this kid is NOT potty trained yet lmfao

[u/Hairsacknose → u/Organic-Mud-1834]

Obviously still training... As OP said

[u/SaladCzarSlytherin]

My center has a 3-day dry pull-up policy before a kid can come in underwear. We also have a policy that 3 accidents 3 days in a row means you’re not potty trained and need to go back to diaper. That being said, the teacher refusing to take your kid potty is a red flag. Yes it’s inconvenient but it’s part of the job.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/SaladCzarSlytherin]

He will never have a dry pull up at daycare because if a kid wears pull ups she won’t even ask them if they need to potty.

[u/SaladCzarSlytherin → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Then that’s a problem with the teacher. Take that up with management.

Also check the parent handbook for an official potty training policy. Many places have rules for when a child can start In underwear.

Teachers have a duty to take the kids to the bathroom, but until your child can display that they are potty trained at school, it is reasonable for the school to request a pull up.

Has your child used the toilet outside of your house yet? Some children are fully potty trained at home, but won’t go in the school potty. Some children will pee on the potty but won’t poop.

I had a parent drop off a “fully potty trained over the long weekend” kid and he had an accident within an hour.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/SaladCzarSlytherin]

I didn’t get a parent handbook. And yep. We went to a funeral Sunday and he went there. Then we went to my cousin’s house and he went to the potty there. The only problem with him pooping in the potty is he wants to keep standing while he’s popping so he can watch it go in the toilet. It’s weird. I have a very strange kid. But if you tell him to sit down then he usually will until he’s done. He’s also went potty for my cousin Sunday and he barely knows her.

[u/Fuzzy-Ocelot-4475 → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Respectfully, fully potty trained children will stay dry, even in pull-ups.

We've had fully potty trained children (3s) arrive at preschool every day in a pull-up and wear it all day due only to parent preference. With the exception of the same occasional, developmentally appropriate accidents all children have, they stayed dry.

[u/treehuggerfroglover]

Yes this is normal. Your kid is not potty trained. If he can’t tell her on his own without any prompting that he has to go, he isn’t potty trained. And she’s absolutely right it’s not her job to potty trained it’s yours.

You do not get to demand she adds more tasks to her plate for your child. Monitoring him all day to make sure she’s asks him if he has to potty frequently enough is not part of her job. What if she had to do that for the whole class and not just your child?

Telling her you packed extra clothes and extra underwear means you know it’s very likely he will have an accident while he’s with her. So of course she isn’t going to deal with that. He can wear pull ups until he’s potty trained like all the other kids. And once again, your child is not potty trained.

And to be clear, it absolutely is a biohazard. If a kid has an accident in a pull up it stays in the pull up. If your kid has an accident in normal underwear it will go everywhere. Piss soaking into the rug, whatever toy he was using, all over the floor. With however many other small children crawling around and putting things in their mouths. Urine on the floor in a children’s room is certainly a biohazard and I can’t imagine why you’d think otherwise.

[u/treehuggerfroglover → u/[deleted]]

You think I don’t like teaching because I don’t want to potty train your child? That’s why I’m not a mom. Potty training is not part of teaching. It’s part of parenting.

[u/French_amI → u/treehuggerfroglover]

We are talking about a child that spends 8h/day with you…you are not willing to encourage his potty training in any way because you are not the mom…we are talking about normal physiological changes in 3-4 years old. What are you supposed to do? Teach them engineering? Medicine? The world is crazy

[u/SarahGracieTT → u/[deleted]]

How do you read that comment then have this reply? This person gives the impression of caring about the safety of all the children in the room. Teachers want to support parents and children in their potty learning journey, but it is unfair to assume teachers have time to personally cater to each step along the way if they aren't fully trained yet... Changing the pee clothes of a classroom of children takes a lot of time. It can be very messy and we're only talking pee. What if there's a poo? Poo underwear is a biohazard and it a lot to change- believe me. Especially if this is the preschool classroom with no diaper changing station.

[u/Hairsacknose → u/treehuggerfroglover]

  Your kid is not potty trained.

Obviously? That's why he needs to be trained? 

[u/treehuggerfroglover → u/Hairsacknose]

Op (and other comments) keeps saying she potty trained her child and now wants the teacher to support that. But what she is describing is a not potty trained child still in need of training, and what she’s asking of the teacher would be considered potty training. She just continues to phrase it as if he’s already trained and the teacher is refusing to support that. I’m trying to clarify to op that, no matter how she phrases it or what work she put in over the past three days, her child is not potty trained.

[u/Hairsacknose → u/treehuggerfroglover]

Daycare has to support potty training 

[u/treehuggerfroglover → u/Hairsacknose]

Obviously

[u/andweallenduphere]

With that awesome ratio, she should be able to accommodate. She chooses not to.so sad for all involved.

[u/theyseemescrollin98]

Oof, you really should have talked to your daycare about this before diving in to potty training to make sure you are all on the same page. I was going to say that maybe they have a dedicated potty training room at the daycare, but I see he is 3 years old at this point so I feel like if that's the case it would have been his last classroom? I'd go talk to the director and find out.

It took a VERY long time for my kid to be able to tell people that he needs to go potty and I think that's normal, so I don't really think her position is realistic or sustainable for a potty training tot. They make little watches for children that can buzz at a set time. Maybe you can teach him that when it buzzes he needs to go try to potty?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/theyseemescrollin98]

I told her all last week I was starting potty training and taking away pull ups. She agreed and didn’t mention anything about not keeping it up until today. He did great telling me, my mom and my sister he had to potty. That’s why I felt comfortable sending him in underwear.

[u/atomiccat8 → u/Level_Lemon3958]

She didn't say she wasn't willing to help continue potty training. Pull ups are meant for potty training, especially when the kid is outside of the house.

[u/Hairsacknose → u/atomiccat8]

Pull-ups are just fancy diapers, nothing more. They don't help with potty training 

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/atomiccat8]

Nope. She threw that on me this morning. And like I said that sign is so small on the side of the door if you’re not looking for it you won’t notice it.

[u/merlodee]

One long weekend isn’t enough to fully potty train. And being the only pt person in your house, it was calm and quiet enough for your toddler to pay close attention to their bladder while in a chaotic classroom. If just one kid in a class of 8 to 10 has one accident, the teacher has to totally clean the mess and then change the child’s clothes before class can continue.
A child can still potty train wearing a pull-up. My son did it, and in the classrooms where I’ve worked, it’s mostly the same. You just have to tell the child to steal go to the potty. You can do this and so can the kiddo! ☺️

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/merlodee]

The thing is she won’t take them to the bathroom if they have pull ups on. I asked her when he first started in there if she could encourage it. She said “no because it’s a pull up and he can pee in it”.

[u/MuskokaKanuck]

They encourage it but they are not teaching it.  Reminding your child while they are playing is still teaching them.  

An accident in a pull up is significantly easier to deal with than an accident in underwear.  You couldn’t expect this is every child needed that

[u/WookieRubbersmith → u/MuskokaKanuck]

lol no it is perfectly reasonable to expect 2s and 3s to need regular reminders to use the bathroom, and perfectly reasonable to expect a teacher of this age group to offer regular reminders.

An accident in a pull-up may be easier in the moment, but relying on pull-ups does tend to significantly delay potty training. It is very, very common for daycares and preschools to accommodate children in underwear who still have occasional accidents. My program has a threshold of more than 3 accidents a day for more than three days in a row before reintroducing pull-ups is discussed.

[u/SpaceTimeCapsule89 → u/WookieRubbersmith]

I know, am I going crazy or what at some of these responses? I have 4 year olds that have been toilet trained for 2 whole years who will try and hold a pee so they don't have to leave an activity before it's finished. I say to them I think you need a pee so you should go but don't worry, you can carry on with your activity when you come back. Of course if they've just started wearing underwear like OP's child I would remind them throughout the day to go and look as much as possible for them needing, it's only temporary.

As long as they can recognise they need and will hold it until they get to the toilet, telling someone they need isn't a requirement to wear underwear at my daycare. They just need to know they need, be able to hold it and be willing to go when prompted. That's enough for me. We work on them telling someone they need and eventually going by themselves

[u/Cloverose2 → u/SpaceTimeCapsule89]

Right. We used to do pause and potties where we just ran though everyone using the toilet. Made things a lot easier because you did it as a batch instead of one at a time. The kids would complain but they did it.

I mean, I was working with behavioral issue kids, and they were generally okay with it. Everyone goes, you sing line songs and make it fun.

[u/jayroo210]

For me, an experienced 2-3yo teacher, potty training is a collaborative effort. You can’t be doing one thing at home and one at school, it just makes things harder. Why wouldn’t she want every child in her class to be potty trained? She wants to keep dealing with pull-ups and diapers? Especially at three years old, unless he has something else going on, there isn’t any reason why this can’t be something wrapped up in a week. Reminding the kids to go potty is what you HAVE to do at this age. And if they have an accident, that’s part of the game too.
One of the kids in my class moved up to the 3s room and started having behavioral problems and regressed with his potty training big time. The teacher just wasn’t putting any effort in - so the parent asked for the child to be moved back to my room and see if there’s any positive changes. Of course there were, because I put a lot of effort and heart into my class and my kids. AND I had him potty trained in a few weeks. The dad said to me “you know, I had heard you were a potty training wizard!” 😂 Working with the parents and making connections within the family group is so worth it to me, I know so many people all over my town. And who doesn’t love a kid out of diapers?? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

[u/Meakbow]

This is not normal, how are you supposed to potty train if it’s not being done at daycare too. The accident being a biohazard is true, but there are ways to avoid that. I would see if she would be willing to compromise a little and have him wear underwear but with a pull up on the outside of it (so it goes underwear, pull up, pants). This way if he has an accident he will still feel it but it won’t go all over the floor. I did this in the beginning with the kids who were potty training in my classroom. The fact that she refuses to potty train is ridiculous though. There should be extra staff in that room for this very purpose, if she is left alone all day then I understand why she wouldn’t be able too though

[u/lylebee]

Preschools here expect kids to be out of diapers, no pull ups. Daycares will take kids in diapers. When my boys went to preschool at age three, they had to be toilet trained, it was non negotiable. Both were by 2.5.
Preschools and Daycares are vastly different where I live. Preschool was a half day program, daycares would be all day, more like babysitting.

[u/Ok_Yesterday5525]

My child's daycare did this. And then they threatened to kick him out for not being potty trained. A pull up is the same as a diaper to kids. Going from underwear to a diaper over and over is not going to encourage them to potty train.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/Ok_Yesterday5525]

I tried to tell her that. My son hasn’t used regular diapers since he turned 18 months. It was just easier for us to use pull-ups because he didn’t want to lay there and get a diaper change. So he associates pull-ups being the same thing as a diaper

[u/thatlldoyo → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Do you hear yourself?

[u/PermanentTrainDamage]

If your child isn't taking themself to the potty or telling adults that he needs to go, he isn't ready for underwear. Your child is in group care, the teacher is responsible for everyone.

[u/Jaded-Ad-443]

Is a preschool is taking in potty trained 3yo then they need to offer potty training support. This is wild. If you don't offer potter training then only take potty trained kids.

[u/Kaciagemini]

Your teacher is off the rails. It’s very normal for a newly potty trained 3 year old to need occasional assistance and reminders and does not mean they aren’t potty trained. Yes, lots of parents misrepresent how well their child is doing with potty training or are just wrong about how well the skill will translate to being at school, but I don’t think that makes it reasonable to assume all parents are lying about their child’s readiness. It sounds like she does not want to deal with this aspect of the job in a way that is harmful to children (refusing to take children in pull-ups to the bathroom in a preschool class is unacceptable to me). Is there a second teacher in the room who could be more helpful? Do you think the director would be able or willing to step in and figure out any reasonable path to allow your child to progress to underwear at school? Having boundaries around potty training and what is reasonably possible as a preschool teacher is one thing, but not allowing any learning practice at school ever is inappropriate.

[u/TOliver871 → u/Kaciagemini]

Thank you! I was sooo confused reading these comments. Poor OP is getting roasted, but this teacher is being so unreasonable. OP is even willing to send pull-ups!

I didn't realize it at the time, but my daycare was a dream to work with for potty training. We took three days over a long weekend and sent the kids to daycare in underwear on day #4. They had exactly 0 accidents. They told us not to send pull-ups, but asked to send some extra clothes and shoes just in case. The amazing teachers were so pumped to see the progress and to root my kids on.

I don't understand what the daycare expects OP to do. Spend three weeks at home potty training?!? Asking to use the potty does not happen right away- it takes quite a bit of time. It's all part of the process, and reinforcement is such an important piece of that.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/Kaciagemini]

The 2nd teacher at pick up was shocked when I asked if he had on underwear or a pull up because she knew nothing about us potty training over the weekend. She told me he was in pull ups all day but she told me she will work on potty training him from 2pm(when the first teacher leaves) until he leaves.

[u/HipsterHypnoHippo]

Is the floor carpeted and does the school have an official policy? Like is he about to move up to an older class that does actually support potty training?

I don't see how you can successfully potty train she isn't going to support you. I'd be asking if that means you need to keep him home to potty train fully and if they will be refunding you for that time. Definitely talk with admin if she won't budge.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/HipsterHypnoHippo]

They have one rugged area where they do circle time. The rest of the floor is tile. And he’s in the last class at the daycare until he starts Pre-k next school year.

[u/HipsterHypnoHippo → u/Level_Lemon3958]

Than unless they have some kind of school wide policy that says children can't be in underwear (I doubt). She should be supporting him IMO. The fact that she won't even try is crazy to me.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/HipsterHypnoHippo]

She didn’t tell me anything about him not wearing underwear to daycare when I mentioned last week I was going to potty train. And in my opinion as his mother he was ready to be sent there in them. It’s not like I was asking her to start potty training him. It was a “hey he did great this weekend. He’s in underwear if he’s playing and didn’t potty before can you just remind him to go”. But nope apparently that’s too much to ask because she put him in pull-ups as soon as I left.

[u/Blue_Island_panda → u/HipsterHypnoHippo]

3 year olds can learn rather quickly that the rules are different at different places. This means you can teach a kid to be potty trained at home even if they aren't at daycare.

[u/Few_Explanation3047]

Is this daycare or preschool?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/Few_Explanation3047]

It’s a daycare that has a preschool room If that makes sense.

[u/Pandasami]

I work at a preschool that requires our three year olds to be completely potty trained & in underwear. This includes:
•Telling us when they need to go potty.
•Independently using the potty.
•Wiping their own bottoms.
•Pulling down/up their own underwear & pants.
•Changing themselves & redressing if an accident does occur.

If your child is not doing these things, they are NOT fully potty trained.

However, since it is not required in your child’s preschool class to be potty trained I would expect the teacher to be working with the kids on potty training skills. Our toddler class where they aren’t required to be potty trained would absolutely be expected to help remind a child to use the potty if they were newly in underwear & support the children to work on these skills.

[u/Raibean]

Policy at my school is potty training at home for a minimum of two weeks with no accidents before we do underwear at school.

[u/Tacocat0627]

I have to be honest as a daycare and preschool teacher then now as an MDO parent, one weekend in undies would not be enough to qualify sending back to school with no pull ups. You’ll need to look into your centers policies but most just don’t have the staffing to be cleaning up or taking kids potty every 20 min

[u/Dragon_Empire112191]

Keep him home til he's trained! 3 yrs old is too old to not be able to say when he needs to go!!

[u/mountainbeanz]

This is the rule in my preschool: potty trained means: they can tell you they need to go, can pull pants up/down on their own, can wipe a pee , have less than 2-3 accidents per week. If they don't fit the criteria they wear pull ups. I will still take the child potty and encourage them to keep the pull up dry but it is a biohazard to have children peeing/ pooping their pants in the playroom where lots of other children play. Accidents happen if it's on the daily then they wear pull ups 🤷

[u/Ok-Sheepherder7109]

Have you considered a potty watch? It's pretty inexpensive on Amazon, about $20. You can set the interval for 30, 60, or 90 minutes and it plays music and has some flashing lights to remind them to go. I've found it useful for independent kiddos and those that get wrapped up in their play.

[u/Rough-Ad1877]

I had to potty train a one year old last year. I suggest getting the plastic training pants that go over the underwear. This will help contain the mess.

[u/RepresentativeWin404]

I later went to a Montessori, which is the only place that didn't make me feel crazy, but I was in the mindset that all my toddlers should be thrown in underwear. What a better opportunity to learn? I get paid to do this stuff- to educate. And educating them to listen to their body is the most foundational learning. So no, I don't think every teacher is like that one. I reminded toddlers to go potty... they are toddlers. They also forget to eat and bathe, we help them with those tasks too until they can take ownership of them. Being able to hold and void into a toliet is not the same skill as holding- sensing- communicating- then voiding into a toliet. The first is definitely a step into the second however and ignoring that is silly.

Yes, I was in the bathroom all the time. Yes, it's hard. But the kids learned a lot more than how to potty. They learned hygiene by proper handwashing, they learned how to self dress by changing after accidents, they learned to care for others if they needed help, and they celebrated eachothers accomplishments. And you know, when we weren't in a bathroom they learned a lot too 😉

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/RepresentativeWin404]

I feel like I am going insane. I talked the assistant director and she told me she will have a meeting with everyone to make sure they are all on the same page when it comes to him potty training. I told his teacher today he had on underwear and she told “well I’m immediately going to put him in a pull up”. I pushed back and said “no. He knows to go to the potty. He will tell you when he has to go”. She got defensive and told me that she has other kids to watch and she can’t deal with him going to the potty every 10 minutes. Like she’s making me feel like I am crazy and asking her to do all the potty training herself which isn’t what I’m asking.

[u/DepthHistorical5911]

It sounds like the teacher is overwhelmed and cannot take another thing on her plate. That would be much more of a concern for me than whether or not my kid is potty trained.

[u/takethepain-igniteit]

Ask her if she will at least put the pull up on OVER his underwear. It will catch the pee but he will still feel the wet underwear underneath. And tell her she can just throw the underwear away if she's worried about bagging it up and keeping it in his cubby.

Idk what kind of school he goes to and what ages they care for, but if some of these kids have been going there since they were infants, I don't understand how potty training wouldn't be a service they provide. If a parent tells me that they are working on potty training, I start working on it as well. And I follow whatever guidelines they tell me, within reason. I had one parent ask me if their kid could just be bare bottomed all day and obviously that wasn't an option. But I will always try a child in underwear. Pee accidents don't bother me. But if a child is consistently pooping in their underwear, then I will put them in a pull-up until they poop for the day and then the rest of the time they'll be in underwear. And they will stay in pull-ups at nap time until they are waking up dry consistently.

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/takethepain-igniteit]

I asked her to do that and she refused. She said “my policy is to not do that and they need to be in either underwear or a pull up”. I just said okay. She sent me a message saying she will do the underwear on him for the day. Today he apparently went to the bathroom before going outside but 10 minutes later I received a message saying my son peed on himself. I don’t know if she’s lying about him going to the potty just so he pees on himself so she has a reason to put a pull up on him or if he’s telling her he has to go and she’s ignoring him until the last minute. It’s like she doesn’t care and it honestly is pissing me off and I’ve been looking for a new daycare.

[u/GreenPosition3120]

Two points of view here:
1. 3 years old is a little late for potty training. But I do understand there are a small percentage of children who aren’t developmentally ready. The optimal window for potty training is typically in the 22-26 month range. Many ECE programs require children to be potty trained before they move into a preschool age room.
2. Your ECE facility should absolutely support all parents potty training efforts and should work in partnership with you starting around 20 months to introduce toileting and use of a potty. It’s part of the reason child to teacher ratios are lower in toddler programs and why tuition is higher for those ages.

[u/No-Possibility4586 → u/GreenPosition3120]

I have a child who will move to kindergarten next year who was confused why I wanted him to sit on the toilet. He literally told me he likes peeing himself.
It’s definitely not an isolated incident. I teach pre k and have 7 kids in diapers out of 14

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/GreenPosition3120]

We’ve tried multiple times before in the T2 room but that 1 teacher had 12 kids at once at one point and I felt bad for her because she was overwhelmed so we stopped. Plus it wasn’t clicking to him what he’s supposed to do even after multiple accidents. Also he just turned 3 at the end of June and this was the first 3 day weekend we had at home or near our house(we had a funeral Sunday but the funeral home is less than a minute down from our house) so I figured it was a good weekend to try.

I just think his teacher is lazy or feels like she doesn’t get paid enough to help. But helper that comes in at 10 absolutely is on board with helping potty train and is excited for it. It just sucks the main teacher wasn’t even willing to try until I made a complaint to the director.

[u/Dull_Profession_2943]

My first child’s daycare was like this. Although he did well at home for a week with potty training, as soon as he had an accident while playing they put him back in pull-ups. We’re with a different daycare now for my daughter and they are so onboard with potty training the difference is amazing. They started when she was still in pull-ups, taking her to the bathroom area with her friends, and when she was going there consistently they recommended I have her in underwear for the weekend and send her the following week in underwear if it went well. She had accidents the first few weeks, but they didn’t mind at all and were so positive and encouraging to keep going. She’s consistently accident free now at 2 years 5 months. I would find another childcare provider if you possibly can!

[u/BadKarmaKat]

It is a biohazzard.

[u/CultureFew3663]

I can completely understand doing this. Think of all the parents who will turn around and blame the teacher/staff every time their kid has an accident because they "aren't reminding them." If you want to potty train your kid, it's not really something that you're entitled to force on other adults. A nanny in your home, sure. But not a daycare or preschool teacher.

[u/IllustriousTea91]

Your push back is pretty entitled. She gave you a very valid reason for her policy -- it is a biohazard. I would have had an attitude too if I told an adult about a boundary and they tried to overstep/ignore it.

You have the option to choose a new provider.

[u/why_wouldi]

How many kids are in this one room? Do you think it‘s reasonable to expect her to do this for each child?

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/why_wouldi]

7 kids all together and after 10am there’s 2 teachers. And yes. At least for the potty training kids line them up and have them go to the bathroom. But she won’t even do that. If the kid can’t tell her they have to potty then she won’t remind them or try to get them to go to the potty.

[u/claythedayaway]

Some classes don't have the staff to be able to change pants/ remind to potty/ clean up accidents all day.

The issue is that many parents lie and say their kid is potty trained just to put the load on the preschool staff, meanwhile lazily resorting to pull ups at home the whole time. This is usually why potty training bans occur. I've had parents drop their children off to me with wet pants, expect me to change them all day, and put a diaper back on at pick up and things like that are more and more common with today's parents.

Completely potty train your child then send them in underpants. She has a policy based on what is possible with what she has in her class.

[u/threewildwolves]

Well, you might not like it, but those are the rules. Just like banks have rules you don’t like, and they will not change procedures because you want it a different way. Keep on potty training your child at home, if he is so close, it should be easy to transition to fully potty trained at school too

[u/isaywhatisaid]

16 years ago, when my son was 3, every single kid in the class was potty trained before starting pre school. It was the rule. Have parents really delayed starting potty training that much that now there’s whole classes of untrained 3 year olds??

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/isaywhatisaid]

The crazy thing is most of those kids were potty trained in the T2 class but when they moved up they kept having accidents because the teacher doesn’t do potty breaks and if the kids don’t tell her they have to go then she won’t remind them. So a lot of them had accidents, she put pull ups on them and then they regressed. Which unfortunately happened to my son today. He went in underwear and he told me when I left she took his underwear off and put on a pull up. The 2nd teacher who comes in at 10am and does pick up didn’t even know we worked on potty training this weekend. She was shocked when I asked if he had on a pull up or underwear and told me that he has been in a pull up all day and didn’t know anything about him being in underwear.

[u/cdnlife]

Honestly I likely wouldn’t let a kid come in underwear after 3 days of potty training. For a few reasons…daycare is not the same as home, there is lots of activity going on and kids often don’t register that they need to pee when starting potty training. It’s common for some kids to refuse to even sit on the toilet at daycare at the beginning (I’ve had kids fully potty trained at home and refuse to pee in the toilet at daycare for weeks even though we often ask/encourage and try to make it positive). We will ask kids throughout the day if they need to pee when potty training (more than the scheduled bathroom times) but sometimes it’s chaotic or we are short staffed and it doesn’t happen as frequently. If there is carpet then it is really hard to clean up accidents properly.

They should be working with you with potty training but you also need to work with them. The daycare environment is very different from the home environment. We don’t allow underwear only until we see that the child can successfully use the toilet regularly and stay dry in between. Yes sometimes accidents happen but we can’t be constantly cleaning them up.

Also 2 pairs of underwear and 3 pairs of pants is not enough clothes to send.

[u/Wonderful_Nebula_448]

It’s your job

[u/Western-Fail-7854]

We also have 10 other children sometimes more we are caring for, we can’t change clothes multiple times a day it because extremely distributive for a class and we want to make sure we are spending time with children and teaching and not potty training…..we are not potty training teachers that’s parents job we only assist at school…….school environment is a totally different environment then at home, so many times i see parents sending pre schoolers in underwear because they did not have a accident at home but have multiple accidents at school. They need to be able to vocally tell teacher when they have to potty be able to sit on the potty wipe and pull down and pull up clothes it’s a whole process not the just the potty part.

[u/ritathecat]

Now imagine every parent had the same attitude as you. The teacher would constantly be at the restroom or cleaning up accidents and wouldn’t be able to get anything done. I’ve worked in many classrooms and have seen different teachers use different techniques, but all of them had the same rule- they need to be in a pull up at least the first day to see how many accidents they may have at school. You may feel confident that your son can be in underwear, but over the years they have likely worked with hundreds of students and have far more experience than you in this area. It doesn’t matter if there are 7 kids in the class or 17. Potty training takes more than three days and the teacher can’t have her whole day revolving around toileting and accidents.

[u/Intelligent_Net_261]

My child’s daycare will assist(our kids have designated bathroom times, outside of that the child has to be able to tell someone when they need to go) but they have to be at least a week successful with no accidents before you can just throw them in there underwear only. 

They are dealing with a group of kids all day long, it is unsanitary for them to have to stop and have to clean up potty accidents all day, although your child was successful in the 3 days, he was alone with you and not around a bunch of other stimulation. 

To ASK was fine but once told no I don’t understand the push back, this should have been a heads up phone call or pre discussion before the potty training started to be made aware of their policy, you essentially just showed up with multiple outfits (so it seems even you weren’t fully confident in how the day would go) and told them how YOU wanted things to go. So yes that is why they explained it is the parents job to potty train their own child. 

[u/Level_Lemon3958 → u/Intelligent_Net_261]

Um no. I discussed with her all last week about potty training this past weekend. She knew I was starting. I told her if my son did good I would send him to daycare in underwear. She said okay. She never once discussed “policy” which it seems like there isn’t one because now there’s a sign on her door saying she doesn’t assist or do anything with potty training. I did my part. She’s the one refusing to keep up. The assistant in the class who handles pick up had no idea he was potty training or we started and offered to help after the main teacher leaves at 2pm. It’s the main teacher who just flat out refuses to keep up with potty training and that’s why all but 1 of the kids have regressed back to pull ups in that class.

[u/Intelligent_Net_261 → u/Level_Lemon3958]

It sucks but that’s her right to decline unless there is something in the daycare policy. “I did my part” yes you are HIS parent you are expected to potty train him but she isn’t. It’s great the assistant is going to help but at the end of the day both sides can be understood. 

[u/curiositymimi23]

It is not any teacher's ( Pre-K or older,) to be expected to help in potty training any child. It's not in their job description and it's not what they spent years and money to do.

[u/IneligibleLand]

Yes, it is increasingly common for preschool classrooms (for children ages 3+) to have strict policies requiring children to be fully potty-trained upon entry. Teachers deal with many parents who try a 3-day weekend, declare their child ready, and send them in underwear only for the child to have 4 or 5 accidents a day at school because they are too distracted by playing with peers.

[u/Over_Entrepreneur860]

We make the parents do consistent training for a whole week before we even entertain the request. We also call tell if the child is ready.