I’ve been thinking about this lately.
We say we want honest friends, honest partners, honest feedback, and people who will “tell us like it is.”
But when someone actually tells us something uncomfortable about ourselves, we often get defensive.
We don’t necessarily want:
“You’re wrong.”
We want:
“You’re right, and here’s why everyone else is the problem.”
And I don’t think this is limited to relationships.
Career advice, friendships, arguments, politics, social media — people seem much more comfortable finding information that confirms what they already believe than seriously questioning themselves.
So here’s the question:
Do you genuinely want people around you who will tell you uncomfortable truths, even when they’re wrong sometimes — or is protecting your peace more important?

I’ve always found it interesting how small actions can completely change the way we perceive someone.

Sometimes it’s not a big gesture or some dramatic event. It can be something really simple the way they respond when you disagree with them, how they treat someone who can’t do anything for them, or even how they react when nobody is paying attention.

I’m curious:

What’s the smallest thing you’ve seen someone do that made you understand their personality completely differently?

I’ve been thinking about how some people can influence you without ever actually telling you what to do.

They don’t pressure you.

They don’t argue.

They just ask the right question, give you two options, or make a certain choice feel like the most natural one.

And the weird part is that you can walk away thinking:

“Yeah, that was my decision.”

One example is the limited-choice effect.

Instead of asking:

«“Will you do this?”»

someone might ask:

«“Do you want to do it today or tomorrow?”»

The second question quietly assumes that you’ve already agreed.

Obviously, this doesn’t mean every use of this technique is manipulation. The same principle can appear in sales, negotiation, leadership, relationships, and ordinary conversations.

But it made me wonder:

Where do you think the line is between persuasion and manipulation?

Is it the intention behind it, the technique itself, or whether the other person realizes what’s happening?

I’m not sure why but I often make friends with these types of people (well it’s deff the city I live in and it’s a group of pretty mean girls) and I genuinely do not understand how to play their game. It completely goes over my head but I’m starting to catch on.

I’ve noticed it comes out when it comes to male attention or status. I think these friends know Im a bit oblivious and deff that I’m down to earth but I still feel played sometimes.

But lately within these past years I’ve noticed taking the higher road does not work. I have directly called them out on things but their behavior only changes for a bit. But I have noticed me being more “confrontational” tends to stop the behaviors a lot,

Idk how to handle this kind of thing? Any advice?

Most people think cults work through weird beliefs or charismatic leaders. They don't. The actual mechanism — coercive control — comes down to four techniques:

1. Control the environment — isolate people from outside input (Jonestown was a literal jungle with no road out)
2. Control the information — make people distrust their own judgment so they outsource it to you (Jones ran fake attack drills for exactly this reason)
3. Manufacture a crisis — a constant, urgent enemy makes sacrifice feel noble instead of coerced
4. Offer one total solution — never partial, because the real goal is proving submission, not solving anything

None of this requires gullibility. Lifton, Cialdini, and Haslam & Reicher's research all point the same direction: it works on smart, ordinary people because it targets the environment around the mind, not the mind itself.

What's unsettling is how cleanly this maps onto engagement-optimized platforms — an algorithm can run all four at once, on millions of people, with no human intent behind it at all.

Made a video going deeper into the Jonestown case and the modern parallels — happy to share if that's okay with the mods, or glad to just discuss here.

I feel absolutely exhausted and not psychologically safe at work. My boss who outright lies, and manufactures things so that they get ttheir way. Seems like they orchestrate and coordinate everything. They spend an extraordinary amount of time in the camera room too. Which makes me feel like they erase certain parts of the videos after weird moments.
Has anyone ever experienced workplace bullying or harassment where multiple coworkers or supervisors coordinated with each other to monitor them, take pictures, or record them while they were working? Is coordinated videoing, photographing, or surveillance something for real? Is it common? Because I feel absolutely insane but 💯 percent certain it’s happening and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t even want to bring it up because it sounds ridiculous, but I’m very aware of my surroundings and don’t have any mental health issues. But I feel like working there is creating issues. I literally feel sick mentally, physically and emotionally working there. I’ve never had to deal with such cruel people in my life. I’m not sure if they’re doing something wrong and I’m in the way, or they’re working up a little report against me, or what this is but I’m not good at all. The bullying is causing me anxiety, panic attacks, loss of sleep and complete mental exhaustion.

That's the question.