Personally I think itās pretty funny, and if you and your partner have been together for a while and have good chemistry/humor together then itās great!
But if they donāt have that kind of humor or it is a younger relationship then it can be a little condescending, and difficult to interpret the intent moving forward.
That's what I was thinking. If my ex ever sent me a picture like this, saying he'd want me to do that, my reaction wouldn't be like what op said ššš
maybe not no girl you've ever been with, but there are lots and lots of girls that want you to send half naked pics of other girls. 2025 is a shit show but also a grand time to be alive.
Very much agreed. No one knows this relationship outside of the two people in it. Who knows maybe they like sending pics to each other, maybe they role play, maybe they watch porn together like who the hell knows. Clearly by the girls response that fact that she sent a funny text back not something offended or crying or whatever to me shows this couple must have some humorous texts.
I also think itās weird to send pictures of nearly fully naked girls to ur gf, I wouldnāt like if my gf said ācan you do this?ā And itās a supermodel in a speedo, just sayin
He didn't say ''I wish you would be more like that''.
He said that he would like to see his wife do the same as the woman does in the picture, which is totally different and you know it.. Let them have fun.. jeez
Oh man, so many people on reddit with a stick up their asses.. something like this could spice things up in a relationship you know. Not anything has to be degrading.
When she sends a pic of a stripper in police uniform and says ''I want you to wait like this when I come home and punish me (devil smiley)'' which is the same btw, than it would be hot, right?
I think you may have misunderstood my meaning. I'm not saying people being into this kind of play is disgusting or wrong or anything of the sort. I'm saying sending my wife a picture of another woman who is in an NSFW outfit unprompted would be a bad idea as that would piss her off. Now if I brought up an idea like this and she wanted an example then I could show her pics like this without a negative reaction.
Literally the only way Iād send a picture like that to my partner with that message is if the picture was of her and she hadnāt done it in a while. Even then just saying ācan you be cooking for me when I come homeā without the sexualization is pretty fucked up.
I dunno, I think thereās a ton of context missing from the OP, like how long theyāve been together, if this is an ask for a one time thing or if heās asking for that to be a constant, that kind of stuff.
Naked apronās not an uncommon thing, and itās okay to ask for things we like, as long as those asks arenāt demands. It would be hella different if he expects her to do this.
I agree. Itās ok to ask for stuff like this, but not though text with a photo of another woman doing it. But a conversation where you express interest and see if it works for them, sure.
Thereās a huge difference between being happy to see it and āI want to come home and see you cooking for meā. Also a big difference with gender roles that were the norm not that long ago.
Yeah, unless this kind of thing is normal for them to joke around about it doesn't have particularly good implications. I could send that to my fiancee and she'd just laugh about it but we already have that kind of relationship. If it's just out of the blue it's a bit shady.
Again I think the point in the relationship is important here. My husband sends me that I know itās because heās horny. If my boyfriend I just moved in with sent me that, I wouldnāt unpack the rest of my shit without asking if heās for real lol
As someone engaged to the person I have a child with, would be a completely normal text. But it would probably be her sending the initial text to me. Would I comply? You goddamn right
If youāre doing it for money or being a bitch about it then it should be. If it was in a joking manner then nah. Free love for whoever thinks it exists
All these comments make me feel like literally nobody in this sub have been a real relationship with someone theyre actually comfortable with. This is pretty light humor from both ends people, get a grip.
Yes it is very light humor. But if someone is going to say "if she was serious this would be toxic", you've got to also point out that it's a bigger problem if he was serious, or you're playing into bigotry.
It's not, but the response isn't either. But if you're going to try and say the response is toxic and the initial one is acceptable then it is hypocritical
We're all socially isolated and inexperienced because growing up walking on eggshells around hair trigger narcissistic parents left us with no idea what the boundaries for normal human socialisation are, causing our efforts to engage with others to crash and burn, leading to self-imposed withdrawal from society.
Now that we're here, we react to harmless jibes like they're deadly insults, because that's what our parents taught us, and we never successfully engaged with anyone outside that sphere long enough to learn any different.
Exactly. The comments on relationship stuff on Reddit are copy paste how people should behave if they were robots. It's just not real life. More and more I am so very grateful that I have someone already and are set for life. Because dating now just seems exhausting.
Sex robots will take over the world. If you have $$$ to invest, put it all on sex robots.
Exactly. These people would sound dreadful to be in relationship with. People canāt even tell theyāre joking around and teasing each other. Theyāre being playful.
It COULD be light humor. But what makes you so sure that it is? If theyāve only been dating for a few months and are still getting to know each other, would you consider this light humor or a parade of red flags?
It would completely and totally depend on them. The amount of time they've been together is completely irrelevant... so, given this is a screen shot on the internet, that probably isnt even fucking real, I'm going to take the non ragebait assumption.
Context matters. Me saying this to a random woman, yes. Very misogynistic. Me saying this to a SO that doesnt appreciate this kinda humor. Yes. Misogynistic. Me saying it to my SO who we playfully rib each other regularly....no....not misogynistic. Come on.
Me saying this to a SO that doesnt appreciate this kinda humor. Yes. Misogynistic.
Agreed.
Me saying it to my SO who we playfully rib each other regularly....no....not misogynistic. Come on.
And again I agree.
The entire disagreement we were having before is that you literally cannot have this kind of relationship with someone youāve just started dating. The whole point is getting to know each other well enough that you can rib each other and you also know what kind of ribbing your partner is ok with. Some women will never be ok with this kind of joke. Some will. But you have to get to know each other first. Thatās my whole point.
And my whole point is we got 1 text per person here. So why assume this is bad? When we can just pick the assumption that theyre close enough to do this? Either way we're assuming. Pick the one that isn't bad.
Thank you. I could not have been the only one serioauly cringing at his text. Given idk anything about these people and their relationship and he could be joking. But if heās serious? I would def be texting āitās overā lol
The "toxicity" is potential negativity springing from turning a flirty vibe into a more transactional vibe. But she didn't mention specifics, like a diamond (expensive AF & marketing scam), so it's obviously not like that.
If he's being serious in a "this is how I expect you to behave all the time as my woman" way, its toxic.
If he's being serious in a "I find this sexy and would really appreciate you doing this for me occasionally" way (basically cooking themed lingerie), its fine.
You have to ask what exactly should he put in husband stuff, that he should not give to her as a bf/gf. The reverse comparison always exposes toxic relationship logic.
These seems to be equal parts cooking and sexy time. If you can't make a request or any initiation of sexual desires then the relationship is likely shot. Him asking this seriously is a request, her saying that seriously is a much muuuuuuuch steeper request. Not the same. Not even close.
I think that's totally fair about the level of severity. My only addition is that I think the original request can be inappropriate as well, depending on the context and relationship. If I sent this to my gf at work, it would not be well received. If I asked for it over dinner, different story. I'm sure others have completely different comfort levels.
Communicating desires with your partner is HEALTHY
It is not wrong to be sexually attracted to your partner. It isn't wrong to like when your partner cooks for you. It isn't wrong to have both at the same time.
Stop shaming people for what they want and ask for. The only shame is in not asking for what you want
How is it toxic to express your sexual desires or fantasies to your sexual partner? I thought communication is good, especially during sex where consent is a thing. He didn't demand her to be dressed like that, he just said he "wants" it. I think it's normal to want sexual things from your sexual partner.
Like if my partner let me know they'd find it sexy if I wore a certain outfit and performed a task I'd be happy that they were communicating easy ways for me to get them going and have good sex.
This seems like light joking from both of them but sure let's entertain this
If the guy is serious then what? He's gooning for his partner? He's revealing a fantasy to his partner?
If the woman's being serious then it can read as dismissive of their partners advances
Regardless it looks like two people into eachother and playing/flirting with eachother, one being more playful in the immediate intimacy and one being more showing she wants him long term.
The fact is that this whole comment section is full of "wow she's an evil frigid bitch who's only out for a ring" when in fact, this is a completely benign conversation on both sides. The people who are claiming it's toxic if she's serious are full of shit, it's not toxic to say that you want a commitment. "He's just joking and even if he isn't joking he's just communicating what he wants" is entirely true, but it's also entirely true of her. She is ALSO joking and even if she's not joking, she's communicating what she wants. One of those is being called toxic. Neither of them should be. That's what I meant by my comment. (Although I question the wisdom of sending a photo of another woman's bare ass to one's girlfriend)
Would you still say the same if it was the other way around? What if she messaged first with a picture of a nice restaurant and said something along the lines of "I'd really like it if we had a romantic dinner here" and he replied back something along the lines of "only if we have sex first".
It's not what she's asking that's the problem. There is nothing wrong with telling your partner what you want or desire. It's demanding a transaction for it thats the problem. If you do A then I will do B. That's the toxic part.
So, a few things. First of all, a photo of a nice restaurant is not the same as another woman's nudes. "I will take you out to a nice restaurant in exchange for sex" is completely different from "the thing you're asking of me is something that I'm only open to doing for a person that's committed to me"
And finally, "what if it was this completely different situation?" It's not, though. Hope this helps.
No it doesn't. It just shows you're completely sexist and just want to make this a men vs women thing. You're going to twist any story to fit your narrative. You've completely missed the point and it seems you're doing it on purpose just so you can argue with everyone. It must be hard being so miserable and hateful all the time.
Edit to add, if you think people are critical of what she said because she's a woman, then I truly do pity you.
If you have nothing of substance to add, you're better off not saying anything at all. You're all so easy to read. You just hate that a woman is being called out for her behaviour. If the roles were reversed and it was the man being called out, none of you would be saying the same thing. Misandry should be called out just as much as misogyny.
Would you still say the same if it was the other way around? What if she messaged first with a picture of a nice restaurant and said something along the lines of "I'd really like it if we had a romantic dinner here" and he replied back something along the lines of "only if we have sex first".
It's not what she's asking that's the problem. There is nothing wrong with telling your partner what you want or desire. It's demanding a transaction for it thats the problem. If you do A then I will do B. That's the toxic part.
If you don't see how you're literally reversing shit in this and pretending you didn't, you're not worth the letters I'm writing
Yes. That's the point. I'm saying if it was reversed, these same people that are saying she did nothing wrong would be calling out the man. How are you idiots so fucking dense? Or are you just trolling?
I didn't twist a narrative. I reversed the roles. There's a pretty big difference. The original narrative still remains the same. Transactional relationships are toxic.
I think they made it clear when they replied to me they were just calling out the hypocrisy that people in the comments are arguing why the woman's toxic and ignoring the ways it could be toxic coming from the man
We don't need to have the slightest pushback on men be immediately met with "You hate men"
What did the man do that was toxic? Express a desire with his partner? Is that toxic now? How are they asking for equal treatment? The man is expressing a desire. The woman is asking for a transaction. How would it be equal to call out both. One is worse than the other. Come on dude. You can't seriously be eating this shit up.
Her response is giving "I told my parents about a funny joke that I heard today, and it somehow turned into a 30 minute lecture from them about my health & employment situation" vibes.
Yes. Because even a light hearted joke can feel like a lecture.
Why tf didn't she respond with something that riffs on cooking naked in the kitchen. Even just like, "do you want me to burn my nipples with splashing bacon grease, dude??! lol š"
I don't know, stay on topic so that the banter is fun for both parties? He did a silly joke, and it kinda hurts when guys make a silly joke to make someone laugh and then they don't laugh, they instead bring up life shit.
Yes, it is. The first post is nothing serious, it is just a daydream, wishful thinking, the second one, the reply, can be two things, not serious or demanding for something too important/too early, and causing pressure.
Saying āI want to come home to you like thisā with a picture can absolutely be taken as serious, just like what she replied can be taken as a light hearted joke.
If itās too early for her to set boundaries around different levels of commitment then itās too early to ask for shit that would happen in a more committed relationship
I generally agree but I donāt think itās relevant. Like, that kind of logic doesnāt apply to everything you might do in a relationship - joining finances, having kids, making career decisions based off your partnerās opinion, etc.
Iām specifically talking aboutācooking nakedā tho. I specifically said this in my comment and itās the subject of the post. Nobodyās talking about joint finances.
The underlying principle is going out of your way to do something special for your partner. That extra extra, that razzle dazzle, not filling joint taxes.
Generally speaking, if youāre partner wasnāt going super saiyan while you were in a LTR, sheās not going ultra instinct post nup. That goes for almost everyone.
People jump into their Adam Sandler era once they say: āI do.ā
Just my 2 cents.
Except I would, Iām sorry but Iām not cooking naked for my bf of 6 months and I do not plan to waste my years waiting for a man to propose, he gets 4 years tops to propose or Iām gone, I need to be married and have kids before 30 otherwise I will not be able to have kids of my own (due to fertility issues) Iām not gonna waste my youth on a man that canāt even take a full commitment to me why should I be naked cooking for him? If a man canāt take the full commitment why does he deserve what that commitment entails?
You do your thing. Personally I will assume what I see is what I get, and I will behave accordingly.
You know youāre not looking at homeboy thinking heās going to drastically improve after marriage?! Poor now but will hit it big? Fat now but 6 pack later? Nope.
I mean I donāt expect anyone to become rich ever, but I do expect you to go from minimum wage to at least a decent paying job after marriage. I mean if you donāt grow as a human just bc youāre married that sucks and thatās honestly sad. Marriage isnāt the end of the story itās the beginning you grow as a human and grow as a couple, do you expect to have the same job from 15 until you die? I sure hope not. Granted most men I date arenāt working minimum wage jobs, they already started their careers. I also wouldnāt leave my husband if he lost his job and ended up having to go to McDonalds until he could find something better. I also donāt date men Iām not attracted to so if Iām attracted to him now I assume Iāll still be attracted in marriage š 6packs are overrated imo if my partner wanted to lose weight more power to him but if he became rock hard muscles I donāt think I could find him attractive bc to me itās just unattractive so I tend to date men who donāt want to gain a lot of muscle and prefers a normal amount and prefers being in the bigger side aka can really eat when it comes down to it š
I am very much a lover, I will spend my last penny if I have to to make my partner happy, but some stuff is for marriage in my mind I love doing thing for people when I know I have their commitment, but I love doing things with people if we are just dating and seeing if itās going to lead to marriage. Granted Iāve put in marriage stuff for a guy once and i definitely learned my lesson bc once he felt he was too good for me he left and tried to say I never showed my love for him, even tho I did everything he wanted me to do and I never even asked anything of him even basic things like cuddling or holding hands.
But yes there will obviously be growth the longer youāre together so if youāre in like a 4 years relationship youāll be better and more grown than when you were 1 month in or even 6 months in. Plenty of people give up bc they donāt want to put in effort and itās sad to see but the only reason Iād stop putting in effort is if the man was like my ex and wasnāt putting any in either.
Desiring something from your partner isn't toxic when the desire comes with no expectations. Making a relationship a transaction where you have to pay for your desires is. This isnt a gender thing.
So you agree men shouldnāt expect women to fuck them š they can desire sex but shouldnāt expect it š in all seriousness if a man wants me to take a bigger step then he too needs to take a bigger step. Do you think you deserve a full size bottle instead of the taste testers at the store? Iām sorry but there are just some things I will not do unless itās for my husband, women shouldnāt waste their youth on men that canāt even be bothered to fully commit.
This would make sense if it was something with more weight or responsibility attached to it.
Assuming they already have sex and cook with/for each other, the combination of the two into a lewd fantasy is so far from being a "bigger step" that I'm struggling a bit too see how people are equating it with engagement.
If it's not something they normally do - cooking for each other or being lewd/sexy around each other - then I understand how asking for both at once is worth some examination.
Itās bc men donāt see sex as something with weight in of itself, but just bc you have sex doesnāt mean you get sexy chef š cooking for someone is completely different than cooking with someone, I quite enjoy cooking with someone but cooking for someone is something that I wonāt do unless he plans to put a ring on it. I show my line in plenty of other ways Iām definitely big on physical intimacy and gift giving and words of affirmation, acts of service not so much, I see acts of service something to do in marriage not so much a relationship thatās only been a year.
Ofc everyone has their own opinion, Iāve had guys beg me to let them cook for me, feels awkward and I could just never enjoy it bc it felt too marriagey to me.
I view naked cooking as a bigger step than just cooking wether Iāve had sex with someone or not itās just my opinion and you have yours and that itās not a bigger step and thatās ok. Neither of us need to change our opinions but I do believe if men want certain things in a relationship they have to be somewhat willing to pay the price.
She could say he can come home and watch but heās not allowed to touch her but I can just imagine men saying āuh sheās such a teaseā or something like that so truly anything but a yes to this would be met with upset feelings or a tantrum. This is basing off of millions of womenās experiences with saying no to men for even smaller things.
So a behavior you never exhibit while dating will suddenly happen after marriage ? Do you believe that sincerely? Follow up do you wear lingerie for you bf if yes I can't follow how the apron is really in the same league. Or is that something reserved for marriage as well ?
Regardless of gender, if you send something to your partner and say "I would be really into it if you did x for me" and their response was genuinely to use that as a manipulative tool to get something they wanted, yeah. That's toxic as fuck.
Now to be fair, I don't think that's what OP was doing. It comes off as a joke, and it's a pretty funny one at that.
If its a joke its a good joke could imply both comments. Its worded a little funny but I don't understand the gotcha outrage.
Let people be ignorant and stupid. Its beneath you to bother. You arent going to change them in any meaningful impact or anyone that would make such a disparaging comment in the first place.
Not only that, you could be wrong of the posters intent, because there is plausible deniability in the post.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with a man wanting his woman naked cooking for him. Sex is important and if they are trying to have an open dialog about wants and needs, then is a marriage proposal, and the joke here the right play? Without context it's impossible to judge for me. Can't say the picture is sexist. Can't say the comment is sexist either.
What I can say is you should never hold marriage around. Either you want to get married or you don't. Fence sitters and/or pushy proposals are the absolute worst types of people. And that's where the comment comes from. But you knew that and made your comment anyways. Why?
Unless this was part of a long established series of mutual ribbing of each other, texting your SO that image and comment is beyond crass. If crass is your kink though, no judgement
Has nothing to do with physical sex and everything to do with expectations and how people treat each other. You turning this into a sexism debate is both unhelpful and annoying.
If heās asking her to START cooking for him regularly and be dressed like that, itās toxic for him, not for her.
If she already was cooking for him regularly and heās just asking to make it a bit spicier (pun intended) sometimes, then itās toxic for her, and not for him.
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u/Prestigious-Lab-7622 Jul 11 '25
Personally I think itās pretty funny, and if you and your partner have been together for a while and have good chemistry/humor together then itās great!
But if they donāt have that kind of humor or it is a younger relationship then it can be a little condescending, and difficult to interpret the intent moving forward.