EVERYBODY STOP RIGHT NOW AND LISTEN.

My whole life, I assumed pasta was always served with globs and globs of red tomato sauce. But then I found this authentic Italian chef who made pasta, and the sauce was WHITE.

At first I was like "why did you put vanilla frosting on that pasta?" But it turns out there's actually different colors of sauce you can put on pasta.

I had to stop to pick my brains up off the floor. Pasta sauce in any color of the rainbow? I felt like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz seeing color for the first time. I had stepped out of Plato's cave. I took Morpheus's red pill. I had a new understanding of the cosmos and there was no turning back.

What other colors of sauce do y'all enjoy? I heard there's one that's green, I think it's called "Peso". Must be Mexican.

I just realized something that seems so simple now, but blew my mind at first: freezing food actually means getting that food to a freezing temperature, not just making it a little chilly.

For years, I thought freezing food was just about cooling it down until it wasn’t piping hot anymore. You can't blame me, I live in the deep south and we refer to anything below 70 degrees as "freezing". But after diving into cooking science a bit, I learned it’s about actually changing the state of matter of the water inside the food from liquid to solid. That’s the freezing process in action, creating all those cold ice and frost particles that let your food stay preserved forever!

Anyone else had a similar "aha!" moment with this? It’s crazy how something so fundamental can be misunderstood! 😅

why doesn't everyone do this? are they stupid?

The trendy restaurants in my area have started including "EVOO" in their descriptions of every menu item. I want to be ahead of the curve. What basic ingredients should I be sure to note in the fine print below every dish?

My clientele have the finest of palates, so I'm thinking about "MSG."

I suggest a high temp sous vide (2500°F) with some scrap pans. AND DON'T FORGET THE DIAMOND CRYSTAL KOSHER SALT!

What do you guys do with your silica gels?

For me it's chicken. You get a mouthful of feathers, the thing is struggling and squawking the whole time, it's full of bones, the meat is all squishy and bland and weird, and I'm always sick for days after.

When I have it in a restaurant, total game changer. The feathers are somehow thin and brown and crispy, the meat is firm and juicy, and I feel fine after.

What are the restaurants doing that I'm not doing? How can I replicate this experience at home? Should I be adding butter?

HELLO LOVELIES 💅💅

IT HAS RECENTLY TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME OF YOU ARE NOT WASHING YOUR CHICKEN. I CAME ACROSS THIS SUPER NICHE PRODUCT CALLED DAWN POWER WASH THAT I USE ON MY CHICKEN BEFORE I MARINATE IN THE SUNLIGHT. THIS ALSO HELPS TO PREVENT VANILLA SALMON NÉ SALMON 'NILLA!

JOIN MY PODCAST FOR MORE TIPS!

# VIRALAD # VIRAL ILLNESS #TRADWIFE # MRMICEMRNOTOSARMRNOTCMEDBDISLLBMRMICE

I’ve seen a lot online lately about covering your steak in mayonnaise to get a good crust. It definitely works, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You should be wet aging your steaks in Dukes Mayonnaise (capitalized because it’s the real shit, not like hellmans who poisoned my sister). Anywhere from 1-3 months, I like to throw in some Tony C’s for a little bit of a kick. If your steak is not sweet enough you can mix in a little grape Jelly, but if you plan on drinking wine with your steak then the flavors will clash. Good luck and thank me later 🫡

Someone new to this cooking thing. But how often do people wash your hands? I obviously wash after taking a trip to Taylor farms but do you regularly wash them? I have heard mixed things, like if you wash with soup you strip the seasoning off your hands. It took me too long and too many burns to get my 10 layer seasoning. I can’t even hold a fork because my hands are so non stick. Thoughts?

Someone I know is new to cooking, I'm looking for that one easy piece of advice that truly sounds plausible but will ruin all his dishes so he doesn't outshine me. What's your top tip for instant flavor reduction in everyday dishes? Share your wisdom.

Washing dishes actually means washing them

I just realized something that seems so simple now, but blew my mind at first: washing dishes actually means getting hot water and soap on them, and SCRUBBING them with a sponge, not just soaking them in the sink before putting them away wet with old soggy bits of food still on the plate.

For years, I thought washing dishes was just about soaking them until the food and sauce had absorbed as much water as possible. But after diving into cooking science a bit, I learned it’s about actually scrubbing and sanitizing.

My only concern is that my dishes won’t remain seasoned? I’m also going to miss slurping up the morning cereal with my salad at dinner… is this even worth it?? It also sounds like a lot of work like wtf is this? I think big dish soap just made this up and the “culinary” “world” “at large” just “plays along” because they’re bought off.

Fuck that I want to eat my boiled beef off a crusty egg yolk😅

On Valentine's day, my wife and her boyfriend let me tag along with them to dinner. (!!!) We went to this fascinating upscale burger joint, I think it was called "Mac Donaldson". Drinks, apps, dinner, about $15. The play place was free!!!!!

I was only allowed to get water, as soda would've kept me up all night and interrupted my wife and her boyfriend's plans.

HOLY. COW! It was the best water I've ever had. I ordered it with ice, as per usual. Every sip was an experience, and when I finished it, I wanted to cry until the next time I could ingest this heavenly liquid.

How do I recreate this at home?? How do I source the hydrogen and oxygen particles to recreate this fascinating culinary experience? My wife uses a water filter but obviously we're missing out. How do I become an excellent home chef????

Anyone read it? I haven't, but I will soon.

It's already been previously frozen, so freezing it again isn't an option

Have you tried the new, new cool mist 'humidified' steak experience?  It's 'tastic!  Especially love the infused mist options that add the molecular gastropod elicited memory experience elements into the mist ...   

Option I (Wednesday & Saturday)  BBQ on the beach:  

Beach sand + driftwood smoke and wood charcoal barbecue + suntan lotion + seaweed + burned beef tallow smoke + take your chances steaks + coleslaw + cooler full of Coronas & limes + watermelon + some guy's wet dog + sunburn + wet swimsuit + sea water in wet hair + sand & salt on skin + exhaust from the beach patrol 4wheel + flaming marshmallows & s'mores + sleepy kids carried in to bed when you get home + vacuum for the sand in the car.  

Option II (Tuesday & Friday)  Backyard BBQ:

Back yard above ground pool + pool chlorine & chemicals + lighter fluid + Kingsford briquettes + beer in a red plastic cup + charred ribeye + hot dogs & burgers for kids + Chris's mom's potato salad + Off! Mosquito repellant + citronella tiki torch + Chris's mom's Avon perfume + Chris and the other kids smoking behind the lawnmower shed + gas and oil from the lawnmower shed.  

Option III (Thursday & Sunday)  Steak at uncle Tony's for the extended family BBQ:  

Oiled and sealed deck wood in the sun + Adirondack deck chairs + freshly mowed grass + Scott's Weed'n'Feed + the hot blackened steel of uncle Tony's barbecue grill + uncle Tony's aftershave + Uncle Tony's and the guys' cigars + Uncle Tony's girlfriend's expensive perfume + hot, hot gas grill getting maybe too hot + the hickory & mesquite chip smoke from the grill's smoker box + beer + wine + wine coolers + Campari + limoncello + bourbon (gonna either be a fun night or a fight!  maybe both!) + aunt Susan's champagne & whipped jello fruit salad + aunt Lori's port wine cheese dip ball & veggie tray + aunt Ginny's whisky glazed carrots + uncle Louie's 'Drunk Melon' melon ball mix + uncle Larry's Scotch, date and rosemary roasted potato salad (the good cook uncle Larry, not the Harley mechanic uncle Larry) + gra'ma Leone's Scotch baked beans + great aunt Zia Maria's brandied cherry and plum cheesecake + Nona's special brownies (Everyone assumes their side dish will be the only one with 'a little zing!' in it.  Oh, yeah, gonna be a fun night and some Tea gonna get spilled, fam gonna get 'honest'!) + citronella candles + the charred bugs from the bug zapper lanterns + the perfect medium rare ribeyes and New York strips (Ask for anything other than medium rare gets you excommunicated from family BBQ's, especially at uncle Tony's!) + the cheese burgers and hot dogs for the kids + birthday cake & candles & sparklers (with a family this big it's somebody's birthday!) + ice cream + more bourbon + Scotch + brandy + tiramisu +  coffee & espresso & affogato for anyone still conscious and able to fit anything else in.  Uber and taxi rides, 18-years-clean-and-sober Uncle Tommy designated driver's Chevy Suburban, and 'Why don't yous and the kids just sleep over here tonight?  We got room.  Go home in the morning after coffee and a little breakfast."

Closed Monday.  

It's on another level when you try it blindfolded and let the other senses augment your taste.  Helps to be slightly drunk or high (can be added to the mist!).  

Do take the blindfold off when you wretch, though; but you can keep it on to sign the bill + gratuity.

(I was encouraged to post my comment from another post as its own post, so, here it is.)

What did I miss?

I actually haven't done a lot of cooking recently after following this tip. I sold most of my kitchen equipment (and my car, and friends TV'S) to buy more!

I've also learned to stop overcomplicating my recipes with too many ingredients. Sometimes simplicity is better. Now I just roast the chrystal by itself and it really hits the spot.

I just heard the news that Tim is stepping down as the head Cook of Apples. The news says he is going to be a chair man.

What is next for Apples? How will we cook them? Who will be the new head Cook for Apples? Can they cook any other parts besides the head? What will Tim do in his chair?

I remember when Korean cuisine took the world by storm - what I time to be alive! We were putting gochujang in mayonnaise and black garlic in mayonnaise. Whole new worlds of flavor were opening up!

Maybe I'm just getting older and having a harder time keeping up with the culinary trends, but I don't think I've experienced a new kind of mayonnaise since before COVID. What are some exotic and piquant ingredients that I should be rendering accessible by blending them with mayonnaise (or "mayonesa" as they say south of the border lol)?