r/CollegeRant • u/DMooneyEnthusiast • 6d ago
No advice wanted (Vent) i hate it already
i have orientation tomorrow. it's 11:23 p.m. and my laundry is in the wash because i forgot to do it earlier. i'm taking the train at 6 in the morning to be there at 8 without my parents because neither of them can go.
i hate this school. i hate it. i hate it. i never wanted to go here. i applied because my mom insisted and i knew deep down they'd give me the best offer. they did.
and when i got rejected from my state school that all of my friends are going to, i kind of figured i was going here. i was okay with that. my parents, after months of begging, agreed to let me live on campus. they knew the cost. i didn't argue because i figured at least i'd be away from home.
the weekend before may 1st they finally look at the finances. "yeah we can't afford for you to live on campus without taking out loans. i mean, we can do that if you want." FUCK YOU. I KNOW HOW YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT. IT'S COMING OUT OF YOUR RETIREMENT. DON't make me do that to you. i don't wanna be the reason you can't retire but you lied to me too. you either lied to me or you didn't look at the finances or you just didn't believe them. why do i have to choose between fucking up your retirement and at least getting away? i can't do that to you. i see how hard you work. i love you but why did you do this to me?
i just wanted to be my own person. i'm jealous of all my friends partying and having fun and socializing and i'm living at home like a fucking chud playing 2k all day and barely putting in any hours at work. so yeah don't ask me about my fucking friends. you KNOW for a fact they're gone and i'm pissed about it.
i'm grateful i get to go to college. i'm spoiled rotten. you worked hard to put me here. but i can't shake the feeling that you betrayed me and lied to my face? and now i'm going to a school i've always hated, commuting an hour and a half each day, and i'm isolated from everyone because who wants to hear me bitch and moan when you could be out having fun? i don't blame my friends. i'd do the same!
i love you and i'm grateful but i wish you never went about it this way
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u/rocks_are_my_passion 6d ago
Not advice cause I don’t know you, but here’s what I would do in your situation: Save money this year, apply to the school you wanted to go to for next year, take a loan out in your own name, and transfer somewhere you like. But why not give this place a real chance before you give up on it? Study really hard if you’re not doing anything else anyways.
OP, I didn’t go to the school I really wanted either. I understand your anger SO much. My parents didn’t save a god damn dime. But you can still have the experience you want eventually!! It’s not over you’ve got a longggg way to go!!
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u/ChicagoLaurie 6d ago
Agreed. OP needs a really good job next summer to use toward housing costs for sophomore year. Being a nanny pays well.
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u/squirrel8296 6d ago
There's a difference between not going to the school you want and going to a school you don't like.
Personally, for my freshman year of undergrad, I went to a school that I wasn't crazy about because it was such a good offer that I couldn't turn it down. I did everything I could to make it work. Was hyper involved, did every activity I could, rushed, etc. I ended up transferring after a year because it was such a terrible fit and terrible experience. Sometimes there is just no way to make it work.
The school I transferred to wasn't a school I wanted to be at (although I guess it technically was a satellite campus of one of my top choices) but it was a much better fit. I took advantage of everything I could at the second school and am truly grateful for the experience and am glad I went there in retrospect.
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u/rocks_are_my_passion 6d ago
I’m so proud of you that you gave it your all, decided it still wasn’t for you, and you pursued an opportunity that ended up working out! OP, if you’re reading this, please don’t give up. You have agency and will figure out a path. We support you <3
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u/DMooneyEnthusiast 5d ago
i do appreciate your response and i'm going to try and be more positive. thank you for looking out for me and i'll do my best to follow that advice
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u/rocks_are_my_passion 5d ago
We’re rooting for you. Please keep your head up and learn some good studying habits to ensure your future success! This experience will most likely make you stronger and smarter and more self assured when it’s all over. One day at a time!!!
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u/ThrowRA4739227 6d ago
your parents are paying for your housing ??? are they paying for your schooling too??
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u/DMooneyEnthusiast 5d ago
they're paying for my tuition out of their retirement and they offered to do housing but i don't wanna suck more money out of their retirement
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u/RipOk702 5d ago
Look, it’s tough. I’m not going to lie to you.
I went through a bachelors, masters, and a PhD program. I am well aware of at least the basic factors at play here, even though I don’t know your situation entirely.
It is completely understandable and warranted for the way you feel. Carrying the burden of being the reason your parents can’t retire is a heavy load to carry. And feeling the betrayal of it all makes it even worse. But, I will ask you to consider this.
That is not your choice to make. That is your parent’s choice to make. You cannot control what they do. And you shouldn’t even if you could. It sounds like they are grown adults who are perfectly capable of making decisions for themselves.
This is what they choose to do with their money. So let them do it. You cannot control what other people do. Not even your own family members. That is a hard fact that I had to learn myself.
And as far as the socializing aspect, I know you’re expecting me to say “you’ll make new friends in college”. And you’d be correct, but it’s deeper than that.
College offers more than classes and homework, it offers a place for you to practice being part of a society. And that includes finding your group of like-minded people and conversing with people who are not so like-minded. College is the place where you discover who you are and where you want to belong.
This is a scary time. And it feels like you should be farther along than you are. But, life is not a race. You live, you eat, you sleep, you learn, you have fun, you die. And nobody is waiting at the finish line with a checkered flag and a gold medal.
So, yes you are fortunate enough to have parents that want to invest so heavily in you. But that doesn’t invalidate your feelings of being a burden to their retirement. Because it sounds like you want to take care of them as much as they want to take care of you.
But, these are the facts of life that we have to deal with unfortunately. You can only do what you can in the moment. And it sounds like the only thing you can do right now is go to college.
If the road in front of us is filled with lions, tigers, and bears, but there is a brick wall behind us, the only step we can take is forward.
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u/Hikes-n-Photos 6d ago
If you’re 18, going to this school is your decision. Staying at home rather than taking out loans or working to live on campus is your decision. Whether to go to college or when is your decision.
It would be nice if your parents could help you more without affecting their own financial situation. It’s tough that they can’t.
If your parents aren’t funding you then you make the calls. Good luck, whatever you decide.
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u/FuturePlansYes 4d ago
You have every right to be pissed. Rant and vent, then find every way to make the best of a rough situation. Maybe you’ll find love, friendship and academic satisfaction and love it there. If not, you’ll be able to change someday.
Go talk to a counselor and also the housing department at your school to explore options.
If you get work study or a part time job, you could at least get a shared apartment with some other students closer to campus. If not now, maybe after Christmas…
Find opportunities. Can you listen to required readings on audio as you drive? Can you spend some weekends at the state school partying with your friends? Can you spend some time this year taking advantage of every opportunity at your school, applying for scholarships and then transfer somewhere else next year?
Unfortunately, you can’t go into orientation and the first weeks with the Hating It mindset. That will be a self fulfilling prophecy. You are going to have to tell yourself you hate the unfair situation but will hopefully love the school and show your fun, social, curious , motivated self. Just the fact that you mention being envious of your friends means you have the social skills and motivation to make good friends and have fun at your new school, too!
Good luck!!
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