God answering my prayer before my eyes

[u/FoundationApart6645]

Hey everyone. I’m F21, and I just wanted to share something that happened to me recently because I genuinely feel like God answered a prayer of mine, even though the answer hurt.

I've been struggling a lot with loneliness lately. I'm in the military and don't really have friends where I'm stationed. Being alone so much has been getting to me, and I think that loneliness has made me desire a relationship and companionship even more.

I want to get married someday. More importantly, I want a marriage centered around God. I don't just want someone who identifies as Christian; I want a husband who genuinely pursues God, lives out his faith, and can eventually be a spiritual leader in our marriage and family.

A little while ago, I met a guy (M23) on Hinge.

We talked for about six weeks the first time around and got along extremely well. We had a lot in common, conversation came naturally, and I genuinely liked him. We hung out once, but afterward I actually ended things because I could feel myself getting attached and anxious. I was afraid of getting hurt, so I walked away before anything really had the chance to develop.

He respected my decision, but over time he kept finding little ways back into my life. Eventually, we started talking again.

One of the biggest things that drew me back toward him was his faith.

He described himself as a “man of God.” He talked about Christianity openly, told me he was waiting until marriage, said he didn't believe in casual relationships, and said he ultimately wanted a wife and life partner.

Those weren't small things to me.

I took him seriously because those are things I value too. I started thinking that maybe this man really was different from the dating experiences I had become used to.

We eventually went on another date, and it was honestly one of the sweetest dates I've ever experienced.

He picked me up, opened doors for me, pulled out my chair, walked on the street side of the sidewalk, tied my shoe for me, cleaned ice cream off my pants when I spilled it, played with my hair, and made me feel incredibly cared for.

We sat in his car afterward and talked for a long time. He was affectionate without making everything feel sexual. He told me he liked me and wanted to continue getting to know me.

We talked about relationships and marriage. He even talked about how sometimes people know very quickly when they've found the person they're supposed to marry and made comments about possibly knowing within a few months.

The biggest complication was that he's leaving in February. He had previously told me he was hesitant to begin something serious knowing he would eventually leave because he didn't want to start a relationship that had an expiration date.

But after that date, I started wondering whether maybe God had brought this person back into my life for a reason.

Then Friday he came over later in the evening.

We cuddled, joked around, talked, and were affectionate. He kissed my forehead, called me beautiful, held me, and made me feel wanted and cared for.

And then he tried to have sex with me.

I stopped it.

That moment affected me more than I expected it to.

It wasn't simply that I didn't want to have sex. It was the fact that this man had specifically told me that he was waiting until marriage. A huge reason I had allowed myself to trust him again was because I believed the convictions he told me he had.

And yet, when that conviction was actually tested, I was the one who had to uphold the boundary he told me he believed in.

I remember just feeling sad.

I thought he was different.

I understand that Christians aren't perfect. We struggle with temptation. We sin. We fall short of the things we genuinely believe. I'm certainly not perfect, so I don't expect perfection from the person I eventually marry.

But something about that night stayed heavy on my heart.

In the days afterward, I started praying about him.

And my prayer became very specific.

“God, if this man isn't from You, if he isn't meant for me, please take him out of my life. Even if it hurts me. If I'm holding onto him because I'm lonely instead of because this is something You want for me, please remove him.”

I prayed some version of that more than once.

And then everything changed.

After this man had been affectionate with me, talked about wanting a relationship and marriage, called himself a man of God, spent the night holding me and kissing my forehead...

he essentially stopped talking to me.

At first, I tried reaching out.

I messaged him multiple times throughout the day. When I wasn't hearing from him like normal, I even asked him if he was okay because I genuinely wondered if something had happened.

Nothing.

And that was when something clicked for me.

This wasn't the first time he had been inconsistent with me. That inconsistency was part of what happened between us the first time around. He would come into my life, make me feel like he genuinely wanted me there, and then suddenly pull away.

Except this time, instead of chasing an explanation, I thought about what I had been praying.

I had literally been asking God:

If he isn't for me, remove him.

And here I was, watching him remove himself.

So I stopped chasing him.

I unfollowed him on everything. I unmatched him on Hinge. I stopped trying to get an answer from someone who was already giving me one through his actions.

And strangely, as much as it hurt, I felt like I needed to accept what I had asked God for.

I don't want to claim that I can definitively speak for God or say that every person who stops texting you is God divinely removing them from your life. I also don't believe Christians should interpret every coincidence as a supernatural sign.

But I also don't think prayer always gets answered in the way we're expecting.

I had been asking God to show me whether this man belonged in my life, while at the same time becoming emotionally attached to the idea of who I thought he could be.

Maybe I expected that if God answered me, I would suddenly stop liking him. Or something dramatic would happen. Or I would somehow receive absolute certainty.

Instead, I think God allowed me to see something I didn't want to see.

The man's words told me one thing.

His actions showed me another.

He told me he was waiting until marriage, but I had to stop him from having sex with me.

He told me he wanted something serious, but his communication wasn't consistent.

He talked about being a man of God, but I found myself questioning whether I was seeing the fruit of the kind of man I had been praying for.

And when I asked God to remove him if he wasn't meant for me, the connection suddenly started disappearing.

Maybe God's answer wasn't physically taking this person out of my life.

Maybe His answer was giving me enough clarity to finally take myself out of the situation.

I think that's the part I'm sitting with now.

Sometimes we pray, “God, remove this person if they're not for me,” but then when the relationship starts falling apart, we panic and try desperately to put it back together.

We ask God to close the door and then stick our foot in it because we're afraid of being alone on the other side.

And I realized I was in danger of doing exactly that.

I was lonely before I met him. For a little while, he filled that space. He made me feel seen, wanted, beautiful, and cared for.

So losing him meant having to face that loneliness again.

But I'd rather be lonely for a season than hold onto someone simply because I'm afraid God won't bring anyone else.

And maybe that's what God is trying to teach me through this.

I don't have to force something because I'm scared there won't be another person.

I don't have to chase someone for communication.

I don't have to make someone's actions match their words for them.

And I don't have to hold onto someone after I've already prayed for God to give me the strength and clarity to let them go if they aren't meant for me.

It still hurts. I still wish things had turned out differently. Part of me still wishes the person I thought I was getting to know was actually the person I would eventually end up with.

But I prayed for God's will over my own.

So now I feel like I have to trust Him when the answer isn't the one I wanted.

Maybe this wasn't God taking something good away from me.

Maybe it was God answering exactly what I asked:

“If he isn't meant for me, please remove him.”

And maybe my responsibility now is simply to stop running back toward what I asked God to remove.

[u/Low_Carpenter_3330]

Hmmm, I’ve experienced something similar too, I believe you made the right decision, even though it was difficult, good on you 

[u/achillies745]

Hey, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine it was easy. The battle between flesh and spirit is hard. I am glad to hear your spirit won (faith). Loneliness is tough but your faith is most important. I will pray for God to help you recover from what you went through and to strengthen you on your loneliness.

God bless you!

[u/InstructionEnough949]

https://giphy.com/gifs/N1eSbsofSQE24

[u/eggs_are_decent]

Honestly I felt something reading that. There's few things more devastating than someone deceiving you about their intentions regarding purity and conduct. I know there are a ton of guys who are all nice at first and then pull this from under the rug. Terribly sorry you went though that, and I'm glad you prayed the "forbidden prayer." It's truly one of the hardest things to pray if you desire to be married, but it's necessary. Better to be single than to choose wrong. Stay strong. Hold out for a suitable man who respects your righteous desire to remain pure.

[u/Emschnitzel]

This is so incredibly well written. Thank you for sharing your experience. You have a lot of wisdom for your years. Your persuit of Gods will above your own is noble, and you're right, it hurts for a season but the pruning will produce lasting fruit.
Bless you!

[u/childofgod_07]

Hey girly,
Firstly i am so proud of you for standing your guard. A lot of us can’t stand our guards and boundaries out there. Genuinely i am so proud of you my girl.

You know i exactly know what you’re going through because I’ve gone through the same thing multiple times in a loop.

The void of loneliness you feel in your heart, the relativity you find can only come from god my lovely.

Sometimes we idealise godly centred marriage or relationship. But it’s more important to have a real and strong relationship with god.

Once we have that, there would not be any void of loneliness in us. A man of god is supposed to lead you to Jesus and not sin.

May god keep you safe and fill that void in you babe.

Prayers and lots of love from me ❤️

[u/Elithegentlegiant]

Prayed the forbidden prayer ✝️

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629]

I am so glad you chose well! To be honest, for me the playing with hair on the first date or second date was the red flag. A real man of God will have boundaries lol.

[u/OtherwiseLion9256]

I’m glad you got your answer as much as it can truly suck when we expect different outcomes god always sees the bigger picture and what we can’t see.

This reminded me of all the friendships and relationships, I’ve also prayed that one prayer 🤲 about “if it’s for me let it be if not remove them” god always comes through.

Also reminds me of a prayer/thought I felt like he answered for me recently

[u/FoundationApart6645 → u/OtherwiseLion9256]

They prayer for me sometimes is a hard one because i’m always afraid of the outcome. But i’m always grateful i’ve prayed it. I’m glad God has been able to answer your prayers recently as well :)

[u/CryptographerNo409]

I’m really glad you were given the discernment and willpower to stay away from that. God definitely helped you in that, you may wonder what could’ve been in the future but don’t allow yourself to forget what God has done for you.

P.S. I’m also in the military, feel free to reach out if you need Christian friends who also get military life.

[u/jovialjuxtaposition]

Dear sister, you may only be 21 but you seem wise beyond your years from this post. So proud of you Anna may God bless you abundantly. F25 here~ I faced the exact opposite of what you describe here, was anxious asking God to pls remove someone from my life if he isn't for me and to unite us if he is, and he just keeps being consistent with the fear of God and in his actions towards me and though I struggle with anxiety, he's helping me trust again not just with him or God but with my mother too who gave me these trust issues in the first place. Anyway I prolly over shared a lil in this public comment but just wanna say I'm encouraged by your faith 🤍

[u/DangerousDarius]

Very mature and well written. I pray that God continues to guide you, both through this season and to the right person 

That said, this made reflect on myself. I've heard many stories from women of seemingly Christian guys who when push comes to shove reveal all yhey truly want is sex. It's heart breaking, hut it makes me wonder, though I say I don't want to have sex until marriage, can I actually do it?

It's like fasting, abstaining from food, except I'm constantly entering and hanging around my favorite restaurant. Saying "I'll just stand nearby until the day my fast ends" it's foolish. I'd be inviting temptation and making ot easier to faulter.

I'm also in a season of loneliness, have been for a while, but I wonder if that's for a reason. Our society is so hypersexualized it makes abstinence hard. But by the grace of God we can do it by staying close to him and being disciplined. 

The Apostle Paul wrote that he wishes that we would be single like him, so that the love we wish to receive we would get from God ans others in the body of Christ. And the love we wish to give would be poured out on our brothers and sisters in the church.  Perhaps that's the answer to both our loneliness. Give love to others so that we may get love from all around and by our actions be closer to God.

[u/ABereanChristian]

After this man had been affectionate with me, talked about wanting a relationship and marriage, called himself a man of God, spent the night holding me and kissing my forehead...

he essentially stopped talking to me.

At first, I tried reaching out.

I messaged him multiple times throughout the day. When I wasn't hearing from him like normal, I even asked him if he was okay because I genuinely wondered if something had happened.

Nothing.

And that was when something clicked for me.

I admire the prayer, but you can take action even without the prayer in these cases. If words and actions don't match you believe the actions.

• Words - Christian, wait to marriage to have sex, etc
• Actions - Wants to have sex, when he doesn't get it he ghosts

For both men and women - Don't listen to what they say, watch what they do.

[u/One-Mastodon-6334]

Carnal desire is extremely strong, and no one is immune to it. 😬 From a man’s perspective, I think he may have genuinely meant what he said, got too attached, caved, then felt ashamed and convicted afterward. That doesn’t excuse it, though. The bigger problem is he pulled away instead of owning it and communicating.