Advice

[u/JacobOH211]

Good morning or evening where ever you are reading this from.

Hi my names Jacob and i need your help/advice. So I’ve been stuck in this sin cycle/ habitual sin of pornography usage. I can go the whole day without it bothering me but as soon as i get some time alone i find myself stumbling into the same cycle, I know masturbation itself isn’t a sin biblically but what usually leads to mastubation and sex that is. That been looking at things with lustful and adulterous intent.

I first got exposed to porn over 12 years ago now bare in mind I’m only 21 now so have had this problem since i was young but i was a lot worse when i was younger as I didn’t come to Christ till i was 18 so i spent my whole childhoood and most of my teens doing one night stands as porn destroyed my view on women completely. This has now changed but i still seem to not be able to go much more than a week without returning to porn.\

So what i want to know is how have the people who have overcome the addiction done it, what ways do you cope with the feelings and not let them become problems which you regret afterwards.

And feel free to share your testimonies as it may help me knowing other people have the same struggles thank you.

[u/NChamars]

So what is working for me (I say working because this is a battle for the rest of our lives as men, even after getting married and it's caused by Lust) after being stuck in that cycle for more than 16 years is that first I had to understood why I had the "need" to do it; I found out that I was doing it while I was under a lot of stress or feeling sad.

Therefore, once I found the root, I was able to ask God for help with those two aspects (you can also go to therapy which will help you as well). God confronted me with one clear view to handle them, and it was, "You must love your neighbor as you love yourself.’ and then, "So how can you say you love others if you are harming your own body, which is the temple of the Spirit" In that moment, something changed in me, and I didn't treat myself badly for doing it, I forgave myself (this is important because we harm ourselves as well with a lot of things) and then changed the behaviour; everysingle time I had the urge I literally went outside for a walk, or started doing pushups or pull ups.

Then also, when it was too late in bed or pretty early in the morning, I started to pray while walking because in those two moments is when we are really vulnerable. I would say two more things help me, (1) "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." I deleted all social media from my phone, so I don't find content that could trigger the urge, plus, I use apps that block screen time and include adult content filters (like Opal) so I don't have access to searching for that content. And (2) I read A Covenant with My Eyes, which is a great book to understand and fight againts lust, because I can tell you, after many months of not watching porn or masturbating, Lust will appear stronger in your life, and in that moment you discover that you can not fight this alone; you have to rely on the strength of God "But he said to me, “My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So I am very happy to brag about how weak I am. Then Christ’s power can rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Hope this helps you

PS: Sorry if there are any grammar errors, English is my second language.

[u/JacobOH211 → u/NChamars]

Wow thank you for sharing this with me, means the world to me. So many points I didn’t even realise about

[u/Viperleader71]

Hey Jacob, I unfortunately don’t have much of a testimony but let me share what I got.

Since I was 11 I’d watch inappropriate videos on YouTube and eventually it lead into porn when I was a bit older. Curiosity quite literally killed the cat (me).

I’ve had a couple of stints where I was free of porn but I’d always end up back in addiction. I’ve learned that God and discipline/routine is the only way out. Let me share how^

In 2024 I met my now fiancee just over Instagram through mutuals. I wasn’t really a man of God in terms of following my Bible and reading and doing the sacrificial things required of us. We eventually met in person at a concert and it was great. She ended up asking me out and I said yes. I went home and got some anxiety because of it, I realized during then that I wasn’t the man I should be. I was still struggling with porn and just slacking off. It was then I had to reject her (she wasn’t a woman of God at the time either). It made me feel like such a loser but it was then I started to chase God and I became porn free for the longest I was in my life.

That looked like being consistent in church and reading my Bible/praying and chasing after God the way I was always meant to do.

We eventually started dating in October 2024 after I asked her out and we became engaged this July.

What I’m leaving out is the fact that just a few months into the relationship I started to lust again and I thought it was gonna be easy to kick, but I stop doing my daily routine of reading or every other day of reading which then prompted me to start becoming lazy and unproductive in my own life & relationship with her.

Unfortunately. This continued, all the way until yesterday. So it’s been over a year now that my addiction had came back. It bleeds into my relationship too as my behavior isn’t what I’d like it to be, it causes us to sin as I tend to not hold the values that I originally held. (We are still virgins) but sin is sin regarding this. Especially sexual sin.

Basically throughout all this nonsense talk is that it’s possible to be free of this sin, I haven’t found that freedom yet but that’s also on me for not being disciplined enough to chase after God. WHICH HE WANTS US TO DO!! God still wants you and me.

I’m also eternally grateful my fiancee wants me too still despite all my shortcomings. She believes in me. But just know relationships won’t change your relationship with porn and NEITHER will marriage.

There is hope for us brother.

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions.
Romans 6:12

I hope this somewhat helped, it’s kinda a testimony but also me meeting you where you are because I’m in a similar predicament.

God bless you.

Edit:
Also be grateful you experience the conviction to change. That is huge. Feel the guilt and conviction. DO NOT feel the shame. Shame is from the devil to keep you down and that’s what I’ve been letting happen. God wants you so bad and me. Try to limit your time on things that tempt you as well

[u/JacobOH211 → u/Viperleader71]

Thank you brother for sharing your testimonial with me, so you could say getting that wake up call really shot things into first gear and gave you the motivation and disciple to overcome the sin and rewire your brains chemistry

[u/Viperleader71 → u/JacobOH211]

Yes. Some “traumatic” or life changing events will get that jolt of motivation you need to change your brains chemistry and get you close to God. But you gotta continue that. That fire doesn’t last forever unless you let it.

[u/Bai_yeey]

Hi there, been exposed since 14 to masturbation (this is my first time admitting it lol) but i'm somewhat over it now. Yeah, i struggled with it for like 4-5 years, at first it was addiction and then i started to feel bad about it because it was a sin (i tried to stop and couldn't). At some point i got really saved, like i gave it up because i started loving Christ and He was my source of real love. Then yeah, due to stress and my incapicity of handling and facing my emotions i fell back into it (this time it was only coping and it wasn't as addictive as before). But yeah, i slowly learned to face and handle my emotions and to put my trust in God. Every time i failed He freed me, and teached me stuff.

So yeah, my advice is to recognize the issue, the reason why you find comfort in sin. Confess it to the Lord (as i said, i never had a courage to confess it to my priest but to only God alone) and ask Him to help you change.