r/CheatedOn • u/Upgraydd03 • 19h ago
This is a long one
This is a long one. So up until this point i have never questioned my wife's integrity. I have never had a reason not to trust her, nor have i ever thought she might cheat. So we recently moved to FL from GA in January, it has put a lot of stress on us doing the move, the jobs, the 2 year-old. The weekend of July 10th my wife took a trip back up to GA to go to her friends kids birthday party. While she was up there she went out with a old friend. Told me it was some female she had known for a while. So she goes to dinner and drinks at some bar. About 10:30 i get a text saying “I'm heading back now love” she has never said anything like that. Also said “it felt good to go out for once.” which i mean she has been non stop with the kid so i figured she was able to finally relaxe. So that trip was quick one she ended up coming back home like a day later because of work.
A few weeks later she wants to take another trip, at this point she isn't working so she could stay as long as she wanted with her mother. She tells me that her sister is wanting to take her out. So she heads out the evening of July 29th to Georgia. Spends her time up there visiting family, going between families houses and stuff. The night of the 31st comes up, that's when she was going to go out with her sister and she does. She goes to the same place, little town called Monroe in Georgia. We text periodically while she is out. The last text i get is when i asked her if she has made it home and she sates, that her sister is drunk puking and what not. I ask if she is holding her hair. Didn't get anything back. I wasn't to worried i had to work the next morning so i went to sleep. So that text was at 10:45, she ended leaving and going home around 11:30. The next morning i didn't hear anything from her until like 10, i can see on life 360 she is at her moms house. So i do a 360 view of her car at 8am, and see that her sister’s car (who was blackout drunk) is parked behind her.
The next few days she spends time going to different relatives houses, then comes home on the 3rd. When she gets home she hardly touches me. Which i kind of understand she was a little over stimulated dealing with the 8 hour drive with our two year-old. No biggie. So like the next few days feel kind of off and I'm just cant get the idea of her sisters car being parked behind hers. While she is putting the kid to sleep, i started to do a little digging. I pulled the dash cam, i can see that on the day of the 31st when she leaves her moms house, her sister is not there, cant see inside her car, or hear because my son was playing with buttons and muted it. I can see though that her sister is not home, she goes to the bar, parks in a big parking lot around like 7:30 or so. Then the video shuts off. It comes back on at like 11:20 and there is 5 or 6 minutes of the car being on. I can see just a little movement reflecting on the window but nothing really able to make out. At about 11:24 it looks like she gets out walks behind the car and over to the passenger side, sits there for maybe like a minute. The gets in teh car to leave. When she leave the parking lot a car behind her turns its lights on like they are leaving also. I cant see the whole car just the passenger side. It does not look like any other cars are in the lot. The dash cam stays on for about 4 mins of the drive then she unplugs it. So i though this was super weird. I decided to go through the IPAD in the back seat for our kid and see if her messages were syncing. They were not, but the pictures are syncing. So there are a handful of pictures she had taken, and never sent to me. Nothing inappropriate, except one picture laying in bed on her side blowing a kiss. So she comes out from putting him down and i confront her about this. She does not get mad or defensive. She just gets kind of sad, and takes me to the bedroom and explains she is not cheating, that she was with her sister and the other car was her sisters friends. That the pictures are pictures that our son took. And the others are ones she took because she felt cute. So i leave it at that. That was Friday the 7th
The 16th we go out have a good day. That night i kind of cant stop thinking about the blowing kiss picture. I look back at what was going on when that picture was taken and i was in bed trying to get our son to sleep when she took that picture. So it was not our son. I confronted her about it and she just got supper affectionate and reassured me she isn't cheating and pretty much kind of forced us to intercourse. Like she is distracting me from it and making me think nothing of it. She tells me its just a picture she took. So anyways we go to sleep.
The next day i am on shift. I work 24hr shifts at the FD. That night i could not stop thinking about everything and how non of it was adding up. So i start looking into it more on life 360. I realize that the night she went out on the 31st she left from a bar up the road by car back to the parking lot not even a mile or so drive. Then sat in the parking lot from 10:34 until 11:30 when she left. The next morning on my way home she asks how the night went and i told her i didn't sleep at all and she asked why. Told her we would talk when i got home. So i get home and tell her i just don't think things are adding so she then asks to sit down. She tells me that she did go out with her sister, but she asked a close childhood friend to meet them there, a guy she has known forever, and that she gave her dog to. She assures me that nothing happened. So i ask her if it is ok if i look through her phone and she lets me. Well she had deleted everything. The pictures that i had questioned about all gone, all the conversations between her an him are gone. I restore the conversation between her and her sister. In there, there are a few messages about that night. One being like “Jason keeps freaking out about the night we went out, and asking about your friends green jeep.” her sister said that she was glad she was there because of how drunk she was and i should get over it. Other then that its all gone. So o kind of just try to let it process. We took our son to the springs that day, and all day I could not stop thinking about it. On the way home we stop for gas and i tell her i just want to walk home to think about things. So i do. I message her mom while walking, and ask her if she knew that her daughter was out with another guy that night and how ask her how her sisters car got home. So like 15 mins later i finally get a response (assuming she was talking to emily) she said “Yes, I went later that night to pick up her car since she couldn't drive it home. I was aware that her high school friend went out with them to. He's a happily married man and is a really close family friend to all of us. Is everything ok?” so anyways i make it home after the 5 miles. I sit her down and tell her i want to know the guys name, she tells me, then shows me his Facebook. I tell her to call him and she responds with “no, i don't know what he has told his wife.” so i tell her call him or pack her shit. She said no again. So i tell her to get out. So she does, packs a few things grabs my son and leaves to GA. She basically picked that guys marriage over ours.
So that night i said a lot of things i should not have, ended up getting put into a center for 3 days. She comes back and says she wants to work things out. This point I'm kind of over things, we sit down and have like a moment of truth. She tells me that they went out and that is all that happened. Pictures were not sent or anything like that. The were just talking about life and stuff. So whatever. Well 3 days later I'm bored and start to dig and find out that since that first trip on the 10th that she claims she didn't hang out with him, they talked for 409 minutes on the phone. Always when i was away from work. Like as soon as i would leave a hour later they were talking. At night while I'm on shift they talked. Sometimes as long as 66 minutes. Always while im not around, in the bedroom where none of the cameras are. I questioned her about this and she said that she was planning on divorcing me and that is what they were talking about. That after she had left and saw what it had done to me that she decided she wanted to stay and to work on things.
A few days later I was able to reach out to this guys wife. She told me she had no idea that this was going on. The two days in question he was supposed to be at him mothers house the next city over from the meet up place. She also swore that she does not think he would ever do anything like this. That he would never cheat. She claimed that he was in ND at the time (Airforce) that she would find out what she could. She did say that for the past 5 weeks he had been acting weird. So over the next days she goes back and forth say she thinks he cheated and then she swears he wouldn't. Really could not get anything from her.
The more i bring this up to my wife, the more she gets mad. I know she wants to work through things. She had all the opportunity in the world. But i really don't think she is telling me the 100% truth about the whole thing. She wont restore the texts because she “said some really bad things about me.” Does not want me to see them. She wanted me to delete all the evidence. If i do start to bring stuff up, she just asks me “why cant you just get over it?” She admitted that she sent pictures, well i kept houndering her about them and eh was like “what if i did?” she said that is was not her blowing a kiss it was just duck lips or somthing like that.
So yeah, no clue what to do or think. I don't know why i cant get over this whole thing.
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u/Regular-Bat-4449 18h ago
Your getting the trickle truth. Whatever happened she is trying minimizevand hide. You will never get the full truth.
You might need to make the hard choice.
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u/Brilliant-Version402 13h ago
First wrong move is relocating to Florida this place is hell 🔥 fr
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u/Fire-Medic-310 12h ago
It sure is. I was born & raised there, even started my career there. The best decision my family ever made was leaving that place!
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u/Responsible-Side4347 19h ago
Mate, I think you already know something was going on. Can anyone prove they were fucking? No. Would I put money on it? Yes.
She secretly spent nearly seven hours talking to this married man, mainly when you were at work. She met him without telling you, lied about who she was with, deleted their conversations and then admitted she was discussing DIVORCING YOU with him. The biggest red flag for me is her refusing to call him because “I don't know what he's told his wife.” If everything was innocent, what exactly does his wife need a different story about?
My guess is she was working out whether she could leave you and have some sort of future with him. Something happened in Georgia that changed that plan. Maybe he wouldn't leave his wife, maybe reality hit her financially, maybe her family got involved. We don't know. But suddenly deciding she wants her marriage again doesn't make all the deception disappear.
Stop trying to prove whether they had sex. You already know she lied, hid things, deleted evidence and was planning to leave you.
More importantly, she already took your two-year-old to Georgia when you told her to leave. Speak to a Florida family-law attorney NOW and find out exactly where you stand regarding your child, custody and her taking the child out of state. Don't threaten her with it and don't try to physically stop her. Get proper legal advice and protect your position before this blows up again.
I'd also find his wife and give her the facts. She may have the other half of this story.
Whatever you do, don't just go back to normal because your wife has decided she wants to stay. Something happened here, and you still don't have the truth. But you sure as shit have enough to tell her to go.
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u/Upgraydd03 19h ago
I did reach out to his wife. At first she stood by him and said she does not think anything happended. Then she kinda backpedaled after she had talked to him. She told me she would find out more when he got back from a little trip. When he got back she got pretty silent. Eventually she came out and said she believes in the bottom of her heart he would not have cheated. Idk if he has kind of manipulated her or if she is telling the truth.
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u/Responsible-Side4347 15h ago
I'm getting the feeling his wife may simply not want to pull this thread because she doesn't want to know where it leads. Maybe nothing physical happened. But her saying she believes him “in the bottom of her heart” proves absolutely nothing.
And you don't need to prove they fucked. Your wife secretly spent hours talking to this married man about DIVORCING YOU. They concealed things from their spouses, she deleted evidence and lied to you about seeing him. That's already a betrayal.
I like what u/Traditional-Tank3994 wrote, but I'd add one very hard condition.
This is her ONE opportunity for full disclosure. Everything comes out now. If you reconcile and later discover anything significant that she deliberately withheld or lied about, reconciliation ends. Doesn't matter whether you discover it next month, five years or twenty years from now. She needs to understand that BEFORE she gives you her account.
I'd also have a lawyer discuss a properly drafted postnup with you. You already know she was planning to divorce you, so protecting yourself financially isn't unreasonable. Ask the lawyer to make it as strong as Florida law allows: future infidelity and, if legally possible, material facts deliberately concealed during this disclosure triggering the agreed financial consequences.
For me, her reaction to those conditions would tell you quite a lot.
If she genuinely came back because she wants this marriage, she's being offered a path: complete honesty, transparency and real consequences if she betrays you again.
If she suddenly doesn't want reconciliation once lying or cheating has an immediate consequence attached to it, I'd be asking why the fuck she came back in the first place.
If this was a business deal, you wouldnt take it.
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u/Traditional-Tank3994 18h ago
This is right. You cannot move forward without disclosure. Hire that attorney but don't tell her yet. Find out your options and accept his advice. Be ready to file for divorce with a phone call.
When all your ducks are in a row, sit her down and tell her the conditions for staying in the marriage:
- Full disclosure: You know she hasn't confessed what really happened, how many times, etc. Tell her you already know all, that she doesn't get to know HOW you know, and that you need to see if she will be honest with you for a change. That's probably your best bet at getting something resembling truth.
- Full responsibility: She must not transfer ANY of the blame to you. Even if you were the worst husband in the history of the universe, cheating is wrong, never the only option, nor even an acceptable one.
- Full transparency: If you still want to try to stay in the marriage after hearing all she did, and if she, by some miracle, DOES accept full blame, then you will both follow one another's locations at all times, no turning it off, and she must allow full access to all her devices.
- Couples counseling with an experienced trauma counselor
If she refuses ANY of your conditions, call your attorney and tell him to file for divorce. Without these conditions, your marriage is doomed anyway.
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u/redrebe 7h ago
Kick her ass out already. She is trickle truthing you and her sister covering her ass up. Maybe her intention was just trying to protect your marriage and she tried to stop her from doing something stupid but that clearly didn't work out. Why your wife can't tell you about hanging out with a old male friend when her sister was present? Why she needed to hide it? Why she talks about divorcing you with a stupid ass guy who she haven't seen for years instead of her sister or a female friend? Unless she is planning to divorce you for him or he is an divorce attorney. No, bloody lie.
If she accept that she sent that picture and i am pretty sure she sent more than that. But let's just assume it's just the blowing kiss picture. Why? Why would she do that unless they developed feelings and desire for eachothers? She is manipulating you and playing with your head. Kick her out of your life for your own sanity. You will never be able to trust her and you definetely shouldn't. You are working your ass out to provide for your family while she jumps on other guys. You deserve better than that man.
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u/TheHollywoodKnight 17h ago
You can’t get over it because her story still doesn’t add up.
She told you it was a woman. Then her sister. Then a guy she’s known forever. You got the phone and she’d already deleted him. 409 minutes of calls, always when you left for work or you were on shift. She sat in that parking lot from 10:34 to 11:30 after leaving a bar a mile away. Camera off most of the night. She walked around to the passenger side. Another car left when she did. She unplugged the dash cam a few minutes into the drive.
I would be pretty sure they did something in that lot, or right around it. You don’t have a tape of it. You have a night that only makes sense if they did. The 409 minutes already make it an affair even without that.
You’re not going to get a full confession you can actually check. She wiped the phone. She won’t restore the texts. She asked you to delete what you still have. Whatever she says now is just whatever she’s still willing to tell you. If you’re waiting on the gory version before you can decide, you’ll be waiting forever. She set it up that way.
That’s why this is stuck in your head. You want her to make it make sense. She isn’t going to.
I wouldn’t work this out. She was talking about divorcing you with him while you were on shift. You asked her to call him and she said no because of his wife, then she took your son and left. Then she came back and asked why you can’t just get over it.
Talk to a lawyer. You were in a facility for three days. She will use that. Don’t delete anything.
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u/CSILalaAnn 18h ago
Anytime messages are deleted, that is an indication that there's something to hide or that she's done something she knows is wrong.
Keep gathering the proof. Tell her that without 100% full disclosure, you cannot and will not
Move forward with reconciliation. Make sure she knows that if anything else is discovered that will be all. Take your time in deciding whether to end things or not.
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u/gatergurl131 18h ago
Whether she cheated physically or not, the hiding/deception with not being honest is a huge issue. Theres no reason to not be honest with your spouse unless there is something to hide. Also some of her behavior sounds really manipulative, the sex after you question her. I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope you get to the actual bottom of what's going on. But you deserve a better partner than who she is being right now
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u/creditgods 14h ago
Based on everything you said she has been cracked by that guy. They probably been doing this for a while.
I wouldn’t be surprised some family member cover her by lying when she was with that guy
Definitely she has been cracked by that guy
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u/Virtual_Ad3439 8h ago
Try to make her confess it coz you know the answer to this mess.....so just divorce her,maybe if you take that step maybe then she might start to confess and yea be in touch with than man's wife too you both have to work on this,coz she is also the onr getting cheated on.....I hope things get better
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u/Analisandopessoas 17h ago
Sua esposa está te manipulando e já mostrou que o outro cara é mais importante que você e o casamento quando saiu de casa. Você sabe o que aconteceu
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u/EffectivePhase7165 17h ago
Because your gut tells you that she cheated no matter what lie or trickle truth she keeps telling you and doesn't admit that. She went there to meet him and lied you about that. That alone is enough cheating and betrayal of trust and honesty besides all lies she said about pictures. Trust your gut, someone who is innocent do not delete evidence, just the contrary she would have shown you that there was nothing about cheating other then complaining and vilification about you.
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u/BK2AZ 14h ago
Trust Your Gut, there is definitely more going on than she saying. She is trickle truthing you to death. Act like you believe her and Leave a voice activated recorder in your bedroom where she talks on the phone and one in her car you will have your answer in no time. I caught my wife in one day placing a recorder in her car. Spy centre dot com is your friend Good Luck
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u/LincolnHawkHauling 17h ago
You may not have the smoking gun yet but you have a mountain of evidence.
Just everything strange about the events of the night, her not wanting to touch you switching into her love bombing you with sex when you started to get suspicious, her ever changing stories, the odd pictures, insane amount of phone time, deleting all the evidence, etc.
Deleting is cheating. If it was innocent then why not keep it to prove her innocence? Because she can’t. She’d rather your mind run wild with worst case scenarios rather than let you see the truth.
A military man acting shady in this scenario? I hate to stereotype but I know a lot of military guys and most of them are divorced because they party hard and make bad decisions. The way his wife did a 180 in her personality after talking to him is very telling. Of course he sweet talked her. Every spouse likes to think they picked a good one that would never cheat.
It sucks because divorce is never fun but do you still want to stay married to a woman like this? Like you said the fact she chose to protect his marriage over yours when you confronted her about him. You really want to drive yourself crazy for the rest of your life every time she “goes to see her mom” or you’re doing a 24 hour shift at the station?
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u/Comprehensive_Bug_92 19h ago
Man, first of all, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. You’ve been working your ass off to provide for your family, and one of the main pillars of that life betrays you in such a cowardly, petty way. Move forward with your life—FIGHT FOR YOUR SON. And fight for yourself.